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// Chapter 1: New Arrivals! 
// Story: The Crossroads 
// by Ex-Nihilos 
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Chapter 1: New Arrivals!



        Before the railroad to Canterlot was built in Ponyville travelers on the road would always pass through what most dubbed the Crossroads. It was a spot near the center of town where the two main roads in and out of Ponyville intersected. It consisted of four wooden benches lined in a row against the sidewall of the Quills and Sofa shop. A short poplar tree, beside the building, was the only shade for the benches. The only way a pony could tell the spot was meant for carriages was the rather new looking sign with a picture of a carriage and the words: Carriage Stop, on it. It was a very bland landmark that was quickly forgotten by the town when the railroad was finished and ponies had an easier mode of locomotion.

        Yet one day, nopony is quite sure when, ponies seemed to appear out of nowhere to sit upon these benches. Curious townsponies would ask these strangers who they were, though the answers given by most were vague, strange, and sometimes in another language. Always, though, these ponies said they were waiting. For what, most refused to elaborate. 

        Sometimes the Crossroads was crowded with ponies who quietly talked to one another but never to outsiders unless they were addressed first. Other times it would be empty, or only one pony would gloomily sit there. 

        It was such a day where only two visible ponies sat at the crossroads awaiting the carriage to their final destination. One, a tan Earth Pony with a dark auburn brown mane, sat against the Poplar tree, playing a tune upon his old acoustic guitar. The other, another Earth pony, had a lime green coat and dark blue mane and paced nervously in front of the benches while muttering incoherently to himself, much to the first’s annoyance.

        The two had been there awhile, long enough for some Ponyville ponies to ask their names. They solemnly introduced themselves as Memphis the guitar player and Lewdy the miner (“Not minor damn it!”). Beyond that they wouldn’t speak to anypony but themselves. They simply waited, and hoped for something, or someone, to break the tension.

As if the universe could sense their boredom, a purple maned Earth pony appeared out of nowhere and called Lewdy a cunt, only to disappear yet again in a burst of speed and leaves. The two ponies continued on with their respective activities for a few seconds; they had long since become desensitized to his antics, but every so often the green pony with a blue mane would rise to the challenge. Lewdy looked up in search of the purple maned demon of an Earth pony that had tormented him for far too long.  “It’s been fookin’ three years ya’ bastard! Three bloody years and you’re still doing that shtick,” he shouted at the emptiness where he thought the pony was. Grumbling he looked back to the ground, still keeping to his monotonous pace.

The green pony stopped his pacing suddenly and huffed an irritated sigh. “Whatever happened to death being quick, eh? I mean, it feels like an eternity we’ve been here. No, worse, we’ve been here for three years. I mean we can’t be as bad as that insane bloke... wherever he disappears to.”

“I think he’s in the Poplar tree,” Memphis mumbled as he hit another chord on the guitar resting in his lap, “and how ‘bout ya stop pacing? Yer annoying the hell out o’ me.”

“Aren’t ya the least bit annoyed? I mean it’s bad enough I died in, like, a fiery explosion with a metal pipe through my chest but now I’ve got to wait? At this rate I should ‘ave just stayed alive and dealt with this crap with the hospital.” Lewdy quipped back in his usual sarcastic tone.

“Sounds like someone knows where they’re a'headed...” Memphis muttered back.

“Damn straight I’m going to hell! And proud of it! I worked hard on those sins, okay not all of them. The underaged girl was a mistake but that wasn’t my fault.”

“Ah honestly don’t care.”

“Right right, you probably don’t want me to tell you how I shagged her both ways over like a rhinoceros on a gazelle-”

“Says the man who had the physique of an insect and the mentality of one too.”

“Oh that stings! That stings like the amount of shits I give! What’s that? Oh that would be a huge zero. Just look at all of the shits I give, they’re raining from the sky! Oh wait, it's a clear sky, how strange!”

Memphis merely shook his head and went back to playing upon his guitar, finally turning his chords into a song that he learned traveling pass the Mississippi delta.The song continued to play even when the unanticipated happened.

        Tires protested on the ground as the brakes of what looked like a gold bar on wheels skidded to a halt in front of the stop. A door on the far end violently opened and a yellow Earth pony was flung out, monocle crashing to the ground while staying intact. The passenger door opened to reveal an outstretched hand curiously holding up the digit in the middle before slamming shut again and flying down the road.  

        “Well don’t ye expect any pay ya bloody wanka’!” The yellow pony stomped the ground once before falling falling flat on his muzzle. “What the bloody ‘ell is this?! I’m a friggin’ ‘orse! What is this, some sort of wee ones fantasy?”

        The pony soon found the power to slowly turn himself to face his monocle while still laying on the ground. He looked up at the two ponies already at the Crossroads and his angered expression was replaced with one of pure confusion, helping to reveal the scar in the middle of his head. “And who the ‘ell are you lot,” demanded the Earth pony.

In the past three years Memphis and Lewdy have resided in the Crossroads, they’d seen many a pony arrive in the strangest of ways. Memphis first appeared on fire, while Lewdy fell from the sky with a pipe still in his chest. After the initial shocks it became a routine to see how others would land; it was a game of sorts to see what would happen next.
        
        Solid gold limousine tossing out a pony and a human hand giving said pony the finger was not very high on the list but, amazingly, it had been on the list. Sadly the pony who made the bet had already passed on, being a Hindu he was judged to be reincarnated as a cow, ‘Lucky bastard,’ Lewdy had said.

        Lewdy and Memphis shared a look at the sight of the mark between the pony’s forehead. Someone in the living apparently was a very good shot. Before either one could respond a resounding cry from the sky was heard. A new arrival so soon? That was unusual, even compared to the gold limo.

Lewdy stepped to the side, out of the shadow of the falling pony, and watched in mild interest as the massive Pegasus kissed the ground with his face at perhaps sixty miles per hour. Luckily for Lewdy, the pipe in his chest had broken his fall when he had attempted the same aerial maneuver.

        With a mighty roar of “FFFFFFFUUUUUUU-” the titanic, golden armored pegasus crashed to the ground.

        “Mage Moarfistin! Chaplain Mofo! Where the hell are you jackasses?” he demanded, getting to his feet. “Where the fuck am I?” he wondered aloud, taking in the surroundings. “Is this Ponyville? What the fuck am I doing in this princess-forsaken backwater?”

Turning to a local, he decided to make use of his vast diplomatic abilities to inquire as to how he arrived there after the method of his arrival.

“How the fuck did I get here, you little shit?”

The pony he addressed, rather than cowering, as he was accustomed to, seemingly ignored him and went about her own business.

“Hey! Fuckwit! I’m talking to you!” he yelled after her.

When the pony still didn’t respond the pegasus became rather confused. He didn’t like it, not one bit. Confusion led to doubt, which lead to becoming less angry, which led to idleness, which led to HERESY AGAINST THE PRINCESS.

Furious at the implications of possible heresy, the pegasus' fury grew to immeasurable levels.

“Somepony give me some fucking answers!” he roared at the town. Turning around, he saw the carriage crossing where two other ponies sat. They seemed to be the only ones in town noticing him. With them was a dazed, cross looking yellow earth pony. “What the fuck are you staring at?”

        Memphis continued to play even as the usual tirade of confusion commenced; music sometimes helped the transition, he found. Usually the people who landed in Equestria  find they’ve done so without initially realizing it; the strange pony with the cash mark and the large pegasus must have heard of this land somewhere to end up here. It was strange, but that’s how it worked from his understanding.

Both residents of the Crossroads let the pegasus vent a bit in his booming voice before they did anything. Memphis stopped playing and both he and Lewdy seemed to glare at the new arrivals.

“Nose goes,” Memphis said cooly as he touched his snout with his hoof.

“Nose- GAWD DAMN IT!” Lewdy shouted and spat on the ground. Clearing his throat he muttered a few curses to his companion who had gone back to playing, yet another solo. Lewdy sighed and looked at the two. Slowly he reached to his back he pulled out a worn out kazoo. “Well you two I don’t know any better way to put it so I’ll just come out and say it. You two done get deaded.” He then blew the horn and with a rather bored cheer he said slightly louder, “Congrats!”

“Basically, you mates died for whatever reason. Usually really painful. I’m Lewdy, by the way, death by impalement, and that bloke over there,” he gestured with his hoof to the tan pony with the messy auburn mane, ”is Memphis, death by incineration. There’s another asshole around here but I have no idea where he is, and I don’t care about him. Anyway think of this as Limbo. Uh let’s see how’d the speech go...,” waving his hoof around he recited some other being's words, ‘Your eternal souls shall rest here upon the cobbled road before you are judged by your God, or gods, and sent to heaven or hell.’ You could be here for a few days or up to about 600 years so I suggest getting comfortable.

“Oh and don’t bother trying to talk to the ponies passing by, they can’t hear us, but they can see us. If one comes up and talks to you first then they’ll hear you but beyond that we’re like ghosts whispering to each other and making sweet sweet pony love. Okay, maybe not that last part.

“So that’s it, any questions?” Lewdy asked as he sat down onto the bench and feigned a look of interest while Memphis finished playing the Pinocchio piece.

        “The fuck do you mean “dead”?” the pegasus demanded. “Give me a straight fucking answer or I swear by the princess I’ll...” he reached behind his back, but to his dismay, found his thunder-wrench to be missing.

        “What the fuck happened to my weapon? And where are my men? There’s no way we lost to a bunch of crossbred cat-bird assholes.”

Lewdy gave a harsh sigh to the guardspony, “Seriously mate? What part of ‘you are dead’ is the hard part. Honestly you should know more about that than I do. Interesting though... you hear that Memphis? He’s a native!”

        Memphis nodded, “Mhm, I heard. Must have been special to get that request taken.”

        “Well, I was going to say he must’ve paid some sexual favor, but that’s more likely,” Lewdy said with a cheeky nod and smile.

        The other pony slowly attempted to pick himself up from his fallen state, he did not like to look like a fool in front of other peo- er, ponies. After successfully getting to a state of physical being in which he was propped on four legs he looked at his monocle and began to wonder, “‘ow the bloody ‘ell am I supposed to pick that up?”
        
        The yellow pony with the cash mark looked around the stop to see the other pony who greeted them he put on his trademark poker face, “Did you say I am dead? What bloody nonsense is that? I was perfectly safe at the... public meeting, OH BLIMEY I WAS ASSASSINATED!” The cash-marked pony fell flat on his muzzle... again, and didn’t bother to pick himself up. His face turned into a mask of horror and self pity.

        “Oh I bet it was Potatoes & co. They been after me trade secrets for years... but ye know ‘ow to get out! Ye ‘ave to know! ‘ow much for the information? Dosh is no object!” Lucky looked quite pathetic spread eagle with his belly on the ground, pleading for help from the pervert.

         Watching the sprawled figure of the pony before his feet Lewdy frowned but then smiled. “Ah Potatoes and company! They made the best potatoes for fries, I miss those fries. But sorry to burst your very tiny bubble mate but you’re pretty much stuck here. The only way to leave the crossroads from what I’ve seen... well Memphis saw it and he told me, is that you have to be invited to leave by a pony who is still alive. So far that has not happened.

        “And to screw with you even more Mr. Moneybags how about you check your person for that Dosh. Like the pegasus I highly doubt you came here with your personals on ya.... I still have no idea how Memphis got the guitar.”

        “Guitars are easy to come by if'n ya know where to look,” the tan pony lounging under the tree replied.

        “... What?” the pony took the chance to look at this side. No pants which meant no pockets which meant... NO WALLET! He craned his head back forward and stared at the sitting pony. His left eye twitched fiercely and his whole body trembled.

        “No.... no money. I’M A POOR COMMONER?!” Most ponies would take the time to stand up and stomp the ground; this pony decided this was the time to somehow gain all motor control and begin spazzing about the site. All the while, frantically looking for anything holding monetary value. “Nonono, this can’t be! I am the executive of the biggest producer in all of Ireland! I ‘ave enough money to buy out every television show in the world! Even that cutesy little pony thing!”

Memphis’ ear twitched, “Did he say cutesy?”

        “Quiet! I want to watch this!” Lewdy said while he watched the panicked pony with utter delight.

The Irish stallion began to calm down; it was a slow process and a lot of shrubbery was torn up in the heat of battle.  He eventually settled to sit in a fetal position between the bench and trees, stroking his monocle and counting imaginary money. Once the show was done, Lewdy stood up and, with a serious look on his face, trotted over to the prone pony.

        Giving the poor pony a pitiful smile he said, “Mate. Take my advice for just a moment.” Bowing down close to the pony’s ear, Lewdy screamed, “QUIT BEING A BITCH!”

The pony winced at the volume at which Lewdy spoke in his ear. His happy place dissipated and he was back in Limbo. He pushed his monocle onto his eye (causing more harm than intended) and pushed himself back up. He set his face into his cold indifference again.

        “Lewdy...” Memphis muttered threateningly.

        “Alright alright I’m done. But he tore up the shrubbery! That’s like the only bloody shade we have in this hell-hole. It’ll be weeks before we can flag down a gardener to fix that up!... even though it'll just fix itself again in a few seconds... but still it's the principle of the matter!”

        “Well, if you’re all done bitching,” the pegasus said, glaring at the yellow pony. Returning his gaze to the ponies sitting at the crossing, he continued with his inquiry. “So I’m fucking dead then? How fucking wonderful. Now, I know for a fact that I took over a dozen of those xeno faggots with me. Where the fuck are they? And where the fuck are Mofo and Moarfistin?”

        He took a moment to look around the town again; some of his men had been from this ass-backwards town and he recognized a few faces.

        “And what the fuck was that about being a local? I’m from fucking Canterlot, not this princess damned hick town.”

        “‘ow about ye try being turned into some girl’s fantasy pony after being used to two legs? Unless ye used to be like me before arriving ‘ere. I’ll say I’m better now, but that still doesn’t change that I’m penniless.” The yellow pony gave a quick look around, this time actually thinking instead of raving stark mad. Everything was colorful and vibrant, no washed up pavement and cold grey concrete.

        “So ye say we can’t speak to any of these wee ponies? So what do ye propose we do? I’m not much other than a businessman... but I’m a damn good one!” He attempted to push his monocle back up incase it might fall, but that resulted in him almost losing his balance.

        Lewdy glared at the two of them, “Look you sods are askin’ me like I got all the answers, big surprise! I do not. For some reason or another you got sent to Equestria to serve out your time in Limbo, or in rage face’s case he gets to stay in hick town for a bit until Death comes. So for now you two do what us two.. err three, whatever, have been doing for the last three-plus years: sitting on our asses and waiting for something interesting to happen before we get swept away to hell. Or heaven if you’re lucky enough.”
        
        “So Ponyville is Limbo? Can’t say it surprises me,” the pegasus grumbled. He suddenly recalled a bit of information that was slightly less useless than everything else he’d been told thus far. “The Element bearers live here, and so does the princess’ student, that shit count for anything? We could probably flag down one of those fucks and ask them to get us out of this shit.”

        “Well then, do these “Element bearers” own a business? Are they popular or have some sort of market that makes them stand out? If so then this will be easy, anyone with a business model understands the prospect of money... this place does use money right?” the yellow pony looked slightly worried at this, if this place didn’t use money, then he was next to useless. But if this place did in fact have an economy, then he might be able to hold some ground.

        “No matter, I’ll just be resting under the tree until someone comes and gets us out of this hole.” He slowly trotted to the piece of nature he had destroyed moments before and sat as best as he could into a resting position... it wasn’t easy for a man used to two perfectly fine legs and not four blocks of fur.

        “O’ by the way lads, mah name’s Dominique O’Reiley... guess I’ll go with something smaller like ‘Lucky Money’ while I’m here.”

        “Domi- what? The fuck kinda retarded name is that? And what the fuck kind of self respecting pony doesn’t know about the Elements? Not that you look to be the type used to respect, of course. Just where in the fuck are you from?” the pegasus demanded, glaring at the earth pony.

        “OY! Watch what ye be sayin’ you ‘alf wit! I don’t take kindly to low life commoners disgracin’ me family’s name! I’m from Ireland and I’m the most respectable man you would ever find there. If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t be the top dog on the market today! Besides, what do I have to prove to a bunch of wee little ponies, I’m dead and you look like something out of a children’s play story.”

        The pegasus snorted in anger, flaring his wings in indignant fury.

“Watch your tone with me, commoner!” he growled. “I’m Imperious Raeg, captain in Celestia’s royal guard and commander of the Canterlot 501st Angry Legion. I’ve been in more battlefield actions than you’ve eaten meals and killed more gryphons than you’ve met ponies! The princess herself selected my legion to lead the engagements in the northlands against the gryphons, when was the last time your heathen god ever looked upon you with favor?”

Raeg pawed the ground, anger abating. “Know who you address next time you open your trap, runt.”

“Celestia?! Gryphons? I truly am in some wee one’s dream. And bloody ‘ell man, do you not realize I’m not from ‘ere! This place is the equivalent of some fairy tale and death ‘as seen fit to leave me ‘ere like some sort of cruel joke. I’m not some commoner either who you can threaten, if you be looking for a fight you’ll find one.”  Lucky snorted.

Raeg took a menacing step towards the petulant earth pony. “I certainly hope you enjoyed dying once, because by the God-Princess I swear the second time will be far less pleasant,” Raeg growled at Lucky.

        One of Memphis’ ears twitched as it caught a sound from the air. He looked up and said loud enough to break the flow of the argument, “New arrival! Better step to the side there Cap.”