Rainbow Dash was getting ready to join the Wonderbolt Reserves, but first she had to pass a history test.
"Ugh, history is so boring" whined Rainbow Dash, "it's -20% cooler than flying. Why do I have to learn it?"
"Because any idiot can fly" said Twilight callously, "but only a select few have brains as well."
"Twilight, that's not very nice!" chided Cassandra. She occasionally had to remind Twilight of how to behave in public.
"Well anyway, we'll help you learn. Between my book smarts, and Cassandra's former status as captain of the Wonderbolts, we're sure to pull it off."
First, they tried giving Rainbow a lecture, however when they quizzed her, she failed to answer any questions right.
"For what it's worth you've figured out the first rule of performing," said Cassandra, "be confident even when you make a mistake - or so I've heard - I don't make mistakes while performing. But really focus on this one.. The original aerial team performed for...?"
"Celestia's cereal celebration.."
"Rainbow, are you just taking my confidence advice, or do you actually think that's right?"
"Cereal was invented by Will Keith Fetlogg in the early 20th century" piped up Twilight, who could never resist the urge to share her wealth of trivia knowledge, "it was designed to keep young fillies from slamming their clam, but I have to say, personal evidence casts doubt on its effectiveness."
Both pegasi looked at her, bewildered. "Twilight, we discussed this," reminded Cassandra, "there are certain topics that are inappropriate for polite conversation."
"Oh, right" said Twilight.
"Alright here's a really easy one," said Cassandra, "Who broke every record and became captain of the Wonderbolts, but had to abdicate because everypony was jealous of her?" Expectantly, she stared Rainbow right in the face
"It's hopeless" sighed Rainbow Dash, "I couldn't get the answer if it was staring me right in the face."
Fluttershy happened to be passing by, looking shy as usual.
"Fluttershy, would you like to help Rainbow prepare for her Wonderbolts exam?" asked Cassandra.
"Well, yes," said Fluttershy, "but I'm too shy to share my studying idea."
"Don't worry Fluttershy, you're among friends"said Cassandra gently
"Oh, thank you for giving me my confidence back! You're such an inspiration. My idea is to put on a stage show."
So they did, which began at the beginning of time, at the Great Lunar War.
In character, Fluttershy declared, "I Princess Celestia banish you, Princess Luna TO THE MOOOOOON!"
"Oh woe is us!" cried Rarity in character, "but we shalt return in one Thousand years, and attempt to shroud the world in eternal darkness!!!"
"Wow Rarity that Luna impression is spot on" commended Cassandra.
"Wait, who banished what to the where now?" asked a confused Rainbow Dash.
"C'mon Rainbow, you know this one, you had personal involvement in it."
"Hay bacon?"
"That breakfast thing is only endearing when Walt Jr. does it."
"I have an idea," piped up Pinkie Pie, "I'll teach you with music! I call this the Wonderbolts History Rap."
"Rap? I thought you said you were doing it with music," quipped Cassandra.
Pinkie Pie began beatboxing and proceeded to rap,
Yo, yo. MC Pinkie Responsibility Diane Pie in the house!
I'm gonna teach the historizzle all about the Wonderbizzle.
"The *#^%ing Wonderbolts were founded by Firefly, they have many different patterns of #%*^ing flight formations.
There was also a commander named Colonel *%#$ing Purple. he did some $@&< that was pretty important.
%#*$ing Fairy Flight will be on the test, and her most important contribution is- What the-? Ow! Ow!"
Granny Smith had heard the rap and was angrily smacking Pinkie Pie with her purse "Ya dern kids with yer rap music! Yer corruptin' our youth! Why in my day, we listened ta music with decent lyrics, an' could write a melody without resortin' to tha four chord progression!"
"Ow! Ow! That hurts! Cassandra, make her stop!" begged Pinkie.
"Pinkie, nopony likes a whiner," scolded Cassandra, "besides, she's right about your rap."
"That rap was off the hook!" said an excited Scootaloo, "I'm gonna join a gang and do drugs!"
"Mah turn ta try!" said Applejack, "an' ah'll teach ya usin' somethin' everypony can relate to; apples! " She cleared her throat. "Since th' beginnin' of time, th' Winderbolts have been on a steady diet of nothin' but apples."
"That's not true" interjected Cassandra, but Applejack ignored her.
"Anyways. When Firefly was sittin' under mah family's apple tree, an apple fell an' hit her on th' head. Why she was madder 'n a beaver in a petrified forest, ah tell ya. She was so mad that she decided ta take it out on earth ponies by formin' a team o' pegasi devoted ta rubbin' in th' fact that they have wings an' earth ponies don't. That's why y'all should eat mah apple brown bettys when ya kick their asses at th' relay race."
"Wow Applejack" said Cassandra, "I don't think I've ever heard wronger history than that. With those answers, you might just become the first pony to score a negative percent on a history test."
"Ah've already cornered that market in ev'ry other subject" said Applejack proudly.
"This is hopeless!" sighed Rainbow Dash, "I should just give up on being a Wonderbolt, and find a new dream, like playing professional hoofball. At least there's no written exam for that."
"I have an idea" said Twilight, "let's close down every store, business, and emergency service in Ponyville, and have all the ponies help Rainbow Dash learn."
"I have a better idea" said Cassandra, "Rainbow, i you pass your test, I will let you stroke my mane." Cassandra only let the worthiest of ponies do that, so needless to say, Rainbow wasn't going to disappoint her. She studied super hard, and scored a 3,000%
Three weeks later, after Cassandra had outlawed rap and dubstep, she sat with in bed with Rainbow sat in bed, the athlete running her hooves through Cassandra's soft luxurious mane. It was a wonderful reward and totally worth it.
"Hey Cassandra"
"Yes?"
"You're the best pony ever. Thanks for your help." She was lucky to have Cassandra as a friend.