//------------------------------//
// Rejoice 
// Story: Hexed Lives 
// by Awesomedude17 
//------------------------------//


Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co


I require your assistance in Canterlot immediately, this is a matter of national security and global safety.

Bring your friends, they will be needed as well.

~Faustspeed, Celestia.

Sending the letter on a wisp of white smoke, the white alicorn looked outside to see what damage Discord had already done.

So far, he’d turned the sky green, changed the ground to a checker pattern, converted the clouds to cotton-candy clumps that rained chocolate milk, and just generally was a nuisance.

Then came the moral question, oh how she hated the moral question.

Is he really evil? I mean, so far he’s just being kind of… an annoyance, but surely something so chaotic cannot truly be good, right?

Right?

Well, I mean, maybe there’s another side to this?

His side, yes, but it’s still a legitimate side.

Is he really doing anything besides just having some fun?

Like I said, at worst he’s causing civil unrest, at best he’s stimulating problem-solving minds.

Shit, am I really considering letting him go?

No, no matter how not-bad he might seem, he’s still not good, and that just won’t fly here.

Celestia looked out into the distance, wishing that she knew where those supposed Elements of Chaos were.

It would take a miracle for her to convince them to not side with Discord.





Harry looked around, and saw that this was not Germany at all. He looked at his amulet, which suddenly had transformed into a chocolate medallion. A new note was there too.

Sorry 4 trickin’ u... LOL, not!
~Q, aka Dissy
P.S. Ur a butt.
P.S.S. U have very messy hair, dat’s y ur name is Harry.
P.S.S.S. I like applesauce.

“Oh, son of a mother...GRRR!!!” 

Harry sighed, and muttered ‘Lumos’. 

His wand lit up and illuminated the forest. It was dense, and almost jungle-like in its dankness and humidity.

“Great, bloody great.” It was like English weather, but warm instead of cold.

Harry wandered around, hoping to find some sort of civilization.

A light in the distance caught his eye, and using a smaller spell, one that didn’t even need words, his vision zoomed in, seeing the light to be a fire.

Running to the fire, hoping that it wasn’t a wildfire, the wizard prepared to cast a water spell, when suddenly he saw the source.

It was a torch, being held by a malnourished looking man with a crazy hair-do.

“...Please don’t be hostile.” Wilson whispered as he turned to the sound of the footsteps, seeing Harry standing there.

The wizard froze, he’d been caught using magic, possibly by a muggle.

Being caught using magic by a muggle was grounds for immediate execution, either of the wizard or the muggle, it was random which one was picked, although considering that Harry was the Head Auror, that meant the muggle was to be killed.

“Hello? Are you hostile?” Wilson didn’t know if asking would help, but he brought the crackling flame of his torch closer.

Harry was brought back to reality, and had to think.

“Uhh... no...” Harry stopped using his wand and made a small *click* nouse, hoping to pass it off as a flashlight of some kind.

“Okay, good, I can’t deal with another hostile, come on, I know how to get out of here.” Wilson’s sanity meter was on its last few points.

The darkness was just too much.

5...4...3...2...1...

He swung his torch at a nearby tree, setting it alight.

“Why are you doing that!” Harry looked at the fire, trying to think up a non-magical way of putting it out.

“It’s fine, just don’t touch it.” Wilson didn’t seem to be affected by the gratuitous amounts of smoke and ash in the air.

“Have you lost your mind!?”

“Yes, just twenty seconds ago, chap, do you have a green mushroom?” 

“What, NO!” Harry wasn’t having this and went up to the apparent sociopath.

“Green mushrooms… or a piece of taffy?” 

Harry raised an eyebrow. He was sure that he had a piece of treacle-flavored taffy in his pocket.

“Here.” Harry handed Wilson the piece of taffy, who took it with glee.

Smiling, the insane scientist chomped it up effortlessly, feeling the torn chunks of his mind mend themselves into a form of sanity.

“Okay… wait… the forest is on fire.” Wilson noted.

“Of course it is, you lit it on fire!” Harry yelled.

Wilson put away his torch and grabbed at the wizard’s wand, feeling like he could fix this with the right words.

Oh hell. Harry thought. He was caught.

“RAIN!” Nothing happened, “RAINSTORM!” Still nothing, “PLEASE MAKE WATER!” Nope “THE FOREST IS ON FIRE, PLEASE HELP!” Nadda.

Harry would have loved to watch this poor sap try to make spells by asking kindly with muggle words, but the smoke was getting to him, his vision was getting hazy from the smoke and his lungs stung from the ash.

Harry grabbed the wand and began the spell needed.

“Aqua Eructo!” He chanted, sending a burst of water at the roaring flames.

The trees fizzled, but would obviously need something more powerful to extinguish them fully.

Harry increased the stream power, hoping that that would be enough to extinguish the flames.

“It’s not enough, captain, you’ll need something to just… eat the flames, if only I had my frost staff.” Wilson said, not wanting to die in a forest fire.

Harry merely deadpanned.

“You are not bloody serious, are you?”

“Something really big could crash and stamp out those flames, it’s just a solid-fuel fire anyways.” 

Harry needed to think of something.

Wilson moved his hands in vaguely magical motions, “Spirits of the forest, get off your arses and protect yourselves.” 

Harry had to think, he brought his wand upwards and sprayed the air with water, then did a different motion.

“Expulso!” Harry sent a explosion curse at the blob of water in the air, creating an explosion that created a pseudo-rainfall spell.

The gambit did the job well enough, the fire had died out enough to be able to be stomped out, which Harry did. Once the fire and embers were gone, Harry turned towards the less-than-sane scientist.

“So, I think, latin, it’s definitely latin, let’s see.” Wilson grabbed the wand again and said a few words, “Mentis Episkey.” sure enough, it worked, a small ball of light sailed out of the tip of the wand and into Wilson’s head, restoring a few dozen sanity points.

Harry however had some relief, although it was disconcerting to see a wizard adult with almost no magic experience whatsoever.

“Give me that.” Harry said, taking back his wand. “It’s my wand, you can’t just take these things without asking.”

“Sorry, so… I’m Wilson, professional scientist.”

‘Okay’ Harry thought, ‘Something is very wrong here.’ No way would a wizard be a scientist, it was like water trying to fuel a fire.

And as he’d just demonstrated, it was impossible.

He might have been one of those few wizards who escaped the council's close watch however.

“Okay... I am Harry, Harry Potter. I’m a Auror.”

“I forget what my last name is.” Wilson thought hard, but the memory had been drowned by cycles of insanity and restoration over the course of over a year of living in Maxworld.

“How long have you been lost here?”

“About… judging from the sun, I have no idea, but it feels like it couldn’t have been more than… oh wait, it was dawn when I was sent here, now it’s almost noon… hmm.” 

“So, about 8 hours... Where else have you been to to forget your last name, Wilson?”

“Oh, this place called… well I just call it Maxworld, it drove me crazy on countless occasions, but I got better most of the time, left me battle-hardened and an expert in applied sciences.” Wilson smiled, scratching his face.

Wait, when was the last time he’d shaved?

He had a mountain-man length beard, and it practically covered the whole front of his torso.

“Hhh... Makes sense.” Harry sent his wand upwards and cast the periculum spell to send bright flares up to the sky.

“We might want to stay still, help might be on the way.”

“Okay then, I trust you, mister Potter.” the short scientist assured, giving Harry a pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you Wilson, I just hope the first person who finds us isn’t hostile.”





Ezio looked out at the horizon from on top of a tree.

He saw red sparks flying out from a source in the distance, and figured that whatever it was, it couldn’t be more than he could handle.

Parkouring down from his tree, the master assassin ran along the tree branches, feeling light and swift on his feet.

Meanwhile, Link, who had just found himself in a strange new world, saw the flares as well, and assumed that something hostile was at that location.

He began to march on, sword sheathed, but ready to be drawn in case of battle.

Ezio jumped from tree to tree, keeping off the ground effortlessly, if he could keep this up, he’d be at the flare’s location in no time.

However, one jump was much further than he anticipated, and he landed in the middle of a clearing, doing a quick roll to avoid falling damage.

Link noticed the assassin fall into the clearing that he’d just stepped into, and assuming that he was not friendly, performed the Mortal Draw, unsheathing the Master sword, striking at the same time. The attack was blocked by the man, who grabbed Link by the arms, and threw him back into a tree.

Ezio decided to keep his hidden blades in their casings for the time being, not wanting to seem too hostile to this heavier-set man with the big fancy sword who’d just attacked for no reason.

Link got up and glared at the man, thinking he was a thief who was trying to steal his rupees, and pointed his sword at him in an attempt to intimidate him.

“Merda, if you praise Jesus, say so now.” the green-clad swordsman didn’t seem like a Templar, but if he was, then the fight would be on.

Link twirled his blade. He didn’t know who ‘Jesus’ was, but he knew that if he was trying to play god, then he’d have to answer to the goddesses of Hyrule: Farore, Din and Nayru. He entered a battle-ready stance and prepared to fight.

“So I’m guessing that’s a no?” Ezio still held his hands up in defense, ready to counter any attack.

Link noted that Ezio wasn’t trying to attack, so he slowly moved around the assassin, ready to strike if he tried anything.

“Yeah, that’s a no then.” Ezio concluded, turning slowly.

Link saw the crossbow on Ezio’s back, and noticed that the man’s hand was just inches from grabbing it, so he quickly did a pair of side-rolls followed by a Back Slice.

Or at least, it would have been, but Ezio, in a display of great agility and core strength, did a standing backflip and landed on his hands on the blade of the Master sword, flipping his feet onto Link’s shoulders and vaulting off to land behind him.

Link turned quickly to the assassin, jumped forward and prepared to strike him, yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Not very professional, amico” Ezio lectured, backing away from the slashes with ease.

Link backed away, noting his agility, and took out a clawshot to take him to the treetops, leaving Ezio confused momentarily.

“I do not wish to fight you, brother, but if you persist, I will be forced to draw my blade and strike with deadly force.” Ezio warned, preparing to unsheath his hidden blades.

Link heard the warning well enough, dropped down from the treetop, looked at the assassin. He stepped forward, twirled his sword twice, right before bringing the blade behind him to twirl three more times, right before sheathing the sword.

“Alright, nice to see that we can solve this conflict in a civil manner, I am……” Ezio stayed quiet for several seconds, unsure of what to say, “I am…” what could he say? “I am… Connor, Connor Kenway.”

“...” Link nodded at this name, but did not speak himself.

“What’s wrong friend? Cat got your tongue?” Ezio asked with a small laugh.

Link scoffed. While he could speak, his voice wasn’t exactly the most understandable of voices, as it was very deep-pitched and quiet. Besides, he prefered to stay silent.

“I see, big shot man too good to talk to a little master assassin like me, I understand, not many people speak around me.” Ezio’s eyes widened and he backed away as he realized his mistake.

Link grabbed his sword, but did not draw. He had just heard assassin, and assumed the worst. He glared at Connor.

“Listen, I am agile, you are strong, we are… equal if put into a more arithmetic value, I am a scholar, amico, you are… an elf.” Ezio finally noticed the pointed ears Link bore.

Link let loose a guttural growl. He hated to be called an elf, it was insulting, and it was not pleasing to be reminded that he was shorter than most people.

Then he noticed that, despite this comment, he was actually a good bit taller than Connor, if he was an elf, what was this man? This made Link smirk as he walked over to Connor and put his hand on top of his own head, sliding it over the assassin’s head, showing that he was, indeed, a good few inches taller.

“Imp, maybe, or perhaps a gnome?” Link muttered, barely audible.

“Ah, so the big man can speak?” Ezio heard him clearly, his enhanced hearing picking up the words with ease.

Link nodded, clearly trying not to laugh. “My name is Link, Connor.”

“Nice name, strong, like the chain that protects the harbor, well Sir Elf of the Woods, I think we should make our way to that sky-fire thing.” The gray-clad young man turned and started off, leading the way.

Link looked to the flares and nodded, and followed the Assassin.





“System check, suit power readings at 87%, activating sight modules.” Cortana 2.0 informed, turning the visor on.

“So, there’s a hot chick in that suit?” Deadpool asked as he looked over John.

‘Dude, that’s so awesome!’

‘Hella awesome indeed.’

“I am a man.” John informed, standing up.

“So wait, the chick’s a program, well then, I’d like to upload myself up in there, if you know what I mean. Eh, eh?”

“That remark was not amusing.” Both Cortana 2.0 and John said at the same time as the latter stood up and the former projected her hologram.

Deadpool immediately noticed how the green metal guy towered over him.

“Huh, you’re kinda like Cable. Are you Cable from an alternate dimension?”

“I am Petty Officer Master Chief of the Navy, John-117, Spartan II, and now Spartan IV.”

‘Wha oh, Navy person.’

‘Not hot, I do not hope.’

“Spartan... OHH, do you kick people off cliffs, yelling ‘THIS IS SPARTA!!!’”

“No, I am a Spartan II, you are thinking of Spartan 0, the original Spartans from Sparta.”

“Geeze... nice counter.” Deadpool conceded.

“You are the mercenary in red, I was told that I am to be paired with you on this mission.” 

“I was told that I’d be paid.”

‘No you weren’t.’

“Shut it.” Deadpool hushed his inner voice.

“I didn’t say anything.” John felt that he was in the presence of a psychopath.

“No, not you, I was talking to someone else, am I right, you two?”

Wade, no breaking the fourth wall, not in front of Chief.

“Aww, but I’m so good at it.”

I dictate that you stop, or else I’ll… make it to where you can’t die!

“What? NO! Then I’ll never be with Lady Death, the hottest lady in Marvel!” 

Then stop it.

Besides, didn’t Thanos already do that.

“You guys are dicks.”

Cultured dicks, but still dicks all the same.

“Death, oh Lady Death, you’ve got such big boo….boots, and nice ti...timing, and a great ra… ravishing smile, also amazing knockers, and ass-breath, but I can dig it, it’s like pizza and nachos in there.” 

Master Chief watched this lunatic talk to himself, and then ramble on about Death as if she was a beautiful woman. It was clear to him that this Discord purposefully paired him up with this man to drive him insane.

Grabbing Deadpool by the head, Chief gave him a hearty squeeze.

Unfortunately, his suit acted like an extension of himself, enhancing his strength about ten-fold.

Thus, Deadpool’s head was crushed.





Death looked at her uglier-than-hell boyfriend for a few brief moments, smiling.

“Like I said, a great ra… ravishing smile.” he said, looking around the nothingness of the void.

“Hello Wade, long time no see.” Death said, genuinely enjoying Deadpool’s company.

“Death, baby, what’s up?”

“I’ve just been collecting souls like usual, got some helpers, their pretty cool.” Death pointed to a pair of men, a red-eyes-in-big-cloak boatsman and a gray-robed Jesus clone.

“Sweet, I got my head crushed by a Spartan in green armor after I took this job with this guy named Discord.”

“Sounds like an interesting afternoon.” Death said, frowning when she saw the health-red glow surrounding her companion.

Deadpool felt the telltale feeling of being pulled back into being alive.

“Farewell, my love, I shall see you soon enough.”

“As will I sweet Death. Goodbye.” Deadpool disappeared from the afterlife, and found himself waking up to a surprised Chief.





Master Chief watched as the other man’s head reformed from its crushed state.

“John, I am detecting an interference.”

“Ow... dipshit...” Deadpool muttered as he got up.

“Cortana, what’s the interference?” Chief asked, unsure of this new development.

'Hello, you kinda evicted me, asshole.' Oh great, now he had a voice in his head.

“What’s up with you?” Deadpool said as he took out a new mask to replace his blood-stained one.

‘I lost yellow box!!! And now I’m green!!!’

“SHIT!!!”

“Deadpool, explain to me what this orange box is doing in the space near my head?” The soldier demanded, aiming his gun at the mercenary.

“Hell if I know, all I know is that it was yellow.”

‘Hey, that’s... I don’t know if that’s racist.’

‘Hey green, check it out, we can still talk to each other!’ 

“Oh hell, now our minds are connected, I wish you would have stayed dead.” John could tell by the briefly visible expression on Deadpool’s face that he almost felt the same way, but the empathic look was soon replaced by an indignant one.

“Hey, this is the kind of shit that happens to me on a near daily basis. You shouldn’t have come here in the first place.” Deadpool crossed his arms and turned his back to the soldier.

“I was forced here, death is not pleasant.” 

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK, SHE’S HOT!!!” Deadpool exploded at the man.

“I do not think we are talking about the same death.” 

“Well... you’re green, like a Hulk.” Deadpool said as he poked the armor.

“Well then… I’m… offended? You’re red and black… like… a bad CO.” 

“...That’s racist, and it’s pronounced OC.” Deadpool said to turn the tables.

‘Racism card, nice.’

‘But it’s not racist, because John’s white, wait… Deadpool’s white too… I think.’

‘Stop trying to apply logic, it hurt the reader’s brains.’

‘Oh right, sorry reader, here’s a brain bandage.’

Unfortunately, the yellow-orange voice, being a voice, did not have hands, or even a physical form, with which to give you a brain bandage, so you’ll have to go get one yourself.

“How did I read that?” John asked incredulously.

“GASP!!! You have mastered the art of the fourth wall, welcome to the club! Now let’s get out of here, we’re making too much filler.” Deadpool began to walk towards the flares that had been up in the sky for about two minutes.





John knew what the fourth wall was from his english classes when he was young, a good Spartan II was not only physically tough, but mentally strong.

With a more forceful ambition, John grabbed Deadpool’s hand and conjured forth the power of scene transitions.





Harry heard a heavy thudding noise, and Wilson immediately turned from his stick carving to look out into the dark forest.

A chainsaw then revved up, and a tree was cut down.

“GROOOOIIIIIIIINSAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!” Deadpool screamed as he held a chainsaw at his groin.

Chief pulled out his DMR and blew Deadpool’s arm off to get him to calm down.

“Hey, that was my jacking off arm!” Deadpool rebuked as his arm restored itself.

“Bloody hell, now I have two psychopaths on my hands.” Harry complained, readying a spell.

“Complaining won’t help anything.” Wilson said, pointing his Dark Sword at the three, then continuing to carve the stick into a wand shape.

Meanwhile, Link and Ezio came up to one of the most unusual scenes they had even seen.

A knight in glowing armor, accompanied by a red and black skinned man holding some sort of devil-craft sword, facing a wizard and a man with a sword made of darkness whittling a stick into a wand.

“Merda.” Ezio said flatly, instantly getting the attention of the four men..

Link widened his eyes, and looked at the other men.

“Oh look, new friends!” Deadpool said as he raised his chainsaw.

‘They are not friends, yet.’

“Hello chaps, care to join us?” Wilson had quickly learned to simply not care about the insanity of others, all thanks to the wizard.

“Uhh...” Ezio was speechless.

“Dude, I think he’s broken.” Deadpool said in a flat tone, turning off his chainsaw and putting it away in hammerspace.

“He looks… old fashioned.” John said, putting away his rifle and pulling out his energy sword.

Ezio widened his eyes at the seemingly magical blade, unsheathing his hidden blades.

Deadpool took out his katana blades, and smiled under his mask.

Link drew his sword, ready to fight.

Wilson sighed, tightening his grip on his dark sword, while putting away the wand.

Harry cast a cross-worded spell, ‘Sectum Wandus’, producing a wire-thin line of magic from the tip of his wand, a sort of magical form of sword.

And then...

“BWAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Everyone looked up to see Discord, almost laughing himself into a coma.

“Oh... Oh... look at you six, about to create such wonderful, wonderful, blood-filled chaos... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Unfortunately for Discord, none of the humans liked not being taken seriously.

“OI! Discord, sod off, or the deal’s off!” Wilson shouted, testing his new wand out with a quick ‘Lumos.’

“And you still didn’t pay me, also, that ass bomb, not cool.” Deadpool patted his stomach, getting weird looks from some of the others, while getting out his gun and preparing to fire several rounds of killy bullets at the godlike chaos child.

“I do not take orders from a madman, I kill madmen to save the not mad.” John took aim with his DMR.

“You... it was you who took me from my home!” Harry said in a slightly foaming-at-the-mouth tone, prepared to use whatever spell to kill this being right then and there.

“My years of age, my family, my friends, all gone because of you!” Ezio was already on top of a tree, ready to bring Discord down to ground-level with a hook-blade grapple.

Link took out his bow and arrow, and then tied bombs to them, and aimed at the monster.

Discord, just looked at them, and looked at his tail.

“Oh look at the time, My very important schedule-” he pulled out a Playcolt magazine, “Dictates that I’ve got to be ‘not here.’ right about now, so, um… ta-ta.” Discord snapped his fingers as all the humans attacked at the same time.


‘Lacarnum Inflamarae!’
*BANG*
*BANGBANGBANG*
‘Avada Kedavra!’
*THUNK*
*grunt*


Ezio jumped into the air, only to barely managed to avoid the crossfire caused by the lack of a target, narrowly escaping with only a burnt hand.

“Sorry, bro, was aiming for the mismatch son of a whore.” Deadpool apologized.

“I understand, but my hand, it is very damaged.” Ezio tried to flex his fingers, but it wasn’t working.

If he couldn’t use his fingers, then what kind of life could he live?

“Seriously, I bet his mother was really busy before he was born, don’t y’all think?”

“I don’t think that’s how biology works, crazy person.” Wilson remarked.

As Wilson and Wade Wilson went into a semi-argumentative banter, Link went to the assassin’s side, took out a blue potion, and handed it to him.

Saying a quick thanks, ‘Connor’ uncapped the bottle and poured a bit of the fluid onto his hand, rubbing it in like a salve.

To Link’s dismay-turned-surprise, it actually worked without being drank, and the skin faded back to its original tanned color.

“Woah, tell me where I can get that, because the moolah I can make off of that is massive!” Deadpool’s eyes changed to dollar signs as he looked at the results.

‘He’s laughter, not generosity readers.’

‘I don’t think we’re supposed to know that yet.’

‘Too late.’

‘Fuck, well… I guess they know if they read Six by Awesomedude17.’

‘And From Wires to Wonders by The P Co.’

‘And even then, they could figure that being Deadpool, he wouldn’t fit any other Element Harmony besides Laughter.’

‘I think Trevor could've fit Loyalty though.’

‘Well he’s not in Hexed Lives, he’s in Codex of the Chaotic Heroes.’

‘Oh hey, shameless self-promotion.’

‘When I was willingly handed over to John, it became inevitable.’

‘Yeah, I suppose. P Co writes you.’

‘Yeah, luckily it’s his writings and not his recordings, or else by now we’d be talking about sex positions or vodka infusions or something, oh hey! Nikolai is in CCotH, I wonder how long it’ll take that story to update. Anyways, so today’s sex position is-.’

“WOAH WOAH, guys, this is a teen story. Keep it down.”

“What?” Harry said, confused at Deadpool’s outburst.

“The voices in our heads just had a lengthy conversation that nearly ended in a discussion about sex.” John informed, checking his readings while nothing new was happening.

Link looked at the metal man, and paced backwards in awkwardness.

Ezio, on the opposite end of the spectrum, paced forwards in an attempt to know more.

“Hello, I am Connor Kenway, and I’d like to know more, amico.” Ezio greeted, making sure to use his cover-name.

“Sure Connor, anyway, it started when I became awesome, nice face, by the way, and before I had my heart ripped out... Deadpool started off, but was interrupted.

“It’d be nice to know who’s who, but it’s getting dark, and we’re in the middle of a forest with little shelter.” Harry pointed out.

“Don’t worry, I have a solution, I just need rocks.” Wilson piped up, pulling out his wand.

“OHH, like in Shrek!”

‘Shrek is Dreck.’

Wilson pulled out his Dark Sword and cut several branches from the nearby trees.

Casting ‘Duro’ to turn the sticks into stones, he made a fire pit and placed it on the ground, instantly ignited and providing ample light.

"Magic.” Link muttered.

Harry slapped Wilson upside the head, “You can’t just use magic in front of muggles, Wilson, a wizard needs to be careful with their spells.”

“Who cares? Talk to Doctor Strange, messy hair dude.” Deadpool said, already having a few marshmallows on a stick.

“Doctor Strange?”

“Master Magician, or Sorcerer Supreme, or something.”

“What?” Harry was taken back by this, whoever Doctor Strange was, he was obviously a rebel wizard, he might need some investigating later on.

“A wizard need only assert their dominance and arrive exactly when they intend to.” Wilson corrected, putting a few logs onto the fire.

Link nodded in agreement, having seen his fair share of magic.

Ezio was intrigued, if magic was as easy as speaking latin, then he’d be the best damn wizard in the world!

‘For the record, the AD17 does not intend for Link or our mentally deficient merc to have magic.’

‘However, P1 is not opposed to Ezio learning a few utilities, and Wilson is already well on the way to beginning disciplines.’

‘That’s kinda cheating.’

‘Okay, Ezio won’t learn shit, because metal doesn’t work with magic, and he’ll try and fail to do magic with his hidden blade.’

‘Sure, besides, that thing is already badass, no need to overshadow everything he has.’

‘I don’t know, I saw P1’s diagrams for a steampunk assassin’s hidden blade with an electric effect, like a taser.’

‘Oh... Steampunk. I also like Dieselpunk.’

‘Wilson’s probably Magicpunk.’

‘Well, that’s interesting.’

‘Like thugs with spells, basically, and instead of gats, it’s wands with Magic Missile., for a start on the concept’

‘Cartman’s Magic Missiles are the best.’

‘Yeah, well, let’s stop overshadowing the story, BTW railroad worker Assassin Hammer Shell Blade, that is all.’

Master Chief merely facepalmed, clearly done with this insanity, but not willing to give up sanity.

“You alright?” Harry asked.

“Yes, civilian, I am, just… tired.” Chief sounded minorly depressed, but he’d been through a lot, and seen plenty of shit, and even shit that shit out more shit to see.

“Well, what is your name?” Ezio asked, scooting a bit closer.

“John-117, and you?” the tall soldier had forgotten the small man’s name already.

“Connor, Connor Kenway, master… fighter.” the young man looked back over to Link, who looked at him with a hardened stare.

“I’m still watching you.” The Hylian warned.

“You say something, I can’t hear you?” Deadpool asked.

“I think it was a warning to Sir Connor over there, I would not intrude on a personal affair, mister…” Wilson gestured for Deadpool to give his name.

“I go by many names, The Merc with the Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, Deadpool, Wade Wilson, but everyone calls me Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman, or just Wade, but any one of them will do... OH RIGHT, THE CANADIAN MANIAC!!!” Deadpool yelled out the last name, letting everyone to look at the crazy merc. “You?”

“Wilson… Wilson…….” something came to him, “Wilson Percival Higgsbury.”

“So, that’s your full name?” Harry asked.

“Yes, it just came to me in a spike of sanity, I suppose that being around others who can talk back in intelligent ways triggered some of my memories to come through.” Wilson said as he set down his Dark Sword, watching the crackling of the flames.

“Birds.” Deadpool suddenly said.

“Intelligent for the most-part.” Wilson added, before becoming enamored in the sound and sight of the fire roaring away in the pit.

“Well, my name’s Harry Potter.”

“Oh, Harry Pot-head!”

Chief then proceeded to shoot off Wade’s head to shut him up.

“BLOODY HELL!!!”

“Do not worry, civilian, he’ll get better in a second.

A second later, Deadpool’s head filled in with flesh and bones.

“I had it coming, sorry bros.”

‘This might get crazy if it’s a running trend.’

‘Agreed, I only got a little mad and reddened, but you had to reform with Wade.”

“Oh hey, they’re purple and red now... cool.”

“Tell me John, does he speak of those… voices in his head?” Ezio asked.

“Yes... and somehow, I have to share them with him.” John said.

“Unfortunate fate, chap.” Wilson chuckled, whittling his wand into its fully formed shape, never taking his eyes off the flames.

“For the record, this amico’s name is Link.” Ezio spoke up.

Link nodded, and smiled.

Harry looked at Wilson again, and finally noticed that Wilson was holding a sword made of pure darkness.

“What are you doing?” The wizard tried to slap the sword away, but was cut on its ethereal edge.

“Don’t touch the blade, chap, or else it’ll cut you.” Wilson said absent-mindedly, smiling at the blade.

It was made of nightmare fuel, and it tore Wilson’s mind to pieces the longer he held it.

As time wore on, the group began dose off, with Link being the first to go to sleep, then Harry, then Ezio, then Wilson, and then Deadpool.

John stayed up for a little while longer, watching the others carefully.

It was his duty to protect his team, and these five were his team now.

Wilson shifted in his sleep and woke up with a start, gasping when he saw the large man.

“Nightmare?” John asked.

“Yes, a terrible one, I don’t know what to do, Sir John, my sword is all I have, but it pains my mind to even hold.” Wilson looked at Link, and then noticed his rather… dapper looking sword.

Why with a sword like that, he’d be the fanciest warrior who ever lived.

Maybe… maybe if Wilson replaced it with his own sword, Link might not notice.

“No, no that’s stupid, and I’m not a thief, I would never take something that didn’t belong to me.” Wilson lamented, setting the ethereal black sword on the ground, before picking it back up and looking through its translucent form.

“Mrr... AHH, BABY CLOWNS!!!” Deadpool woke up, right before Wilson placed his finger on the merc’s mouth, thankfully, no one else woke up.

“So, what do you think, Sir Deadpool? Of the fragility of the mind?” Wilson asked in a wondering tone.

“Frankly, I lost my mind a long time ago, so yeah... I guess that works... I do say, that sword is quite badass, and so are you.”

“I am a mere coward, a coward with a sword he made out of his dreams, I’d never really survive long enough to do great things, I barely lived long enough to be cast into this place.” He’d been out of food when he’d found the last piece of the machine.

“So, if you’re still alive from God-know-where-you’ve-been for however long, that still proves you’re badass. Also, dream sword?”

“Well, more like nightmares, I went insane, and the world responded in kind, creating nightmare beasts, I cast them away, but they left stains of influence on me with Nightmare Fuel, I combined it with a twig and got this sword.” 

“Soldier, no coward could cast away nightmares and make a sword from their corpses.” Chief commended, giving the thin man a pat on the back.

“Tell you this, trade ya my Adamantium sword for that!” Deadpool said, unsheathing his sword.

“While tempting, it drains one’s mind of mental faculties, I’d say that within half an hour, you’d be reduced to a zombie, Sir Deadpool.” 

“Then I’d become, HEADPOOL!!!”

“That pun was bad, and you should feel bad, Wade.” Chief gave the masked man a slap upside the head.

“Ow. Who cares, gimme that sword!” Deadpool snatched the sword from Wilson’s grasp, and gave Wilson his own sword.

‘This can’t end well.’

Firstly, Wilson fell to the ground, because the katana was actually pretty heavy, and he was rather malnourished.

Next, Wade let out a series of grunts of pain and moans of relief, eventually dropping the sword because of his gradually weakening grip.

“Whoa buddy, that was… I kept just… dying over and over, like I was a zombie or something.” 

“I’m sorry Wade…” Wilson said, shoving the katana in the merc’s direction and grabbing the Dark Sword, putting it into his inventory.

“I may need to change my pants... like right now.” Deadpool ran off, leaving behind the two confused men.

“Well, get some sleep, soldier, no tell what might come, and if you’re not rested, then you won’t be at your best.” Chief said, vowing to stay up until it was absolutely safe.

Wilson nodded and nodded off, laying on the ground and snoring lightly.

A few minutes later, Deadpool returned with a muffin in his hand, “Hey, there’s this town, and I found out because I found this muffin, it’s really good.” he said between bites, confusing John on how he could eat with his mask on.

“I’d say that I’m pretty sure that you and Wilson are badasses.” Deadpool complimented, looking around with little bits of blueberry muffin falling out of his mouth.

“Uhh... thank you... friend?” Chief replied, almost awkwardly.

“Badasses don’t call each other friend, friend! They call each other ‘asshole,’ or ‘dickhead,’ or ‘penisballs’!”

John sighed, deciding that the last few things the red & black suited man did was the least of any concerns when dealing with him. The soldier watched Deadpool as he stretched his arms up and fell backwards, out cold on a whim.

With tired eyes behind his visor, Chief slowly drifted off.

“Power Armor energy levels at 80%.” Cortana 2.0 said suddenly in notification.

“Thanks.” Chief muttered, slowly drifting off into dreamland himself.

All of them slumbered easily, not knowing that Discord was still out there, and things would get a lot harder the longer they waited.

















‘This may not be the best of times, but I should probably tell you, Wade actually liked the sensation of repetitive dying, a little too much if you ask me.’

Chief sighed, still managing to keep a grip on his sanity, “Shut up red voice.” he drifted off again.

‘Well fuck you too, buddy.’ 

And it was all dreams from then on.