//------------------------------//
// Things are about to get heavy and metal. 
// Story: Destination: Thataway! 
// by Hawattie 
//------------------------------//

	Whoever said to 'expect the unexpected' is absolute rubbish at giving advice. I knocked on Ner'Ghalad's door expecting to either have it blow up in my face, to have something detrimental to my health dropped on my head from above, or to be invited in for tea. None of these things happened.
I was disappointed when nothing but the loud, hollow sound of hoof striking wood followed my knocks. We waited patiently for something to happen for a full thirty seconds.
"Maybe we should knock again?" Aquapony suggested eventually. I knocked again with the same results. I glanced back to my companions. Aquapony shrugged and made a gesture like I should try a third time, Fphant had his "you're a moron" look going full blast, and the Courier looked disinterested yet had a hand resting on one of his guns in case he needed to act.
I shrugged, maybe Aquapony was right, no harm in trying at least, right? "Third time's the charm," I muttered. 
I had just raised my hoof to knock again when the door burst open, violently propelling me head-over-hooves to the dirt. Two gunshots sounded out immediately as the Courier reacted to the situation followed swiftly by the sound of two bullets clanging off of thick metal plating. A swooshing sound, like that of some heavy object being swung through the air, reached my ears as I picked myself up from my impromptu landing pad.
After carefully brushing the dirt from my coat and straightening a few errant hairs I assessed the situation. The Courier was busy dodging blows from a hulking suit of bipedal metal armor wielding a massive, spiked mace. Every couple seconds he'd get a shot or two off, but the bullets didn't even scratch the armor's surface. Fphant and Aquapony were having their plots handed to them by a couple of skeletons, though to be fair I think the skeletons had a bit of an advantage, being invisible and all.
And that left me to deal with the swarm of zombified protestors wielding rotted picket signs and grunting slurred rallying cries. "Down with bubbles, up with air!" one grumbled as it swung a sign bearing the same slogan at my head. The rotten wood of the zombie's makeshift weapon splintered apart upon contact with my skull, leaving the confused zombie holding nothing but a moldy handle in its mouth. Several other zombies assaulted me with their own signs -"Krusty Krab Unfair" and "Outlaw Bowling!" stood out to me from the crowd- with similar results. One or two zombies continued ineffectually swinging their broken handles at me, but most realized the futility of their actions and backed off into a huddle.
"He's immune to the powers of civil disobedience!" one of the least decrepit protestors moaned. "Our semi-peaceful entreaties won't make the man change his mind! We need to fall back and organize a different protest."
"March on Capitol?" a zombie that looked like it'd been dead and rotting for the better part of fifty years suggested.
The first zombie clopped its hooves together in glee, causing one of them to fall off. It didn't seem to mind and just picked the limb back up and stuck it in its place. "Excellent idea, Theodore!" it shouted. And with that all of the zombies wandered off into the woods.
During my "fight" with the zombie protesters Fphant and Aquapony somehow managed to deal with the invisible skeletons. I've no idea how they accomplished that with such a severe disadvantage. My guess is that it involved lots of flailing around wildly like a drunkard fighting a pint-sized pink pachyderm with a broken broom handle.
The three of them were tag-teaming the armored figure, darting in to attack while it attacked someone else. Just as I started to watch, Aquapony managed to strike a solid blow to the back of the armor's knee, dropping it to one knee with a loud hollow clang. Seizing the advantage, all three of them moved in at once.
"Enough!" the armor yelled in a surprisingly calm, and very deep, voice. Moving faster than I believed was physically possible, the armored simultaneously charged its giant spikey mace with a crackling blue energy and cast a spell towards my teammates in front of him. To my considerable surprise, and my friends' considerable dismay, not one but three identical weapons erupted from the ground viciously striking all three attackers in the face. "Now you will face the might of the Shadow Isles!" the armored man roared. The ground shuddered as the armored man took a slow step towards my shaken friends. He hefted his still-glowing mace over his shoulder in preparation to strike.
The hammer dropped, rocketing towards Aquapony -the only one to actually land a solid blow on the armored man- and struck him square on the forehead, squishing it to a pulp, while at the same time the armored man cast some sort of necromantic reanimation spell at my doomed friend...
Or at least it would have if I hadn't intervened. Instead of striking my defenseless friend and probably killing him before reanimating his disembodied spirit to fight under the armored man's thrall, the mace and the magic slammed straight into my chest. An explosion of pain seared through my body. I felt my bones snap and my internal organs tear under the strain. My magical healing swiftly repaired the damage, but before I was back to full health the pain rocked back through me, tearing my insides further. I growled in annoyance; the jerk hit me with a DOT!
I was so annoyed by the armored man's underhanded tactics that I failed to notice the gigantic mace zipping through the air towards me yet again. The over-large weapon caught me in my shoulder, lifting me from my hooves and slamming me down into the dirt. Another lance of pain rocked through me. I coughed twice, tasting blood in my mouth.
I stood up shakily, my hooves felt like they were made of sand. "You are tenacious," the armored man said, "I'll give you that. I can see why Ner'Ghalad would go to such great lengths as to summon me, Mordekaiser, the Master of Metal, to kill you." I tried to spit defiantly but nearly collapsed and instead vomited blood all over the ground as another lance of pain rocked through me.
The ground shuddered as Mordekaiser took an echoing step towards me. "But your journey is now at an end," he said, voice heavy with finality. The pain shot through me again, and this time I didn't have the strength to stay standing. I collapsed to my knees, barely able to keep my head up to watch my approaching doom.
Mordekaiser, after taking nearly an eternity to close the distance between us, raised his mace one final time. I swear, I heard him chuckle before swinging that gigantic sucker down and squishing my head like a grape...
Or at least he would have if my friends hadn't intervened. Instead of striking my defenseless, prone form and probably killing me before reanimating my disembodies spirit to fight under the armored man's thrall, a powerful explosion -which I recognized as having come from the Courier's biggest gun- blew the mace right out of Mordekaiser's hand, sending it spinning to the ground a dozen yards away.
Aquapony helped me to my feet just as the last -and worst- bit of pain shot through me. I would've collapsed again if not for the support of my friend. I noticed Fphant was sitting casually on the fallen mace, ready to intervene should Mordekaiser attempt to retrieve it.
A second explosion caught Mordekaiser in the knee, right where Aquapony had bucked him before. Like earlier, the dead leg dropped the dead man to his knees.
With an angry fire in his eyes Mordekaiser raised both hands up to cast some sort of spell, but stopped cold at the sight of the Courier's big gun pressed right between his eye sockets. "Go ahead," the Courier quipped. "Make my day."
Two tense seconds passed where the metal man deliberated if he could survive an exploding bullet to the inside of his helmet. "I surrender," he said. The half-formed spells flickering around his hands fizzled out.
"Good!" I strode cockily up to him, already at almost perfect health due to my insane magical healing. I think that if he had one, Mordekaiser's jaw would've dropped when he saw my miraculous recovery. "Now you're going to tell us the way to get inside Ner's fortress that won't set off the myriad and deadly traps he undoubtedly has waiting for us."
Man, I really wish I could've see Mordekaiser's expression underneath that helmet, because I bet it was priceless. Ah well, I guess I'll just have to content myself with the "you're a moron" look the Courier shot at me, the bemused look Fphant had while watching the exchange, and the look of utter and complete confusion adorning Aquapony's features.
"I... How did you...?" Mordekaiser stammered. I raised a single eyebrow and crossed my arms impatiently. He sighed in confused defeat and pointed towards a formation of stone bricks three feet to the left of the main entrance which looked remarkably like a magically concealed door. "It's thatahue."