Celestia's room was great. Really, it was. It didn't just have a comfy looking bed and a door that locks, but it also had a dumbwaiter, a huge bathroom - which makes sense given how fascinatingly humongous she is - a balcony, and a walk in closet. Next to the dumbwaiter was a speaker type thing that was really just a pipe running from the room to the kitchen that you spoke through.
One would think that changelings would disguise as her more often, but really the only plus side to it would be controlling the country, and no changeling could pull that off because Celestia never leaves because she doesn't have a life outside of being a ruler. And a changeling doesn't acquire the magical prowess of a unicorn, so it's not like a changeling disguised as her could raise the sun. Really, it'd like a midget on stilts trying to win a jumping contest. It just wouldn't work. Shadow had snagged the golden opportunity, and he planned to live it up.
Had someone peeked into the room, they would've seen Celestia take a few steps back and gallop forward and leap upon her bed before bouncing off with a yelp and collapsing in a heap beside it. Shadow sprang up, glancing at the bed before slowly getting into it. His eyes widened, "Chrysalis' crippling cooch, that's comfy!" He shouted, snuggling deep into the sheets.
Compared to the shitty conditions of the hive, this place was heaven. Public executions every Monday and constant starvation didn't look too good compared to endless love and a comfy bed. Yeah, I could stay here forever. Maybe just... hide in her closet or something when she comes back. It was an entertaining thought, but it would never work, and so he lay there for a few moments longer, then dragged himself out of the bed.
He stood there beside the bed for a few more moments, his mind blank. He could literally do almost anything he wanted, and he didn't know what he wanted to do. He could control the entire country, he could start a war, kill millions, he could order the entire country to not get out of bed, he could ban marshmallows. "I'm hungry." The next biggest questions was: what did he want? Cake. He craved cake.
He glanced at the dumbwaiter, then shook his head. He was supposed to be gone doing political shit. He'd have to be sneaky.
<....>
Being a changeling, Shadow Shell knew how to sneak. Unfortunately, he did not know how to sneak on marble floors. He quickly learned that hooves on marble resulted in a very un-sneaky environment. He hurriedly ducked into a small closet and grimaced. There was no way he'd reach the kitchen without anypony... noticing...
One set of socks from Celestia's room and a cardboard box from the closet later, Shadow was ready to begin the hunt. He'd cut a small rectangle in the box allowing him to see out of it, and the socks silenced any noise. The halls were clear, and the night had almost fallen. The castle proper was empty of guests, and the only threats were maids and patrolling guards. And Luna, Celestia's mysterious sister.
Rumors were floating around the dignitaries" she's a demon, that she eats children, she watches you have wet dreams and then wakes you up before you climax, truly awful things. It was all fake, of course, seeing as how during the changeling invasion, he'd seen Luna passed out on the couch in her room with a couple empty bottles of jack laying beside her. Now, if hypothetically somepony were able to read his mind and see his thoughts, they'd wonder: "Why didn't he kill the princess or something equally changeling like?" Well hypothetical reader, it's because Shadow Shell's an incompetent prick, who'd rather search her room for the rest of her jack than take over a nation.
On the subject of Shadow Shell, he was currently crawling through the halls of the castle under a cardboard box. The socks muffled his hooves perfectly, making into a large, cardboard shadow. It was kind of awkward to move, however, seeing as how he had legs for days and the neck of a giraffe. This resulted in a position where his barrel was nearly sliding along the marble, and his legs angled upward above his body, then bent at the joint to reach the floor, effectively fitting the six foot horse into a cardboard box. Effectively being used loosely, as every time he took a step, the box would bounce, resulting in a bouncing, shuddering cardboard box.
So far, the Quest for Cake had been a success, but then again, he'd only just left the room, and there was still time for God, life's asshole dungeon master, to throw a Tarrasque at him. In his younger years, he'd been prone to beating the shit out of a high school student, then playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. Over time, he and the student started a kind of relationship, where they would switch off on who got to go play. Then the kid went to college to study cryptozoology. Then he got killed and eaten by an Owlbear. At least he died doing what he loved, kind of.
While he was thinking about dead kids, a night guard rounded the corner of the hallway. Shadow froze in the center of the hall. The guard trotted up, curiously, and gazed at the box illuminated in the moonlight before seeing a pair of unblinking, bright pink eyes staring at him from within. He began to grow uneasy as the eyes seemed to pierce his very soul. He began to whine and scoot around the box, the eyes following him until he was behind. He began to trot off, feeling relieved at being able to get away from that terrifying cardboard box, when he heard a noise. He slowly turned around to see the box had turned, and the eyes were watching him. Judging him. Scheming.
Tears began to well in his eyes as he stared at those merciless eyes from within the depths of that Celestia cursed cardboard box. Finally, he broke down, wailing and holding his head in his hooves. He fell to the floor and curled into the fetal position, sobbing. The box wordlessly turned and bounced away. The fuck was that guy's problem?
<....>
Princess Luna, ruler of the night, strolled through the halls of the castle, basking in the moonlight that shone through the windows. She had a big day tomorrow, what with her sister being away to quell the brewing war. How she loved her night. The night was always so calm. Too dark to wage war, a time for rest and peace. A time to look back on the day and reflect. Then she heard the wracking sobs.
She quickly galloped through the maze of halls until she reached the source. One of her night guard was huddled in a ball, sobbing. She knelt by his side, checking him for wounds. "Young guard, what hath happened to you?"
"D...The Devil! It's here... By the Maker, it's here!" He screamed hysterically, sobbing harder.
Luna's eyes widened. A demon? A chance to prove myself worthy in combat! "You will tell me where it went, now!" She screamed, slamming a hoof beside the guard's head.
"The kitchen!" He screamed, burying his head into his hooves and sobbing uncontrollably before losing control of his bladder and pissing onto the marble.
Meanwhile, Luna took off towards the kitchen, a maniac grin donning her face. "I'm coming for you, demon!"
<....>
Target spotted, moving in to engage. The box was thrown off and Shadow emerged in all of Celestia's glory. A cake was laid out on one of the many chrome tables. He started for it, his mouth watering, when he heard a shout from just down the hall, "I'm coming for you, demon!"
Oh shit! much speed and very little grace, Shadow dove behind one of the chrome tables as the door to the kitchen burst open. It was silent for a moment, and Shadow dared a peek from around the table. It's Luna... She was staring at the abandoned cardboard box. "Come out and fight me so that I may slay you, demon!" She shouted, levitating a long knife off of a table. She looked towards Shadow's table just as he tucked back down.
Can't fight a god, gotta get the hell out! He quickly crawled from table to table as Luna scanned the room with a predatory gaze. "I know you're in here..." She muttered, her hooves clomping loudly on the floor. She was pacing down the rows of tables now, just on the other side of Shadow. He quickly scrambled away from her and hid behind a table further away just as she looked over the table. She glared at the spot Shadow had been in before snorting and continuing on her way. Shadow leaned forward to move, which caused a precariously balanced ladle to fall from the table and clatter onto the floor.
Luna's head shot up. "Come out foul beast, and your death shall be swift and brutal!" She shouted as Shadow crawled down the isle. Luna then jumped up on top of the table and scanned the room. Shadow knew that he was running out of places to run to, he had to hide somewhere.
Then, he saw it. A small cupboard just big enough to fit him and his new planetary sized ass. He quickly scrambled into it and attempted to shut the door, but it was jammed. He looked up and saw Luna face at the end of the isle, piercing his gaze. "You dare posses my sister!? I am sorry, sister, but the only way to stop you is to dismember you! Forgive me!" She screamed without any trace of remorse as she charged towards shadow horn first, letting out a strange animal like shriek. Shadow just sat there staring at her reflection in the chrome plated table as Luna charged down the isle and slammed into the equally chrome plated table, impaling it with her horn and knocking her out.
Shadow continued to stare at the reflection of her limp body before sticking his head out of the cupboard and staring at her actual limp body. Then he crawled out, grabbed the cake, and ran. He ran, grinning through the halls with the cake in his grasp. He'd done it. He'd survived the confrontation with the insane goddess! He felt like he could take on the world. Then he tripped over the sobbing guard from earlier. The cake hit a window, which shattered, then soared off into the night sky.
Shadow stared at the window for a moment as he lay on the floor next to the guard who was beginning to recover from his ordeal. "P-Princess Cel-Celestia?" He asked in awe, his voice quivering from all the crying.
"I fucking hate you," Shadow said to him, his voice seething. Shadow slowly, lest he lose control and fling the guard out the window, started back to Celestia's room.
The shit I let other people get away with. He thought as the guard let out an anguished wail and began to sob again in the puddle of his own urine.