“Okay. This is, uh, gonna take some explaining.”
A deafening silence. Great.
“Well, you see, sometimes I get... you know, frisky.”
“Pinkie Pie, I really don't want to hear any story that begins with you getting 'frisky'.”
Okay, yeah, that was probably the wrong place to start this, but Rainbow Dash would probably have reacted that way regardless. Rarity gave her a dirty look before turning back to Pinkie Pie. “Go on, Pinkie. I'm sure you're going somewhere that can be considered polite conversation with this.”
Hoo boy.
“Uh, okay, maybe not quite 'polite' conversation, but important conversation.”
“...”
“Look, just let me finish, okay?”
“... Maaaaaaybe we shouldn't be havin' this conversation in the middle of the town square.”
And once again, Applejack proved to be the voice of reason. Or at least the voice of better-at-thinking-things-through-than-Pinkie-is. Pinkie made a note to herself to do that thing that she just thought about AJ doing more often.
“To the library?”
Twilight Sparkle to the rescue. You can always count on Twilight.
The walk to the library was short, but tense. Pinkie Pie seemed unable to stay still, constantly looking from left to right and fidgeting nervously, which made walking difficult. What should have been a ten minute walk took twice that long, which frustrated Rainbow Dash to no end. “Look, Pinkie, I've got stuff I need to do, can we hurry this up?”
No response.
Rainbow Dash groaned.
The library was mostly empty, besides Spike, who Twilight quietly chased off. “So, Pinkie, you were saying?”
“Do you have any peanut butter? I could really go for some peanut butter right now. Not sandwiches, just peanut butter. And pickled eggs, and maybe some-”
“Pinkie Pie.”
“Okay, okay, fine. But you owe me peanut butter later.”
Twilight was unamused. Pinkie fidgeted. “Well, okay, like I said, sometimes I get, you know, frisky.” Rainbow Dash groaned. “And, well, it's a thing, you know? That happens to ponies, it's normal, nothing weird. So I just sneak off to my room and, you know, diddle.”
Fluttershy found herself dragged out of the corner she was cowering in, her tail enveloped in light blue magic. Rarity was giving her a Look that said 'if I have to sit through this, so does everypony else.' “Go on, Pinkie, darling.”
“Well, so, anyway, I was... you know... diddling,” another groan from Rainbow Dash, “when. Um. Are you sure you don't have any peanut butter?”
“Pinkie Pie...”
“Okay, okay. I was, um, that, when I guess I got a little loud?”
“Why are you telling us this.”
“I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it! Sheesh. So anyway I was doing the thing and I guess I got a little loud or maybe he just needed me to do something but anyway Mr Cake walked in on me - you'd think he'd knock, right, but he totally didn't! Rude, right? - So anyway I was right in the middle of doing the thing and he just barged into my room and so things were awkward and we talked and it turns out that he and Mrs Cake haven't been... You know. Doing it. As much. Lately. Yeah.”
“Pinke, are you going somewhere with this?”
“I am! I am! So anyway, we talked and I may have, um, flirted a bit -”
“Ew.”
“Rainbow Dash! Don't be rude!”
“What? He's got a weird looking face!”
“That just makes it ruder!”
“It's totally true, though!”
“Yes, but you shouldn't say that! You might hurt somepony's feelings!”
“Yeah, Rainbow Dash, what if somepony said that about you?”
“No one's gonna say that about me, unless they're lying.”
“Well... okay, true enough, but what if someone pointed out how your buttcheeks are kind of lopsided?”
“My butt isn't lopsided!”
“Your butt is totally lopsided.”
“Is not!”
“Is too.”
“Not not not not not!”
“Totally is.”
“I'm with Twilight on this one, sugarcube. 's just a little wonky, but it's definitely wonky.”
“Um, it's not that wonky, is it?”
“It's pretty wonky.”
“I can't believe I'm hearing this! You guys are all crazy!”
“I HAD SEX WITH MR CAKE AND NOW I'M PREGNANT!”
Once again, there was a deafening silence.
“So... You're super sure you don't have any peanut butter?”