Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Twlight's Kingdom
Dear Meghan,
You are such a filthy liar.
That's why I love you. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Sincerely,
Flash Sentry
Dear Princess Celestia,
So... You kinda just wear your crown to bed? You don't think that's a little weird?
Sincerely,
Princess Twilight
Dear Princess Twilight,
Let me see if I can recall the last time you didn't wear your crown to bed.
Oh, right... That.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Dear Discord,
Give me back by scooter. Now. I'd hate to have to sic some pets on you.
Sincerely,
Blythe Baxter
“I can't believe this. This is fucking horseshit. We're supposed to be Celestia's lackeys for when she can't take care of something herself. Now she's sending Discord?” Twilight complained as they approached the Castle of the Two Sisters.
“Well, maybe the Hornjob Rapist is a bigger threat than we realize.”
“Or she doesn't want me getting any. Fucking bitch. Now Discord gets all the action.”
“Oh Twilight, little do you know I don't need anything on the side. I'm already getting plenty.”
They looked up to see Discord descend from the sky above with an umbrella.
“Fuck off, Discord. Don't you have some of my glory to steal?”
“Why yes. I've actually been reviewing the final draft of my plan of action right now.” Discord claimed, snapping his fingers, making a stack of papers materialize out of thin air.
Twilight was having none of it.
“Fuck it. I'm sure this final draft sucks.”
“Oh, I'm not so sure about that. I've been working on it since April.”
“Then April sucks too.”
Discord bent down and embraced them all, winking them down to the Tree of Harmony.
“Oh come now. You guys actually get to take it easy for a bit. Maybe you can figure out a way to open this chest that's been neglected for so long. Well, anyways, good luck. I'm off to deal with Tirek, and then I have to return this scooter. Belongs to some girl in Downtown City.”
Dear Ponyville,
Don't worry. We're alive.
We were in the Love Cave when the library blew up. Not a scratch on us.
Sincerely,
Chysalis and Flufflepuff
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Congratulations. You're the new me.
Sincerely,
Freakazoid
Dear Rarity,
I've already got the twin tails thing down. Get your own thing. Maybe you could try, oh I don't know, being generous more often.
Sincerely,
Miles 'Tails' Prower
Dear Twilight,
So let me get this straight. JUST to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.
You had my alicorn magic; the ability to make anypony fall in love... And you still didn't get any?
I'm not sure if you're expecting a magical floating cock to just follow you around everywhere someday, but you are seriously, no, hilariously, pathetic. At least put some fucking effort into it.
Sincerely,
Princess Cadance
Dear Cerberus,
You fuck up again, and we're taking a trip to the vet. Are we not clear?
Sincerely,
Princess Luna
Dear Discord,
For betraying us, and making me cry, you are sleeping on the couch until further notice.
Leave the toys on the night stand.
Sincerely,
Fluttershy
Dear Canterlot Flourists,
Yes, I'd like to order a bouquet.
Sincerely,
Discord
Dear Princess Celestia,
Well, maybe things have a way of evening themselves out after all. When the library got blown to smithereens, we thought we were home free. But when we saw that fucking castle come up out of the ground, we were all prepared to pack our things and move away.
But then we saw the thrones. It just goes to prove a valuable life lesson.
If you know a bigoted bitch with some power and influence, do everything in your power to tolerate them. You may end up sharing some of that power.
We can't help but wonder if that's what Cadance and Luna did with you.
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Spike