//------------------------------// // Second Base Retreat (Kept this cause it was funny) // Story: The Guildmaster of 1,000 Spells! // by Blue Spark //------------------------------// I awaken to a dull throb in my head, my body feeling stiff and hot, my conscious still fuzzy from just waking up. Ugh… What the hell is wrong with my head?         I groan as I feel the sun piercing through the nearby windows, sending another stab of pain shooting through my skull.         “No more Celestia… Please…” I beg as I raise a hoof to shield my eyes, ignoring the smell of alcohol that stained my coat.         Oh my god, what were we doing last night…? I whine as I try to take stock of the situation, looking around the room.         Oh right… We just made another breakthrough in the magic and the faculty decided to throw a party or something…         Royal tapestries hung on the walls and ceiling of the break room where the festivities took place. The few tables that weren’t flipped over or reduced to smoldering ash were piled with half eaten food. In a corner was a pile of kegs, all of which were empty.         Funnily enough, just like how chaos was all over the room, so too were the other researchers fast asleep. Most were lying on the ground unconscious while a few were lying on tables.         Hell, there was even a pony stuck to the ceiling by glue.         Oh, no, wait, that’s just Celestia…         Speaking of which, the Princesses decided to join us so that must mean Luna is somewhere here too… I grunt as I crane my head from where I lay on the couch, trying to get a better look and see if I can find Luna.         “Mmmmm…” I instantly freeze up when I realize that whatever I previously mistook as a blanket was not, in fact, a blanket.         I feel my mouth go dry as I feel whatever is clinging onto me squeeze me tighter and…         Oh god it’s nuzzling me… I swear to god it better not be… I feel my brain suddenly become fully awake and I slowly turn to look who has decided to use me as a full on body pillow.         Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Don’t be Luna. Oh god please don’t let it be-         Face to dangerously close face was none other than the Princess of the night.         That’s Luna by the way, in case you don’t seem to get it.         The Lunar Princess let out a snort as proceeds to snuggle deeper into my fur, her breath reeking of alcohol. To be honest it was quite cute, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was me she was sleeping on then I would’ve “D’awed” right there and then, but my brain had other ideas.         SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT         “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-” I quietly scream as I realize the situation that I’m in.         Not good! This is not good at all! Oh my god we didn’t do anything, did we? THINK GOD DAMMIT REMEMBER!!!         Memory seamingly to fail me and my brain not coming up with any other bright ideas I grunt as I try to get a look at… Well… To see if the deed was done, which was extremely difficult without waking Luna.         It… Looks normal to me… I think… It isn’t until I notice WHAT it is that I’m actually looking at that I realize who’s junk I’m really looking at…         NOPE! Nothing happened! Nothing at all! Everything is peeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrfectly fine!         “Mhmmm, Starswirl…” I hear her mutter as the violet screaming gets louder.         Alright, THINK! How do I get out of this mess!? Well, for one thing she’s on pretty tight, though if I could just grab a blanket or a pillow it might work… I also need to make sure that no-one else wakes up while I’m doing it, and then… Is she nibbling on me!?!?         Sure enough, Luna was nibbling the fur on my chest, going in slow circles while trying to bury herself in deeper.         QUICK! REPLACEMENT!         In the blink of an eye I free a hoof without waking her and place it between her and… Well… My body.         Good, that’ll hold her back for a minute at least… Wait a- Oh god gross she’s making out with it!?         Yep, now instead of nibbling on my torso she’s going full on “frenching” my left hoof.         “Mmmm! Starswirl!” She moans.         Calm down Ral, it’s not her… She’s unconscious and doesn’t know better… Don’t blame it on her. Don’t blame it on her. Don’t- WHY DOES SHE KEEP MOANING MY NAME WHAT THE HELL!?         Acting quickly, I grab a nearby tablecloth in my magic with some difficulty and bring it to my free hoof, quickly putting the large bundle between us.         Now’s my chance!         Before Luna could make a grab for me from behind the tablecloth I quickly slip out unnoticed and “silently” fall off of the couch, freezing in case she woke up. When no immediate reaction came up I take it as my chance to escape.         “Why the hell did I go to this party anyway?” I groan, silently making my way to the exit and slipping through unnoticed.         “Seriously, Luna even got so drunk that she even mistook me for her colt-friend or something!” Granted she doesn’t have one yet, but still…         Either way though, had I looked back before exiting the room I would have noticed the pair of midnight blue eyes staring sadly at my retreat while their owner buried herself deeper into a table cloth.