The One Pony You Never Prank

by Deep


At Least She Tried

Dash flew away from Ponyville as fast as she could, trying to outrun the tower of smoke punching into the sky behind her. She was now several miles away from the town and could still hear the roars and shouts of the rioters, which scary enough got louder the farther she got. She cleared her head of the noise though and headed towards a mountain range, ready for her new life, wherever it may be. I really wish I knew where I was going, she thought, now over the range. She looked around and realized that it all looked the same to her. Geography never was her strong point, but the current path would have to do as stopping and asking for directions at this point was not an option. Ponyville was still too close for comfort.

I guess I could always live with the griffons. Gilda's got a pretty cool place, and she did say she wanted me back as a friend. Gilda it is then. Dash continued flying over the mountains, still lost, and took one final look at her old home. As sad as she was, no tears left her eyes, as no pain in the world could compare to a million years in the sun-- if that still was Celestia's punishment. For all Dash knew it could've been a billion now, or whatever number came next. "Good luck trying to catch me, suckers!" Dash screamed at the top of her lungs, watching the town and ponies she once loved fade into the background.

Dash flew uninterrupted on her path for the next few minutes, only slowing down when the sound of flapping came from behind her. "Huh?" She turned her head around, only to find nopony there.

Another flap came a second later. Dash looked back again, once again finding nopony behind her. "Dumb birds." She returned her eyes to the front, where she found a pegasus royal guard flying backwards a foot in front of her.

"Whoa!" Dash screamed with her head shooting back. She chuckled from how surprised she was. "Phew. You almost scared me there. So, you here to tell me which way I'm going or what?"

The guard glared at her with the usual ubiquitous, serious face they all seemed to have. "By royal decree I order you to stop flying at once!"

"What!? Why?" Dash said.

"Princess's orders. Nopony is allowed to leave Ponyville. Now stop!"

"But... I have to train." Dash gave an obviously nervous smile. "You might not know me, but I'm training for the Wonderbolts, and there's no way I'm stopping today's session.

The guard grabbed her hoof. "Sorry ma'am, but until the investigation's over I can't let you leave."

Dash growled and freed herself from the guard's hold. "I said no!" She set her sights on the far side of the mountain range, at the sea that began when it ended, and tensed her wings. She blasted off towards her target, sending the guard flying back and down from her explosive acceleration.

"Get her before she escapes!" he screamed, falling through the air into the mountainous forest below.

The trees below all began shaking, vibrating like an earthquake was happening. Dash looked down, and watched as dozens of pegasi royal guards shot into the air, all with the same target-- her.

"Uh oh!" Dash increased her speed and flew away. More shot out in front and under her though, filling the sky around her. A pack steadied their flight to her level.

"Stop and turn around at once! This is an order!" a guard yelled.

Dash continued on without responding and kept her eyes at the target, knowing full well it was still miles away.

The swarm around her grew closer. "Stop immediately! This is your last warning."

"Get away!" Dash yelled, after a scream. She bumped herself into a guard to her side, sending him hurdling to the ground along with every guard in his path.

"That's it. Get her!"

The swarm of pegasi dissipated and divided itself into a shell around her. Dash twisted her head in every direction as fast as she could without cracking it in two, trying to keep track of the myriad of attackers around her.

A pegasus dove through the air an inch in front of her.

"Whoa!" Dash braked and shot to the side, catching her breath and trying to keep her heart from shooting out of her chest.

Another pegasus shot past her, this time flying horizontally above her so close she could've sworn their wing feathers touched. Dozens of royal guards readied themselves in the sky around her, tensing their wings like bows and launching themselves as arrows straight for their target.

A pegasi knocked into Dash from the side, sending her screaming the other way. "It didn't have to end this way," he said. Dash retook control of her body and maintained her cool as the sky around her blackened.

That's it! I gotta rainboom my way out of this. But if I do then all of Equestria will know where I'm headed... Dash growled and looked around for another solution. The mountains to the left of her lead into a narrow valley, which from the look of it was filled with enough twists and turns to confuse even her on a normal day. Perfect. Dash sped up to it, hoping as many of pursers would follow her in as possible.

True to how it looked like the valley was only wide enough for Dash to flap her wings with a margin of error of inches. The royal guards chased after her in a noodle like formation, only three to four pegasi thick at its widest. The valley led to a near ninety degree turn every few seconds, to which Dash had no trouble getting herself through, even at her speed. Many of the guards though slammed into the cliff faces during the turns or slowed down so much that they disappeared from view within an instant. Seconds later there were only a handful of pegasi still giving chase, who then muttered something to each other and flew up above the valley. They slowed down but, still kept their eyes on Dash.

"Ha! I knew there was no way you ameturs could keep up with me," Dash said, finally feeling her heart return back inside her chest. She continued on course inside the valley, keeping her speed the same, and smiled confidently. As the seconds passed the guards were still on top of the valley, forming a shell over it, and made no effort to try and get back in after Dash. What are they up to? Did they give up? That's when it hit her. The valley was getting narrower by the second, and in only a few seconds would end.

The royal guards tightened their shell over the valley, doubling its thickness. Dash switched back and forth between looking at the net covering her and the ever approaching cliff face. Stopping wasn't an option, nor was slowing down. She was too deep in to give up now. That's it! You guys asked for it!

Dash rainboomed up and out of the valley and straight into the mass of royal guards, cutting through them like they weren't even there. Whole mountains and ranges flashed by her, and the sound of her attackers faded into nothingness. She kept up her speed just to be safe and continued rainbooming for a minute after she was sure she had won. By then all trace that there were ever any ponies after her was gone, with her now in a still mountainous part of Equestria she couldn't recognize. It didn't matter though, as the sea at the end of the range was now close enough that the individual ships could be seen on it. Dash slowed down, ending her rainboom, "Yeah! Almost there. Sweet freedom, here I come!" and pushed on, smiling like she had already won.

A purple beam shot up from the ground, zipping past her.

"No..." Dash said, losing her breath.

Below her were dozens of unicorn royal guards positioned on the mountains below, with their horns glowing and pointed at Dash. "Fire!" a captain yelled. They fired a barrage of blue and purple beams and shots, all in Dash's direction. She contorted and twisted her body in every way she could as the magical bullets zoomed past her, trying to dodge the current one and anticipate the next fifty all at once. Not one shot hit her.

"More! Don't stop!" the captain yelled, himself firing a beam.

Dash began her dance again to dodge the shots, but found her wings cramping and stopping on their own. A shot hit her in the hoof and covered it with a blue aura. Dash screamed and shook her hoof, but found herself losing control over it.

"Good! Now reel her in!"

The aura pulled her hoof, and by extension her whole body, down towards the unicorns. "Ahhh. Get off!" Dash screamed, using her other hoof to peel off the aura. She used all the willpower she had and tried regaining control of her hoof, still being pulled down. At first it only moved a few inches from her command, but Dash kept on trying, clenching her jaw to the point of nearly shattering her teeth. After what felt like forever, the aura shattered and the hold on her was gone.

Dash wasted no time and sped out of the area, looking straight at the sea. Her wings were now too worn out for a rainboom and beat on their own. She didn't care though, as only a few mountains now separated her from freedom. All she needed was another minute of wingpower, and it was all over.

"Almost... there..."

Dash watched as the sea got bigger, with her smile following in suit. She stopped at the last mountain though, as frozen as the rock beneath her.

"Yep. I'm done for," she said, gulping.

An army of unicorns stood on the mountain with their horns glowing, and behind them a fleet of ships full of an army more. Dash cracked a laugh at how she ever thought she could make it. "But I just wanted to train..."

"Fire!"

Dash didn't bother dodging.