OPENING SHOT: SPIKE, sitting in library, reading a book. Looks up startled as disembodied voices begin to sing.
VOICES: Spike, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
SPIKE: I what?
VOICES: Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Spike,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and a seven speeded bike, oh
SPIKE: Uh… no, no he didn't! Cause I never met the guy! And also I don't even like strings or sealing wax… though I wouldn't mind a bike.
VOICES: Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Spike's gigantic tail
SPIKE: Um, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but… are you high?
VOICES: Noble kings and princes would bow whenever they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when Spike roared out his name. oh!
SPIKE: Ok, very funny, whoever is behind this prank… ha ha, but it's getting old now.
VOICES: Spike, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
SPIKE: You said that already… still not true.
VOICES: A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys
SPIKE: What's a little boy anyway? For that matter who are you? Twilight, is this some weird spell of yours gone wrong?
VOICES: One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Spike that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.
SPIKE: Hello… I'm still a kid here…
VOICES: His head was bent in sorrow, purple scales fell like rain,
Spike no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
SPIKE: Oh my Celestia that's depressing. Hey, if you're going to sing a song about me in the future or something, could you maybe sing it about me being a big hero, not getting all depressed because some friend of mine died? Also, what is a boy?
VOICES: Without his life-long friend, Spike could not be brave,
So Spike that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. oh!
SPIKE: You are depressing me.
VOICES: Spike, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
SPIKE: Wait, what? First I'm all depressed because my friend died and then I'm frolicking again? What, am I supposed to go senile or something?
VOICES: Spike, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
SPIKE: It's Equestria! And I don't live anywhere near the sea! I never even heard of this Honah Lee place!
VOICES: Spike, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
SPIKE: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!
SPIKE fires a burst of flame at nothing in particular.
ENTER DR. TRAN, a small human male with very narrow eyes, dark hair and golden tan skin, wearing a green sweater.
DR. TRAN: I see the voices get you too? They never stop bothering me. Even when I go with my friend Leland's crazy grandma to Toy Store, stupid voices still tell me about future like it's happening right now. I going to be completely insane!
SPIKE: Who are you?
NEW VOICE: He's Dr Tran! America's top secret agent! He has a Ph. D. in kicking your ass!
DR. TRAN: I a five year old boy from Vietnam. Don't listen to stupid voices, they liars.
SPIKE: So you're a boy?
DR. TRAN: Uh-huh.
SPIKE: Do you know a boy named Jackie Paper?
DR. TRAN (sighs) You listening to voices! Never do that! They make you insane!
VOICES: Little Dr. Tran loved that rascal Spike,
And brought him gems and other things and maybe finally that bike
DR. TRAN: I do not! I just met him!
SPIKE: Do you actually have a bike? Or gems?
DR. TRAN: NO!
SPIKE: Well, excuse me for asking.
fwwwt