CHAPTER 43
ASH'S FRIEND
Fluttershy hummed to herself as she poured out the last of a batch of creamy pancake batter into a pan. As she let it cook for a while, she made her way to a nearby cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres brand honey and set it on the table next to a tray. Two plates filled with pancakes already stood on top of it.
After heading back to her stove and flipping the pancake over, she picked up two forks and set them on the tray and filled up two glasses with warm milk. As she placed them on the tray, a sweet aroma filled her nose. She turned back to her stove, grabbing a spatula as she did, and scooped out the last pancake perfectly round and cooked to a perfect light brown.
As she placed it on her plate, she stepped back to admire her work. Six pancakes arranged in two neat stacks, a bottle of the sweetest honey available in Ponyville, two glasses of clear, nutritious milk, yes, it was indeed food fit for the princesses themselves.
Fluttershy had always believed that a good breakfast was the perfect way to start one's day; nothing said: "I'm ready!" more than a nice meal prepared with such caring hooves. Ash certainly needed one after all he'd been through lately. A good, hearty meal should be the perfect thing to help his ailing body-
THUD!
Gasping, Fluttershy's head jerked upwards. The noise sounded like it came from directly above right where her room should be. The only thing in there that could possibly be heavy enough to fall and make a noise that loud was...
Ash!
Forgetting about breakfast, Fluttershy galloped out of her kitchen and up the stairs as fast as her legs could carry. Scenario after scenario raced through her head with every step she took. At the top of the stairs, she raced towards her room and threw the door open.
Ash was on the floor groaning and struggling to push himself upwards. His body was unfortunately still too weak to stand; his forelegs trembled and gave way causing him to fall and smack his chin against the floor. As he struggled to rise, Fluttershy hurried over to her friend-still trying to get used to that-and helped him up.
"What happened? Did you fall?" Fluttershy asked hurriedly, his weight resting on her. He let out a gasp and shook his head. "So...You tried to get out?" Through the groans of pain, Ash nodded. "Wh-what were you thinking getting out of bed without calling me first?"
"...B..."
"What was that?" Fluttershy leaned closer to his mouth.
"B...Ba..."
"I'm sorry; can you speak a little clearer please?"
Slowly, Ash raised a shaking hoof and pointed at the open door.
"B...Bathroom..."
Fluttershy looked from the door to Ash and understood. "Oh...Oh! You have to um...pee..."
Ash cringed a little and nodded. Peeking over his head, she saw his hind legs crossed and shaking a little. Fluttershy gulped and turned a little pink. "Well...Let me help you there."
Sighing, Ash set his right foreleg down and applied pressure immediately wincing afterwards. "That's it. Slowly." Fluttershy encouraged as he did the same with the other. "Now take a small step. Don't worry; I'll be here with you the whole way..."
Hearing that, the colt stopped for a moment before shaking his head. Grunting a little, he stepped forward; with Fluttershy supporting him, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Pausing again, he took another step forward urged on by Fluttershy.
"Almost there Ash." Fluttershy said as he took more and more steps. In just a matter of minutes, they entered the hallway. Resting for a few seconds, he began his slow trek towards relief from his predicament. Everything hurt from the movements, but with her supporting him, he didn't seem to mind.
As the door opened, Ash felt himself relax a little. Like the rest of the house it looked nice and cozy with its wooden fixtures and ornaments. At the end of them room stood a toilet, the answer to all his problems as well as the source of a new one.
"Well...We're here..." He looked to the side and saw Fluttershy's face a bright shade of red. He quickly turned away, a small tinge of pink sneaking its way across his own cheeks. "I guess we better...get this over with..."
Ash remained silent as they made their way across the room. They both stopped in front of the toilet and just stared at it; both knew what must happen next though they were both very uncomfortable about it. Unfortunately, Ash's bladder didn't seem to care about it.
"Um...I'll give you some privacy..." Fluttershy said shyly moving away from him. Without her support, Ash's legs wobbled dangerously, his eyes widening right before they gave way. Fluttershy quickly caught him just moments before his forehead could smash against the toilet. "OK; bad idea!...I guess I'll have to stay here then..."
Both of their faces couldn't get any redder. Gulping, Fluttershy lifted the seat and draped his left arm over herself and flew up a bit hoisting Ash a little leaving Ash standing on his hind legs. As she flew forward, Ash adjusted himself forward until he was directly above.
"Whenever you're ready Ash..." Ears flat against her head, Fluttershy closed her eyes and looked away, ears flattening against her head. A few seconds later, there came the gentle trickle of liquid being poured.
Not looking. Not looking. Still not looking. La la la la la la la...
"Um...I'm done..." Fluttershy creaked and eye open seeing a red-faced Ash turned away from her. She slowly let him down, closed the seat and flushed glad that it was over.
At least for now...
"Feeling better?" she asked.
"Y-yes." Ash answered stiffly still uncomfortable about peeing right next to her. "Can we go now?"
Fluttershy nodded and helped Ash take a step. Within minutes, he found himself back in her room. Still looking away from her, she helped him back onto her bed and tucked him in. "Um...I'll go get breakfast..." she said quietly before leaving in a hurry.
Now alone and back in her kitchen, Fluttershy let out a sigh. She was still blushing like crazy even after the whole ordeal was over with. It was by far the most embarrassing thing she ever did; for Celestia's sake, she almost saw Ash's...thingy...She shook such thoughts out of her head and turn her attention back to the breakfast tray. They should really get started on it.
*knock!*knock!*knock!*
"Huh?" She left the kitchen and opened her front door. To her surprise, a maroon earth pony stood behind it. "Ps-Psych? I wasn't expecting you so early."
Psych peered over her shoulder. "Where're your animals?" he asked keeping his eyes peeled.
"At the back having breakfast. Why don't you come in?"
As she stepped aside, Psych trotted in. "Good; I've no plans on getting ambushed so early; how's Ash doing?"
"He's doing well. I was just about to head up and give him breakfast in fact." Fluttershy replied shutting her door. "What about you? Are you feeling OK?"
His gaze was directed upstairs. "Better. Why don't you get Ash's food ready while I go see him."
"Um...OK." Psych headed upstairs while Fluttershy went back to the kitchen. He seemed rather...tame; aside from the coldness in his eyes and voice, there was no trace of the twisted psychopath she met yesterday. It would seem that he was holding up his end of the truce between them which was good; she certainly thought this was better than being tortured.
She drizzled some syrup evenly on both piles before she made her way back to her room. Inside, she found Psych sitting on her bed next to Ash. The latter was staring blankly at his hooves shoulders sagging while the former had a gentle smile on his face. They both turned towards her as she entered. "Are you hungry Psych? I could fix up something for you in you want." she asked.
"I'm gonna have to decline. I won't be staying here too long in fact." he told her. "I just came to check in on Ash before I head into Ponyville."
"You're heading into town?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yes. My little chat with Magic yesterday gave me a wonderful idea." Psych said cheerily. "In fact, I should probably leave right away." He planted a small kiss on Ash's forehead before heading for the door. "I won't take too long and should be back before lunchtime; see you later Ash!"
Psych alone in a town filled with ponies? "W-Wait." Fluttershy called out before he could leave. "I don't mean to pry but, what exactly are you planning to do?"
Initially, she feared the answer. Poking his head through the door, she gave her a sly smile, psychopathic mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Let's just say...I'm off to do some sowing."
Both Fluttershy and Ash were still confused by what he said but said nothing as he left. "Well then, here's your breakfast Ash."
The latter accepted the plate from her and got started on it. Fluttershy sat across him and dug into her pile. Her mouth full of sweet pancake, she looked over at her friend eating quietly. "So how are you feeling Ash?" she asked.
"I'm OK." he answered simply. "Better than yesterday."
"That's good...Oh, you're um...going to need another layer of ointment..."
Ash tensed up uncomfortably but recovered. "OK, but try not to tickle me."
"I'll try." Fluttershy promised. Ash silently went back to finishing his breakfast. It was good to hear him talking normally and not shouting and crying like he did yesterday though he still looked a bit depressed. He could really use some cheering up.
"I know, why don't we play a game." she offered earning a puzzled look. "I think you'll like it; it's called "Shhh!".
"'Shhh!'?" Ash repeated.
"Oh yes. We see which one of us can stay quiet the longest." she explained; he had never seen her this excited before. "Are you ready? One...Two...Three...Go!"
She took a deep breath and shut her trap, her cheeks puffed with air. Ash blinked twice and just stared at her not changing his expression at all.
...
...
...
...
...
H-He's good. He doesn't even look like he's trying. Fluttershy narrowed her eyes.C'mon Fluttershy; if you could beat Stalliongrad's champion Checkered Quilt in the finals three years ago, then you can beat Ash too!
...
...
...
"*...sigh...*"
"I win! I'm still world champ!" Fluttershy cried out happily. Her overjoyed expression became more sheepish. "O-Of course, you did really well too Ash. Good game."
"I guess..." Ash said finishing up his pancakes.
Fluttershy nodded and helped herself to a forkful of pancake. As she chewed, she noticed something foreign lying on top of the bedside table. Setting her plate down, she reached over and grabbed it, turning it in her hooves as she examined it. It was a wooden rectangle with hinges on one side, a checkered pattern that made a dull rattling noise.
"A chess board? Where did this come from?" she wondered.
"That's mine." Ash said setting his empty plate down.
"Did one of your brothers bring this over?" She opened a latch on its side and found an assortment of pieces.
"Yes...I had a match yesterday actually." Ash told her as she poked around the pieces.
Fluttershy moved the pieces around until one caught her eye. Digging under a black bishop, she pulled out a white pawn and held it in front of her. She eyed the piece from all sides before gazing at the colt before her. He eyes traveled towards his flanks where a similar piece lay.
"Wh-what're you staring at?" Ash shifted uncomfortably, drawing the blanket to cover his flanks. Fluttershy eeped and covered her mouth, drawing her eyes away from his flanks as quickly as possible.
"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" she cried out cheeks burning once again. "I just-um...Would you like to play?"
Upon hearing that, Ash relaxed a little, his ears perking up in interest. "You mean... have a match with you?"
"Y-Yes." Fluttershy set the piece down. "I mean, we played a game I liked, so it's only fair we played something you liked."
Ash looked at her and then at his chess board. He reached over and picked up the pawn she put down and turned it over his hooves like she did as he considered her offer. He looked at her again and received a reassuring smile. Biting his lip a little, he turned towards the window admiring the view outside for a while.
"I...I want to play outside..." he told her.
"Outside?" She looked out the window as well. "Are you sure? I mean, you're still too weak to walk on your own."
"I'll manage." Ash said insistently. "I...I want some fresh air; I don't want to be cooped up in here all day."
Fluttershy bit her lip wondering if she should allow him to leave the cottage for a moment. "Some fresh air does sound good for you. OK; just let me put all this away before I help you outside."
Ash nodded and laid back down as Fluttershy collected their things and headed back downstairs. Sighing, he rubbed his face and stared at the ceiling sadly, wondering why he agreed to this in the first place. What did he allow her to help him; he did he call her his friend?
"Ash?" Fluttershy poked her head back in the room. "I'm all set to take you out outside. There's just one little thing we have to take care of."
"Ugh...what?"
She brought up an all too familiar bowl of green paste.
"Ointment time."
Gulp...
A mid afternoon breeze cooled his body. A layer of clouds covered up enough sun to stop it from getting too hot and yet illuminated the ground under just enough. A pair of blue birds chirped happily as they flew around, staying far away from the colt.
It was indeed a wonderful time to be outside. This fine afternoon found Ash on Fluttershy's front lay, a pillow under his seat and his chess set out in front of him. His opponent slowly pushed one of her pawns forward and grinned satisfied with her move. Ash stared intently at the pieces he had left pondering his next move.
For the first time in days, he felt relaxed.
Fluttershy looked at her opponent. She had hoped that playing something he liked would at least cheer him up a little. The whole time he played, Ash did look...He wasn't exactly happier; he actually looked just less sad. But hey, it was a start right?
"Such a nice day isn't it?" Fluttershy said with a deep sigh.
Ash rubbed his shoulder awkwardly. "Y...Yeah..." He took a deep breath of fresh air as well. "So nice..."
"You like it outdoors don't you?" she inquired.
"...I like fresh air and open spaces and sunlight on my coat." Ash mused. "It's very relaxing..."
"It must've felt bad being cooped up for so long." Fluttershy said moving a piece forward. "Though I still like being indoors curled up on my couch with a nice cup of tea better. Not that there's anything wrong with what you like..."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Now that he was outside , he got a good look at the area surrounding the cottage. There were no other houses in sight; to one side of the house was the Everfree Forrest where his home laid. Trying to put thoughts of home and his family out of his mind, he turned away towards a path that led away from the cottage. His eyes followed a path eventually coming across a group of buildings.
"That's Ponyville." Fluttershy said noticing where he was staring. "You've never been there haven't you?"
He shook his head. "Just my brothers...not me..."
"Really? Well maybe when you get better, I can show you around town." she offered. "We could buy treats at Sugarcube Corner. I could show you this nice little bird nest I found near the lake. You could go meet my friends..."
"I..." He blinked and suddenly found himself back in that burning clearing, crackling fire and piercing screams filling his ears. "We've met..."
"Oh...I'm sure they've all forgiven you already." she said with a hopeful smile. "I know you really don't mean to hurt anypony-"
She was silenced by a low growl. Ash closed his eyes tightly as thoughts raced across his mind. I did mean it. He grit his teeth. I did...I did...I did! I wanted to hurt them! The thoughts hurt like knives digging into his head and chest. Fluttershy looked at him with worry, but he ignored her.
Ash moved a rook forward, shielding his queen which was being threatened by her own rook. Getting focused on back on the game, Fluttershy stared at her own pieces trying to work out a plan on attack, her eyes a little scrunched and her tongue sticking out a little as she thought.
It actually looked pretty cute.
Ash tensed up and grit his teeth a little. He shoved that thought and all feelings that came with it deep into his head. He shouldn't-he can't have such thoughts. He couldn't think that way; he couldn't...couldn't see anypony that way.
Getting his focus back on their match, he watched her take out his last bishop with her queen. He retaliated by using his rook to take out her own bishop which had been left wide open due to moving her queen. Fluttershy did some thinking before moving her king back getting it away from the other pieces.
She doesn't play much. he noted. She didn't have any real strategy and just took out his pieces as best as she could and moved some away when they appeared to be threatened. Psych was more of a challenge than she was.
Pieces clacked against the board as they made their moved. Ash had to sacrifice his queen to protect his king. His rook made several moves knocking pieces over one after the other until it was finally captured by Fluttershy's other bishop. He then captured one of her pawns with his own and thought about his next move. Fluttershy's eyes darted around the chess board a few seconds before letting out a gasp.
"Checkmate!" Fluttershy cried out excitedly moving her bishop. "I...I actually won...I finally won!"
She smiled and clopped her hooves together feeling giddy about her victory. She even flew up and spun around in glee. She looked so happy, and Ash...Ash took a deep breath. The feeling that had wormed their way into his head had come back full force. Her smile, her laugh, they filled his chest with warmth; they almost made him do the same thing.
"No..."
Mid-cheer, Fluttershy paused. Ash was shuddering slightly, muttering things under his breath. "Can't...Not what I am...Don't feel...Impossible...I'm evil..."
"Ash?" Forgetting her victory, she flew over to his side. "I'm sorry if I upset you. You're a really better player than I'll ever be. You did win the first five matches."
"Heartless...Despicable...Horrible..." Tears started to form. "Hurtful...Destructive...Cruel...Cruel...Cruel...I'm cruel...I'm Cruelty...I..."
With that, he buried his face into his hooves and started sobbing, his body shuddering violently. His head, his heart, his mind his...everything was aching as he reminded himself of what he truly was and how nothing will ever change it. After all these years, why did it still bring him pain?
He suddenly felt soft hooves touch him gently reminding him of the kind, sweet mare who- "No!" He turned towards her and raised a hoof ready to smash it into her jaw. Fluttershy backed off a little and froze staring into his golden eyes, still flowing with tears, with worry and fear in her own.
Do it. he said in his head. His hoof budged an inch, but that was it. Do it! he screamed internally, his hoof trembling like the rest of his body. This is what you do! This is what you are!
But the strike never came. Instead, Ash froze, his face twitching in pain. As his hoof lowered a little, Fluttershy gently reached out towards it. Ash showed no sign of resistance as she took his hoof and gently put it down. Without a single word, she pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him.
He could feel the gentle beat of her heart, the soft stroke of his mane and the warmth of her embrace.
"...I forgive you..."
Those three words brought more tears to his eyes.
"...I'm sorry..."
She was so surprised, she thought she misheard him.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." He clenched his eyes so tight they hurt. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I scared your pet! I'm sorry I shoved you! I'm sorry I yelled at you! I'm sorry I tried to kill you! I'm sorry you have to deal with somepony like me! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Once again, he was sobbing almost like a child blurting out apology after apology until his throat hurt. Fluttershy just held him and let him release it all. By the sounds of his sobs, it was like he had been holding it for a long time. Now that they were finally out, she hoped that Ash would feel much more at ease.
The pain inside him still burned, but it was much less than it was before. Still, it took him several minutes before he finally stopped crying. He pulled away from Fluttershy and wipes his tears off; he took a deep, shuddering breath and calmed himself down.
"Feeling better?" she asked.
"A bit..." he replied wincing a little.
"You don't really mean to be mean all the time." This time, it wasn't a question; it was a statement.
"I...I don't know." Ash said tensely. "I mean...When I got mad at you, I did want to hit you but..." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "But I couldn't do it...I...I didn't want to do it...I...I don't want to hurt anypony..."
His confession caused hope to spark up in her chest. "But I'm Cruelty itself...I have to hurt ponies...but I don't want...but I have to...I want to...to be happy...but I don't...don't deserve to..."
"Ash, don't say that. If you've been in this much pain, then there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy." she told him soothingly, her heart aching a little from hearing somepony say that about themselves. "You don't have to hurt anypony if you don't want to. You don't have to be cruel; you can be, well, kind."
"Kind?" Kind. Kind like her. "But...I don't know how...I think I forgot..." he said with a sniff.
"Well...I could teach you." Fluttershy offered. "I'm the Element of Kindness remember? I can help you be kind if you want."
His ears perked up. "You...You'd really do that for me?"
Smiling for the first time in a while, she nodded. "But um...can I ask a favor first?" she asked shyly. "I um...Before I help you, I want to see you smile."
Ash looked up and properly saw her for the first time since he started crying. She was nervously smiling and rubbing one hoof with the other awaiting his answer. For a moment, his dark thoughts returned telling him that this was not who he was, that she was mistaken, that he could change.
For the first time in his life and with much difficulty, he shoved those thoughts into the back on his mind.
He was no idiot, and he knew that it wasn't going to be easy. There was still so much pain in him, enough to make him wonder if he would ever be truly and fully happy ever again. The darkness gripping him was still there, but it's hold on him had loosened just a bit. He knew that just one act, one moment of weakness, one dark, evil thought, was all it took for it to consume him one again.
But with her, his friend, trying didn't seem so bad at all.
The corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly clearly a little stiff from not being used for so long. Heck, Ash couldn't remember the last time he had ever found anything to smile about. With a nod from her, his mouth moved and formed a small curve. It wasn't exactly the biggest smile in the world.
But it was the biggest one she had ever seen.
"Alright. It's almost lunch time Ash. Time to head back in."
"O...OK...Just one thing first."
"Hmm? What is it?"
He grabbed his king and moved it diagonally up once, knocking her bishop over.
"That wasn't a checkmate."
"Aww..."