//------------------------------// // Chapter Three // Story: Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly // by Tayman //------------------------------// It's morning again, isn't it? Pinkie rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She could hear the muffled buzz of activity from the streets outside her window. Or is it the afternoon? How long have I slept? She glanced over at clock. One PM. She should have hopped instantly out of bed, but she just laid there, limp and motionless. If only I had something meaningful to do. But nothing will make any difference. Pinkie could have laid there forever. She didn't want to get up and face the world. She knew she'd only come across more reasons to feel worthless. But I have to get up. Life goes on. Pinkie trudged out of bed, her mane still drooping. Good thing The Cakes haven't need me much recently. I'd barely get anything done. But what should I do with my time? There was so much to do in Ponyville, but nothing seemed appealing to her. I'll go talk to Applejack. She's an earth pony too. Maybe she also feels down about that sometimes. She shuffled out of her room and down the stairs one slow step at a time. She then walked into the kitchen and poured herself a bowl of corn flakes. Her chews were slow and lifeless. The cereal just tasted like mush to her. When she was finished she brought the bowl up to her lips to slowly slurp the milk, rather than dumping it all down her throat at once. With a sigh, she pulled herself out of her seat and set the dishes in the sink before turning to walk out the door. Pinkie immediately felt the sun's hot rays on her face as she stepped outside. It was supposed to be sunny all week. She struggled to keep her head up as she slowly limped down the wide stone cobbled road that ran through Ponyville. She passed ponies chatting and laughing; ponies enjoying meals; ponies with carts set up, selling their wares. "Come on, look at them, Pinkie." She muttered to herself. "They're all having a good time. They're all smiling. You can smile too." She didn't, though. Her cheeks were cold and numb. She continued to walk, not noticing the stray glances cast her way as ponies wondered why Pinkie was wearing her mane down. "Oh, hi there Pinkie!" Fluttershy said, gently swooping down beside her. The sound of those wings caused Pinkie to droop her head momentarily, before jerking it back up. She turned towards Fluttershy as the faintest smile tugged at her lips. "Hello. What are you doing?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I'm just going to market to pick up some delicious veggies for all my animals. They go through it all so fast." Fluttershy said, before glancing at Pinkie with a look of concern. "Are you okay? You don't look so happy. Your mane is drooping." "Fluttershy...I'm fine. I'm just wearing my mane down today. I know, it's not a style I do often. Pinkie said flatly, facing forward, refusing to look at those wings. "But Pinkie...your mane is only down when you're sad." Fluttershy said, dropping to the ground, folding her wings in and trotting next to Pinkie. "No, that's only sometimes. Right now it's down on purpose." Pinkie stated. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine." Fluttershy stopped walking, hoping to get Pinkie to do the same. "Pinkie...I'm your friend. You can talk to me if you want. You don't have to hide anything. However, Pinkie kept moving forward, her pace accelerating slightly, not even turning back to glance at her friend. She sighed, knowing she wasn't fooling anypony. "It's nothing. I don't want you to worry about it. It'll all blow over soon anyway." Fluttershy just stood there, watching as Pinkie shuffled away. No words came to the yellow pegasus's mind. She turned and slowly walked in the opposite direction, hanging her head. Meanwhile, Pinkie was reaching the edge of Ponyville city limits. Buildings became more spread out as she walked, and the stone road gave way to an old dirt path. Soon there was no other pony in sight, just Pinkie as she dragged herself onward. The path stretched over rolling emerald hills towards Sweet Apple Acres, an earthy scent wafting into her nostrils. Apple trees dotted the grassy landscape, the fruit glistening in the sun. However, the beautiful scene was lost on Pinkie. Her eyes remained drooped towards the ground below, and she had to search for motivation with every step. "Pinkie Pie? What in tarnation are you doing here?" Applejack called over from the orchard, too far away to notice Pinkie's mood. She was in the middle of applebucking, and several baskets were set up under nearby trees. Pinkie's head snapped up. She didn't expect to run into Applejack this far out in the field. "Oh, hey Applejack. Just coming to visit, I guess. Nothing else to do today." Pinkie slowly stepped over the fence and walked the short distance towards Applejack. A worried expression graced the farmer's eyes as Pinkie approached. "Sugarcube? What seems to be the matter?" She said softly as Pinkie trudged towards her. "It's nothing, Applejack. Feeling a little down, I guess." Pinkie said, trying to downplay her feelings. "Just been thinking a little too much lately. It'll pass. I am Pinkie Pie, afterall." She managed a smile. "I just wanted to come and ask: have you...ever... wondered what it would be like if you weren't an earth pony?" She stammered, specifically avoiding using the word "wished." "What? You mean, if I were a unicorn or pegasus?" Applejack said, glancing inquisitively at Pinkie. "I've never given it a thought before. Would be neat flying I s'pose, and magic is alright, but real ponies work with their hooves." She said, bucking back and giving a forceful kick to a nearby tree, a cluster of apples raining down. "To be honest, I don't have time to think about those things. I have an apple farm to run. Gotta keep the town fed, ya' know. Plus, fact of the matter is, I'm an earth pony. No use in thinking otherwise." Applejack trotted over closer to Pinkie, studying her expression. "Why do you ask? Is that what's on yer mind? You look a little glum." "Yeah, a little. Just a thought exercise. I'm not really worried about it." An empty chuckle escaped Pinkie. "I was just curious if you'd ever thought about it." "Nah, like I said...Pinkie, are you sure you're okay? Your mane is all wonky." Applejack said, giving Pinkie a concerned glance. "That's what Fluttershy said. Don't worry about it. It's not your problem." Pinkie sighed and hung her head. "Why don't I help you bring the apples in? It'll help me get my mind off things." "Well..." Applejack scratched her head. "If you think you're up for it, then sure. I'd appreciate the help. Here, just lift up the apple buckets and carry them back to the barn." Pinkie nodded, trotting over to one of the containers. She concentrated at the task at hand; with a surge of strength, she lifted the heavy bucket onto her back and slowly made her way towards the barn, a good quarter mile away. Her muscles ached and she panted heavily, but she pressed on. The hard work distracted her as she worked with a purpose, moving from the orchard to the barn and back again, hauling the heavy apple buckets. The thick cloud hanging over her head gradually evaporated as Pinkie sweated, too tired to think about anything except the work she was doing. Several trips and two hours later, Pinkie Pie and Applejack had wrapped things up, the two staring proudly at twenty buckets of apples in the middle of the barn. "Whew! That was a workout!" Pinkie panted. "Thanks for letting me help, Applejack." A genuine beam was spread across her face; she had completely forgotten about her sulking. "Of course! And thank YOU for the help! Why, I'd still be bustin' my hooves out there if you hadn't come along!" Applejack grinned. "But I'd best be gettin' to supper. I'll see you tomorrow, sugarcube." "Yeah, me too. I'm REALLY hungry after all that work! I'm gonna go home and grab something good to eat. Bye, Applejack!" Pinkie giggled, turning to hop down the dirt road back to Ponyville. Suddenly, all the thoughts that had been pushed out of Pinkie's mind during the exercise came flooding back. Her bounding became less and less exaggerated, like a top losing its spin. It felt as if some pony had filled her muscles with lead. She slowed down to a crawl, drooping her head down. This all occurred not thirty feet from the barn. Applejack had forgotten about Pinkie's sad state, but it struck her once again as she watched Pinkie suddenly begin trudging up the hill. "Oh Pinkie...what in the hay is keeping you so glum?" She sighed, turning to slump towards her house. -------------------------------- Applejack thinks she's so special with her apple farm. Well, she isn't. Anypony could grow an apple orchard. It's not even hard. And Rarity, you and those dresses...don't you have anything more important to do? The words echoed in her mind, empty and meaningless. Pinkie slumped up the steps of Sugarcube corner as the sun sank beneath the horizon. It's getting late. The Cakes must have gone to bed already. She opened the door and stepped inside, a gasp escaping her. "Fluttershy? What are you doing here?" Fluttershy was sitting in the kitchen, sipping a glass of milk. "Oh, hello Pinkie. I just thought I would come over to try and help you cheer up a little." She smiled. Pinkie closed the door. "Fluttershy, I told you, I'm fine." She said flatly. She began to walk up the stairs, freezing as Fluttershy suddenly flew out of her chair and landed in front of her. "No, Pinkie. You're not fine. Your mane is drooping. You slump when you walk. Your voice is flat and dull. Please, don't lie to me. I'm your friend. I can't stand to see you like this. Talk to me. Please." Fluttershy said, her voice cracking slightly. As Pinkie stared into Fluttershy's watering eyes, she drooped to the ground, fighting back tears herself. "Fluttershy...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to worry about me." She buried her head between her legs, sniffing. "I told you, Pinkie. I'm your friend. Friends help each other with their problems." Fluttershy cooed, sitting down next to Pinkie and stroking her head. "But-I have a stupid problem. You wouldn't understand. Nopony can understand." "Pinkie...didn't you learn from our ordeal with Twilight? You always listen to a friend's problems, no matter how insignificant they may seem." Fluttershy smiled softly. The words rang true in Pinkie's brain as she was struck by this display of compassion, digging up a sense of joy that she thought was lost forever. However, only a small smile graced her face. "You're right. I won't hide my problems from you." She sighed, before forcing the lump of thoughts out of her throat. "I feel worthless." "What? Pinkie Pie, you're not worthless! Not at all!" Fluttershy gasped. "How could you think such a thing?" "But I am." Pinkie began to sob, tears leaking steadily down her cheeks. "I can't do anything neat, and I'm not special. You and Rainbow can fly. Twilight can do awesome magic. Rarity is a high class dress maker. Applejack has an apple farm that feeds all of Ponyville. You're all important! What makes me important?" "Pinkie..." "Nothing. I hop around. I make desserts. I throw parties. That's it." Pinkie cried. "I just wish for so much more. I wish I could've been born differently. But I'm just boring old Pinkie Pie. "But you're not boring! You're the most lively, energetic pony I know! You make me smile every time I see you!" The words were lost on her. Pinkie just sat there, weeping silently. Fluttershy sighed, slumping down and sitting on a step next to Pinkie. "Pinkie...I know what you're going through." Pinkie sniffed and looked up at Fluttershy. The pegasus had a sad, forlorn look in her eyes "Y-you do?" "Yes. I do. I went through this sort of phase for a few days a couple years ago." Fluttershy said. "I thought I was worthless too. Look at me. I can hardly fly, and I plummet to ground when I get scared. The smallest thing makes me jump. I don't really do anything important, either. I hang around animals all day. Does that sound like a glamorous life?" Pinkie got up, sitting on the step next to Fluttershy. "Well..." she trailed off, not wanting to offend her friend. "It's not. But life doesn't have to be glamorous in order to be worth living. It's all about what makes you happy. I love animals. They're my passion, afterall. But sometimes it can be easy to lose sight of what we have, and instead focus on what we lack. I know the feeling. It felt as if nothing else mattered; that no matter what I did, life wouldn't be any more significant. That's what I'm seeing in you right now." Fluttershy spoke in a wise, serene tone that caused Pinkie's sense of desolation to slowly fade. "Wow, Fluttershy...I had no idea." Pinkie said softly. "How did you get over it, though?" Fluttershy smiled. "I can't remember exactly, but I know it was something really simple. It only takes a simple spark to shine through your doubts. In that one instant, all my sorrow melted away and joy flooded in. I accepted who I was without reservation. It'll happen eventually. You just have to keep your hopes up." Pinkie sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Thank you, Fluttershy. You're such a good friend. I promise I'll try to get better soon." Fluttershy beamed, giving Pinkie a quick hug. "Do you Pinkie Promise?" Inexplicably, the numb sensation began to return to Pinkie's face, and her optimistic expression faded. I want to believe she's right. That everything will be okay eventually. But right now...I still feel hopeless. She got over it. I have no idea if I ever will. Even if she thinks her life is bland, mine is still worse. Pinkie sighed, her head drooping down. "No. I can't Pinkie Promise. Not until I know for sure I'll be okay." ----------------------------- I feel awful. Fluttershy came over to try to cheer me up. She almost cried, seeing me like this. Apparently she's been through the same thing. Her words were so true: I'm focusing on what I don't have. Like I've said though, I can't just tell my mind how to behave. I can think about all the ways I'm supposed to be happy, but that won't necessarily make a difference. I learned that Applejack doesn't worry about these sorts of things. She has her farm to worry about. She has a clear purpose in life. That's what I need to do. I need to rediscover my purpose and recapture happy feelings. Fluttershy said it would be a simple thing that brings back joy. I just need to watch out for it. At least my friends will be involved now. Applejack or Fluttershy is bound to tell them. They'll help. They can provide the spark. Whether or not I'll be with them to grab it, I do not know. -Pinkameena Diane Pie