//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: Pinkie's Realization // Story: A Zoologist Dream // by Sonson-Sensei //------------------------------// Pinkie’s Realization “So, do you think you’ve managed to have enough fun while we were here?” Bon Bon asked Lyra as they stood waiting at Canterlot’s train station platform. “For your sake, I hope you have. I’m so ready to get back to Ponyville and leave all this craziness behind me.” Lyra awkwardly pawed at the cobblestones beneath her, sending a lone pebble bouncing across the ground. “Do you think I could ask you a favor?” Bon Bon studied Lyra carefully before letting out an exhausted breath of air. She’d just about reached her limit as far as she was concerned. “What is it now, Lyra? And please don’t tell me it has to do with what was going on in that meeting, I’ve already told you, I want no part of it.” “I just want to stay here in Canterlot for one week. They’ll be leaving after that,” Lyra stated. “I can’t tell you the details of what’s going on, but I’m asking for a solid here.” Bon Bon’s ears flattened as she frowned. “Listen, Lyra, I’m not your mother, if you want to stay here for a week, and continue to play this ridiculous game, that’s your business, but I’ve got my candy shop to run. I can’t stay, somepony’s got to put food on the table because, well…” “Yeah, I know I’m broke, don’t remind me,” Lyra grumbled. “Honestly, I’m surprised you still put up with me. Not that I don’t appreciate it.” “Lucky for you, I hate cats, and I’m allergic to dogs, and you happen to make a good substitute,” Bon Bon teased as she playfully pushed Lyra with a hoof, much to her chagrin. “But don’t sweat it, you know I’ll never pressure you to settle for doing something you don’t love just to make some bits we don’t really need.” “Damn, I wish I had a friend like you,” Keon said, inviting himself into their conversation. “People don’t usually take kindly to moochers back in our world.” “Moochers?” Bon Bon repeated. “Yeah, yah know, that bum of a friend who crashes on your couch and eats up all your shit without asking?” “Ignore him,” Chris said with a sigh. He turned to Keon. “And can you go two seconds without being a prick?” “And can you go two seconds without being a white knight?” Keon returned in kind. “Besides, you know I’m just joshing with them.” “Yeah, but try and tone the joshing down while you’re gone; remember, there’s children where you’re going,” Chris said. “I’m not gonna be there to babysit you, so behave yourself.” Bon Bon looked curious as she tilted her head. “And where are you headed?” Keon shifted his backpack and pointed to the train tracks. “Aren’t we waiting for a train that goes to someplace called Ponytown?” “I told you already, silly, it’s called Ponyville,” Pinkie chirped, bouncing up to them in her trademark fashion with Gummy clamped on tight to her thick, curly mane. “Huh?” Bon Bon mouthed. “You’re going to Ponyville? But you’re the crazy human,” Bon Bon tapped Lyra as her eyes danced back and forth between the human and the direction of Ponyville. “Why is the crazy one coming?” Lyra shrugged. “Beats me.” “First of all, I’m not crazy, I’m just free spirited,” Keon argued. “Besides, that’s no way to talk to the guy that’s going to be crashing at your place tonight.” “What!?” Bon Bon screeched with a look of horror on her face. “By who's authority?” “Chill out,” Dash said as she, along with Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Spike, came walking up to stand alongside them on the platform. “He’s just pulling your tail. He’s not staying at your place.” “And you needn’t worry, we’ll have him out of your mane within a few hours,” Rarity added. “His visit will only last for the afternoon.” “Yeah, since it’ll only take me like a whole minute to let the Cakes know I’ll be gone for a bit, I can come back to Canterlot right away,” Pinkie explained. “So, I figured I’d tag along since that’s the case. Yah know, have Pinkie show me where more down-to-earth ponies kick it.” Keon said. “Not that the aristocrats haven’t been just peachy.” “So, you’re all heading back to Ponyville then?” Bon Bon asked. “I’ll actually be staying here in Canterlot with Chris,” Twilight answered. “We’ve got a lot of work here to be done, but the rest of the girls need to make arrangements back in Ponyville. Fortunately, I have Spike to look after the library,” she finished, giving Spike an affectionate nuzzle. “Always happy to be of service,” Spike stated while puffing out his chest proudly as though he were waiting to have a medal pinned to it. Chris raised an eyebrow, finding it rather strange how happy Spike seemed to be about his subservient position in life. Being the assistant of a purple pony that just barely reached five feet with her horn, it hardly sounded like something a dragon should have taken pride in. Or perhaps it was something that held prestige in their society, he didn’t know enough about it to say otherwise. After all, as far as he knew, ponies were running the ship, especially if the absurd notion of Celestia and Luna having control of their sun and moon held water. He’d still not yet fully grasped that concept, even with the aid of an old, dusty book that helped him by divulging that their sun wasn’t really a sun at all, or any type of star for that matter, but something entirely artificial. Supposedly, their natural sun had expired nearly an aeon ago and the dragons of ancient times had forged a replacement with their dragon flame and life force. An impossible yet morbid feat if it were true, considering that the book claimed that nearly ten million dragons had sacrificed their lives to create the ball of fire floating outside the atmosphere above the planet. A noble act to be sure, although it had proven to be a near genocide for the dragon population, which had allowed ponies to take the helm of Equis with their superior numbers. “I don’t really need to go myself, since Discord said he’ll look after all of my animal friends, but I just want to use this week to spend some time with them,” Fluttershy added. “Well, Ah’m just hopin' Lemon Drop don’t mind stickin' around the farm a mite longer,” Applejack said. “And that mah purse can take a little more of a beating.” “I’m sure we can have you reimbursed,” Chris assured her. Applejack raised an eyebrow challengingly. “So, you’ve got Equestrian bits to throw mah way now?” Chris shook his head. “No, but Celestia said that all funding for this venture would be provided by the crown. I’d wager your expenses are covered.” “Ah’ll hold yah to that, pardner,” Applejack said just as the loud whistling of the approaching train pierced the air around them. “Well, I’ll hold it to our benefactor,” Chris said with a forced chuckle as he watched the train come to a screeching halt in front of the platform. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Did the Muffin Man design this gingerbread train?” Keon mumbled, taking in every detail of the colorful train as it rumbled and hummed on the tracks. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I could eat the damn thing.” “Attempting such an act would prove hazardous to your health and as such it is my obligation to advice against it.” Keon turned towards the unfamiliar voice and spotted a dark blue pegasus sporting a long, wavy, powder blue mane. She was dressed in a lightweight, navy colored armor with a crescent moon emblem etched on the front of it. Keon gave a wolf-whistle. “Who’s this?” he asked no one in particular as he pointed at the pegasus. “Luna’s love child or something? They look just alike.” “I have to wonder how you didn’t notice her trailing behind you since we left the castle,” Twilight said, wearing an amused smirk on her lips.“But to answer your questions, first, no, Princess Luna has no children, second, she is actually your guard for the time that you’ll be away,” she explained. “Princess Luna insisted that you have one, preferably one that would make sure that you behaved yourself.” “Damn, a chaperone,” Keon grumbled under his breath. “How am I’m supposed to cut loose with this ball and chain strapped to me?” “I must not leave much of an impression if you’ve already forgotten me,” the pegasus spoke up in a stiff tone, one not befitting of her beauty, and roused Keon from his musings. “Or perhaps the absence of my night guard armor is to blame for this lapse.” “Wait, you’re Nightmane?” Keon asked, his eyes widening considerably. “I guess Luna wasn’t kidding about the magic armor.” Nightmane nodded. “So, you’re not so forgetful then?” “Give me a break, sweetcheeks,” Keon said with a roll of his eyes. “You looked and sounded completely different before.” “Never address me as sweetcheeks,” Nightmane warned in a steely tone. “Let me guess, Sweetcheeks is your cousin,” Keon joked, only to receive a not so amused expression from Nightmane in return. “Sorry, I find no amusement in your humor. Now, will you be so kind as to board the train? I would prefer we find good seating,” Nightmane said, more an order than a suggestion. “I’m so not sitting next to you…” Nightmane cut him off. “You will not impede me from fulfilling my duty to Princess Luna. So long as I’m assigned as your guard we may as well be conjoined twins. I suggest you get used to it.” A low rumbling sound came from Pinkie’s gullet, who had been standing a short distance away from the two. Applejack tilted her head and quirked a brow. “Uh, Sugar Cube, did you jus'…growl?” Pinkie hastily shook her head, beaming, “Of course not, why would I be growling? That was probably just my tummy rumbling.” Keon made to protest Nightmane’s proclamation but thought better of it when he noticed the glare she was sending his way. “I mean…sure, I’ll find us some good seats,” he said quickly as he walked on to the nearest train compartment. “See yah later, Chris, Twilight!” he got out before he entered the train. “You too, uh…, Lyra?” he called out from out of view. “Whoa, what a grouchy old nag,” Lyra commented the moment Nightmane entered the train compartment after Keon. Bon Bon gasped. “Lyra!” “What? I call 'em like I see 'em,” she said with a shrug. “Did Princess Luna really have to send such a hard-flank?” “If you ask me, that one doesn’t know how to behave himself,” Bon Bon replied. “A good stern pony like that Nightmane is just what’s needed.” Chris grinned mischievously. “I guess Luna took my advice then.” “And what advice was that?” Rarity asked curiously. “I suggested she send along a guard that takes minimal bullshit,” Chris answered. “If you have no one there to slap him on the wrist he’ll act like an idiot. Put someone there to kick him in the ass and he’ll behave himself.” “Sorry, I was under the impression that you two were friends.” Rarity stated with an amused grin. “That seems rather cruel of you.” “We call that tough love where I’m from,” Chris responded with an easygoing shrug. “Hey, Pinkie, what’s gotten you so spaced out?” Dash asked while waving a hoof in front of Pinkie’s expressionless face. “Equis to Pinkie, somepony home in there?” Dash persisted. Pinkie blinked a few times before coming to her senses. “There was that feeling again, just like with Chris, now it’s that meanie head Nightmane making my hooves tremble.” Pinkie lifted a hoof to her face and stared at it, “I just can’t figure out what this feeling is,” she mumbled to herself as she placed the hoof under her chin in a thinking pose. “I’m pretty good with feelings, why can’t I place this one?” Pinkie pried Gummy from her mane and stared into his pale purple eyes. “What do you think Gummy?” Dash quirked her brow as she listened to Pinkie talk to her…pet. “You know, you’re acting really weird. Well, weirder,” Dash commented. “Of course, you’re a genius, Gummy!” Pinkie suddenly shouted before she hugged the gator tightly. “Why didn’t I think of that myself? If I can’t figure something out on my own then I should just ask my friends.” “Pinkie, we’re getting on the train now, feel free to have all the private time with Gummy you want after we’re on it,” Dash said as she made her way into the train compartment after Applejack, Bon Bon, and Fluttershy, only giving Chris, Twilight, and Lyra a short nod for a goodbye. “Oh, right. Coming,” Pinkie chirped before bouncing after Dash, while waving enthusiastically to the three that would be remaining in Canterlot. “See you guys later!” “Well, this is goodbye for the time being,” Rarity said as Spike carted her luggage onto the train for her. “I’ll do my utmost to return here as swiftly as my obligations will allow. After all, there’s a few sights that I’d like to take in while here in Canterlot.” “So, your urgency to get back doesn’t have anything to do with wanting to assist Tailor Made in creating the special clothing we’ll need?” Twilight asked with a knowing grin. “Of course not,” Rarity refuted while upturning her nose for good measure. “Surely a pony of Tailor Made’s skill wouldn’t need the help of a small time designer like yours truly. However, on the minute chance that says she does, it wouldn’t hurt to be around either.” “You shouldn’t sell yourself so short,” Twilight advised. “I had the chance to speak with her at the reception party, and it turns out that she’s actually quite a fan of yours,” Twilight continued. “Something about you being the most promising young prospect this side of Equestria.” Rarity put a hoof to her head. “The Tailor Made said that about me? I didn’t even know she knew I existed, let alone followed my work.” She squealed. “Last call for passengers!” a beige stallion dressed in a navy-colored train conductor’s uniform bellowed in a gravelly voice. “Oh heavens, it would be quite troublesome to be left behind. Toodle-oo, darlings,” Rarity called out before she too entered the nearest train compartment. “Well, we should be getting back to the castle,” Twilight said as she turned on her hooves to face Chris and Lyra, only to realize that the two weren’t there. Her eyes dilated to the size of saucers while she frantically danced back and forth on her hooves. “Oh no,” she gasped. “Where’d they get to? Did they run off, or did somepony foalnap them? Should I alert the guard or go straight to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna? No, they’ll be disappointed that I lost one of the two only humans. So, maybe I should go to Shining Armor.” Twilight stopped in her tracks, cutting off her tirade, and took a few deep, calming breaths. “Okay, just think, Twilight, you’re smart, resourceful. Now, if I were a lone human stranded on an alien planet, where would I go?” --------- The instant that Rarity had stepped inside the train compartment a pink foreleg had encompassed her barrel and all but dragged her to an empty seat. “Pinkie, what’s the meaning of this?” Rarity inquired. “I assure you, I’m quite capable of finding a seat for myself,” she stated as she looked around, noting Pinkie had dragged her to a rather barren section of the train compartment. Pinkie hopped onto the adjacent seat and stared at Rarity with a determined expression. “Is there something wrong?” Rarity asked carefully, finding Pinkie’s behavior harder to place than usual. The train shook as it lurched forward, signifying that it was now on its way to its next destination. “We need to talk,” Pinkie spoke flatly as the train rumbled along. “We...need to talk?” Rarity repeated Pinkie’s words slowly before her expression changed, and she nodded her head in agreement. “You’re absolutely right; I’ve been meaning to address you about the behavior you displayed during the round table.” “Really?” Pinkie said as the expression on her face shifted to slight surprise. “I wanted to talk about that too, what are the odds?” “I guess pretty good 'cause I wanna talk about it too, or should I say three?” Dash interjected. “I mean, you went full-on feral back there, that was totally hardcore coming from you. Seriously, you looked about ready to take Chris apart,” the prismatic maned pegasus added as she hovered above the empty section of Rarity’s seat before she dropped herself into it with all the grace of a drunken lumberjack. “I didn’t want to take anypony apart, I just wanted to…well, I don’t know what I wanted,” Pinkie said as her ears folded down against the sides of her head. Rarity frowned at Dash. “Pardon me if I’m wrong, but I believe Pinkie intended for this conversation to be of the private variety.” “No, it’s okay,” Pinkie interrupted Rarity. “They say two heads are better than one, and now we’ve got four.” “Four?” Dash echoed as she looked around, spotting Applejack, Fluttershy, Bon Bon, Spike, Keon, and Nightmane more than five rows down from them, absorbed in their own adamant discussion. “Who’s the fourth head?” Pinkie smiled as she shoved Gummy into Dash’s muzzle. “Duh, Gummy's here.” “Of course he is,” Dash mumbled back. “Well, the thing is,” Pinkie continued after she’d removed Gummy from Dash’s personal space. “The way I acted earlier, I don’t know what that was, and I’ve been thinking super duper hard about it too, but I’m stumped.” Rarity and Dash shared a look with one another before they went back to staring at Pinkie. “Really?” Dash asked, sounding surprised. “I mean, it seemed pretty obvious to me what it was, and to be honest I’m kinda weirded out by it.” “I figured you wouldn’t have understood why you did what you did,” Rarity commented as she nodded her head up and down in a sagely manner. “How’d you figure that?” Pinkie asked. “Do you have an Orb of Fate's Destiny too, or do you just know me better than I know myself? I know a few other ponies like that.” “How do I say this without sounding rude?” Rarity said with a sheepish grin. “Let’s not beat around the bush,” Dash said with a look of annoyance. “Look here, Pinkie, I’ve realized that you either get something fully or you don’t get it at all, so I’ll tell it to you straight. You think with the maturity of a ten year old, so to anypony that knows you it would be obvious that you wouldn’t be able to figure out on your own that you like somepony,” Dash concluded with a winded huff. “There, I said it.” Pinkie tilted her head in bewilderment, “Well, of course I like somepony: I like all ponies, you silly-filly.” Dash just about slapped herself with her own hoof in defeat. “That’s not what I meant, Pinkie,” she replied in a groan. “Darling, what Rainbow Dash here is trying to say is that you like-like somepony; as in, not just like a friend, like how you view, well, your friends, but as something more. Say, something more along the lines of…procreation.” “Procre-what?” “I mean on a more intimate level, sweetie,” Rarity clarified. Pinkie gasped, “Wait, so you’re saying I like-like somepony, and not just like them, like I like all of my friends, but a whole different type of like?” Dash dragged both forehooves down her face. “Why is explaining such simple stuff to you so hard, but other times you get things that make my brain spin?” Dash said, with an exhausted huff. “No, I get it perfectly,” Pinkie argued, “but I don’t get who I like-like. No pony like that is ringing any bells.” “I expected it wouldn’t,” Rarity remarked, a gentle smile alighting on her face. “You have a love for all those that you meet, so differentiating between a platonic love and a romantic one probably doesn’t come natural to you, which is why you had such difficulty understanding these foreign feelings. But I’ll ask you this, whom was it that you wished to protect when your matriarchal instincts flared?” Rarity asked, trying to help Pinkie along. Pinkie's eyes bulged. “When my what flared?” “Enough with the big words, Rarity,” Dash groaned before she turned back to Pinkie. “Weren’t you ready to trample Chris underhoof because he punched somepony? Somepony you’ve happened to be spending a lot of time with?” Pinkie scrunched up her face in deep concentration. “Wait a minute, you mean Keon?” she asked before she giggled. “That can’t be it, he’s my friend, I like him just like everypony else. I mean, so what if I get angry when somepony’s being mean to him, and that I get sad every time I think about him leaving to go back to the world of the humans, or my heart beats faster around him, or that when he touches me my cheeks heat up, and my hooves get sweaty, and my tail get’s super twitchy even though nothing falls afterwards…” Pinkie froze mid-sentence. Rarity and Dash looked at one another, neither of them entirely sure what to make of Pinkie’s sudden stillness. Had it been an epiphany or simple clarity? Either way, she suddenly felt enlightened as though a thick mist that had clouded her vision had been lifted. “It all makes sense now!” Pinkie squealed joyously as she squeezed Gummy’s cheeks together “Nothing ever fell, but something did fall, and I get it now!” She cheered as she stood to her hooves with purpose. “It was me: I’m the one who fell.” “You’re the one who fell?” Dash repeated with a raised brow. “What are you talking about?” Rarity’s eyes light up, she was quickly able to make sense of Pinkie’s sudden outburst. “I’m the one who fell, don’t you get it?” Pinkie said one more time to Dash before she turned on her hooves. “There’s only one thing to do now.” “Uh, Pinks, where are you going?” Dash asked. “To make Keon my special somepony,” she answered as if it were obvious. Rarity blanched. “What? You can’t do that.” Pinkie stopped in her tracks. “What? Why not?” she asked with a genuine look of confusion. “Granny Surprise always told me that if I ever found somepony that I like-like that I should ask that pony to be my special somepony. Well, she didn’t say it like that, there were a bunch of rules and stuff, but I don’t remember them.” “Does that advise count if they’re not actually a pony but an alien from a different universe?” Dash challenged. “Besides, those rules your grandmother was telling you about were more than likely how to court a stallion. So, we already know you don’t know the first thing about courting another pony, let alone a human; and up until a minute ago you didn’t even know you liked one, now you’re ready to make him your special somepony? I know this might sound kind of crazy coming from me, but slow down.” “I’m inclined to agree with Dash here,” Rarity said, adding her two bits. “Not that I’m not happy that you’ve finally discovered such feelings for another, but you, or any of us for that matter, simply do not know enough about human customs to even begin to believe that taking such a direct approach with one could possibly be a wise decision,” she reasoned. “Humans may not be accustomed to the kind of forward advances that ponies employ, and he may very well reject them outright. I know it goes against the grain for a mare to bide her time in pursuing a significant other, for pickings are rather slim, but this may be the time to make use of such a method, especially if you consider the circumstances surrounding this particularly individual.” “Well…I don’t know,” Pinkie said, not looking convinced. Dash folded her forelegs behind her head and grinned, figuring that she knew just what to say to dissuade her pink friend. “But what if he doesn’t like you back?” Pinkie’s body went rigid at Dash’s simple statement and Dash continued, realizing that she had Pinkie’s full attention. “Just hypothetically speaking here, but maybe our biped friend just isn’t into the whole 'I’m covered in fur and walk on four legs' kind of look, if you know what I mean,” Dash continued, trying to look aloof as she did so. “The way I hear it, humans are like the only non-animal on their whole planet, he might just think ponies are, well…gross looking. After all, I don’t think Chris and Keon are all that much to look at myself, even if they do have that oddly nice smell about them.” “But what we look like doesn’t matter, does it?” Pinkie asked quietly as she looked at the window, studying her faint reflection in it and placing a hoof against the glass. “I mean…should it?” “Of course not, Dear,” Rarity cut in after she’d given Dash a solid glare. “Looks should be the least of your concerns: It’s what’s inside that matters.” Dash scoffed. “Says the mare that wanted to put a wedding band on Blueblood’s hoof before she even met the spoiled chump.” “Lesson learned,” Rarity responded with a roll of her eyes and a flick of her mane. “Anyway, what Rainbow Dash was trying to say is that we have to be mindful of the viewpoints of others. Chris and Keon are indeed from another world, one without our kind in it. It is entirely possible that he will not be able to return your feelings. Although, granted, Keon seems rather open-minded, and he did refer to himself as free-spirited.” “I don’t get it,” Pinkie said as she sat back down in her seat. “If there’s an opportunity, I shouldn’t waste time not seizing it, right?” “That’s just it, we don’t know,” Dash stated. “If he were a stallion, griffin, minotaur, or, hay, just something born here on Equis, I’d say go for it and swing for the fences, but he’s not. He’s an alien that’s probably a little more worried about how he’s getting back to his world than settling down with somepony here after a week. I mean, he might even have a human mate already,” she added. “He doesn’t,” Pinkie answered the moment Dash had gotten her statement out. “But what should I do? I don’t want to ignore these feelings now that I finally understand them.” “And you won’t have to,” Rarity said as she leaned forward and placed a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. “You can express your desires eventually but not before we obtain the essential information we’ll need on human courting practices to best put the odds in your favor.” “What is this for you anyway?” Dash asked Rarity curiously. “Do you have a personal stake in this or something? It’s like you don’t find it weird that Pinkie has a thing for the alien guy at all.” “Did I find it weird when you confessed your love for Swift Silver the griffin?” Dash shrugged indifferently. “What? That’s different, he’s the captain of the Air Talons, and he’s totally awesome! Besides, I said he was hot, I never said I was in love with him.” “Regardless of that fact, I didn’t find your attraction to a non-pony questionable, and you should give Pinkie the same courtesy. The heart wants what it wants after all. ” ----------- In the busy streets of Canterlot, Chris walked briskly along the cobblestones with Lyra in tow. “Okay, so I may be wrong but last I checked you weren’t a prisoner of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,” Lyra noted as she dutifully followed alongside Chris who had been nervously looking each and every way as they walked along the streets of Canterlot, eliciting many curious stares, muffled chatter, and the occasional camera flash. “So, why do you look as fidgety as somepony who’s just escaped from Alcatrotz prison?” ‘Alcatrotz? Now these similarities are starting to get silly,’ Chris thought as he looked over his shoulder and down at Lyra. “I’m not worried about your princesses, I’m worried about Twilight, she seems somewhat compulsive. Once she’s found out we just compromised her schedule...well, I just want to have some distance between her and us before then.” “Compulsive? I guess it’s pretty safe to call her that, at least when it comes to schedules,” Lyra confirmed. “But look at you, I had you pegged for straight-reined, but here we are, sneaking off to...” Lyra turned her head to the side as she thought about it. “Where are we sneaking off to exactly?” Chris pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it. “I was doing a little research on the area around here and came across this,” he said while holding the paper in front of Lyra’s face. “Whimsical Falls,” Lyra read as her cheeks tinted pink through her mint green fur. “You’re taking me to Whimsical falls. You do know what ponies do at Whimsical Falls, right?” “I guess it’s supposed to be some make-out point for young Canterlot ponies,” Chris answered, not sounding too interested in that part. “But before you get the wrong idea, let’s try to keep in mind that I’m not taking you anywhere, you followed me, remember?” Chris said with a shake of his head. “Yeah, you’re right,” Lyra said before she flashed a toothy grin, “but since you don’t have a guard with you, I figured I’d protect you from any would-be foalnappers.” “Oh, thank ye, my knight in shining ar…” Chris paused. “You know what? Scratch what I was about to say,” he said before he went back to silently walking. “So…” Lyra ventured. “If you don’t want to go to Whimsical Falls to make lovey-dovey’s with me, I mean somepony, then what are you going for?” “You’re a bit of a contrarian, aren’t you?” Chris said as he stopped at a fork in the road that had three signs, each pointing in a different direction. Choosing to follow the one that pointed towards Whimsical Falls, he then addressed Lyra’s original question. “Whimsical Falls is akin to a nature reserve on my world, there’s a fish called the rainbow trout that travels up the rainbow stream this time of year, I wanted to see it for myself.” “Oh right, the rainbow run.” Lyra said with a winning smile. “I remember coming to watch it on a class trip when I was just a filly. I can get why you’d be interested, seeing that you study animals and all, but it really is a sight to see even if you don’t really care about that type of thing.” Chris nodded, “It sucks that I’m in a place like this but haven’t had the chance to really see it, yah know? I figure sneaking away for an hour or two will be worth whatever repercussions I get from Twilight.” “Don’t tell me that daughter of mine has been keeping you under lock and key like you’re one of her little science projects,” a rather easy-going male voice called. Chris and Lyra both turned around and were greeted by the sight of two ponies approaching them, neither of which seeming as apprehensive as the numerous other ponies that opted to stare at and follow Chris from a distance. One of them was a stallion of a deep azure, a neatly styled, dark blue mane complimenting his coat. The mare that accompanied the stallion had a light gray coat with a rich sheen to it. Her mane was two toned, purple and off-gray. Chris’s voice had gotten caught in his throat as he processed what the stallion had said. “Your daughter? You mean, Twilight is your daughter?” Chris asked the stallion, only to realize that the stallion had somehow fallen asleep within the two seconds he’d been standing there. Lyra leaned in close. “Is he really asleep?” The mare sighed as she used a hoof to gently bump the stallion upside his head. “Sorry, my husband is a narcoleptic,” she explained as the stallion shook his head to regain focus. Finding his bearings, the stallion spoke.“Sorry if I dozed off on you lad, it happens from time to time. By the way, my name is Night Light, and this lovely mare here is my wife, Twilight Velvet,” he said as he gestured to the mare next to him. “It’s great that we’ve been given the chance to meet one of the visitors that’s gotten the entirety of Equis in an uproar,” Velvet said. “Even though Twilight has told us so much about the two of you humans in her recent letters, to see an alien in the flesh is still rather surreal.” “I know, it’s so cool.” Lyra squeed. “Wait a minute, Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor, Twilight Velvet, Night Light?” Chris asked, his confusion plain on his face. “How exactly do last names work here?” All three ponies looked at Chris with varying degrees of bewilderment. “Last name, sonny?” Night Light repeated. “You know, a surname,” Chris tried to explain. “Something the majority of your family would normally share. For instance, my last name is Hayn, same as my mother, sister, father, grandparents, aunties, and uncles.” “What would be the point of having something like that?” Lyra asked curiously. “I wouldn’t want to have the same name as everypony in my family.” “I don’t,” Chris clarified. “My full name is Chris Marshall Hayn, I only share the last portion of my name with my family. It makes keeping track of who you’re related to and just who you are a lot simpler than not having one.” “A surname name you say,” Velvet muttered as she placed a hoof under her chin. “I think such a strange concept is just what I need for my next book.” Velvet’s horn suddenly shimmered, causing the hair clip she’d been wearing to spasm before it transformed into a notepad. “Whoa, that’s high level stuff right there,” Lyra whispered to Chris as they watched Velvet jot down a few notes in her pad. “I’ve only ever seen Twilight and Trixie perform transmogrification magic. I guess I know where Twilight get’s that talent from now.” Velvet looked up from her notes. “So, my little Twilight’s gotten transmogrification down? She hasn’t used it since she was just a filly and transformed her father and me into plants.” “Wait, that happened?” Night Light asked as he scratched the top of his head trying to recall the memory. “How in the hay aren’t we dead then?” Velvet sighed. “It may have been a fluke, but she performed the spell perfectly. I explained this to you a hoofful of times already…” “Sorry, I don’t think he heard you,” Chris said while pointing to Night Light, who was once again sleeping. Velvet looked at Night Light before shrugging. “Let’s just leave him asleep for the time being,” she suggested. “Now, about Twilight’s transmogrification?” Lyra rubbed the back of her head bashfully. “Well, I don’t know if she’s got it down, but she did turn a frog into an orange. Well, it was more like a cross between an orange and a frog, like it was an orange that could still hop and croak and stuff.” Velvet’s eyes widened in surprise. “That daughter of mine never ceases to amaze me. To have managed to keep that poor frog alive after a botched transformation, her talent is truly something special.” “I’m sorry, but the entire concept seems farfetched to me,” Chris reasoned. “I can believe that you unicorns can transform inanimate objects into other inanimate objects since, well…I just saw you do it. Hell, I can suspend my disbelief enough to buy that you could transform something living into something else that's alive, even though I’d guess that would involve re-writing their genetic code, which sounds impossible. But transforming another living creature into a non-living object should by all means kill it outright.” “Precisely, and that’s the kicker,” Velvet said with a nod of her head. “Twilight is the only unicorn since Star Swirl the Bearded who’s succeeded in not doing just that,” Velvet stated with something akin to pride and admiration in her tone. “Just transforming my hair clip into this notepad is extremely high-level magic, a level of power only a very small number of unicorns possess.” “What exactly is Twilight?” Lyra asked bluntly. “Her power goes beyond talent, it’s like she’s got Alicorn blood pumping through her veins or something.” Velvet looked thoughtful at Lyra’s statement. “Perhaps somewhere down our family line, but no pony could say for sure. But enough about my daughter, it’s not every day I get to converse with an alien. I don’t want to squander the opportunity, that’s if I’m not already imposing.” “We were actually on our way to Whimsical Falls,” Chris stated matter-of-factly. “For the rainbow run, no doubt,” Velvet ventured. “How’d you know that?” Chris asked, genuinely interested in her answer. “There can really only be one logical reason for a zoologist to sneak off from the castle to go to Whimsical Falls at this time of year,” Velvet explained. “If you wanted to give Twilight the slip, perhaps choosing such an obvious destination wasn’t the smartest of ideas,” she added with an amused smile. “Knowing my daughter, she’s already puzzled out where you would have gone and is probably already waiting there for you.” Chris had no reason to think Velvet wrong, considering how bright Twilight seemed to be. “Damn, she’ll probably cart me back to the castle as soon as we get there.” “Sorry, I dozed off on yah again,” Night Light groggily stated before he yawned loudly and wiped his eyes with a hoof. “But don’t worry, junior: We’ll talk to her about her all-work-and-no-play ethic,” Night Light said with a shake of his head. “And that girl actually wonders why she hasn’t found a stallion yet, with her mindset it should be obvious.” “She doesn’t wonder why, we do,” Velvet clarified. “But she needs to realize she won’t be in her prime forever and really should consider pursuing a relationship,” Velvet said. “My grandfoals aren’t going to make themselves, and I’d like them before I’m too up there in years. Plus, with Shining’s condition, who knows how long we’ll be waiting.” “Low levels of fertility isn’t a condition,” Night Light stated defensively. “My boy will pull through for us. Just you wait and see, he’s got my genes after all.” “Um…should I really be involved in a conversation like this?” Chris asked nervously. “Isn’t Armor a prince, I think his private business should be, well…private.” “Oh, look at us,” Velvet giggled. “After I’ve just said that we’ve spoken enough about Twilight, I’m right back on the subject of my foals. I’m so sorry for that.” “It's fine,” Chris assured her. “Even in my world, parents love to talk about their kids, especially if they’re proud of them, and you two obviously have much to be proud of. Armor is a prince and Twilight is hax. I just don’t want to hear about their love life is all I’m saying.” “Fair enough then, youngster,” Night Light replied with a nod. “But answer me this, Twilight is a choice looking mare, isn’t she?” “Night Light!” Velvet gasped. “What? I’ve never gotten an outside opinion on our daughter's appeal. I just want to know why she’s having trouble wrangling in a suitor,” Night Light stated innocently. “He’s a red blooded male I presume, I’m sure he’s had a look at her.” Lyra frowned. “Chris doesn’t find her desirable in the least,” she stated defensively. “I mean, purple isn’t his color at all, clearly he’s more suited for aquamarine.” ‘Are all ponies so forward?’ Chris wondered to himself before he answered. “I actually haven’t looked at your daughter in any kind of suggestive light, sir. To tell you the truth, I haven’t the slightest idea of what is and what isn’t attractive in an equestrian pony. What I find attractive in human females just can’t be projected onto ponies.” “Why not?” Lyra interrupted. “Because it just doesn’t work that way,” Chris droned. “For example, let’s say I find a pretty face and a pair of perky breast attractive…” “Breast?” Night Light repeated, seeming somewhat lost. “Well, I guess you’d be more familiar with the term teats…” “Hey, if you like teats, I’ve got a pair of those,” Lyra cut Chris off as she reared up on her legs, exposing her underbelly. “Don’t know why humans would like these, but if it’ll make you happy, you can look at mine for as long as you want.” “Whoa, for the love of god put those away, Lyra, ponies are staring,” Chris said as he turned his head away from the view, blushing in embarrassment or shame, he couldn’t differentiate between the two at the moment. “No pony’s staring,” Lyra argued as she looked around. “I mean, why would they? It’s just a pair of teats.” Night Light quirked his brow and tilted his head. “I’ve gotta agree with your marefriend, youngin', you’re acting like the little lady just lifted her tail for you.” “Humans are bit more modest than you’d probably think,” Chris explained, still keeping his eyes away from Lyra, even though she’d already fallen back down to all fours. “A mare showing her teats may not be an indecent act, but I can promise you that a human female doing the same thing would be seen that way.” “Twilight did mention something about human decency in her letter,” Velvet confirmed. “More material for my book, I think so,” she added excitedly. Deciding he’d wasted enough time chatting, Chris looked up at the sun before giving Night Light and Velvet a large smile. “Look how high the sun is, I think we really should be going.” “Forgive us for wasting so much of your time,” Velvet apologized. “I guess we’ve squandered our opportunity to converse with you after all,” she said as her ears fell limp to her head. Chris sighed. “If you really do have a lot you want to ask then you can tag along if you want. I’ll answer what I can on the way to the Falls.” Velvet grinned something fierce, her pen tapping hungrily at her notepad in anticipation. ------------- At the Ponyville train station, Applejack grinned as she slid open the train compartment door. “So good to be home,” she said as she stepped out of the train compartment and onto the platform. “Nothin' beats the air of Ponyville.” Keon stepped out after her, followed closely by Nightmane then Fluttershy, Bon Bon, and finally Spike. Giving the air a few unnecessarily deep whiffs, he shrugged indifferently. “If you ask me, it smells a lot like fermented hay and oats.” “Ah know, ain’t it the best?” Keon shook his head. “Sure, if you grew up on a farm, I could see that.” “It jus' so happens that Ah did,” Applejack said, with a not so hidden amount of pride behind her tone. “Sweet Apple Acres, we only grow the best apples this side of Equestria.” “Nice slogan,” Keon muttered. “That’s the one thing I can agree with AJ about,” Rainbow Dash said as she came out of the train compartment next, followed by Rarity, and then Pinkie, whom Keon noticed was wearing an even larger smile than she normally did, which was a feat in and of itself. “Well, if it isn’t the ponies that were too cool to sit with us on the train,” Keon said as Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie fell in line next to them. “And here I thought we were tight like this, Pinkie,” he said while crossing his index and middle finger together. “We are tight,” Pinkie hastily replied. “I mean, we’re like super-duper-rific tight, we were just, uh…” “We were simply having lady talk,” Rarity chimed in, coming to Pinkie’s aid. “I’m sure you would have found no interest in our gossip.” Keon shouldered his backpack, “You’re right, I don’t want to hear about what stallion’s you girls find hot.” “I think you’ve got the wrong mares,” Bon Bon commented offhandedly. “Well, besides Rarity.” “And what’s that supposed to mean?” Dash inquired militantly. Bon Bon had seemingly noticed her callousness and quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, I meant no offense. It’s just that, well, you and Pinkie don’t come off as the type to fawn over stallions, that’s all.” “Oh, I guess that’s true enough,” Dash replied calmly. “At first I thought you were trying to say we bat for the same team or something.” “Ah, so there’s our special guest,” a cheerful voice called, causing the group to turn towards it. An older looking mare with a light tan coat and fully grayed mane stood staring at them from a short distance away. “Mayor Mare?” Rarity inquired. “What are you doing here?” She chortled as she approached. “Well, I am the Mayor. As such, it is my obligation and honor to welcome our visitor to Ponyville. It’s only a shame that I was uninformed about the last human that was here, I could have given him a proper Ponyville greeting.” “How’d you know we were coming back, and that we’d be bringing one of the humans with us anyway?” Dash asked. “There’s only one logical explanation here,” Pinkie cut in. “Mayor Mare is psychic.” Mayor Mare shook her head in response. “No pony’s psychic Pinkie…no pony besides you anyway,” she added. “I was merely briefed about your arrival via letter by her highness Princess Celestia.” “Okay, so maybe being psychic was the second most logical explanation then,” Pinkie said with a noncommittal shrug. Mayor Mare coughed to regain their attention. “Mr. Keon, I’ve been informed that any expense you incur while here in Ponyville will be billed to and paid by the crown,” she explained. “Now, I’d be happy to assign you and miss?” Mayor Mare looked to the dark blue mare next to Keon. “Nightmane,” she answered stiffly. “Yes,” Mayor Mare continued. “Miss Nightmane an opportune tour guide if you so need…” “Oh, you don’t need to go through the trouble, Mayor Mare,” Fluttershy said. “Pinkie here was going to…” “She’s gone,” Spike stated bluntly while gesturing with a claw towards the spot Pinkie had been a moment before. “Consarnit,” Applejack muttered. “Where’d that mare skedaddle off to?” “Come on,” Dash responded. “You know how Pinkie is, she just kinda of does stuff like this. But anyway, I guess that means one of us will have to be his tour guide then…” “Cutie Mark Crusader Tour Guides, at your service!” three voices cheered in unison. “And guest,” Scootaloo added with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Keon looked down and over his shoulder and found five small ponies staring up at him. The three fillies that had spoken in conjunction with one another were beaming up at him while the two other fillies were wearing less impressed expressions. “So, who’s this little welcoming committee?” he asked. “Sound off, Crusaders!” Apple Bloom cried. “Ahem, excuse me, but we’re not all a part of your little blank flank brigade, remember?” Apple Bloom sighed and shook her head in frustration, “Fine, Ah’ll jus' introduce everypony,” she said. “That sound better, Diamond Tiara?” “Hm,” was Diamond Tiara’s only reply. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes but said nothing more to Diamond Tiara. “This here is Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, and Ah'm Apple Bloom.” “Apple Bloom,” Applejack cut in. “How in the hay did yah know we’d be here?” “We didn’t,” she answered innocently. “Discord jus' said we’d find somethin' interestin' at the train station, and these two overheard us talkin' 'bout it on our way here and jus' followed us.” “We did not,” Silver Spoon protested. “We were on our way to the train station anyway because, well…just because, OK?” “A better question is why you were conversing with Discord in the first place,” Rarity chided Sweetie Belle. “I’m still somewhat wary of him after all.” “We weren’t really,” Sweetie Belle explained.“We were house-sitting for Fluttershy, just like she asked, when Discord popped up and said he was relieving us of our duty.” “And it’s not like we got our cutie marks in house-sitting anyway, so why stick around, know what I mean?” Scootaloo added. Mayor Mare stepped forward. “It’s splendid that you youngsters would like to offer your services as tour guides; however, it wouldn’t be very professional to allow children to have that responsibility.” “Aw!” Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo cried out together. “Come on, Mayor Mare,” Scootaloo protested. “We’ve already proven we're good with humans, just ask Chris.” “Uh-oh, Fluttershy,” Keon said after he’d finished studying each of the young ponies before him. “Um, what is it? Is something wrong?” she asked softly. “Yeah, I think this little pony here’s got you beat in cuteness,” he said while pointing a finger towards Diamond Tiara. “Just look at her little tiara, ain’t it cute?” Diamond Tiara stuck her nose up in the air snobbishly and grinned, “At least he’s got good taste if he knows I’m the cutest.” “There’s nothing cute about her,” Scootaloo mumbled under her breath before she stuck a hoof in her mouth and gagged. “Green suits you well, Scootaloo,” Diamond Tiara mocked, her grin so cocky and wide that her entire set of teeth were on display. “Green with envy that is,” Silver Spoon added, sharing a hoofbump and laugh with Diamond Tiara. “I take it they aren’t friends,” Keon whispered to the pony closest to him, which happened to be Nightmane. “That’s not my concern,” was her sharp reply. “You had a rough childhood, didn’t you?” Keon said before turning his attention back to Mayor Mare. “Hey, old school, if it’s all the same, I’d be fine with letting these kids play tour guide.” Mayor Mare raised a brow at the nickname but smiled good-naturedly. Looking down at the fillies, she regarded them for a moment. “Are you girls sure you’re up for the task?” “We lived here our whole lives, of course we’re up for it,” Sweetie Belle affirmed. “Yeah, it’ll be easy,” Scootaloo added. Mayor Mare nodded. “Very well then, if our guest is comfortable with this arrangement, I have no objections.” Keon grinned. “So then, girls, where’s the nearest bar?” “The nearest what?” they chorused. ------------- Golden Oak Library “Nope, that’s no good either,” Pinkie said as she tossed another book over her shoulder onto an ever growing pile of them. “There you are, Pinkie, dontcha know everypony’s been looking for you?” Spike said as he entered the library and stared around curiously before frowning at the mess that he knew he’d have to clean up. “Hey, don’t you usually trash the library on Tuesdays?” he asked as he shut the door behind him and folded his stubby arms over his chest. “Yeah, normally,” Pinkie nodded before tossing yet another book into the pile. Spike raised a questioning brow at the pair of reading spectacles Pinkie was wearing but opted not to ask about it. “Okay, I’ll bite, what in Equestria are you looking for?” “’A Mare’s Guide to Courting Humans’,” Pinkie answered. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on,” Spike said as he held his claws up. “First off, we’ve got nothing like that: Humans didn’t exist in Equestria until about a week ago, remember?” Pinkie put down the book she’d been skimming and grinned. “You’re right, Spikey, how silly of me.” “Riiiight...” Spike droned. “But tell me, even if it did exist, why would you of all ponies be looking for a book like that? I mean, it’s not like you plan on wooing …” Spike trailed off. “You know what, if it’s you I shouldn’t be surprised by this at all. But, like I’ve said, there’s no written 'guide to humans' books, but we could just look under Lyra’s checkout history,” Spike suggested. “She’s obsessed with bipedal things, right? I bet she has a laundry list of books that might help you.” “You’re so smart, Spikey-Wikey!” Pinkie said as she scooped Spike up in a tight hug. “I don’t care what other ponies say about you.” “I know, I know,” Spike said as he pried himself free from Pinkie’s embrace. “Hey, wait a minute, what do other ponies say about me?” Pinkie giggled. “I was just kidding, Spike, no pony says anything about you.” “Oh, right then,” Spike muttered then headed for the counter. “So, I take it Keon is the lucky one that caught your eye?” Spike asked, trying spark a conversation while he rummaged through a file cabinet. Before long, he pulled out a large tome. “How’d you know?” Pinkie gasped in surprise. “Call it a hunch, I guess,” Spike replied nonchalantly as he skimmed through pages of the log until he finally came across Lyra’s name. “Okay, let’s see what type of entertainment Lyra subscribes to,” he said while nodding his head up and down as he read with Pinkie leaning over his shoulder. “I think Lyra might need to see a shrink if she’s really this obsessed,” he stated. “She’s already come to see me,” Pinkie said offhandedly as she placed a hoof on the parchment. Spike opened his mouth to say something about Pinkie’s comment but shut it, deciding against it. “Okay, I’ll need this one, that one, and this one, oh, and that one too!” Spike wrote the list of books down before he asked Pinkie, “Yah know, this approach you’re taking seems more suited for Twilight. Isn’t your style more spontaneous and outgoing? I’d figure you’d just flat out ask Keon to be your special somepony in some ludicrous way, like with party cannons, fireworks and confetti, and stuff.” “Hey, that’s what I wanted to do, but Rarity and Dash think that since he’s a human it’s more complicated than that.” “I usually wouldn’t argue with Rarity, but in this case I think you should just be you and do what you would normally do. I mean, just being yourself normally pans out for you in the end, doesn’t it?” Spike said with a shrug, “But what do I know, I’m just a kid, right?” he concluded as he shut the checkout log and stuffed it back in the cabinet. Heading towards the bookshelves, Pinkie followed him. “So, you think I should just be myself and hope for the best?” Spike nodded as he used a claw to sort through the books. “Yeah, I really see these books doing you more harm than good. I mean sure, 'A Mare’s Guide to Bipedal Physiology' sounds useful enough; but the others, not so much. They’ll probably cause the same amount of trouble for you as just trying traditional pony courtship. After all, even though humans stand upright, they aren’t minotaurs or chimps.” Pinkie was quiet for a moment before finally speaking. “I guess I’m afraid to find out that he doesn’t like me the same way I like him. Maybe I’m using the research as an excuse to put it off.” “That doesn’t sound like you at all, somepony else must have put that fear into your head,” Spike stated as he stopped filling through the books and regarded Pinkie thoughtfully. “Whatever the case is, these books you want are even more useless than I thought.” Pinkie looked confused. “What do you mean by that?” “Let’s face it, Pinkie, you’re more than a little…weird,” Spike replied, “and no amount of prep reading will change your strange notions. Anypony that would fall for you would have to accept your zaniness and quirks from the beginning, otherwise you’d probably drive them insane, no offense.” “None taken,” Pinkie responded. “So, what I’m saying is that trying to follow the rules in these guide books would only make you do things you normally wouldn’t do, like reading them in the first place. You’ve already spent a lot of time with Keon, so he’s already seen what makes you, well…you, and he either likes you for it or he doesn’t.” “You know what, Spike? You’re right,” Pinkie stated with vigor. “I know Rarity and Dash meant well, but I’ve got to do this my way,” she claimed before darting out of the library door, scattering a trail of paper in her wake. “Good luck…I guess,” Spike said, even though Pinkie was long gone. --------------- Chris wiped his eyes with his hands to make sure the light wasn’t playing tricks on them. “I don’t believe this,” he mouthed as he surveyed the area, completely ignoring the growing crowd of curious ponies around him. “The stream, the waterfalls, this is impossible.” Lyra looked confused. “What’s impossible about them?” “When I read the name 'rainbow stream' I didn’t actually think it was meant literally,” Chris explained, still staring wide eyed at what he presumed was a flowing river of rainbow colored water and a massive rainbow waterfall in the distance. “The colors aren’t even mixing, they’re perfectly aligned like an actual rainbow.” “What’s confusing you about that?” Velvet asked. “It is a rainbow stream after all, that’s how it should be.” Chris sat down in the grass and raked his hands through it. “Really, what the hell is magic, and how can it actually do things like this?” he muttered to himself just as a loud splash of something breaking the surface of the stream caught his attention. Chris’s mouth hung from its hinges as he watched what he could only guess was a rainbow trout spring from the surface of the stream. Unlike the rainbow trout of his world, it had a stripped body and, as the name suggested, it was made of the seven colors of the rainbow. Its pectoral fins where similar to that of a flying fish, which explained the impressive hang time it was currently getting. However, what truly caught his attention was the size of the fish, it had to be at least ten feet, a true behemoth. This trout was soon followed by dozens more of them leaping from the surface as they traveled upstream towards the rainbow fall. A purple hoof suddenly landed in front of Chris, and he stared up at who he knew it belonged to. “Hey, Twilight.” “Hey, Twilight? Hey, Twilight? That’s all you’ve got to say? Do you have any idea of how worried I was?” Twilight said as she began to pace back and forth, her mane entirely disheveled. “What were you thinking, running off on your own like that? Something could have happened!” “So, I’m just chopped liver, huh?” Lyra grumbled. “Besides, what could really have happened?” Twilight rounded on Lyra. “He’s an inter-dimensional alien! A multitude of things could have happened if he wasn't sufficiently guarded.” “Relax, Twily,” Night Light advised. “He’s fine. No need to have an aneurism over it.” Twilight turned to address the one who had spoken to her but paused in surprise. “Mom? Dad? What in the hay are you doing here?” Night Light chuckled. “Oh, now she notices us.” “Keeping your human friend company and safe,” Velvet answered. Twilight took a deep, calming breath. “It’s great that you two found him, but I really should be getting him back to the castle, we’ve still got plenty to get done, and we’re already terribly behind schedule.” “Don’t you think you’re being a teensy bit overbearing?” Lyra asked. “Overbearing? What makes you say that?” Twilight returned. Lyra held up her muzzle high. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that what you want is the only thing that seems to matter.” Twilight look taken aback. “That’s not true.” “Oh yeah?” Lyra challenged. “How did you know we’d be here?” “It was simple when I thought about it,” Twilight readily explained. “Chris would obviously find the rainbow run alluring, considering his area of study and that this is something that only happens once a year.” Lyra pressed on. “So, you admit to knowing that this is something he would have enjoyed, yet you’re all too eager to crush his hopes.” Twilight’s ears flattened. “Well, when you say it like that, of course it makes me sound like the bad guy, but I’m just trying to stay on top of things. Or would you rather Equestria be known as being incompetent, that it couldn’t handle this situation?” “That’s enough out of you two.” Velvet snapped. “Besides, Mr. Chris seems to have lost interest in the argument.” She pointed to where Chris and Night Light had walked over to watch a group of young stallions attempting to ride the rainbow trout. “What are they doing?” Chris asked Night Light. As he watched, a stallion leapt on top of a trout as it broke the surface and latched on to its dorsal fin. Night Light pointed to a part of the rainbow fall where the trout were actually swimming up it. “Stallions that think they’re made of tough stuff always try to ride a trout up the rainbow fall this time of year,” he explained just as a pony was sent painfully flying off of the back of a trout before it even reached the fall. Chris stared up at the fall and watched a few trout scale it in amazement. He'd wager that the fall was at least fifteen meters in height. “Has anyone ever done it?” Night Light nodded. “At least one pony manages to do it each year.” “That so?” Chris said while pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the ground. “Hey, what are you doing?” Twilight demanded as she, Lyra, and Velvet trotted over. “What’s it look like?” Chris said as he sat on the ground and started to remove his shoes and socks. “I’m gonna take part in your culture and ride one of these trout up the falls.” “But that’s too reckless,” Twilight argued. “Ponies get hurt trying to pull off this ridiculous stunt. No, I simply can’t allow it.” “I’ll decide what’s reckless for me,” Chris countered, leaving little room for argument in his tone. Twilight’s shoulders slumped, and she sighed in defeat. “Fine, go and prove your stallioness or manliness or whatever it would be in your case.” Chris grinned, feeling as though a small victory had been won with Twilight. “Wait, you can swim?” Lyra asked rather surprised. “But apes don’t swim. At least, I don’t think they can.” “Not only do I swim, I’m pretty good at it,” Chris said while in the process of removing his pants. “Besides, humans are built a little different than the other great apes. Their muscle to fat ratio makes them sink, but humans have a bit more fat, and that makes us a lot more buoyant,” Chris explained as he stood to his feet, now only dressed in his boxer briefs. “Um, so where’s the fat that makes you buoyant?” Velvet asked as her eyes scanned over Chris’s alien physique. “Yeah, you look pretty muscly to me,” Lyra said, giving Chris a large dose of bedroom eyes before her expression morphed into a frown. “You forgot a piece of clothing, let me help you get that off,” she offered as her horn began to shimmer. “No, don’t!” Chris shouted and instinctively reached for his briefs before Lyra had the chance to rip them off with her magic. “Don’t bother, Lyra,” Twilight suggested. “I’ve learned that humans have a very strange sense of decency. You were about to expose something very private to human males, and to a crowd no less,” she added as she finally realized just how many of Canterlot’s residents had taken up positions on the grassy knoll to observe and see the human for themselves. “What? His sheath? What’s so private about that?” Lyra asked. “Well, the thing is,” Twilight whispered to Lyra, “humans don’t have a sheath, just a tuft of fine hair around the area that doesn’t actually shield their genitalia from view. This isn’t a problem for other primates, taking into account how unendowed they are, but for humans I can understand the taboo of letting it hang out,” she finished with the professionalism of a scholar. “You mean, it just dangles there for anypony to see?” Lyra asked as she tried to picture it before shaking her head. “Hang on a sec, if it’s so private, how’d you see it?” Twilight rolled her eyes at Lyra’s seemingly one track mind. “There was a bathroom incident involving Keon and Pinkie that I walked in on, that’s all I’ll say on the matter.” “Incident?” Lyra looked intrigued. “Now, when you say incident-” “Get your mind out of the gutter,” Twilight reprimanded Lyra. “For all of our sakes.”