//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Discord! // Story: Discourse with Discord // by Gohma Dameon //------------------------------// The smell of fresh bread, sugar and spices became tantalizingly palpable. It was lunch hour for most of the workforce in Ponyville, and there was a high demand for carbs and sugar to help push on till quitting time. As usual, most ponies went to Sugarcube Corner to satisfy such cravings. The sight of a draconequus dampened that demand somewhat. Aw, look at the pitiful plebs, Discord thought to himself as he waded between mares and stallions who were slightly more hungry than frightened. Patiently plying at professions, practically purposeless. Performing pragmatically to the point of pliability. Plaintively pleading predictably for pleasant pastries to appease their plain palates. Perhaps, perchance, plentiful pandemonium can pierce the apathy plaguing Post-Discordant pony populaces! It was Pinkie Pie who interrupted Discord's poetic inner monologue. “Hiya, Discord! Didja stop by for some sweets?” “Alas, pastel pink ponies play pranks and provide parties which placate perilous aspirations.” *Giggle* “Thanks, I think!” “Pardon me, Pinkie Pie. Er.” Discord adjusted his horns like temperamental TV antennae. “Sorry about that; persistent alliteration. I'm sure you know what I mean.” “Sure. Sometimes I say strange stuff and sing silly songs, such that it starts to stick!” Discord caught himself chuckling in a lighthearted manner. Even I must admit, Pinkie Pie can inspire smiles like no one else. Shame that she has such a tame sense of humor. With a little prompting and a magic boost, I imagine she could spread some wonderful chaos. “I came by to chat for a bit. However, it seems that you are far too busy.” “Don't be silly, if you pinch a teensy-eensy wrinkle in the fabric of space-time inside the shop, we can have all these customers served and out the door lickety-split!” “I'm pleasantly surprised, Pinkie Pie. Using my powers with total disregard to the consequences, and for personal gain no less.” The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony snapped his fingers with a small flick of his wrist for flourish. From the perspective of the patrons waiting in line outside, it seemed as if Sugarcube Corner had suddenly hired several new ponies to handle the rush. Customers were pouring out the door to make way for more, and each pony seemed to come out as quickly as they went in. All of them were disappointed when the line reverted to it's regular steady pace just as they got in the door, and were thoroughly confused when their watches ran backward for the rest of the day after leaving. “It looks like the line has calmed down,” Pinkie observed. “We should probably stop altering the ebb and flow of time until it's more convenient to break the laws of physics. After all, I don't wanna celebrate my birthday earlier in the year than normal; it would be really confusing to everypony when I mail out the invitations!” With another snap, the alterations to time abated. “So, what's on your mind?” “Fluttershy insisted that I spend more time with the rest of our friends, so I'm making the rounds today. I just came to visit and speak with you.” “Okie-doki-loki. What do you wanna talk about?” This gave Discord pause. What do I want to talk about? The others all more or less gave me a subject to discuss. “How about the difference between draconequui and ponies?” “Y'mean like how you're made up of a buncha different parts and have really powerful magic that even super-duper unicorns like the princesses can't match?” “I was thinking less physical. Culturally, what separates us?” “Gosh, I guess nothing if you don't want it to. I mean, you turned over a new leaf just so we could all be friends. That was a smart move, by the way. As soon as I figure out when your birthday is, I'm gonna throw the best party you've ever been to. It's gonna be completely spur-of-the-moment, unplanned, impulsive fun! I've actually come up with a few ideas for party games that are all based on the idea of causing as much chaotic havoc as possible. Hopefully with less potential for injury than the obstacle course I made when my sister visited.” “Ooh! What's she like?” “She really likes rocks!” Discord could only stare momentarily while he tried to reconcile the things Pinkie had just said to him. Eventually, he decided to redirect the conversation again. “You'd do anything to make your friends happy, wouldn't you, Pinkie Pie?” “Hmm.” Pinkie's face scrunched up as she rubbed her chin with a hoof. She stuck out the tip of her tongue and tilted her head. Her eyes rolled slowly from one side to the other and then darted back and forth a few times. She mumbled to herself, gasped, giggled and then nodded in an affirming way. “Hang on a sec, I need to write some of this down.” Discord grabbed her shoulder as she turned to get something to write with. “Wait, wait, wait, I didn't mean literally! I'm not asking you to weigh every conceivable circumstance under the sun. I just want to know if you'd go to considerable lengths to make your friends happy.” “Well, duh, I can't think of everything! I just wanted to make some notes of good ideas I had. Anyway, yeah, I love to make ponies smile! Who doesn't? I'm the best at getting smiles out of others, and it's because I won't rest until I know for certain that I've done everything I can do to spread joy and laughter.” “Do you only love to make ponies smile?” Discord asked with a comically over-emphasized pout. *Giggle-snort* “No, silly, I want everyone to smile. Do you need some cheering up?” “It's not so much that I'm sad as just... Well, look at this way: Suppose I needed something to be happy.” “M-hm.” “Now, would you tell me that I couldn't have that thing?” “Of course not! I'd gift wrap it myself and deliver it to you personally! What is it? Do you want it for your birthday? Is your next birthday before or after this year's Hearth's Warming?” “Hold on, hold on. What if I told you that my having this thing would make somepony else unhappy?” Pinkie's eyes went wide. She looked deeply conflicted. “I don't understand, why would your gift make somepony unhappy? Would they be jealous? Maybe I can get them one too.” “I'm afraid it isn't something you can give as a gift, Pinkie Pie. To me or anyone else. But it's something I've been denied.” “And that makes you unhappy?” “Yes.” “And getting it would make the pony who isn't letting you have it unhappy?” “That's the gist of it.” “Well that's not fair. One pony can't sacrifice the happiness of another for their own sake.” “I feel quite the same way.” “Well, obviously. I mean, you gave up spreading eternal chaos because you knew it was making others unhappy. Their suffering wasn't worth the fun you were having; you're a good friend if I ever saw one.” Discord gave her an annoyed look and asked flatly, “You knew full well what I was getting at, didn't you?” “Whadda ya mean?” she responded without missing a beat, bubbly as ever. “I'm referring to not being allowed to spread chaos while still being friends with ponies.” “You let Auntie Pinkie Pie tackle that one,” she said as though she'd just been asked to solve a simple problem. “Y'see, nopony said you couldn't cause some chaos. You just can't spread eternal chaos all willy-nilly. If you want to have a little fun, you've gotta clean up after yourself is all.” “You're saying no one will mind if I turn their house into a giant, taciturn, frosting frothing, cake monster that eats clouds and spits out cotton candy so long as I revert everything to normal afterward?” “Well, as long as nopony gets hurt, why not? Heck, if I get some of that cotton candy you can do it to Sugarcu-” “NO!” came Mrs. Cake's voice from the kitchen. It had the quality of absolute authority that kills enthusiasm dead on contact. “Let's take a rain-check on that,” Pinkie whispered with a wink. “By the way, could you make a cotton candy cloud that rains chocolate for me? I've missed that ever since we had to turn you to stone that one time.” “Second time.” “At least it didn't last as long.” What is happening? I feel like I've not only lost control of the conversation, but I'm actually the one getting annoyed. “Pinkie, let me ask you something different. I'm trying to better understand all of my friends, since Fluttershy seems to think I've been less than diligent in my study of friendship.” “I'm sorry, but it's completely natural. I don't have any styling tips for you.” “What?” “I know, it's kinda hard for me to believe. Some mornings I wake up and just ask myself, 'dang girl, how did you get that adorable perm?' Well, my mane is just that way. The world may never know.” Discord rubbed his temples in slow circles. “I wanted to know how you go through life inspiring happiness in others with very little regard for your own pleasure. All you seem to care about is whether or not those around you are having a good time. Isn't it exhausting?” “Oh, Dissy, it's not like that. I enjoy every minute of it.” “Well, sure, you get to feel good about helping others; very charitable of you. However, if you spend so much time making sure others are having fun, when do you get to have fun for yourself?” “You're missing the point, silly. I'm not just making fun for my friends, I'm having fun with them! It's always more fun when you have friends to party with or share whatever you enjoy.” “I suppose that's true, but I'm in a bit of a bind. Nopony seems to like it when I share my chaos with them. Even if I promise to set everything to rights again, they always act like the sky is falling. And it hardly ever actually is!” “Hmm. I see... I think the best thing to do is show them how much fun chaos can be in little ways. When it's cold out and ponies are playing in the snow, make a cloud that rains hot chocolate and hand out mugs! If the leaves are piling up on ponies' doorsteps, try turning them into neat shapes and making them fly! I bet there's all sorts of things you could do to help out or spread cheer with your magic.” “What if I don't enjoy doing those things?” “Huh? I thought you said you wanted to share–?” “Chaos. I want to spread some harmless chaos. One little cocoa cloud or some autumnal paper airplanes are just simple tricks. I miss replacing dull greens and browns with jarring, clashing, garish patterns. I have a craving to turn Canterlot Mountain into ice cream and see what flavor it is. I want to stroll around Ponyville Town Square and replace the samey old shoppes that you see everyday with carnival rides and monuments and exotic zoo features. All of that sounds like fun, but everypony acts like I'm stepping all over their proverbial toes. Why can't they just enjoy it?” Pinkie Pie crossed her fore-hooves on the counter and set her chin down on her ankles. “Hmph. Well, I can't say that carnivals and mountains of ice cream don't sound like fun. I guess it's just the scale of it. If you turn a town into a carnival, where do you get the ponies to run and maintain it? What happens to the stores you replace if they don't make any money while the carnival's going? What if some ponies needed to do something important, but the zoo animals are where their dentist appointment was supposed to be?” “So you think it's pointless? I can't have fun just because it's an inconvenience?” “No. I just mean what happens?” Discord was perplexed. “Hm? You want me to actually answer your questions? I thought you were being rhetorical.” “Half and half. I'm just pointing out that when you change something, you're eliminating possibilities. Maybe some ponies were counting on some things not changing.” “So, I should cater to everyone who took it for granted that things wouldn't change?” “It's not exactly taking it for granted that a dentist won't be a tiger tomorrow,” Pinkie pointed out as she sat back up. “You just don't have to rely on stability, since you can make almost anything in an instant. If you let everypony know you'd set up a carnival and turn Canterlot Mountain into ice cream before you did it, it wouldn't really be a problem.” I think Celestia would disagree about the ice cream, Discord thought to himself. “But I like to do things in the moment. How much notice do they need? A day? A week? I probably won't still be interested, but now I'd be obligated, because they expect it. Once again, I'm not having fun because I'm catering to ponies' tendency to assume things will be the way they want.” “Wowie-zowie, this is tougher than I thought. What if you just create chaos somewhere that ponies won't mind? If you're lonely doing it alone, you can always give an open invitation for everyone to just show up and join in. Audience participation for the most unpredictable show in Equestria!” “Tell me, honestly, how many you think would show up.” “I know I would, and Flutters, too. I'd definitely encourage others to come.” “Be that as it may, I'm no performance artist. Besides, I don't want to show up at the same spot day after day and spend my time doing magic tricks. There would be no inspiration. No city full of complacent foals who haven't had to deal with their lives turning upside-down at the drop of a hat. No long-standing traditions to subvert, or works of art to deface, or dreams to twist...” Discord went quiet for a moment as he realized that everything ponies' held dear were the basis of his passion. Do I really need ponies to be happy? Am I just some fun-house mirror to reflect warped versions of their reality? He shook his head a little and dismissed the thought. He noticed that Pinkie Pie was waiting for him to respond to something. “Pardon?” “I asked why you just want to destroy stuff. Can't you spread chaos without getting rid of something else?” “Oh, Pinkie Pie, you're so naïve. How can I create chaos otherwise? Conjuring up some random thing isn't chaos, it's just a trick. Chaos is inherently creative and destructive. It must subvert, invert, revert, advert, unvert, upvert, downvert and aroundvert. It's inherently a... It's a social change.” “Huh?” “Chaos is what happens when you change what's expected. It's not that something physically changed. If a restaurant becomes a clothing shop, nopony cares, so long as it was planned. But, if a five-star hotel changes into a colossal elephant with wings, everyone notices. It was supposed to be impossible; it was unexpected. That's why it's funny.” “It's funny because it's impossible?” “And it happened anyway. What's the basis of comedy, Pinkie Pie? What is the most important thing when you're trying to get laughs, whether it's a punchline or a prank?” “That's easy!” Pinkie exclaimed. “You just gotta surprise them! Don't let them see it coming.” “Subvert expectations. Pinkie, you might be in a better position to understand me than most of Fluttershy's friends, so I want to try to help you get into my frame of mind.” “If you think it will help you have fun with others, then sure! I'd do anything to make a friend happy.” “Let me rephrase an earlier question. Do you ever feel like you try harder than most to make others happy? Does it seem like you put more into your relationships than your friends?” “Nope! I've never thought my friends didn't want to make me happy just as much.” “Well, sure. They want you to be happy, but you get most of your happiness from making others happy, right? So, maybe they see you bouncing around, smiling and joking, and they think 'Pinkie Pie is happy as a clam, I can just enjoy myself and I know she will too.' So they don't have to try because you're pretty much set.” “Hmm,” Pinkie seemed to be deep in contemplation trying to remember something. “What does that mean anyway, 'happy as a clam?' I don't think I've ever met a clam. Are they just really, really happy all the time?” “Try to take this seriously.” “I am! I'm really not sure what you're getting at. I guess you think that since I'm so optimistic and joyful that my friends never have to cheer me up or help me have a good time, but that isn't really true. My friends make me happy all the time, and not just 'cause I'm excited to spend time with them. They all do little things that make me happier. You know what I mean; Fluttershy makes you happy.” This is so aggravating! It shouldn't be so hard to get my point across, why does she turn everything I say on it's head!? “Yes, she does, but only for very brief periods of time. I used to be able to just make myself happy whenever I wanted by just being me. Now I can't. So, I'm trying to understand how you do it. If you didn't have others to make happy, how would you stay upbeat?” “Gosh,” Pinkie said in a soft, melancholy voice, “if I was all alone, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably just go nuts.” “I'm not saying if you didn't have friends who make you happy. I mean, if you couldn't derive joy from spreading it. If catering to your friends whimsy didn't make you happy, what would you do?” Pinkie tilted her head and gave Discord a quizzical look. “You mean... if I had a different special talent? If my thing wasn't throwing parties and cracking jokes and just getting smiles out of ponies?” “I don't think I put it quite like that-” “But that's what you mean?” Discord shrugged. Pinkie looked down at her hooves for a moment and thought aloud. “Draconequuseseses don't have cutie marks, do they?” She looked back up at him. “I don't have any idea what else I'd do. Making others happy makes me happy. Even if all my friends were still there to cheer me up, not being able to make ponies smile – or not feeling like smiling myself, even when others do – would be awful.” “Are you saying that your happiness is entirely vicarious?” “I don't see what predators have to do with it.” Discord's words stumbled out of his mouth. “What do – No! Vie-care-e-us. I'm asking if your – your happiness is completely dependent on others. On their joy. I don't just mean the fleeting pleasure that acts of kindness bring us. Would your day to day enjoyment of life be gone if you couldn't make others smile and laugh.” “Well, maybe? I guess so.” Pinkie's ears flopped down to either side of her head and tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She bit her lip and looked up at him pleadingly. “I don't think I wanna talk about this.” An unfamiliar sensation, like a tight grip, started in Discord's chest. What's that about? I'd better not be getting sick again. “Can you bear with it a moment longer, my dear friend? It's actually immensely helpful.” He gave her his warmest, most charming smile. “The point I'm driving at is a fundamental difference between the way I, an objective newcomer to Equestrian society, see things and the way you do. Your whole life, you've been led to believe that putting others first is inherently good. It makes the society as a whole stronger. You've come to think of collective happiness as more important than that of an individual.” Pinkie blinked back a tear and pressed on. “It's not just that we put groups above individuals. You can't make everyone happy at the same time, and you can't make any one pony happy all the time. At the end of day, I just want to look back and know that I made the day a little brighter for everypony I came across. If everypony took the time to give a smile and get a smile then I think we'd all be smiling a whole lot more.” “Well, that's easy to say,” Discord asserted. “For you, it has never been a conflict of interest; in fact, for you serving others is self-serving.” “Huh?” “I just mean to say that the trappings of society suit you well. You are expected to put your happiness after everypony else, but by doing so you ensure your own happiness. It's very easy for you to look after your own needs, but difficult for others like me.” “It doesn't have to be. Everypony likes to make others smile-” “It just comes naturally to you since it's how you get what you need from society. When I use my friends to satisfy my needs, everypony gets upset. When you do it, it's like you're doing them a favor.” “I'm not using my friends! All of them like it when I throw parties and give them presents and bake them treats. They're my friends because I sing silly songs and tell jokes and make them laugh.” “Which is exactly my point. They all love it when you use your talents to brighten their lives, and it gives you a sense of purpose and makes you happy. When I use my talents to surprise ponies and play games and pranks they act like I'm a monster. They tell me the difference is that I'm just using them to have myself a good time, but isn't that why you do what you do? Aren't you just trying to have fun with your friends?” “No – I mean, yes! There's something different though. They want to have fun with me, too.” “You're saying they don't want to have fun with me? Do you think I'm a monster?” he asked in a hurt tone of voice. “No, of course not, Disco! It's just that when you do what you do, they don't always have fun.” “So, I'm not fun? I'm not spontaneous and funny and full of energy?” “You are, it's just that sometimes your shenanigans are kinda mean-spirited.” “Are you saying I'm a bully? That I'm trying to hurt my friends?” Heehee! Misinterpreting on purpose is fun when you get down to it. I wonder, has she really not noticed that I'm playing the game using her own strategy now? “I can't believe you'd accuse me of such a thing.” “No! I don't know, maybe? I don't think you want to hurt anypony. You just got used to having fun without worrying about how it affected others.” “How can you possibly relate to that, though? Do you ever wonder if your actions hurt others? Have you ever had to ask yourself if using your talents could actually cost somepony their happiness instead of causing it?” “Yes.” “I don't – wait, what?” Discord lost step with his attack. “How...? When?” “Dashie had her Birthiversary recently.” That's... not what you call a birthday, Discord silently observed. In fact, you used the word birthday earlier, but OK. “Another party planner came to town and she wanted him to put everything together. I was so sad and I was worried that I wasn't actually that good at the thing I thought I was best at. I challenged him to a Goof-Off, winner plans the party. The point was to see which of us could make Rainbow happier, but I realized that we were actually ruining her special day instead. I gave up; I conceded and let him have the party so she would be happy. In the end, he and Dash both agreed that they wanted me to help him set everything up. It all worked out, but I had to swallow my pride and accept that I can't always make my friends happy. It hurt, but it was okay. As long as she was happy, it didn't matter if I made her that way.” Discord took the rare, brief silence Pinkie Pie gave him to think over his strategy. “So, for that short time in between giving up and being asked to help, you thought that the only way to make your friend happy was to let somepony else make her smile and laugh and have a good time?” “Yes.” “And that didn't make you happy?” “No,” Pinkie admitted very quietly. “But she's my friend and-” “So, what you're saying is this: Even though you knew she'd have fun and that you could come to the party this other pony had put together and have fun with her, you were still unhappy.” “Yes, but later-” “So, it's not that your friends are happy that makes you happy. It's that you have the power to make them happy.” “I-I...” Pinkie stuttered and cast her gaze behind her, to pictures of her friends hanging over the stairs. “But, in spite of that, you still chose her happiness over yours. That's... I admit, I was trying to convince you that your way of thinking was biased at the very least, if not entirely flawed. However, you walk the walk just as well as you talk the talk. You really do value your friends enough to put their happiness first, even if it is a conflict of interest.” Pinkie looked back at Discord with a pleading expression again. He couldn't understand it any better than the further tightening in his chest. “I suppose it doesn't matter if your happiness is the result of benignly using your friends. It's still a result of making them happy. I... I need to think about that.” “Did... did I help?” Pinkie asked. “I'm not sure.” “I never... meant to use them. Do you really think...?” “We learn something new every day. A good reason to get out of bed in the morning, I suppose.” Discord walked calmly out of the bakery and started down the street to the little cafe. He would get there early, but not early enough to visit the Golden Oaks library before lunch. The quiet as he sat by himself with certainty that no one besides Fluttershy and her friends would approach him, not even the waiting staff, gave him ample opportunity to mull over his conversations that morning. Pinkie Pie also had peace and quiet to consider everything that Discord had discussed with her. She wished she didn't. She wished she had customers to help, or catering to prepare, or a friend to spend the remaining time with. Most of all, she wished she could stop wondering if the difference between her and Discord was the results of their actions, or the motivations behind them. She didn't want to know the answer, just to forget the question. If she'd realized that the color was beginning to leech out of her cutie mark, she would have wished hardest of all that it would stop.