Twilight Sparkle was having a good day. No political agendas to deal with. No monsters running amok in Ponyville. No convoluted friendship crisis’s that could easily be solved with logical analysis. So yes, Twilight Sparkle was having a good day. A visit to her local fast food joint had made sure of that. She was enjoying a hayburger as she trotted back to her library abode.
That was until she spotted a most peculiar site.
A lone night guard was standing outside the library looking around the town. Occasionally some ponies would glance at him as they passed. The looks on their faces were both a mix of curiosity and a sense of trepidation. The night guard were not well known publically and rumours had spread of their rather….unsavoury behaviour when on missions for the crown.
Twilight knew it was nonsense. They were just ponies after all. Terrifying, half breed monstrosities of ponies but ponies nonetheless. After disposing of the waste of her meal, she approached the guard who turned to greet her.
“Good evening Princess,” he said in a gravelly voice. He dropped into a low bow at which Twilight blushed as several ponies stopped to see what was going on. She quickly urged him with her hooves to remove himself from the floor. The ponies carried on with their usual business. The night guard started. “We have an urgent call from our mistress, Princess Luna. She has summoned Your Grace to Canterlot castle. I and my companion have been assigned to take you there.”
“What?” questioned Twilight. “What could Princess Luna possibly want?” Her thoughts raced to what exactly why the Lunar princess had summoned her. Her imagination took hold of the possibilities. Was it to be an accomplice in a coup? To once again dazzle Twilight with the wonders of old equestrian humour? Or perhaps it was an invite to a sexy slumber party. ‘Wait, what was that last one?’
“It is not for me to say,” he replied. Twilight scrunched her muzzle at the unsatisfactory response. Though it was quite clear from the guard’s stoic look that he was giving her that he wouldn’t be parting with his information.
“Okay,” sighed Twilight in defeat. "I need to get a checklist ready and some books."
“But Princess, we were asked to retrieve you immediately!” protested the guard.
“Checklist and books!” growled Twilight in a rather feral tone that made the guard bulk slightly. Twilight quickly calmed herself after her short outburst. It was certainly in bad taste for a princess to publically berate her guards. That was what the captain was for anyway.
Twilight soon returned herself to theorising the purpose behind the trip but resigned herself that she was admittedly quite eager to see the princess again. It would be most rude to deny Luna a meeting. Twilight had really wanted to spend more time with her. The princess's taste in humour aside, she was certainly a fascinating character. Twilight was broken from her contemplations upon noticing that an essential piece of equipment for her transport was missing. Twilight looked around her. “Where’s the chariot?”
“Umm, chariot?” repeated the lunar guard. His blank expression made it look like Twilight had just spoken in a foreign language.
“Yes,” deadpanned Twilight. “The item you’re meant to carry me in.”
“Oh, The chariot. Yes, about that.” The guard began pulling at his neck armour with his hoof.
“Go on.”
“It’s in the shop,” he said with little doubt that he was bluffing.
“And why is the chariot under repair?” asked Twilight deciding to indulge him.
“Ehhh…”
“Wait a minute, why are you carrying a sack?” Twilight glanced at the large burlap sack that was slung over the guards shoulders. The guard shifted to obscure it once more from her view.
“Oh that thing. It’s nothing really,” he laughed nervously. “I mean it’s just standard procedure. Precautions and all. You know, just in case.”
“A precaution? For what exactly?” growled Twilight as she advanced on the now shaking guard.
“Well the night guard often encounters less than cooperative individuals.” The guard shifted nervously on his hooves.
“So you were going to kidnap me if I didn’t say yes, is that it!”
“No of course not. I would never do such a thing to one of our princesses,” he chuckled. “Unless you’re into that kind of thing?” he said while cocking an eyebrow. The weight of his words only hit him until he felt a telekinetic slap knock him to the floor. Perhaps it was unwise to make a less then sensitive joke with the princess. It seemed like a good idea at the time to lighten the mood.
“Well, let me tell you mister!” huffed Twilight as she walked into the now darkened library. “I will go to Canterlot alone and I will be having a word with Luna about her guard’s behaviour.”
With a flick of her tail and a rather awkward turn she left the downed guard as he attempted to get himself up and followed her. “Thank you for your time.”
“Wait! Princess. Let me exp-”
WHACK.
Moments later the lights turned on and a second night guard emerged from where he was hiding, carrying a baton in his magical grip as Twilight Sparkle collapsed into the doorway of the library.
“Target is down,” the other guard said as he sheathed the baton.
“Idiot,” the first guard barked as he rushed himself into the library before slamming the door. “She was cooperative. Why the hell did you hit her?”
“I thought those were our orders.” He shrugged. “Didn’t the princess say get her to the castle by any means necessary?”
“So that gave you the bright idea to strike a princess on the head like a common criminal. By Luna. This is what happens when idiots apply for the night guard,” the first guard groaned. Too bad he was on duty. A nice long drink was sounding really good about now.
“Hey, what about you?!” The second guard shouted pointing his hoof at his accuser. “Mister I’m going to kidnap you.”
“I didn’t say that,” he replied while looking out the window to make sure nopony was making their way to the library. “I merely said it was a precaution. It’s protocol damn it. It’s not my fault the Lunar code hasn’t been updated in the last fifteen hundred years!”
“Yeah, yeah. It still the principal that counts. Or do I have to point out that you tried to pass it off with a sex joke.” The first guard became extremely flustered as he tried to formulate what was sure to be a most intellectual and insightful response.
“Shut up. Do you know how much trouble we’re in?” The first guard trotted over to his counterpart and shook him violently. He then looked down at the now unconscious princess.
“It can’t be that bad,” said the second guard a bit of uncertainty creeping into his voice as he spoke. “I mean we were just carrying out our orders from the Princess.”
“We’ve just committed high treason you moron. The pony you just knocked out also happens to be a Princess.”
“Oh yeah, that may be a bit of a problem.”
“A bit of a problem? Have you lost your damned mind?!”
You know I’ve just come to the realisation that we could have probably solved this whole issue if we just took the train," said the other guard sheepishly completely ignoring the grave reality of the situation. A long awkward silence passed as the two looked at each other. Eventually his companion proceeded to thwack him on the head with his baton.
Twilight awoke to stars in her eyes and the vague sound of a voice calling her name. She blinked a couple of times to clear her vision before realising that she was in a four poster bed, tucked into navy coloured sheets. While it was rather comfortable it did not exactly abate Twilight’s growing confusion.
She tried to remember what she had exactly been doing before waking up in this strange bed. Her memory failed briefly. Though she did remember that she had been talking to somepony, then she got mad at him for some reason. Something about catnip was it and a message from a Miss Tuna. Then it all went black.
Raising herself up from the bed she soon found that she was not alone. Suddenly, Twilight was wrapped in a tight hug. It was both warm and comforting. Twilight leaned into it subconsciously.
“Thank goddess you’re okay Twilight Sparkle,” spoke a gentle voice. The figure pulled back to reveal herself to be none other than Princess Luna.
Suddenly everything snapped back into place shortly after Luna. Twilight went through quite a few emotions while formulating a response to moon princess. Shock, anger, more confusion and growing sense of quiet disbelief that a bunch of guards just kidnapped her. Fortunately Twilight held back a more undignified response for the princess’s sake. Instead she decided that perhaps inquiring where she was would be a good start.
“Princess why exactly am I in your bed?” groaned Twilight as she rubbed the sore spot on her head.
“You had a mishap with my guards I’m afraid," said Luna as she blushed. Twilight’s eyes went wide as she attempted to get up. Luna put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Do not worry Twilight Sparkle. They meant you no intentional harm. In truth I am more to blame then them. Nonetheless the offenders will be dealt with accordingly. A week with as my dearest nephew’s maids should set them straight.”
Twilight managed a quick chuckle despite the pain in her head. She wasn’t even sure why she laughed. She rubbed the sore area of her head with her hoof. She winced as she touched it.
“Here, let me help,” cooed Luna. Her horn flashed blue light as it stuck Twilight’s head. Twilight instantly felt much better as the swelling went down and the pain receded. Twilight blinked in amazement at Luna’s display of magic.
“Wow that’s amazing Luna.”
“It was no problem,” said Luna. It may have been the tinge of light but Twilight swore she saw Luna blush. She thought it was cute. Then suddenly realised that this was hardly time to come to terms with her confused sexuality. Or look at the princess like that. I mean it wasn’t like she hadn’t been doing that all her life for another totally unrelated princess who she was close to. No, that was totally ridiculous. Good thing she wasn’t in denial or anything. Twilight decided to change the subject.
“So, uh not to be rude Luna, why exactly am here again? Excluding the whole guard thing.” Twilight was still trying to come to terms with that part still.
“Perhaps we should have some tea first.” Luna winced but indicated with her wing to the table and two chairs that had been set up in the middle of the room. On the table sat two cups and a steaming pot. Luna smiled as she trotted over to the table. Twilight decided to follow. Her curiosity was piqued by the whole thing plus she like tea. She’d tried to wean herself slowly off coffee since the time she drank so much she thought she could write a thesis on the effect of the colour red had on the space time continuum.
Luna sat in a chair to her left and poured tea into both cups. She offered Twilight sugar though Twilight politely declined as she took her seat beside Luna.
“How are you doing Twilight?” asked Luna. She smiled as she brought the cup to her lips.
“I’ve been better,” huffed Twilight. Luna sputtered on her tea before awkwardly avoiding Twilight’s gaze. The silence that settled around the room grew to uncomfortable lengths.
“Ah yes, my apologies once again. It was never my intention…”
“Its fine, Luna,” breathed Twilight as she swirled her tea with a wooden spoon. She managed a weak grin. “I’ve endured worse.” Her grin disappeared as Twilight thought back briefly to the serious injuries she sustained during a failed observation of Pinkie Pie. She shuddered slightly.
“Well it is good to know you’re alright. I was worried I may have damaged our friendship through my reckless actions.”
“That’s ridiculous I value our friendship far too much to let a bit of physical assault ruin it. Twilight considered her words for a moment. “That may have come out slightly wrong.”
"You are quite wise for your age Twilight," laughed Luna. “A pettier pony may have held a grudge. No wonder my sister took such a fast liking to you.”
“Well I-I’m flattered,” said Twilight while not looking directly at Luna. Twilight blushed furiously as she played with her mane absentmindedly.
“You are most welcome. Though I do not understand why you seem ashamed of such a statement. Was I too presumptuous in my wording?”
“N-no,” stammered Twilight. “I just don’t like uh, being praised. I have never really taken well to it I suppose you could say.”
“So humble. Tis an admirable trait.”
“Well as gratifying as all this small talk is I have to ask once more-”
“The purpose of your visit,” said Luna finishing Twilights words. “I would have thought it would have been quite obvious to you. Unless there has been a mistake.”
“Princess to be honest I have no idea what’s going on.”
“What!? From the urgency of your letter I would have supposed that this is what you wanted to occur unless you did not intend to send it.” Luna used her magic to pull over a familiar looking parchment.
“M-my letter?” sputtered Twilight.
“Yes,” said Luna with certain degree of…wistfulness? “I was initially quite surprised by your prose. I did not know you could be so…passionate with your words. Your prose is quite invigorating.”
“Passionate! Invigorating!” Somewhere in her brain a million little Twilight’s were running around in panic trying desperately to process this surprising information. Twilight didn’t like surprises.
“Yes. I’m surprised Tia had always described writing on the more of the factual side.”
“Princess I-I didn’t send a letter!”
“Luna, my dear. Of course you did.” Luna slapped down the letter in front of Twilight. “I have compared the writing with Tia’s letters and it arrived via your delivery system. Those guards must have struck you harder than previously thought. Maybe I should send forth for the doctor. Twilight scanned it and much to her horror there was her name signed at the bottom of the parchment. Even worse was that it was clearly not a forgery. It was indisputable evidence. Twilight could only make a croaking groaning sound as if she‘d just woken up from the worst hangover of her life.
‘Oh god I’ve been drinking again haven’t I? I don’t remember drinking. I swore I stopped drinking after that hearth’s warming eve incident. Rarity never really forgave me for ruining her dress. But this is impossible!’ Suddenly Twilight found her brain not function quite right as she looked at the letter with continued confusion. Luna didn’t even notice as Twilight’s hair began to spring up sporadically.
“Luna-“
“In truth I had not previously thought of a possible relationship with you but after careful consideration I feel that I am willing to try. After all you are a rather attractive mare. Plus ‘fooling around’ as the youth would say, never hurt anypony so why not give it a go. Besides I never properly rewarded you for saving my life.”
“B-b-bwwah?” To a pony who didn’t know Twilight Sparkle’s habits personally one would presume she was having a stroke.
“Rendered speechless. How cute? You will make an excellent consort.” Luna began to giggle madly. “Oh were going to have so much fun!” Luna leaned forward so he muzzle was only a few inches from Twilight’s ear. “So what do you say Twilight Sparkle?”
“C-consort? Oh my…” It was in that very moment that Twilight seemingly understood everything and nothing. Space and Time were irrelevant and how the very wonders of the universe appeared before her. It would have all been quite fantastic were she not sure that she had stopped breathing and this was all some mad hallucination.
Then thankfully the world went black and Twilight decided to greet her newfound friend, the table with her head.