//------------------------------// // Party Joined // Story: Certamen // by DarkBunny91 //------------------------------// I boarded this Celestia-damned train at six this morning! I continued staring at the small pocket watch I kept in my saddle bags, hoping that it was lying to me. There is no way I have only been on this train for an hour listening to this little brat cry. For an hour that parent ignoring her child has been grating at my nerves, all it would take is her to show a little love or discipline or something and he would be quiet. It was a four hour trip, and we were only an hour in. I was going to have two counts of murder on my hooves if this continued any longer... "Argh! Shut up! For the love of Celestia, shut the buck up!" Oops. "M-mommy, dat lady is b-bein’ mean to me!" the gray-coated foal cried out, tears rolling in even greater torrents down his ugly face. More sobbing, and even louder now! Great! Irritatedly, I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat, trying to drown out the crying with my hooves. "Don't you dare talk to my child like that!" A viciously angry voice dripping with pure venom shouted. I turned my head and spotted the violet-maned earth pony that had been ignoring her foal marching my way. Her pupils were dilated to pinpricks, and her bloodshot irises almost matched her crimson coat. Oh Sweet Celestia; she is the biggest earth pony I have ever seen! Celestia buck me... "Miss rude unicorn mare, you will come with me," a threatening tone pervaded the angry mothers voice. The emphasis that the easily fourteen hoof pony weighed onto the word 'will' made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that I had absolutely no say in the matter. Horsefeathers. I followed her lead out of the passenger car we were in and into the adjoining dining car. The dining car was ominously empty, even for as few ponies that were on board today. I looked at her hesitantly, unsure of what to say. After a few moments, the look of anger upon her face started to fade, the corners of her mouth starting to curl up. Sensing this was my opportunity I began opening my mouth to apologize. THWACK! I backed up, my eyes watering, blood dripping down my muzzle. I tripped a little bit as I ran to the bathroom, the mother aggressively shouting profanities and threats of violence after me. I could hear the sound of heavy hoof falls catching up to me as I blindly charged to the relative safety of the restroom. Reaching the sanctuary of the lavatory, I slammed the door shut, latching the lock with my telekinesis and backing to the far wall. Twice in one day? I really need to shut my mouth, but that was ridiculous. I started to relax until I heard a loud bang on the door. The sudden emergence of a large hoof-shaped dent, clearly outlined in the old steel door, caused me to recoil like a cornered snake. I backed up a little bit more as I heard the mare’s voice, resounding with spite from the other side of my sanctuary’s damaged barrier, "If you come within fifty meters of me or my foal again, a broken nose will be the least of your worries!" I sat on the toilet, my muscles tensed, going through every one of the defensive spells I knew. Finally I was able to calm down once I was sure I could hear her retreating hoof steps. I cleaned my face off, pausing to look myself in the mirror. The tip of my muzzle was flattened and bent at an odd angle. Slowly, I brought my forehoof to softly touch my bleeding nose. The sharp pain I experienced confirmed what my eyes told me: the mare was right about my nose being broken. Carefully fighting past the pain, I ignited my horn. The golden glow reflected off my blood that had been pooling in the sink. I winced as I could audibly hear the cartilage and bone snap back into place. The anesthetic effect of my spell was almost enough to override the pain of the bones welding themselves back together. Almost. Washing the remainder of the blood off of my face and out of the sink, I quickly scoped out the results of my healing. Satisfied that all the bones were in place properly, I severed the spell. A fresh wave of nausea accompanied the nerve trauma that remained leaving me a little shaky. My medical skills are not at a doctoral level, but I am a graduate of Celestia's School for Talented Unicorns, so I have a little bit of healing magic under my belt, it has always been useful for times like this when my mouth was open and my brain was closed for buisiness. I slowly unlocked the door, and hesitantly peered out of my small safehaven. Upon seeing the giant earth pony back in the other car, I decided to find myself another seat. I slowly passed through the dining car, walking slowly to avoid any jarring motion to my face. I reached the door and and crossed the threshold into the almost-empty luggage car. Leaning against a few suitcases, I let my eyes and my mind slowly drift off. Deciding not to fight the magical drain and nervous trauma my body was suffering, I slowly let myself drift off to sleep. _____________ "Trixie, we just ran your credentials, and you have two outstanding warrants in Ponyville for reckless endangerment, three in Stalliongrad for resisting arrest, and seven in Neigh Orleans for petty theft. You have the right to remain..." "Trixie knows her rights! And she chooses to use the right to appeal immediately before a Princess," I cut the stark white guard off. "Wait, what? Do you honestly believe you stand a better chance in front of one of our benevolent rulers than in front of a judge?" he asked, a look of genuine bemusement crossed his face. "Trixie demands to have her testimony be held in front of Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic and crowned princess. Trixie wants immediate judgment to be passed. She is very busy today, and would prefer not to spend time in a jail cell to await trial and then sentencing." The guard mumbled something under his breath as he cast the calling spell; I caught 'stupid convict' in there somewhere. His horn lit up as a bright purple light trailed into the sky and exploded into the shape of a six point star overhead. A few minutes later, another purple flash appeared at ground level. With a sheepish grin and awkwardly held wings, there stood the sopping wet alicorn, hastily straightening and drying her mane with her magic. "Trixie?!" she questioningly exclaimed, pausing momentarily with an aghast expression set upon her face. "Princess, this mare has invoked the ancient right of an immediate trial before a regent, she specifically asked for you," the guard stated flatly. It is an old law in Equestria, to be able to stand trial in front of one of the rulers. It predates Princess Luna's banishment, and was established to allow a pony to be able to plead their case to one of the incorruptible Diarchs should they find themselves a victim of circumstance. As with a lot of the extremely old laws, it is still valid never having been scratched from the records, but not commonly known about. I had stumbled across it while researching an old Equestrian law book to make sure a trick I planned on performing wasn't illegal due to risk of property damage. While I wasn't able to perform the trick, I made sure to make a mental note of Trial by Regent law just in case some mob ever tried to have me lynched because I angered the wrong pony with my one-upmareship. The guard explained why he was arresting me, and the uncomfortable expression Twilight wore spoke volumes about how out of her element she really was here. After the guard finished, I looked over to Twilight and simply said, "You pardoned Trixie of her actions before you had wings. Trixie was wondering if you could do her a favor and make an official royal decree doing the same now?" "Trixie, you have committed a lot of crimes. A judge would have you locked up for a long time," Twilight sighed. "Yes, which is why Tri-I wanted to speak to you. You are one of my few friends, Twilight, and one of the few ponies who know the steps I have taken to turn my life around. So, please, Twilight, I beg you. Help me?" "Alright, alright. Guard, take a note. I, Twilight Sparkle, do hereby grant a royal pardon to Trixie Lulamoon for all crimes she has committed against Equestria." The gawking guard, clearly feeling duped, wrote down what the princess said. He teleported the scroll to what I assumed to be some sort of central guard post here in Canterlot for word to be spread. Ignoring the guard, I turned to Twilight, "Hey Sparkle, Trixie thanks you for what you just did, and was wondering how she could repay you." "Well, how about you just owe me one," Twilight said, blushing. "Trixie can buy you dinner tonight and talk if you would like," I offered. "Sure, it would be nice to catch up. How about around seven; we can meet at the palace gates. I need to go speak to Luna anyway, so this would work out pretty well." "See you tonight, Sparkle," I said with a grin. In another flash of teleportation magic, the princess disappeared. The guard turned to me, clearly frustrated that I had tricked him, but waved me through the gate anyway. _____________ "Attention all passengers, we will reach Canterlot station in five minutes. Please watch your steps as you disembark the train. Thank you, and have a nice day." Holy crap, heh. I managed to sleep through the rest of that trip? Maybe my luck isn't all bad today. I sat around by the luggage for a few minutes as I waited for the brakes to engage so I could go about my day. A pleasant grin crept up on my face at the apparent change in pace. Skreeee…... Suddenly a sense of dread overtook me. I quickly pivoted around just in time to observe the carelessly stacked luggage lurch forward. I screamed and turned to run, but was simply was not fast enough. Before I knew it, I was pelted by several families’-worth of saddlebags and suitcases. Pulling myself shakily from from the pile, I let out a sigh, and with a little more effort I was cleared of the detritus. I quickly left the train feeling like it had run me over rather than me having ridden it. Marching my way toward the center of town in hopes that I would be able to avoid any more trouble, Celestia forbid something else happen. As I trotted along humming a little tune I had been working on, I noticed the mother and foal from the train at an ice cream parlor and decided to skirt my way past to avoid any more confrontation with the mare. Creeping along like a ninja, I snuck to a side alley without being noticed. After a few minutes of alley hopping, my goal was in sight; the club where Octavia was to meet me at. With any luck I would be able to make it inside without any incident. "Wow, Trixie has never seen a pony in your shape outside of a hospital before!" I hear a voice from behind me declare. I turn about quickly and see a blue unicorn dressed in an extremely gaudy cape and hat. "Hey, you're that magician who terrorized Ponyville a few months back, right?" I questioned. "And you're not somepony Trixie recognizes, therefore you must be a nopony," the mare I assumed was "Trixie" returned harshly. I just flopped down, water starting to form around my eyes. Memories of all todays little curses flashing through my mind bringing me to the edge of despair. Princess Celestia, did I kick foals in my past life to deserve this? Am I about to be beaten down by a pretentious mare who speaks in third pony? I just tried to look as pitiful as possible, hoping she too wasn't about to buck my flank into next week. Trixie started to back away from me slowly, a perturbed look etched into her features, and turned to head into the socialite club. Crisis averted, whooohooo! Wiping my eyes, I followed her in, albeit with a minor limp from some new hurt my body had discovered. Octavia had better be buying lunch after the day I've had. The club's interior was gorgeous; white marble pillars and a checkerboard patterned floor contrasted sharply with the crushed red velvet drapes. I trotted over to the Maître D' and asked about my friend. With a look of scorn about my current appearance, he led me to a large curtained table. Inside, much to my chagrin, there sat Trixie with Octavia and some other mare. The stranger in question was a vaguely familiar white unicorn with an electric blue mane. I'm pretty sure I had seen her before during the royal wedding; some sort of DJ. "Oh my gosh, Lyra, what happened to you?" Octavia asked, shock and concern plastering her features. "A load of horse apples, I think Celestia decided today was beat up Lyra day, to be honest," I muttered. "Trixie isn't here to hear your life story, green one, Trixie is here for destiny," Trixie cut in abruptly. I think I really hate her pretentious flank. "Yeah, sorry about your day, dude, but we really should move on with paper signing and stuff," the mysterious white mare said. "Well, allow me to get introductions out of the way," Octavia said, pointing at me, "This is Lyra Heartstrings, she is a classically trained bard, and a graduate of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns." Next she gestured towards the obnoxious blue mare, "This is Trixie Lulamoon, also known as the Great and Powerful Trixie, an illusionist and stage performer of no small skill." Finally she pointed at the white mare, "And this is Vinyl Scratch, otherwise known as DJ Pon3. I believe her reputation should precede her." Ohmygosh, thats Pon3? I have all her albums! I squealed internally. I quickly dug into my saddle bag for a piece of paper and a pen, "Miss Pon3 can I please have your autograph? Puhlease?" "Um, alright, here, kid," Vinyl said, quickly jotting her name down. I am so framing this when I get home! "Trixie is offended, you don't want her autograph?" "No, not really." I muttered, my brows furrowed in slight agitation. "Fillies, we are here for a reason. Fanfillying and squabbles can wait for later. Paperwork signing now, please,” Octavia flatly stated. She handed each of us a small stack of papers, certain lines highlighted for our respective signatures. I quickly scrawled my name several times throughout the documents as necessary before handing them back to Tavi. After she gathered up the forms from the others, she beamed proudly, and with a small snicker announced, "Congratulations, you are all now registered cast of Equestrian Champions! Oh, and by the by, I would highly suggest you not fight amongst each other any more," Octavia glanced between the blue unicorn and me, "Lyra and Trixie, because from this day out; you two and Vinyl are all a team.” It took me nearly a minute to scrape my jaw off the floor, my expression almost a perfect mirror of Trixie's. I quietly excused myself to the restroom, which proved to be a good call as it served a double purpose, a way to save face and and not have to listen to whatever objections Trixie had. As I slowly meandered to the restroom, I signed myself with the crescent moon of the lunar goddess. Princess Luna, I beg to you as a faithful subject of the Royal Pony Sisters and a friend of your niece, Princess Twilight, please protect me from the wrath of your sister. For whatever reason, I'm pretty sure I've become the proxy for all of her anger and frustrations -- and I really like living.