//------------------------------// // Cheeriliee's Lesson, Ending 2: The Torn Admirer // Story: Tales of Hapless Humans and Hypnotic Hijinks // by TheKissoftheVoid //------------------------------// “You’ve done very well so far,” Cheerilee says. “There’s just one more thing for us to go over before we finish up.” Her tone shifts slightly, changing from light and self-satisfied to purposeful and. . . something else you can’t quite place. “I want you to focus on a mare. Not any one mare, but mares in general. Concentrate on the idea of a mare. Can you do that for me?” Nod. “Good.” That something in her voice, whatever it is, seems more pronounced. “Now, I want. . . When you think. . .” She trails off for a moment. You hear her clear her throat before continuing, somehow sounding as though she’s struggling with her words. “From now on, whenever you think of mares, I want you to. . .” A very long pause follows, and even in the depths of your relaxation you’re vaguely aware of just how heavy the silence is. When next you hear Cheerilee’s voice, it’s quiet, serious, and almost accusing. “Are you really going to do this, Cheerilee?” she murmurs. "Are you really going to go this far?" Are you really going to force this on him? He, who trusts you more than anypnoy else? You, who knows what it’s like to be love poisoned?” After a second or so of silence, you hear her whisper, “But this isn’t really the same, is it? I’m not making him choose. . . am I? Another long stretch of quiet follows, and in spite of how heavy your emotions still are, you’re beginning to feel concerned. Cheerilee sounds really conflicted about something, and you don’t like knowing she’s upset. “I just. . . I just want a chance,” she finally whispers, and your concern increases slightly as you hear a strange, dejected sadness in her voice. Gone is the confidence that has filled her voice for the whole of your time in trance as she whimpers “Is that really so bad? Whatever he chooses, I’m still helping him. . . does it really make me bad if I help myself a little too?” Yet another pause is followed by a heavy, slightly hitching sigh, and you feel a hoof on your shoulder as she says, “Look at me again.” Just as before, your eyelids slide open, seemingly of their own volition, but the pony that greets your sight couldn’t be more different than the one you saw earlier. Cheerilee’s face is contorted with so many emotions that you can’t even begin to guess what they all are. However, even in your mind-numbed state you can see guilt, sadness, and something that looks halfway between longing and outright hunger. Her mouth hangs slightly open, as if she doesn’t know what to say, and while you can’t be sure, her eyes seem to shine brighter with what look like unshed tears. Distantly, you’re aware that you’ve never seen Cheerilee look like this. For as long as you’ve known her, she’s been a happy, self-confident mare, content with her circumstances and in love with her destined talent for educating the colts and fillies that attended her school. Seeing her so conflicted stirs something within you, and in spite of how hazy and disconnected your thoughts are, a heavy but inexorable need to help her rises in your mind. “Cheerilee?” you murmur, your voice laced with unfocused concern, “What’s wrong? Why are you sad?” Her eyes widen in surprise for a split second before closing as she bows her head, her shoulders sagging with what looks like shame. You try to reach out to touch her face, but your limbs are still lead and you just can’t seem to make them move. After a moment or so she tilts her gaze up to meet you, eyes now unmistakably filled with tears, before weakly placing her hoof over your lips again and whispering, “Shh. Just. . . listen. Relax, and listen.” You feel your worries fade instantly away, though not completely, as Cheerilee takes a steadying breath and begins speaking. "Before I met you, I was happy with my lot in life. I had my students, I had my friends, I had my hobbies, and that was enough. I was really, truly content with my routine. Then one day, Daisy came cantering into town, screaming about some "giant hairless ape thing in Whitetail Woods", and the rest is history." She sits back and continues, "It caught me completely off guard when you showed up outside my office, asking if there was some way you could start learning here. We'd only met once, and I hadn't even talked to you since because I could tell you needed some time alone. Still, I couldn't believe that Twilight hadn't offered to teach you about Equestria. Then you told me she did." She smiles slightly, which you unconsciously mirror. "The look on your face when you described her lectures still makes me laugh." Her eyes start drifting far away as she goes on, "Since I couldn't let you join a class without distracting my students, we came to the Friday afternoon agreement." She chuckles quietly. "Lessons for labor, you called it. All of a sudden, I was friends with Ponyville's resident alien from another dimension. Even for Ponyville, that was a strange day." She refocuses on you, a hint of the want you saw before beginning to color her features. "Getting to know was, is, one of the best experiences I've ever had, and it didn't take me long to realize that my friendship with you wasn't like any of my others. Our conversations, our banter, even our silences, they all felt different. More significant, more meaningful, I don't know how else to say it. After a while, just being around you made me feel, well, safe." She places a hoof on your knee gently. "I've never felt so comfortable around anypony else, and all of this happened so fast, I wasn't sure what to make of it." She looks away. "I don't know what changed, or when, but one day I started seeing you differently. I looked at you, and I saw somepony that maybe, just maybe, I'd want to share my life with." She turns her gaze back on you, the longing now plain in her eyes. "Nopony's ever made me feel that way before. Love poison, maybe, but that wasn't real. You are." She regards you somberly for a moment, then murmurs, "That was the day that I stopped being happy with what I had. I'd never really cared about having a special somepony before, but when I realized how I felt about you, all of that changed. I changed. Suddenly, I wanted somepony of my own to cuddle up to at the end of a hard day." Her expression hardens into a humorless smirk. "Which is ironic, in a way, because we've never actually done anything like that. You've never given me a friendly snuggle. I've never tried to nuzzle you when you felt down." Her face falls into an expression of defeated sadness. "We've never even hugged each other." Her eyes stare deeply into your own, and you can see every tear now threatening to fall from them. "That wasn't what hurt the most though. No. What really hurt was knowing that I didn't even have a chance with you because of something I couldn't do anything about. Watching you ignore or reject every affectionate gesture that anypony offered you cut me deep, because I knew that if I tried I'd get the same treatment. I tried to fill my new desires with somepony else, but through every date I went on, I couldn't help but wish that I was with you instead. Soon I just stopped trying." She looks away again, a slightly wry look now painting her face. "After that I tried to wait, thinking that maybe as time passed you'd get more comfortable with physical contact with ponies, and from there I guess I hoped you'd become more open to the idea of having a relationship with one. Maybe that was a stupid thing to hope for, but it was all I had." She heaves another heavy sigh. "You never got any better though. Even now, you still grimace if somepony even brushes by you, and as for a relationship?" She shakes her head. "You hardly see the signals that mares give you, and when you have, you've barely even tried to be nice about rejecting them." She exhales shakily, her tears looking ready to fall at any moment now. "I couldn't take it anymore. The unfairness, it. . . it ate away at me whenever we spent time together. I wanted to talk to you about it, but seeing how you dealt with other mares' advances, I was terrified that I'd lose you as a friend. . . and of how much your response might hurt me. So, eventually, I started looking for ways that I could bring you around, and I came across this. At first I dismissed it. It was ridiculous, and wrong, and I didn't even think it could work at all until somepony showed me how. After that though. . . after that it started looking better and better, and. . . and here we are, I guess." She looks at you pleadingly, and the first long-overdue tear finally spills down her cheek. "Please, please understand. I just want to have a chance. I know this is wrong. Even if it helps you get over your touch problem, that won't make it right. I wish I had some noble, selfless reason for doing this to you, but I don't. I'm sorry," she sobs, "I'm so, so sorry. I just wanted to have a chance." ` She takes a quivering breath, tears continuing to stream down her face as she says, "I won't make you choose though. I know it's hypocritical, but I won't make you choose me. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll fall for some other mare, and if you do. . ." She pauses, looking down stonily. "If you do, I guess that I deserve that." She's silent for a bit, seemingly pondering what she just said. Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're thinking, or for that matter feeling. Cheerilee's confession has stirred up confusion, betrayal, guilt, surprise, and a whole host of other emotions that you aren't really sure how to describe. Your conflicted heart clouds your mind just as effectively as your trance has, and all you can manage to do is whisper, "Cheerilee. . ." She tenses at the sound of your voice, slowly turning her gaze up to meet yours. The look on her face is a combination of guilt and pure, unfettered panic. Her expression only adds to your internal turmoil, and as you struggle against the storm in your heart and the still-present weight of your trance, she closes the distance between you, brushing her forehead against yours as she once again brings a hoof to your cheek. "Sleep," she says, the edge of a plea in her voice. The wave of relaxation swoops over you like a breeze, and though you feel the tension in your body slipping away, you resist. You want so badly to obey, to just give in and let the conflict be carried off too, but you can't. You fight against the sudden heaviness in your eyelids, fixing Cheerilee with a determined, tired stare, and through the power of her suggestion and your own uncertain feelings you manage to grind out one phrase. "Why would you do this?" She closes her eyes in a pained grimace, two fresh tears leaving wet trails in her coat. Slowly, very slowly, she opens her eyes, and in them you see conflict that looks every bit as intense and confusing as the one in your own mind. Her jaw works up and down a few times before she finally murmurs the words, "Because I think I might love you, and without this there's not even a chance that you might love me back." Her words slam into you like an ocean wave, and the emotional maelstrom inside you increases tenfold. It's too much. This is all way too much, and you simply don't know how to deal with it. You don't know what you're supposed to think. You don't know how you're supposed to feel. All you know is that, beneath the raging cacophony in your head, a clear, quiet voice that sounds a lot like your own says, She's right, you know. You stare at Cheerilee, unsure of what to say or do. She, on the other hand, keeps looking into your eyes, remorse and longing pouring out of hers with such intensity that you can almost feel them. "Please," she begs, "please give me my chance. Please just sleep." You teeter on the edge of oblivion for what feels like a very long time. The uncertainty of your situation freezes you, and you truly don't know if there's a right answer. Looking into Cheerilee's eyes though, seeing the haunted expression on her face, knowing that it's there because of your problem, it pierces your heart as nothing has since you finished mourning your old world. You regard her blearily for another moment, and then, still unsure, finally give in. Your eyelids slip shut, and you sink back into the inky, heavy, and mercifully quiet darkness of hypnosis. Distantly, you feel her press her head into your chest, her tears dampening your shirt as she quietly cries against you. Through her tears you catch many a "Thank you" or "I'm sorry", punctuated by an occasional "Don't deserve this." After an indeterminate time her sobs fade away, replaced by deep, somewhat shaky breathing. Finally, you feel her head lift off of you, and when she speaks, you hear a shadow of the confidence that you heard before. "Okay, I want you to let yourself feel the way you did earlier when you reached this state. Let any worries, or cares, or tension from what just happened fade away, leaving you feeling as completely, impossibly relaxed and empty as you were before. Do you feel yourself relaxing again?" Nod. "Very good. Now. . . " there is a moment's hesitation, and when she speaks again her voice is tinged with equal parts guilt and resolve. "Listen closely to my words now. I want you to focus on everything that just happened. You remember it, but you're not affected by it. It's almost as if you're remembering something that happened to somepony else. Can you do that?" You nod, finding yourself now surrounded by the sounds and images of the past few moments. It's an odd feeling, for although you know that the experience is yours, it feels as though you're watching a movie filmed from someone else's perspective. She sighs. "Good. Now I want you to imagine that those memories are all pages in a book. Just imagine that book in front of you now, that book that contains every memory of what happened between now and the last time I put you to sleep. Can you see that book in front of you?" Sure enough, as she speaks, all of the images and sounds coalesce into a blue, slightly spectral looking hardback which rotates weightlessly in the darkness. Cheerilee's instructions fulfilled, you nod again. "Good job. Now, just below that book, I want you to imagine a fire. Can you see the fire? Can you feel it's heat? You can indeed, and you nod as a roaring campfire blazes into existence, crackling heartily beneath the tome of your recent memories. "Good. Now, take a good look and the book, and realize that you don't really like it." You're somewhat aware of the regret in every word, but whatever's causing it isn't enough to slow her down. "The book contains a lot of confusing and negative thoughts and feelings, doesn't it? Getting rid of it would make you feel a lot better than you do now. Do you want to get rid of all that doubt and confusion?" Hesitant nod. "Good. Then let that book just fall into the fire. Let all of those bad memories burn away until there's nothing left. No doubt, no fear, no confusion. Just let them fade forever as the book burns." For the briefest of moments, you hesitate, somewhat aware that if the memories burn, you will never get them back. However, you also agree with Cheerilee's words. The contents of the book are something that you honestly don't want to remember. With that thought, you watch as the book slowly descends into the fire, the flames licking along the cover before finally catching. It takes less than thirty seconds for the book to be reduced to smouldering ashes, and you feel strangely lighter and more comfortable than you did a few moments ago. You aren't really sure what's changed, but whatever it is, it feels as though it's been for the better. "Is the book gone?" comes Cheerilee's voice seriously, and you nod, the ghost of a smile almost managing to raise the stone-heavy corners of your mouth. You hear her sigh with relief, before murmuring "Wonderful," in your ear. "Now, we have one last thing to work on before you can start waking up. I want you to think of the ponies you know. Especially the mares. Can you focus on the mares you've seen and met?" Nod. "Good job. Now, have you ever found any of us attractive? Have you ever thought of maybe going out with one?" Shake. "That changes now. From now on, when you look at or think of a mare, it won't feel any different from when you used to look at or think of girls back in your old world. You may not know right away, but as time goes on you'll decide what you find appealing in a mare, and soon it'll feel as though it's always been that way. You may even want to ask some of your friends who like mares to see what they find attractive. Also, since you'll now find them attractive, once you decide you like one you should consider asking her out. Wanting a companion in life is natural and healthy. Do you understand all of that?" You pause for a bit, digesting Cheerilee's words, internalizing them. Nod. "Repeat after me, and feel each phrase becoming true as you speak it. You find mares just as attractive as you found girls back home.'" "I find mares just as attractive as I found girls back home." "You are open to dating and relationships with mares." "I am open to dating and relationships with mares." "Once you leave, you'll begin deciding what qualities you find attractive in a mare." "Once I leave, I'll begin deciding what qualities I find attractive in a mare." "Wonderful. You've done so well, and now it's time to begin waking up. Remember, even after you're awake, physical contact with ponies no longer bothers you. It's pleasant and it makes you feel comfortable. You find mares attractive, and you'd be alright with dating one. Do you understand?" Nod. "Very good. Now, in a moment, I'm going to start counting up from one to twenty. With every number I count up, you'll feel yourself becoming more awake and aware. With every number I count, you'll feel your body growing lighter and more energized. Most importantly, with every number I count, you'll feel all memory of being hypnotized fading away. All the changes we've made will stay with you, but by the time I reach twenty, you won't remember any of this. You'll just wake up, feeling relaxed and refreshed, no memory of what happened since you started talking about, um. . . Hawaii. Do you understand?" Nod. "Good. One. Two. Three." You feel the blanket of heavy nothing beginning to rise from your limbs. "Four. Five. Six. Seven." You feel everything that's just happened fading against a rising light in your mind. "Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven." You become aware of the couch beneath you, and the smell of paper and wood that suggests a classroom. "Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen." You're wondering what's going on as you flex stiff, tingling fingers. "Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen." Your eyes open slightly, and you blearily take in the inside of the schoolhouse. "Nineteen." The last shadow of memory is driven away by the light of consciousness. "Twenty." You blink sleepily, wondering what the hell is going on. Why do I feel so stiff and groggy. . . you wonder fuzzily. Did I conk out? How long have I been sleeping? "Well, look who's finally awake." You turn toward Cheerilee's voice, feeling both guilty that you passed out during your guys' hangout time and curious as to how long it's been and why she didn't wake you. However, all you manage to get out is, "Hey Cheers, how long was-" before you actually see her, and the rest of the question dies on your lips. In front of you, you see the same old Cheerilee that's been your best friend for the past several months, but that isn't all you see. You can't really place why, but some some reason she's looking awfully. . . appealing? You shake your head vigorously. Did I just think of a pony as hot? Damn, am I just super out of it or what? As you do your best to sort out the confusing signals your brain is sending you, Cheerilee says, "How long were you what? Asleep? Eh, probably an hour. We were talking about someplace called Hawaii, and you just drifted off. I thought about waking you up, but we didn't have any work left, and you looked so peaceful that I couldn't bring myself to wake you up." She smirks "You're lucky I didn't have a camera though." You frown. The fact that Cheerilee is suddenly attractive is certainly distracting, but not quite distracting enough to keep you from noticing that both her smirk and her mischievous tone seem a bit forced. It looks like she's just washed her face, so you don't see any tear-marks in her coat, but there is just a little redness in her eyes. Pretty eyes like that shouldn't- HEY! You knock that off brain. We have other things to deal with right now. "Um," you stammer, "sorry I fell asleep on you. I didn't really think I was that tired." She waves a dismissive hoof. "Oh, don't worry about it. If I had a bit for every time a student has fallen asleep in class, I could probably afford to pay you for your help." "Hey, we've already discussed that. You pay me in knowledge and generally a good time." You offer her a small smile. "Fair trade." You can't help but notice that the smile she returns looks more than a little strained. An awkward silence follows, your grin slowly fading until you finally ask, "Hey, are you okay? Did something happen while I was asleep?" Her smile falters, and she looks down guiltily for a moment before muttering, "Well. . ." Seeing her likes this arouses both your curiosity and a very confusing urge to give her a hug, but you force yourself to ignore both and let her continue. "You were saying things in your sleep. You must have been dreaming, and I. . ." She drifts off, her cheeks darkening ever so slightly in what you've come to know is a blush. "You know what, forget it." She turns away from you, and the "I don't think I can do that," you were about to say never makes it out. Damn. . . Has her butt always looked this grea- SHUT THE HELL UP LIBIDO! I don't have time to deal with your sudden change of heart. You shake your head, violently this time, before walking over to Cheerilee, running a very-okay-with-this hand through her mane and gently saying, "Tell me." She looks up at you, looking very guilty, and murmurs, "I. . ." She clears her throat. "I should have woken you." "Maybe," you say seriously, "but you didn't, and now I'm going crazy worrying about what I said in my sleep." You crouch down to her eye level, pushing down another thought about how pretty her eyes are, and ask, "Did I say something that was scary or hurtful? What was it, Cheerilee?" She shakes her head, wearing a smile that didn't quite make it, and replies, "No, nothing like that. You were. . . well, you were talking to me. In your dream, I mean," she quickly adds. "You were talking to me a lot and it, um, well, it sounded like we were together." You raise a questioning eyebrow, to which she responds by frowning hard and saying. "You know, as in together, together." "Oh. . ." you manage to mutter, a blush now coloring your own cheeks. "That must have been embarrassing." You think about your new-found attraction to Cheerilee, and a sudden, mortifying idea comes to mind. "We didn't, uh. . ." you can feel your blush creeping up the back of your neck. "I mean, we weren't-" Catching your drift, Cheerilee quickly shakes her head, exclaiming, "No, no! Nothing like that. I'm not sure what we were apparently doing, but it wasn't that. We were just. . . together." She sighs. "As far as embarrassing though, no." She looks up at you squarely. "If I'm being honest, the word that comes to mind is teasing." Did I just hear that right? "What do you mean?" She rubs a hoof against her forehead. "Do I really have to spell it out?" She takes a steadying breath, looking both frustrated and nervous, before squaring her shoulders and saying, "May I take you out for a picnic sometime?" You open your mouth to refuse, only to freeze as you realize that the idea actually sounds pretty nice. I mean, what’s the harm in- Okay, full stop, you think. I'm not attracted to ponies. I'm not even okay with touching ponies. I know this. So why is it that I'm suddenly okay with mane brushing and Cheerilee asking me out? You bring a thoughtful hand to your chin. Has this always been here? I mean, if I hadn't burned out on pony touches in the beginning, is this how I'd be? If so, then what the hell's changed? There's no way to be sure, but you already have to admit that this okayness is nicer than constant, mild worry that some pony is gonna graze you. A "well?" interrupts your thoughts, and you realize that you haven't given Cheerilee an answer. Her expression has turned extremely worried, and you can see her weight shifting as she fidgets in place. Well, you tell yourself, you have three seconds to think of a reason not to. If not, then you're throwing caution to the wind and figuring out what all this means later. One, two, and- "Actually, Cheerilee," you say brightly, "that sounds really nice. When were you thinking?" Cheerilee's face lights up like you've never seen it before, and you swear you can hear that rare, pony-smile sound that no one else but Pinkie Pie ever seems to notice. "Does this evening work for you?" she asks, and you're surprised she's not shaking from the excitement in her voice. "Maybe we could watch the sunset?" "Sounds wonderful Cheerilee," you say with a smile. You look out the window, and continue, "If we wanna catch the sunset though, we should probably go get ready now." You turn back to her, both of you now smiling brilliantly. "I'll bring the blankets?" "Perfect," she murmurs, looking around the classroom with that dull-work-can't-bring-me-down kind of grin on her face. "I'll finish cleaning up here, and meet you at your place." You open your mouth to offer to help her clean, but she cuts you off. "Don't worry about the classroom, it'll only take a minute and your house is a long way. Besides," she says, her grin growing even bigger, "I have some personal celebrating to do." "Speaking of which, I have to ask," you say, reaching out a hand to scratch her ear. She closes her eyes, sighing happily as she tilts into your hand. "How long have you wanted to ask me that?" Her eyes open halfway-Damn, that's a pretty sexy loo-SHUT UP, DAMN YOU!-and she looks at you playfully before murmuring, "I'll tell you tonight." Oh jeez, confusingly sexy pony, must go now. You manage to give a chuckle as you rise back to your feet and say, "Well then, I guess that's my cue to skadoo." You start toward the door, flashing a grin as you say, "I'll see you in a bit, Cheers." She returns the grin with enthusiasm, shooting back with, "Looking forward to it, Fingers." You make it to the door, and just before you're about to leave, you turn and say, "Oh, and Cheerilee." She looks up at you expectantly, and you reply with a completely un-hammy wink, "I really like your mane." As you disappear around the doorframe, you don't notice the sudden guilt in Cheerilee's eyes, or the pained, twisted grimace that appears on her muzzle. You make your way out of the schoolhouse, still confused about your sudden lack of scruples where the ponies are concerned, but more excited that you're going on a date with one and that it doesn't bother you. As you stride toward the road, you notice Applejack heading your way, halfway hidden by the fence and brush that border the school grounds. You give her a hearty wave, which she returns, calling out, "Howdy partner!" How's the day treatin' ya?" "Hey there AJ!" you shout back. "I'm-" the sentence dies on your lips as Applejack comes into full view. Suddenly, you're met with a vision of Applejack, Stetson gone and mane and tail unbound, flowing freely in the wind of a thunderstorm. Your jaw drops as you think to yourself, That hair, so soft and shiny in spite of all the work she does, those eyes, kind and honest and bright as emeralds, that flank, GAH, by Sun Pony, Moon Pony, and that weird Q wannabe, that- SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! "Uh, partner? You alright there?" It takes you a second to realize that you've been staring open-mouthed at Applejack long enough for her to come right up to you. She looks up at you with concern and more than a little confusion, and you scramble to come up with a suitable response to her question. Eventually. . . *SMACK* The sound of you slapping yourself echoes in the afternoon air. Applejack recoils, now looking utterly baffled, as you shake your head a few times, put on a smile, and murmur, "I think I will be, Applejack. Today's a very strange day, but I think it's for the better." You give her a nod and a pat on the head before saying, "Sorry to be rude, but I gotta get going. I'll see you around AJ." You start back toward the road, hearing Applejack mutter, "Must be a human thing," under her breath as she follows. Reaching the road, the two of you part ways, AJ still looking confused as you begin the long walk back home. Well, you think to yourself, depending on who I run into, this might be a very awkward walk. You smile, realizing that while that may be true, you're surprisingly okay with it. Today, outta the blue, pony touch is okay, ponies are hot, and I have a date with one. You chuckle quietly to yourself, a new spring entering your step. No idea where this all came from, but hey, you gotta admit, the future sure looks interesting.