“Ah’m not doin’ this.” said Applejack with a frown.
“Oh, come on.” said Rarity. Her face was covered with a green mud mask. She pointed to a bowl that was sitting by her. “This mask will moisturize and exfoliate your skin. Heaven knows you need it.”
“Look, if Ah wanted to get mah face ‘moisturized’,” began Applejack, “Ah’d have just stayed outside and let the rain get mah face wet. And Ah don’t even know what ex-foly-eightin’ even is.”
“I’m not surprised…” muttered Rarity. She cleared her throat and looked over at Twilight. “Makeovers are an essential part of slumber parties. It says so in your book, right Twilight?”
Twilight, also wearing a mud mask, looked down at the open book:
Have one friend offer to give a makeover to the friend she’s mad at. Suggest that she give a massage to the other friend. This will relax both of them and possibly lead to romantic situations. Or sexy ones. Why, I remember one time in Cloudsdale, when I-
Twilight looked up, trying to shake the image of her former babysitter getting “massaged” out of her head. “Rarity’s right. It’s in the book!” She said to Applejack, her eyes darting nervously around the room.
Applejack sighed and said, “Screw it. Just do it.”
Rarity started applying the mud mask on Applejack’s face. “I, for one, think this will be good for you, Applejack. You’ll feel refreshed and relaxed once we take these off.” Rarity finished applying the mask and stood back to admire her work. “Perfect!” she exclaimed. “Well,” she added, “As perfect as I can get it, anyway.”
Applejack, with green mud on her face, glared at Rarity. “What do ya mean?”
“Wellllll…,” began Rarity, “The mud mask can only do so much, Darling. I mean, it won’t fix your bad breath, unibrow, and shockingly bad overbite, but it will refresh your face.”
Twilight watched as Applejack glared at Rarity. Hoping to defuse the figurative time bomb, she turned to Rarity and said, “Doesn’t Applejack look tense, Rarity? Maybe you should give her a massage.”
“Ah got a better idea.” said Applejack, getting up and walking over to Rarity. “How’s about Ah give Rarity a massage?”
“That’s perfect!” said Twilight happily. “You know, for a second I thought you were going to hurt Rarity for saying those things about you!”
“Oh Twilight,” began Applejack, “Ah would never do that.” She wrapped her hooves around Rarity’s throat and began strangling her.
“Ahhplljck!” choked Rarity, clawing at Applejack’s arms.
“Just massagin’ yer neck, Sugarcube.” growled Applejack as her grip tightened. Rarity’s face turned blue as she tried to get Applejack off of her.
Twilight quickly used her magic and pried Applejack off Rarity, who began coughing and rubbing her throat.
“Ok…” began Twilight. “I think we’re done with massages. Let’s see what’s next…” She looked at the next chapter of the book:
In order to get your two friends closer together, tell ghost stories. The two friends will be scared and seek comfort in each other’s arms. It reminds me of the time I lost my virgi-
Twilight quickly closed the book. “Let’s tell ghost stories!”
Rarity frowned. “Ghost stories? I’m not sure if I know any-”
“Ah got one!” said Applejack happily. “Mah family always tells this one whenever we go campin’. It’s called No More Apples!”
Rarity stared at Applejack. “Is it about a farm that runs out of apples?”
“You know it?” asked Applejack.
“It wasn’t that hard to figure out.” said Rarity. She groaned. “Can’t you go ten seconds without mentioning apples?”
“Can’t you go ten seconds without being annoying?” shot back Applejack. “What’s yer idea of a scary story? Bein’ out in public without make-up on?”
“Don’t even joke about something like that!” shrieked Rarity.
“Girls!” shouted Twilight, cutting of their argument. “I’ve got a scary story to tell!”
“Is it about books?” asked Rarity.
“Or checklists?” added Applejack.
“No.” said Twilight. She turned off the lights in the library and pulled out a flashlight. She turned it on and pointed it under her face. “It’s the story of a creature called ‘Slender Man’…”
Five Minutes Later:
“…And they were never seen again.” finished Twilight.
Applejack and Rarity hugged each other tightly, both of them shaking. “Th-that wasn’t so scary…” said Applejack with chattering teeth.
“Yes…it was very…not scary…” said Rarity, her face somehow whiter than usual.
Twilight looked outside the window. “Who’s that guy with the suit out there?”
Applejack and Rarity screamed. They ran upstairs, leaving Twilight alone in the dark room.
Twilight chuckled to herself. “Finally, I get a few moments to think.” She turned the lights back on and picked up the book. “Now, I don’t really care if they end up fucking each other; I just want them to stop bickering.” She gazed outside the window at the raging storm. “I think Rainbow Dash might have overdone it with the storm. I wonder what she’s up to…”
Meanwhile:
“…Pinkie.” said Rainbow Dash. “How’d you get here?”
“Blame my parents, Dashie!” said Pinkie as she jumped onto the bed.
“Um…” began Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash’s arms around her, “I think what she’s asking is how did you get to my house when there’s a storm outside?”
“There’s a storm outside?!” asked Pinkie. She wedged herself in-between Lightning Bolt and Gilda. Lightning Bolt huffed as Pinkie nuzzled into Gilda’s chest.
“Didn’t you walk here during the storm?” asked Gilda, her arms full of pink pony. “How did you not notice?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I don’t really pay attention to a lot of things.” She looked at Gilda for a moment. “Have you always been a griffon?”
Back to the others:
Twilight had managed to convince Rarity and Applejack to come back downstairs, and the three were cooking s’mores…kind of.
“No you simpleton!” said Rarity. “The marshmallow needs to go on top of the chocolate. It’s imperative for the overall design and consistency of the s’more.”
“Ah know yer a fashion designer and all,” said Applejack as she rolled her eyes, “But Ah’m not enterin’ this damn thing in a contest. Ah’m just gonna eat it, so what does it matter?”
Rarity shook her head in disbelief. “Haven’t you ever seen a perfectly designed s’more before?”
“Nah.” said Applejack. She pointed her hoof at Rarity’s stomach and said, “But somethin’ tells me you’ve seen plenty.”
“…Are you implying that I’m fat?” asked Rarity as she narrowed her eyes.
“Nope.” replied Applejack. “Ah’m insinuating that you’re fat. Because you’re fat.”
“OK!” yelled Twilight, getting in-between the two. “How about we move on from making s’mores?” She gazed down at the book, where Princess Cadance described how foodplay could lead to sexy shenanigans, and hurriedly flipped the pages.
The chapter Twilight flipped to said:
To spice things up, offer a game of Truth or Dare. Dare your friends to do sexy things like kiss each other or go streaking. Although, come to think of it, ponies don’t normally wear clothes anyway, so why would streaking be sexy to us? I suppose it’s because-
Twilight shut the book and said, “How about Truth or Dare?”
“Fine.” said Rarity. “I dare Applejack to go fuck herself.”
Applejack glared at Rarity. “And Ah dare Rarity to stop being such a cu-”
“Um, girls?” asked Twilight. “I think you should try actual dares. Like…streaking or…making out with each other?”
The other two ponies stared at Twilight.
“…Just a suggestion." Twilight added hastily.
“Ah have an idea.” said Applejack evilly. “Ah dare Rarity to go outside, jump in a mud puddle, and use that hose out there to get clean.”
Rarity stared at Applejack in horror. “What kind of monster are you?”
“The one who’s gonna be laughin’ her ass off.” replied Applejack. “Now get goin’!”
Rarity mumbled obscenities under her breath as she opened the door and walked outside. After several minutes, she walked back in. She was soaked and shivering.
“O-okay!” she growled, her teeth chattering. “I-I dare Ap-Ap-Applejack to dress up in the girliest, frilliest, prettiest dress she can find.”
“What?!” yelled Applejack, her smug smile replaced by a look of horror. “Ah’m not doin’ that!”
“Tough.” said Rarity as she smirked. “You have to.”
Applejack groaned and went upstairs for a few minutes. When she came back down, she was wearing a sparkly, frilly princess outfit. “Happy?”
Rarity lifted up a cell phone and took a picture. “Now I am. By the way,” she began, looking at Applejack’s outfit, “Where did you get that?”
“It was just upstairs.” said Applejack. “In…Twilight’s closet…”
The two ponies stared at Twilight.
“…It’s Spike’s, I swear.” said Twilight, blushing. “L-let’s move on to something else.” She opened the book and looked at the next chapter.
A pillow fight is a good way for your friends to work out their aggression in a harmless way. They’ll have fun hitting each other with pillows and this will often lead to their aggression being turned into lust for each other. At least, that’s what happened one night in my sorority. We were-
“How about a pillow fight?” suggested Twilight, closing the book.
“A pillow fight?” repeated Rarity. “That seems rather childish. Are you sure that was in the bo-” She was cut off when Applejack hit her in the face with a pillow.
“Anything that lets me hit Rarity is fine by me.” said Applejack happily.
Rarity growled and picked up the pillow. She swung it like a baseball bat and hit Applejack right in the face. A tooth flew from Applejack’s mouth and sailed across the room.
“I changed my mind!” exclaimed Rarity. “I fucking love pillow fights.”
Applejack picked up another pillow and dived on top of Rarity, repeatedly smacking her.
“…Um…Maybe we should just call it a night?” suggested Twilight. A stray pillow flew past her and crashed through the window. “I hope Spike is having a better time than I am.”
Meanwhile:
Spike stroked his fake moustache and said, “Go on.”
“Well, it’s not like I hate her or anything.” explained Princess Luna as she sat on the couch. “I mean, I’m not even mad about her not making Hoof-Life 3 yet. I just want a little respect. And Hoof-Life 3. Is that too much to ask?”
“Apparently.” replied Spike. He wrote something down on his clipboard and muttered to himself, “I hope Twilight doesn’t mess with my princess outfit.”
“What was that?” asked Luna.
“Nothing!” said Spike hastily.
Back in Ponyville:
Twilight had convinced Rarity and Applejack to stop attacking each other and go to bed. Twilight was in her own bed and was asleep. Rarity and Applejack, however, were sleeping on the guest bed and were wide awake.
“Do be a dear and keep your filthy body on your side of the bed.” whispered Rarity.
“So long as you keep on your side we won’t have a problem.” replied Applejack.
Rarity huffed. “I wish Twilight had another bed.”
Applejack rolled around and looked at Rarity curiously. “Did Twilight seem…anxious to get us in the same bed?”
“What do you mean?” asked Rarity.
“Well, remember when Ah offered to bunk on the couch? She freaked out and practically begged me to sleep up here.”
“Well…yes…” said Rarity slowly. “I just thought she wanted to be a good host.”
“Maybe.” said Applejack. “But she seems to be lookin’ at that book more and more as the night goes on.”
“Well, you know Twilight.” said Rarity. “She’s probably checking and doubling checking that book so she doesn’t make a mistake.”
“…Yeah. You’re probably right.” Applejack looked out the window. Rain was still pattering against the glass and lightning would occasionally flash. “Ah think Rainbow and the others overdid it with the storm.”
“I know.” said Rarity as she rolled over to look. “I wonder where she is? She couldn’t very well fly home in this weather.”
Meanwhile:
“Holy shit, Pinkie!” panted Rainbow Dash as she lay back on the bed. “If I knew you were this good, I would’ve invited you!”
“That’s fine, Dashie!” said Pinkie as she wrapped her arms around Rainbow. “I just wish everyone else could keep up.”
The two ponies looked over to Gilda, Fluttershy, and Lightning Bolt, who were all sprawled across the bed, exhausted. Angel Bunny was pressing his face into Fluttershy’s chest and was sobbing loudly.
“Lightweights.” said Rainbow. She smiled at Pinkie. “Ready for Round 15?”
Back at the library:
Rarity shivered. She grabbed the covers and wrapped herself up in them. Unfortunately, this caused the covers to slip off of Applejack, leaving her exposed to the cold.
Applejack’s eyes shot open. She glared at Rarity and grabbed the covers back from her.
Rarity glared back at Applejack and kicked her off the bed.
Applejack got to her hooves, jumped into the air, and landed elbow-first on Rarity.
Rarity, in response, grabbed her pillow and attempted to smother Applejack.
Twilight continued to sleep, despite the noise.
Applejack got her face free from under the pillow. She grabbed Rarity’s head and slammed it into the headboard.
Rarity shook her head and glared at Applejack. She used her magic to grab Applejack’s tail and throw her against the wall.
Applejack got back up and charged at Rarity. She grabbed the unicorn, picked her up, and threw her down the stairs.
Rarity ran back up the stairs, carrying two books. She came up to Applejack, her hooves spread wide. She slammed the books together like cymbals against the sides of Applejack’s head.
Applejack grabbed Rarity’s throat with her hooves and squeezed. Rarity did the same to Applejack.
Twilight murmured in her sleep.
Rarity and Applejack froze, their hooves wrapped around each other’s neck. They watched as Twilight wiggled in her sleep, before sighing and laying still again.
“She sure is a heavy sleeper.” said Applejack quietly.
“You said it.” whispered Rarity.
“WHO’S MAKING ALL THE NOISE?!” yelled Twilight as she shot out of bed. She looked around the room. The guest bed was all but destroyed; its legs were broken, the mattress was torn apart, and the headboard was smashed. There was a pony-shaped dent in the wall. And there were two books that were ripped in half on the floor. “W-what have you done?” asked Twilight quietly.
“Twilight…” began Applejack apologetically.
“We didn’t mean to-” began Rarity.
“My book!” said Twilight, going up to one of books. “This was my signed copy of Harry Trotter and the Pony of Azkaban! Do you know what I went through to get this?”
“Um, dear?” asked Rarity hesitantly. She pointed to the other book. “That one looks like a photo album of your family. Aren’t you upset about that one?”
“Who cares about that?” asked Twilight hysterically. She groaned. “What else could go wrong?!”
Proving that Mother Nature is a cold, heartless bitch, a bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree outside and caused it to fall right into Twilight’s bedroom.
“And then there’s this asshole!” shouted Twilight as she pointed at the tree.
Applejack spat out the leaves that landed in her mouth. “What should we do, Twilight?” she asked.
“I don’t know!” said Twilight. She began to frantically search her bookcases. “Help me find Lumberjacking for Dummies!”
“For the love of-” groaned Applejack. She looked at the fallen tree. “How am Ah supposed to do this? Ah need help, but the only ones that are here are Twilight and-” Applejack paused before gritting her teeth. “Ah’m gonna regret this, but…RARITY!”
Rarity paused as she was putting books back on their shelves. “I’m right here, there’s no need to sho-”
“Save it, woman!” yelled Applejack. “We need to get rid of this tree!”
“Obviously.” said Rarity. She sighed and asked, “What did you have in mind?”
“We can gather up all the pieces of the tree,” began Applejack, “And push them somewhere else!”
“…Or, I could use my magic while you get rid of the bigger pieces.” suggested Rarity.
“That works too.”
Rarity’s horn lit up and she destroyed the smaller parts of the tree. As she did that, Applejack gathered the pieces of the trunk and kicked them outside. It took several minutes, but the two eventually managed to clear the bedroom.
“We did it!” cheered Applejack. She looked at Rarity and her smile turned into a frown. “Um…Rarity? Ah got somethin’ to say.”
“Me too.” said Rarity.
“Ah’m/I’m sorry!” said the two.
“Ah’m sorry a called you a stuck-up, prissy, little bitch.” said Applejack.
“I’m sorry I called you a dirty, smelly hayseed.” said Rarity. “And for saying you had herpes.”
“You’ve never said Ah had herpes.” said Applejack, confused.
“Don’t worry,” said Rarity, “It was only behind your back.”
“Girls! I found it!” said Twilight. She ran into the room with a copy of Lumberjacking For Dummies. “Now we can get rid of…” She trailed off as she looked around the room. “Did I miss something?” she asked.
“Me and Rarity got rid of the tree and are friends again.” said Applejack.
“Just friends?” asked Twilight.
“What do you mean?” asked Rarity.
“Nothing.” said Twilight. She grabbed the copy of How to Get Your Two Bickering Friends Together: Sleepover Edition. “I’m just going to throw this useless thing away.” She walked out of the room, leaving the two confused ponies.
After that, the three started their sleepover over again, doing all the things they had tried to do earlier only without the threat of a pony killing the other.
The next morning was sunny and warm, with almost no trace of the storm from last night. Rarity and Applejack said their goodbyes to Twilight and walked out of the library. They greeted Spike as he walked inside, pulling a fake moustache off his face.
“So…” said Applejack as she and Rarity stood outside the library.
“So what?” asked Rarity.
“What do you think was in that book? It’s not like Twilight to throw a book away.”
Rarity pointed to a garbage can by the entrance to the library and said, “I think that’s it right there.”
The two walked over to the garbage can and Applejack read the title aloud, “How to Get Your Two Bickering Friends Together: Sleepover Edition?” She started to laugh. “So that’s why she had us do all that stuff. She was tryin’ to get us together!”
Rarity laughed. “What a ridiculous idea! The two of us as a couple! Why that would be…” she trailed off.
“Weird?” suggested Applejack.
“Really weird!” said Rarity.
The two looked at each other, an awkward silence settling in.
“Hey Twilight!” came Spike’s voice from an open window. “Listen to this CD the Princess gave me.”
Music flowed out of the open window:
Say you, say me,
Say it for always, that’s the way it should be,
Rarity and Applejack moved closer to each other, not breaking eye contact. They slowly pressed their lips together. A moment passed. And another one passed.
The two broke apart, their faces red.
“Well…” began Rarity.
“That was…um…” began Applejack.
“Awkward?” suggested Rarity.
“Right! Awkward.” said Applejack. “That’s what I was going to say.”
The two were silent for a long moment.
Applejack opened her mouth and gave a loud, but obviously fake, yawn. “Well, we didn’t get much sleep last night. We better get to bed.” She blinked and hastily added, “Our beds. Separate. Not…uh…not together.”
“I knew what you meant, darling.” said Rarity. “I’m sure that was just a slip of the tongue.” Rarity blinked slowly. “…Tongue…” She shook her head, her face red. “W-well, I suppose we better get going. Home. To our own homes, I mean.” She cleared her throat.
“R-right.” said Applejack.
The two of them stood around for a second before going their separate ways.
“Hey Twilight?” asked Spike’s voice from the open window. “Did you ever feel like you missed something amazing?”
“Not really.” replied Twilight’s voice. “Why?”
“No reason.” said Spike’s voice.
Meanwhile:
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU USED MY HOUSE FOR THE STORM?!” yelled Rainbow Dash as she and Lightning Bolt walked out of Fluttershy’s house.
“You said to use every cloud for the storm.” explained Lightning Bolt. “And last I checked, your house was a cloud.”
“Emphasis on was.” said Rainbow Dash. “I’m going to have to build another cloud house.” She groaned. “That’s gonna take forever!”
“Well…” said Lightning slowly. “You could always stay with somebody until your house is built.”
“Oh yeah?” said Rainbow with interest.
“Maybe someone who’s on the weather team?” suggested Lightning. “Someone who’s right next to you?”
“Sounds good to me.” said Rainbow, pulling Lightning closer.
“Should I give you a tour when we get there?” asked Lightning.
“Sure.” said Rainbow. “Start with the bedroom.”