//------------------------------// // Stuff happens // Story: League of Bronies // by darkironpony //------------------------------// [At an interview] "So, mister...Bass was it? Why should we hire you, exactly?" a plain green stallion pegasus asked. I tryed to remain calm, "Because I have a soft touch and can help people relax." Next thing I knew I was thrown out by two burly pegasi. The green pegasus stuck his head out and said "Sorry we do not let your kind join as a gym instructor." Darn my soft touch! It is a curse. It really is. Now what do I do? I began to smell sweets and felt myself begin to float. [Hey I did not eat after I left the hospital! Put that finger of yours down!] I found myself at the front of what looked like a bakery. The shop itself looked like you could eat it. That window will be for lunch and the rest for dinner! Celestia is good! I tryed to act on instinct and bit the house's side. [Bad idea!] "Yow!" I yelled instantly regretting my decision. Darn you Trollestia! "Hiya my name is Pinkie Pie!" said an energetic pink thing [I could not tell it bounced everywhere like a ball, but it had hair.] Before I could answer "it" continued to talk "I have never seen you before! That means you're new! Mind if I throw you a party?" Pinkie asked her eyes gleaming with happiness. "Suuuuure," I said hesitantly it looked like it meant a lot to her. She squealed and ran off. Probably I should try and work at this Sugar Cube Corner. My teeth still ached from my little experiment. "Maybe I should come back later" I said to myself. [I know it is a nasty habit. Deal with it!] My stomach made a protest. "Quiet you!" I yelled. I walked aimlessly until I came across a tavern. Hm the Salty Lick. Fancy Name. [ 10 minutes Later outside the Salty Lick] "And do not come back!" said a large burly light grey stallion throwing me out of his building. He stared daggers at me. Come on get the last word in edgewise. "Fine screw ya guy I'm going home," I said starting to head 'home.' The stallion started to rant but all I did was stick out my tongue. He glided to me with his wings Oh no he is a pegasus! A big Pegasus! He proceeded to grab my tongue and flip me over with pure momentem. "That is what you get for hitting on my daughter," he said spiting on me. "She is a perfect angel she does not need a dirty little foal like you to distract her." I saw his 'angel' blow me a kiss wobbling a bit as she did. Her coat and mane were purple but her mane was of a darker shade. "Look behind you colt!" I pointed to the wobbly 'angel'. "I am not falling for that," he said picking me up roughly with his hoofs. I chuckled," Bro you better stop colt hoofling me." "Boy don't ask for something you can not give," he said poking me with his hoofs with every word. "Fine," I started to walk away. The stallion decided to block my path. Bad idea bro. That did it. I lost my cool. I threw my right front hoof landing right on his forehead. He went down HARD. Th stalion didn't know what hit him as he lay on the ground nursing his headache. As he began to rise, his eyes widened. I bucked him as he tryed to act like a spring and just pop up. I then went on my merry way. I continued the process of looking for a job and managed to screw up everytime! But luckily I caught another break as a waiter. The place was just a glorified sandwich shop. "Here you go, Mr.Chord," said a pony in a suit and tie. He had a plain white coat with blue mane. You gotta be kidding me. The pony hoofed me a uniform. It was similar to his own wardrobe. "Can I say something?" I asked politely. "Well of course," he said sincerely. [Five minutes later in front of the fancy sandwich shop] I was on the floor as I started to lose conscienceness. [I must say that pony is A LOT STRONGER than he looks.] "Help," I choked weakly. The pony eventually released his grip before a crowd could gather to see his hoofiwork. Screw it. I don't need a job anyway. My stomach made its protest. "Quiet you!" I yelled to my stomach to silence it once again. Unfortunately a few ponies were walking by as I said that. "What?!," said a large earth pony about my size but even bigger and decked with muscle. He had muscles on his muscles. [ I think he may have had muscles on his eyeballs!] He approached me with a deep purpose of revenge. So I did what I did to all predators. [Say it with me now readers. I threw a rock at him!]. He continued his approach simply swatting the airborne rock away.[The rock has forsaken me!]. He was a dark blue earth pony with a black and groomed mane. His cutie mark I noticed was a speed bag. I do not like where this is headed.[ Pray for me dear readers. Pray for me!] "I am gonna knock your block off," he said with a grin. I began to turn but the stallion already made his first move and knocked me down with his right front hoof. [I did not even see it coming!] I noticed the stallion begin to bop up and down as I was laId down on the floor. That bastard is taunting me! Okay no more mister nice stallion. I threw my right front hoof only for the stallion to dodge [Like a Baws!]. I threw a few more blows each time the stallion gracefully dodged and sent a jab or two back at me with incredible force. I felt my nose leaking with blood. "Hey stop dancing and fight!" I yelled frustrated. The stallion shrugged. "Fine," he said with a smirk [Oh no],"if you insist."[Nooooooooo] He whirled his front right hoof three times and then threw his left one[Mother!]. His hoof connected with deadly precision. And next thing I knew I saw black and tasted purple. [Five hours Later in the middle of Ponyville] I awoke with a headache. "What happened last night?" I said with a groan. Then I remembered. I got knocked the fuck out. I wanted to scream but I was already a mess. I touched my right eye and found a swelling wound where it should have been. Well, now what? "I guess it is later might as well try the cupcake house," I said aloud thinking to myself again.[I don't do no conversation. It drives me crrrraaaaaaaaaazy!] I found a pair of sunglasses on the floor. I decided to put them on so no one would see my black eye. I crawled myself to the store. [Screw walking!] Anyway as I reached to knock on the door I heard whispers. Well, it is now or never. I reached for the knob and my mouth suddenly went dry. I hope they will not hurt me. Or judge me with this black eye [It at least felt like one]. As I opened the door the whispers died down. "Surprise!"yelled a familar pink hairball. I was astonished to see what looked like the entire population of Ponyville. But more than them I was shocked to see how well prepared the party was. "You...did this for me?" I asked trying not to sob. "Why of course!" Pinkie beamed with a smile. I began to cry and simply hugged her. "Thank you Pinkie," I said. [Hey after being nearly killed twice and being stuck in a hospital for two weeks gets to you!] "No problem! Now lets party!" Pinkie exclaimed with more joy than seemed ponyly possible. I went to clean up my eye so I could start looking for the owner of the glasses I had found. [After the party.] Then there were seven. I saw that the last ones were me, Carrot Top, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and three certain mares I. One was a cream coloured coat mare with a long flowing mane that nearly reached the floor. Everytime I looked her way she looked like she hid behind her own mane. The other two were unicorns. One had a white coat and purple prim and stylized mane. The other had a lavender coat with a dark purple mane with pink stripes going through it. I began to head to the exit but was suddenly stopped by somepony who tapped me on my shoulder. I looked to see it was Carrot Top. "Hi," She said slowly. "Hiya," I stammered. Think of something quick man! "So how you been?" "Fine,"she said and then hoofed me a colorful box. "For me?" I asked and suddenly had the urge to facehoof. Carrot Top giggled and said "Yes." Silence returned to the conversation. "Aren't you going to open it?" Idiot! "Ah yes, I will right now." I began to untie the package's ribbon with my teeth. It took three times. [Hey the package was stubborn okay?!] On the third I pulled a little harder than necessary and ended up on my flank. I was shocked to see two tickets in the box. The Flim Flam Brothers Fantastic Filled Festival feauturing THE WONDERBOLTS. My jaw dropped. A chance to see the Wonderbolts! I had to resist the urge to Squee in delight. Then I considered that I had two of them and instantly felt my head become a tomato. [ You say tomato, I say ketchup!] Carrot Top simply began pawing at the ground, her nervousness was plain to see. I gulped and said "Wanna go with me to this festival?" "Well since you asked, I accept,"she said quietly. "Okay I understand, can we still be friends then?" I had said before even realizing she said yes. "I said yes, I would love to," she said a little louder. "Oh look at the time I gotta go," she continued nervously edging towards the door. "Wait," I stammered. "Yes?" she turned around with hope in her eyes. I walked up to her and said," I am honored you have accepted. I am looking forward to it." [Yes readers I am a player. Deal with it! Anypony wanna be my player two?] "Me too," she giggled exiting the giant pastry. Well time to find a comfy dustball to sleep on but first I should help them. Or at least offer to. "Hey mares you want me to help you clean up?" The white unicorn beamed and said, " Oh such a gentlecolt but it was your party after all we can not ask you to help clean this mess." I smiled " Nonsense I would feel simply awful if I did not help." Seeing my stubborness the mares accepted my help. It took an hour to clean up. At least I think it was. When I went outside it looked dark out already. "Ugh," I groaned. "Grrrrrrrrrrrr," my stomach made its own comment to all the ponies in the room. [Pinkie had eated all the cake!] Fine I will feed you! Just stop doing that! "Here ya go," Applejack said hoofing me a bucket of apples. "Thank you very much Applejack," I said beginning to cry more manly tears. "No problem and," she moved closer to whisper,"Good luck on ya date with Carrot Top." I blushed again. "I," I stammered not knowing what to say. Applejack merely laughed and began her long walk home. After that embarassing display I had begun to search around Ponyville to find a place to sleep. Throughout all my wandering I found a house. [Well it was a tree house but it would do for the time being anyway.] [In the myserious treehouse] I began to peck away at the apples. I had eaten myself into a sleep coma until I felt somepony hoof me. I looked up to see three familar looking fillys watching me. "Hey there mister nice to see ya but what are you doing in the CMC clubhouse?" Applebloom asked. " CMC?" I asked still drowsy from my food coma. All three of the fillys yelled,"The Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Their shouting felt like a force pushing me back. [When their voices combine they summon Dovahkin!] "Wanna go crusading with us?" asked the orange pegasus filly. I held my head in thought. "Please," begged the white unicorn filly with sad eyes. I nodded my head. What about a job? You know what? Fuck it! Time for some crusading!