by ArguingPizza
***
If you had told me five years ago that I’d one day be locked in a contest against a string of romantic partners literally as old as equine civilization, I’d have laughed and likely recommended a good psychologist. Unfortunately, that was the situation I found myself in, once.
“My sister has had many lovers, Twilight Sparkle.”
I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. My life had been one crazy escapade after another ever since I stepped hoof in that insane little hamlet called Ponyville. Fighting a long lost alicorn Princess, defeating and then reforming Chaos Incarnate, ascending to become a bucking Alicorn. But hay, that’s my life.
“Mares, stallions, griffons, minotaurs, and more.”
I could go on and on about how wonderful it was, courting Celestia. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit it, but somewhere in the Royal Archives there are probably some dusty old red journals of mine, filled with awful metaphors for that rockin’ white flank. They’re terrible, but she loves them, so I didn’t do what I should have. Namely, burn them.
“Hoplite is the first I remember. A warrior of strong heart and body, it was a furious and passionate affair.”
Still, the age difference was an issue. Not in the normal sense, as we were both consenting adults, but only one of us had ten thousand years of history behind them.
“Rough Shod was next. A wealthy olive farmer, he was a loving soul, but had such difficulty expressing it.”
I was young, stupid, and most of all insecure. It didn’t matter how much Celestia assured me that I didn’t have to compare myself to them, I couldn’t stop myself. In a moment of idiocy, I asked Luna about them.
“Indigo Rose was an artist, and her creativity extended to the bedroom.”
At first I questioned how Luna had such detailed knowledge, but her only reply was ‘After so long together, there’s some things you can’t not learn, no matter how much you don’t want to.’
“Cloud Burst was a hopeless romantic and a klutz, but she found him endearing.”
I had never cared much for politics, but that was the only way I could describe the situation I faced with her past lovers. In politics, you must make yourself unique among a large group, but in such a way that it is a positive instead of a negative. Subtly is the name of the game, and I’d never had much luck with it. The underemphasized nuances often escaped me, despite rigorous attempts at study. Being in love with Celestia, I felt similarly out of my depth.
“I could spend all night telling you of each of them, or I could tell you what single thing united them.”
That’s when I had an idea.
“None of them were Twilight Sparkle.”
It wasn’t easy. Long days and longer nights spent pouring over ink-stained parchment. Pot after pot of coffee keeping me going while I used every bit of my arcane skill to come up with a plan that would show her how I truly felt. Without Luna it would have been impossible, and I’m forever indebted to her.
“You owe me nothing, Twilight Sparkle. You make my sister happy, and that is payment enough.”
It took hundreds of pages of calculations and thousands of individual astral runes before I was ready. I was never more thankful to be an Alicorn. Even before my Ascension my magic had been nearly unrivaled, but afterwards it was almost endless. I stress almost because even with my enormous wellspring, I was very close to being unable to complete my project.
The spell took three nights to cast in full, and by the dawn of the third day I was beyond exhausted. Still, there is no greater driving force than love, so I didn’t delay even a moment. It took no effort to convince Celestia to join me on her balcony at noon for tea. She was concerned at my recent absences and fatigued appearance. For a few minutes, we carried on idle conversation as I distracted her view from the sky. When the time was right and all the pieces in place, I merely pointed to the heavens, and her jaw dropped.
Politics is like chess, in that every move should be planned at least ten moves ahead, if not more. Subtly, again, is key. But even in chess, it sometimes becomes necessary to flip the table and use the king as a hockey puck.
As Celestia stared at the normally night-bound stars surrounding her sun in tight clusters, tears running down her cheeks, I knew I’d made my impression on her heart. I knew that, by bringing day and night together, I’d shown her exactly how much she meant to me.
CELESTIA, WILL YOU MARRY ME