The ponies of the Nonrational Service managed to get a car to themselves on the train to Hollow Shades. It was not a popular destination, so the train was half-empty. Besides, the odd, brown-coated stallion with them unnerved the civilians. His constant grin was vaguely eerie, and ponies could swear the question mark he had for a cutie mark looked slightly different every time they saw it.
"Could you at least try not to creep out the passengers?" Shining Armor asked the mysterious pony.
"You're the one who said I should blend in," Discord replied, still grinning.
"You could blend in better if you didn't change your cutie mark every three minutes," Firecracker Burst grumbled.
"Yes! I was waiting for somepony to call me on that!" Discord declared with a laugh.
"Captain, I have to ask, what's our plan for this?" Cherry Cola asked. "I mean, what're we gonna do about this... thing?"
"Last time we just had to go hunting for it," Shining said, "the hard part was making it look like we were alone when we really weren't. Basically, all of us were bait."
"Yeah, not lookin' forward to doing that again," Jetstream complained.
"We can't even evacuate the civilians, if we do the target will just vanish and appear somewhere else," Blue October added. "This will be a difficult operation."
"That's why we brought Mister Grins-And-Smiles along," Shining said, waving a hoof at Discord. "All your big talk made me think you have a plan, so why don't you tell us what it is?"
"Oh, Shining Armor, how could a Prince of Equestria be so woefully naive?" The false pity in Discord's voice was tooth-gnashingly obvious.
"You don't have a plan." Shining muttered.
"Of course not!" Discord's pronouncement was gleeful and (inexplicably) exasperated at the same time. "Look, take what I've already told you about our tuxedoed friend and rattle it around in that head of yours. You'll figure it out."
"You said the target relies on predictability, so we need to be unpredictable to beat it... Oh good grief," Shining facehoofed. "You don't have a plan because plans are inherently organized and can therefore be predicted. Of course."
"Ha-ha! I knew you could figure it out!" Discord remained characteristically gleeful. "It must be said, you're taking this rather well! Your sister, dear friend though she is, would've tried to throw me out a window by now."
"That's still an option."
"Isn't it always? Oops, looks like we're here!"
Clouds made of crumpled wrapping paper drifted across the sky, sporadically releasing light rains of grape soda down onto the zebra-striped grass below. A pair of bushes used infinite sets of slogan-bearing posters to debate theology while an all-rabbit marching band in matching green top hats paraded by, playing the Liberty Bell March. A pair of earth ponies fought a duel by proxy using strange and mysterious creatures that lived in metallic spheres while a passing unicorn used her horn, which spun like a drill, to burrow into the ground. A copse of trees in the park were working together in an effort to create a new subgenre of heavy metal, but were making no progress because they were too attached to power ballads to perform anything else. A small pegasus filly stirred unidentified spice-like substances into a cauldron of lukewarm ice, cackling to herself about 'mind control water'. Meanwhile, a large, grumpy-looking, long-haired cat named Rowsdower composed a long and fascinating essay on the debate between nature and nurture, with input and supporting evidence provided by his talking quill and some passing hedgehogs in three-piece suits.
Discord had arrived at Hollow Shades.
"Was all of this really necessary?" Shining asked as the town hall drifted by on a light breeze. Rope bridges were attached to the chunk of earth upon which the town hall floated, connecting it to three other hovering land masses, each with their own house, shed, or other building. Some of these structures were upside down, sideways, or some angle in between, but since each had its own 'up' and 'down' separate from gravity at large, this caused no trouble except disorientation. The bridges had been Cherry Cola's idea.
"I said I'd put it all back, didn't I?" Discord replied, beaming with unrestrained glee. He had frustratingly abandoned his pony form, and with it, all hopes of information security. All Shining Armor could do was rely on the spreading rumors of Discord's reformation as he tried to convince the civilians that this was all part of official Royal Guard business. The trick would be doing that without spreading classified information all over the place, much like the watermelon jam that a pair of enterprising ferrets were currently spreading on a nearby shrubbery.
"Here's another fun fact about our problem colt," Discord barged unceremoniously into Shining's train of thought, "remember how I said I've fought him? Well, let me tell you, our skinny friend out there just absolutely hates me, for some silly reason."
"I can't imagine why," Shining grumbled sarcastically.
"Me either!" Discord agreed, "but he knows my magic when he feels it, and he'll come looking for me. Probably intent on settling the score or whatever. He acts all blank and emotionless, but he sure knows how to not like a guy, let me tell you."
"If he's coming here, we have to intercept him before he reaches the town," Cola pointed out, "we don't want the civilians to even see this thing."
"Well, you did tell them to stay inside and shutter all the windows and such," Discord said, "but I suppose I see your point. Don't worry, I already know which direction he's coming from. Follow me, ponies!" Discord began to fly away, but stopped short when he realized that none of the ponies were actually following him. Turning around in mid-air, he asked, "what? Don't you want to put a stop to our sharp-dressed suspect's malfeasance?"
"We don't take orders from you," Firecracker replied, hostility clear in her voice.
"Oh, Firecracker Burst, you're no fun," Discord grumbled, "look, unless you have an idea better than putting this troublemaker in another jar so he can escape again in a few years, I suggest you follow my lead." Firecracker merely gritted her teeth and glared.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, and I'm sure I'll regret it," Shining interjected with a sigh, "but Discord has operational command of the Nonrational Service for the duration of Incident Thin Stallion."
"Captain, you can't-!" Firecracker began.
"Lieutenant Firecracker Burst, this is a Stage Five Crisis involving a Type Four Hostile Entity, which means I have total control of all Royal Guard assets available, and only a Princess of Equestria can gainsay my orders. So unless Celestia made you the Princess of Pyrotechnics while I wasn't looking and I just haven't noticed your wings yet, yes I darn well can!"
"... Yes sir," Firecracker grumbled after a brief pause. Shining sighed.
"Not that anypony's required to like my orders," the Captain admitted, "but -and let's add this to the list of things I can't believe I said today- Discord is our best option right now."
"Don't worry, Shining, all kinds of unbelievable things happen when I'm around," Discord said, "now then, let's go!"
The ponies Nonrational Service, with Discord leading the way, found themselves at the edge of the forest. Cautiously, they crossed the treeline into the dark of the thick woods. Well, the ponies were cautious. Discord floated and cackled all the while. Leaves turned all the colors of the rainbow as he passed, except for the ones that turned into comic book pages. Badgers drove about on tiny combine harvesters while flying squirrels assembled prototype helicopters. Suddenly, Discord stopped short as several pebbles sprouted wings and horns before taking to the sky.
"Ah, the stallion of the hour!" Discord announced as several trees uprooted themselves in order to walk off in a huff, revealing the tall, faceless stallion that had been lurking in their shadows. "Well, stallionoid hatemonster from outside of reality. Or was that Tirek? I always get you two confused."
"Why did we bring you along again?" Firecracker grumbled.
"Because I can do this," Discord said mildly as the small clearing yanked itself free of the earth and rose into the sky.
"So, I can't help but notice that our target isn't, well, doing anything," Cherry Cola pointed out. "That doesn't seem to match the documentation."
"Correct," Blue October said. "Under normal circumstances, it is violently hostile when cornered."
"Under normal circumstances, I'm not here," Discord explained. "Our beanpole of a friend over there never quite knows what to do when I'm around. At least until he gets angry."
"So, uh, what do we do?" Jetstream asked.
"I suppose you could rough him up a bit if you want," Discord suggested.
Shining Armor glanced at Discord. "Are you serious?"
"Not usually, but I'm making an exception this time."
"You do realize what happens to ponies that try to fight this thing, right?"
"Well I'm not very well going to let that happen, Shining Armor. Don't you trust me?"
"Did you really, actually, honestly just ask me that?"
"... No roughing him up, then?"
"Absolutely none."
"Fine, fine, I suppose it's about time I got rid of our little problem child anyway." With that, Discord turned to face the faceless creature, which was moving slowly towards the ponies, head low, apparently wary. "Let me warn you, my little ponies, this is going to get weird." Discord added with a grin, cracking his mismatched knuckles.
The universe was at once infinitely massive and unspeakably tiny. Zeroes and ones cascaded into the atmosphere from deep space before transforming into finned microphones and diving into the sea. Several hammerhead sharks invented jetpacks and became vegans, and Rowsdower was asked repeatedly if there was a connection. He doubted it. The be-suited hedgehogs turned into cyan grandfather clocks and started a tofurkey business to meet the increased demand for substitute meat products.
"Um, Captain?"
"What's up, Cherry Cola?"
"Actually, now may not be the best time."
"Come on, Cola, out with it."
"It's just I seem to be a full-length mirror. I, uh, I'm not sure how long I've been this way."
"I'm pretty sure that's something to do with Discord's magic. You'll notice that I seem to have become a purple ocelot."
"I didn't want to say anything, but yes, you do appear to be an ocelot. Although now you're pink."
"Looks that way. I'll probably be green in a minute."
"I hate to interrupt," Jetstream interrupted, "but I seem to be a turquoise-and-cyan zebra. And, nothing against zebras, but I really wish he'd turn me into something that could fly. Talk about not knowing what you've got 'til it's gone."
"At least you're still shaped like a pony," Firecracker Burst grumbled. Her light bulb flickered on and off as she talked. All of them were fairly sure the brick-red hummingbird buzzing around the group was Blue October, but she didn't have anything to say.
"Has anypony seen Discord?" Shining Armor asked.
"I thought I saw him fighting Entity Six Hundred on that molehill that's hanging from the moon," Firecracker said, her pendulum swinging in time to her words. The ponies turned to face the gigantic mound, which was indeed suspended from the moon by four lengths of fishing line. Neither troublemaker was visible.
"Wait, there they are!" Cola said. "On that ship made of donuts in the bay of milk!"
"That's a three-masted schooner," Jetstream observed admiringly. "Nice ship, by the looks of her."
"Did Discord just suplex Six Hundred?" Firecracker asked, her box spring creaking in confusion.
"Yeah, looked like a fisherpony suplex to me," Shining confirmed. "Looks like he's going for the finish-"
Shining Armor blinked. To his great relief, he was once again a unicorn pony, and not in any way a green ocelot. In fact, all of the ponies of the Nonrational Service appeared to have returned to being ponies. The chunk of earth was once again in its place as part of the planet's surface.
"Well that, um, that happened," Cherry Cola was absolutely baffled.
"It sure did," Jetstream contributed.
"There now, wasn't that fun?" Discord asked.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Shining Armor said flatly. "What happened to Entity Six Hundred?"
"I sent him on a one-way trip back where he came from."
"You're going to have to elaborate."
"I told you he was from outside reality, right? That's where I put him."
"You're honestly telling me you can exile ponies from existence?"
"Only if they don't belong here."
"I'm adding that to your Monitored Entity profile."
"I'll be sure to give it a read later, to make sure you've done me justice," Discord said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tea party to get to." With that, Discord vanished in a flash of paisley-patterned light.
"Well, I'll admit causing Entity Six Hundred to stop existing wasn't how I envisioned this ending, but I have to admit, it has a certain appeal to it," Shining Armor said, turning to face the other ponies. "Let's deal with the fallout from Discord's playing around and put a lid on Incident Thin Stallion."