It's been a week now.
A week of not hearing anything from Octy, not even seeing her. I tried to contact her, I went to Beauty Brass' place to talk to her every day, but I was sent away every time. She just doesn't want to talk to me, no matter what I do, no matter what I try to get to her. And I can't even blame her for it. I just wish she would give me a chance to talk to her, let me see her, let my try to explain everything, or at least to say sorry. But what would an apology change? Nothing, apologies are just words, no matter how you mean them. Apologies are made important by the pony who decides to either accept them, or to deny them. I just wish Octy would give me a chance to let her decide...
I wasn't in a club since what happened. Of course I had some gigs on my schedule, but I canceled all of them. I thought I had more important things to deal with, and I actually have, but... every day I find myself heading to Octys' new home, knowing I won't be able to talk to her. Then I'm back home alone once more, thinking about what I have done, trying to find a way to fix my mistake, and breaking down in tears as I see I can't. I never thought something like this would ever happen to me, I always imagined myself to be strong, to be psychologically stable and able to deal with a breakup or any other emotional situation. And now look at me, this tiny picture of misery I became in just one single week. I'd do anything to make amends, but how could I if Octy wouldn't let me? I begin to run out of ideas how I could get to her.
But maybe I should just let her go. I mean, I still love her, but she clearly doesn't want me to be with her anymore. I talked to Beauty Brass, and she told me Octy hasn't even mentioned my name since she moved in with her. She tries to build a wall around herself, keeping everypony away from her, even her band mates and friends. Maybe leaving her alone is the best thing I can do now...
C'mon Vinyl, that's bullshit. I know she misses me, and I'm sure she feels exactly the same way I do. Probably with less self-reproaches and guilt feelings and more heartbroken and deceived, but in the end it means we both suffer. But the important thing is: she suffers. She suffers from a thing I did, and I have to get this fixed as soon as possible. I just don't know how...
Maybe I should ask Twilight for help. Maybe she'll know what I should do. Maybe she could even talk to Octy and get her to talk to me. Man, this isn't what I'm supposed to do. Though I like this idea, I can't just get somepony else to fix what I broke, after all this is my mistake, and I have to take care of its consequences. I don't want anypony else to get involved into this and create even more pressure on Octy. She'll come out of her safe haven to talk to me as soon as she decides it's necessary. And no matter when this will happen, I'll be ready to throw myself to the ground and beg for her mercy, beg for a second chance.
I'm sure she won't hide much longer. I know her, she tries to solve a problem by talking, not by running away from it. I just have to wait, and give her more time. I'm just afraid I don't have much time left before running crazy...