Memories of a Sparkling Star
I still remember that day like it was yesterday.
It was a beautiful autumn day and the turning leaves fell down to the ground in the most graceful of movements. We had spent most of the day reading; I read the latest installment of my favourite adventure series, and you read one of your massive tomes about astronomy or some other scientific subject. Sometimes I wish I had listened better when you explained it to me.
You look so cute when you’re reading.
It started with what seemed like a cold. The weather was getting colder so it was understandable, and we passed it off as nothing much. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, aside from the occasional visit from our friends.
But a few days passed, and you weren't getting any better. In fact, you were getting worse. I made up my mind to take you to the doctor, but he said it was nothing serious. He said that it would pass over the next few days.
Boy, was he wrong.
I still can’t quite believe what happened. All our days together were so perfect they almost seemed like a dream, making this just seem like a nightmare. Even so, I told myself that everything was going to be fine; that you were going to be fine.
Sometimes I look back at those days, and notice now what I didn't see before: the increasing tiredness and weakness, the coldness in the morning and the fact that you still weren't getting any better.
Far from it.
Then came the day that I always try to forget. I try to think that it never happened; that for some reason, I'm trapped in a recurring nightmare, and that I will wake to see your beautiful eyes. I try to push reality aside, and live in my own head. But I will never forget what happened.
Never.
I woke before you; an oddity in itself. But something was wrong. There wasn't the normal heat radiating from your body. You were cold. Very cold. I rushed you straight to the hospital, knowing that my own movement would carry you much faster than any hospital transport could. In retrospect, I guess it wasn't my brightest idea. After all, exposing someone to bracing winds while they are ill and already quite cold can’t be good. But I did it nonetheless. I almost broke through the hospital doors in my hurry to get you somewhere where you could be helped. As quickly as possible, I told the attendant at the desk exactly what was going on and she rapidly called some of the doctors to come and take you into one of the hospital rooms. I was left in the pathetic excuse for a waiting room, silently praying that you would come out alright.
‘Everything will be fine, Dash,’ I kept telling myself, ‘Everything will be just fine.’
Of course, the universe being how it is, everything was not fine.
It was cancer. Not just any cancer, but a cancer of the horn. So rare that most of the medical staff hadn't even heard of it. One of the senior doctors said that it could be stopped by removal of the horn, providing that the patient hadn't been using any magic. I grimaced at that; you’d been using magic ever since you fell ill. You’d used it for all sorts; from healing spells to just eating. They told me that the cancer would have spread. Had spread, in fact, to such a point that all the major parts of your body were being attacked at once. They said you had two days left, at the most.
Two days.
Most of that time was spent with me just sat there, watching your chest rise and fall; a constant reminder that you were still alive. It was during that time that I thought back to when we first went out. It was a memory I would treasure.
I had come to your house, and nervously knocked on your door. Soon enough, I saw your beautiful face peep out from behind it. As you invited me in, I gave you the small bunch of flowers I bought from Rose. I went specially out of my way to find some lovely, purple flowers simply because they matched your eyes.
“There must be a reason you got me these,” you said, interested, “What would that be?”
“Well,” I began, “I’ve never been a good one with words, but here goes. Ever since I met you, I've always thought that you were nice. You were the kindest, sweetest soul that I ever met. And over the past few days, I've realised that there was a possibility that we could have something much more than friendship. I guess what I'm saying it, will you go out with me?”
I still remember the look on your face when I told you that.
I also remember the sparkle true to your name in your eyes when you kissed me.
At first, I thought that it must be a dream; that there was no way in the whole of Equestria that you were kissing me. But as it went on, I slowly began to believe my senses as I kissed you back. From then on in, we had so many great times, like when we pranked Pinkie and got into a prank war, to when we would just sit by the lone boulder by the strawberry fields and just watch the sunset as the sky turned a mixture of blue and purple.
That was over a year ago, but I still thought about it as I sat next to you while you laid in the hospital bed, the slow rise and fall of your chest becoming hypnotic. The look on your face was one of peace and tranquility, as if even in your dying moments, you were happy. And there was no place I’d rather be that by your side.
On the second day, all of our friends came over; Pinkie, Rares, AJ and Flutters. As usual, Rares did this big, dramatic scene of sorrow. Except this time, no-one questioned her. AJ had to be the most emotional out of them all, hardly what I expected from the tough mare. She very nearly cried her eyes out, almost forcing me into tears with her, though I had cried enough already. Fluttershy just collapsed into a small pile of sobbing on one of the chairs. And this had to be one of the only times I've seen Pinkie’s mane de-poof, to that’s even a word. I don’t think the party animal could comprehend the emotion of sadness, and I don’t think that the full force of what was happening kicked in until a few days later.
Soon, they all left, one by one. I was the only one who stayed. I sat by you and watched as your lavender coat seemed to fade and grow duller. I lay at your side, my wings wrapped around you as your body grew colder. I kissed you as you let out your final breath.
All I do now is hide up in my cloud home, away from anyone else. The others keep telling me how all good things must come to an end, and that I should come down and just carry on with life. But I stay up in my cloud home, only leaving to visit you.
And that is where I sit right now, talking to you. Yeah right, I'm just talking to thin air. I must look mad. But there’s some small part of me that hopes you can hear me. A small part of me that sees you sat beside me, in all of your beauty. While the rest of me sits here and looks at you gravestone, repeatedly reading what is engraved upon it.
‘Here lies Twilight Sparkle. An Alicorn Princess, a good friend to all that she met, and a beautiful marefriend to Rainbow Dash. She will be dearly missed.’
And that small part of me sees you in my dreams, your violet mane with its pink highlight, your lavender coat, bright and beautiful. Your deep purple eyes looking into mine. It smells you. That unmistakable scent of books and tree sap that I would recognise anywhere. It hears you. Your bright laugh and lovely voice. And it feels you. Your forelegs wrapped around me and your lips upon mine.
And that is the part of me that I hold on to. The part that sees you in my dreams. The part that closes its eyes and sees you lying next to me. It is the part of me that I truly live in.
I cannot wait for sleep.