//------------------------------// // [ARC II] Chapter 29- An Aspirin or Something // Story: Building Walls, Burning Bridges // by MonolithiuM //------------------------------// "Let us have a dagger in our teeth, a bomb in our hands, and an infinite scorn in our hearts." -Benito Mussolini My morning sucked ass. \\\|||/// Mono woke up with a start, startling Cheerilee, the Crusaders, and Twilight Sparkle. He sat up straight, his back and legs making a ninety degree angle. His head was completely wrapped in bandages, and he had gone completely still. Slowly, his hands reached up towards his head, feeling around the wrappings gently. After poking the bandages with his gloved hands, the small human screamed through the fabric, jumped up from the bed, and crashed through the window of Ponyville Medical. This is how the morning after the first game went. \\\|||/// A screaming, like that of a dying seal’s, echoed throughout Ponyville. There was no pause, but it did grow slowly louder, as if the source of the noise was coming towards the town center. A plume of dust quickly approached the ponies as they stared on in confusion. Next, a flash of white and eight ponies were flung into stands, store windows, and other ponies. A crack sounded from down the street, and the small white figure shakily removed itself from the wall. Its daze was forgotten when its mittens once again touched its head, and the creature known as Mono Nucleosis took off deeper into town without a regard to the (no doubt) horrendously painful head trauma. He careened into a cafe and upturned every table in the joint, then proceeded to body-check the waitress into a window. The shattered glass was the sound that everypony needed to incite panic, and all of the customers immediately began to gallop about in circles. The chaos of the crowd was added to by the horrendous scream of terror that Mono let loose, followed by his speedy exit through another window, spraying glass and hay fries onto the street. The ketchup-slathered human bullet tore deeper into Ponyville just as Cheerilee, Twilight, and the Crusaders arrived to observe the destruction. “Son of an ass-munching fuck nugget!” Cheerilee’s ears spewed steam, and a vein in her neck made itself visible as she proceeded to stomp around and swear profusely. “Fucking stupid, shit-faced, short-stack colon diver! Fuck fuck FUCK!” Taking a few breaths, she calmed down and recomposed herself. “I’m fine, let’s stop Mono.” \\\|||/// They found Mono at Sugar Cube Corner, hollering and screaming as he ran in circles around the room… on the sides of the walls. Pinkie couldn’t land a hit with her cakes, and every customer there refused to risk booking it for the door. All except for one stallion, whom yelled in a panic and galloped for the open doorway. Mono’s body rejected the stallion’s exit, throwing the pony across the counter and into a glass storage unit, shattering it. His unconscious body landed amongst a heap of sweets and glass. Cheerilee expertly dove into the bakery, eyed Mono zipping about, and grabbed a broom. With a freakish and spectacular display of unholy earth pony strength, she swung the broom around and struck Mono in the face as he ran into the swing. The force of the hit shattered the broom, threw up a concussive wave, and launched him through a previously unbroken window, sending shards of glass trailing behind his violent exit. Cheerilee immediately recovered from the blast of sound and air, and leapt through the broken window after the terrified and incensed Mono. This left Twilight Sparkle and the Crusaders to keep count of just how many windows and glass objects Mono would wind up destroying during his panic attack. Probably a lot. \\\|||/// Cheerilee stampeded down the street, following the shards of glass and the blood-curdling scream from the miniature human. Ponies were lying unconscious, stuck in windows, buried under various wares, and several pony-shaped holes signified that more than a couple of unfortunate citizens had been punched into the house market, whether they wanted it or not. Mono himself was shaking in the middle of the street, clutching his head while he muttered rapidly. Cheerilee couldn’t make anything out, as he was talking too fast to be heard. Only a small wind that shifted the papers and pebbles around his feet came from his mouth, the result of his super-sonic ramblings. Cheerilee slowly approached him as he vibrated. Not shook, but literally vibrated. Fast. “Mono?” Her voice alerted him to her presence, and his scream pitched up, disturbing the air around him and forcing Cheerilee to cover her ears. It was like a moan, but loud, and piercing. Such was the volume and pitch that Cheerilee had fallen to her knees in pain. Mono continued to scream, clutching his bandaged head and throwing his blinded gaze to the sky, shaking faster and faster. All of this ended when a blue hoof extended and struck the human in the side of the head, then did so again, and again, and again. Mono eventually went down, unconscious but fine. “Ow… shit.” Penchant rubbed his hoof, testing the flexibility of the leg after striking the vibrating target. “You alright, Miss Cheerilee?” he asked, reaching a hoof out to help her up. She nodded in response, letting out a sigh of relief. “Quite. What was that all about?” “Well, he was shaking like hell, so hitting him was equivalent to punching something with the density of a brick wall. All his head did was crack against my hoof like a bowling ball. Probably had enough force behind those hits to crack a coconut in half.” Cheerilee gave him a look. “Oh, you mean the freak out? Well, no friggin’ clue. Maybe he thought he was blind or something? Or maybe a bad dream? I’ve got nothing.” Cheerilee let out a sigh. “We should bring him back to the hospital, have them run some tests.” Penchant nodded and loaded Mono onto his back, nestling the human between his wings. “Alright, Penchant, let’s go.” \\\|||/// “Well, that shouldn’t be there,” Sure Stitch hummed. “It seems that somepony introduced a foreign antibody into his bloodstream. One that reacted with my pills.” “Your pills?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Yes. They redistribute Mono’s so-called ‘super powers’ to the rest of his physical abilities evenly, producing a fair and average player for your Championships. Oh, don’t look at me like that, blame the griffons.” Sure Stitch turned back to the print-outs from Mono’s blood exam. “Judging by these clues here and here,” she said, poking at the papers, “it caused his ‘power’ to not only activate but overload beyond control, to the point that it actually started causing him extreme duress and pain.” The rest of the ponies in the room looked taken aback by this. What they had just bore witness to was a malicious attack against another living being, an attack that could have killed him. Even though it hadn’t, the attack had caused Mono and several townsponies colossal pain. “Once he woke up, his brain most likely began misfiring, and he knew that something was wrong. As soon as he had a waking thought, everything went haywire, and his ability became activated by any errant conscious thought.” Sure Stitch turned back around, frowning heavily. “No doubt about it, this was an attempt on Mono Nucleosis’ life.” While the rest of the ponies were silent, Penchant was tapping his chin with a hoof. “So, wait a minute, if what I’m hearing is true, then I have a vested interest in keeping him away from further danger. He is a future business partner, after all. In light of this revelation, I suggest that we undertake a quick investigation to discover who is responsible.” Twilight took her head out of her hooves and gave the pegasus a sour look. “None of us are professional private investigators, nor are we equipped for the job.” This response caused Penchant to quirk an eyebrow and frown. “But you’re a licensed dragon-trainer, psychologist, veterinarian, and education provider?” He leaned in closer to Twilight, a grin slowly wiggling onto his face. “Don’t bother responding. Anyway, I have the funds and I think that we can find the perpetrator with the help of my personal assistant and our collective minds.” “But first, we’ll need some things… Task Manager!” His shout summoned a be-spectacled mare with a stark white coat and vibrant blue mane done up in a bun. “Take this order, will you please?” He began furiously scribbling in a notepad he took from his wing, a pencil gripped firmly in his teeth. Nodding once, he spat the pencil out into the air, where Task Manager caught it with a hoof. He then ripped the page out and gave it to her, smiling fondly. “Thanks, Tasky. Please be as fast as possible with that stuff, okay?” She read over the paper with her chartreuse eyes, gave a nod, which caused her glasses to bounce slightly, and briskly trotted out from the room. Cheerilee scratched her head. “I don’t remember seeing her anywhere around Ponyville. And Pinkie Pie didn’t make a large deal of it either…” Penchant slid beside her and draped a hoof around her neck. “Tasky’s real good at showing up when she’s needed, which is probably why you didn’t see her. She’s always nearby, no matter where I am.” “But I didn’t even see her sign in,” Twilight commented. “Ugh, why does it matter if she can materialize out of nowhere whenever she’s needed. Let’s just say that it’s fucking awesome and leave it at that! Excuse my Prench. Now, we’ll need a watch here while a group goes out and investigates any clues that might lead us to Mono’s assailant and attempted assassin. Any volunteers?” The Crusaders leapt onto Mono’s bed with massive smiles on their faces. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Human Defenders YEAH!” Penchant stuck a hoof in his ear and wiggled it about before dislodging it with some effort and a pop. “Excellent, girls. Cheerilee, Doctor Stitch, Princess Twilight Sparkle, you’re with me. Oh, and… NURSE!” Penchant’s yell brought Red Heart galloping into the room. “Keep an eye on Mono and the girls while we’re out, wouldn’t want a repeat of his previous episode.” Flashing a winning smile and pumping a hoof, Penchant confidently cantered out of the room with his posse behind him. Meanwhile, Mono Nucleosis had begun to have some rather strong and deeply suppressed addictive urges return to him. \\\|||/// “Ugh… fuck my fucking head. I feel like Shia Lebouf’s career on quaaludes and Jose Cuervo. Speaking of Mr. Cuervo…” I had woken up and immediately felt this thirst. I didn’t know why the fuck I had a sudden urge to drink, but goddamn did I need one. The last time I had drank was… oh shit I didn’t even talk about the drinking did I? Yeah, it started after that really fucked up dream I had about my family, plus most ponies never noticed for a couple reasons: the first being that my metabolism cycled the alcohol out pretty quickly, the second being that while drunk I had the tendency to use my powers to do some pretty stupid bullshit. I also didn’t talk about it until now. Anyway, this pretty stupid bullshit usually manifested in minor crime sprees, a felony or two, and an attempted assassination attempt on an apple vendor from Appleoosa. I said attempt, fuck-face, not success. Anyway– I say that a lot don’t I?– I hadn’t realized it yet but the incident that morning had most likely revived my intense personal relationship with booze. That said, I needed some… really badly. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever woken up after sprinting into walls, through walls, and being savagely beaten by your bro, but booze probably isn’t a good idea after that. I had also just been poisoned, too, so… I got up and out of bed to get a fix. \\\|||/// “So, our culprit hates Mono’s guts, duh.” “Yes, Penchant, that’s clear. However, there is no shortage of ponies in Canterlot, Ponyville, and now Cloudsdale that loathe him with a burning passion. Property destruction, assault, cultural insensitivity, racism, threats of regicide, rumors of attempted homicide, insinuation of illegal practices, assault on royalty, trespassing, counterfeiting, crimes against space and time, crimes against equinity, crimes against divinity, and loitering.” Twilight Sparkle knit her eyebrows together in thought. How has he not been arrested and tried yet?” Before she could get an answer Sure Stitch cut in with her own points. She had been around the castle and often treated many wounds associated with the little furless asshole. “Possible culprits could consist of Prince Blueblood, Princess Luna, Rainbow Dash, Shade Flight, Lyra Heartstrings, a relative of the Cloudsdale teams’ players, or you.” A hoof poked Cheerilee lightly in the chest, and a scowl dropped onto her face immediately. “Why would I have any reason to try to kill Mono?” Everypony simply stared at her, including the ponies around the small group in the marketplace. The silence really opened the air, so much so that one could hear the creak of the trees and a young colt falling out of one. That broke the quiet real quick. “Doctor Stitch! You have to be kidding, right?” Twilight nervously glanced between the other mares, while Penchant took a single step back and eyed the two warily. “What you’re accusing Miss Cheerilee of is serious!” “Time and time again she has been seen being screwed with by Mono. Each time she reacts negatively. Miss Cheerilee here assaulted Nucleosis twice, resulting in bodily injury that induced unconsciousness.” Sure Stitch narrowed her eyes at Cheerilee with obvious suspicion. “And by killing Mono, Ponyville would lose the Championship, the foals would be horrified, and I would spiral into a depression knowing that my deed severely harmed the development of over twenty young ones.” Cheerilee raised an eyebrow at her opponent. “My motives for preserving him far outweigh my motives for ending him, as unfortunate as that is.” “That’s kinda dark for you, Cheers.” “Penchant?” “Yeah?” “If you ever call me ‘Cheers’ again, I’ll nail your upper lip to your forehead.” “Kay.” \\\|||/// “Mister Nucleosis, though it is partially my fault for forgetting to inform you, you shouldn’t be trying to leave your bed for any reason. Especially for what you claim to crave.” Nurse Redheart stared sadly down at the human, his jury-rigged hospital gown sporting a small streak of blood near its neck. A tissue stuck out of Mono’s nose, and a miffed expression adorned his visage. “…” “I could get you an apple juice, if you’d like. Or perhaps a pudding cup?” “…” “Mister Nucleosis, there is no shame in falling out of bed or breaking your nose.” “Yeah, but there’s shame in doing both.” Scootaloo’s comment made Mono flinch. The Cutie Mark Crusaders began to laugh uncontrollably, and Mono slowly turned his head to glare at them. His barely pent-up rage, something that had been seeping in since his life juices began leaking out, was reaching critical mass. That undignified fuck-up, something that occurred in the most embarrassing way imaginable, could not leave this room. “I’ll take a pudding.” Nurse Redheart smiled and retrieved the cup from a tray upon her back. She set it and a metal spoon on the nightstand next to Mono’s bed. She nodded and turned to take her leave. Nurse Redheart had her oath of confidentiality with the patient, these three little fillies didn’t. Mono’s eyes watched Nurse Redheart leave the room, the insanity of his anger burning in his eyes. The second that door clicked closed, Mono threw the spoon at the door’s handle fast and hard. The Crusaders stopped laughing as the speed and force of the throw punched the utensil into the door and fused the spoon to the handle’s mechanism, a quiet sizzling being the only sound that pervaded the room. As the metal cooled, the three fillies slowly looked over at Mono and his intense expression. “We are having words,” he said. “Promises, threats, and agreements.” The Crusaders gulped. “Item fucking one…” \\\|||/// “…and don’t you fucking touch my easy-bake oven!” My tirade had gone on for a while. I glanced at the clock on the wall. Okay, a really really long while– but I think I had gotten my point across. I was not to be fucked with, and with the mouths on these girls, they’d tell everybody in no time. Getting back on track, I needed the deets on the town and its mentally challenged residents. “Okay, asshats, what’s been going on and what do I need to know?” Apple Bloom let me know that Twilight, Sure Bitch, Cheerilee, and Penchant had gone on some kinda adventure to apprehend my supposed assassin. Whatever, fuck ‘em. I had my own plan in catching the sneaky fuck, and I’m pretty sure no one had thought of this. “Scootaloo, you’re going to check the visitor logs in the lobby. Any time between when I was first admitted and before this morning is your best bet.” At seeing her blank face, I rolled my eyes. “Take Sweetie Belle, she probably remembers the time I was dragged here. Applebloom, stay here and keep guard while I make fun of your upbringing.” “But, I don’t wan- “ “No one cares what you want you backwards poverty-stricken shit. You’re going to keep me safe while having mixed feelings about doing so. This is for two reasons: the first is that I’ll be ripping your ass asunder with several slurs and below-the-belt remarks. The second is that I’ll be paying you a metric shit-ton of bits.” “So why don’t you shut your piss-yellow honky ass up and get to holding down the fort.” She begrudgingly did so, with the money being quite a solid motivator for her. As a kid, she had no concept of what a lot of money was, so I didn’t feel bad later about giving her a measly two-hundred bits. … That was still technically a lot. Eh. Whatever. With my squad up in Canterlot keeping everything running smoothly in my absence– and hospitalization– I wasn’t really worried about splurging my salary on a stupid Southern sack of soup. That needed work. Anyway, according to the letters I’d been getting, there were three small warehouses (factory didn’t really apply since everything was stored on-site), two in Trottingham and a second in Fillydelphia. As it turns out, labor in Trottingham is cheap as the dirt that covers its cockney citizens. Brilliant! Flim and Flam had been doing honest work by constantly working on new production designs for the pens, including Princess-themed ballpoints with ink that matched their coat colors. Those would be a huge seller once we figured out how to write with the Celestia pen… Specialized branded paper? Fuck yes. Let it be known, I am a fucking genius and better than anyone ever. Suck a fat, veiny dick. Quick Script was still teasing that fucking interview, and I was just fine with that. I had told her specifically to hold off on releasing all of it, that way it would increase in value the more I refused to open up to anyone. The less I talk the more it’s worth. And with her being a stock-holder in his up-and-coming business, well, the more the merrier. But, I would get to business later. For now… “Hey Applebloom, what’s the difference between Big Mac and a period?” \\\|||/// “Well, I think that’s the most ludicrous and borderline mania-inducing adventure I have ever been apart of,” said Sure Stitch. “I mean, how did you even break a pony’s body like that Cheerilee? I didn’t even think you could kick, let alone pull off those moves that any pony should not even be physically capable of.” Cheerilee shrugged, walking beside Penchant and Twilight as they returned to the hospital. Their search had turned up nothing, and so on the way they decided to stop in at the Spotted Lupus for a bite and a show. Lyra Heartstrings was playing, and it’d be nice to dine to her smooth stringed symphony. Bam, sucka, alliteration. As a Princess, getting a nice seat was easy, not too close and not too far. The four ponies ordered their meals, with Penchant promising to cover the tip. As they ate, they were mostly silent, enjoying the music as much as the food. Halfway through their meal, Scootaloo entered into the restaurant, speaking quickly to the staff. They nodded and let her through, pointing at Lyra with a hoof. The four watched as Scootaloo cantered up to Lyra, spoke with her briefly, and took a cylindrical package out from under her wing, giving it to the older mare. Scootaloo then trotted away without speaking to anypony else. Twilight and the rest found it strange, but shrugged and resumed eating. Lyra had paused to shake the package a bit, but shrugged and set it down beside her. The unicorn mare took a deep breath, touched her hooves to her lyre, and exploded.