Part 4
Spike flapped Peewee’s wings vigorously, his eyes scrunched closed in concentration.
“Remember what I taught you, young drake!” Owlowiscious said.
“I get it, I get it!” Spike insisted with a groan. “Let me concentrate, please!” Upon achieving silence, he put forth all his effort into reaching liftoff the “wise owl way,” as Owlowiscious called it, apparently unaware that there were plenty of dumb owls out there who knew how to fly.
“Spike?”
“I said let me concentrate!”
“Open your eyes, lad!”
“Huh?” Spike opened Peewee’s eyes and noticed with a surge of joy that he was about a foot above the table he had been confined to for what felt like forever, a feeling he wouldn’t truly know for several hundred years. “Hey, I’m flying! I’m actually flying! Owlowiscious! Can you see that I’m flying? Because I am flying so hard!”
“Yes, I can see that quite clear,” Owlowiscious responded with a giggle. “Feels quite uplifting, doesn’t it?”
“It sure does!” Spike cried out as he started flying around the room. “It feels so good, I don’t even care that you used a lame pun to describe it!” He flew over to the proud owl and gave him a nuzzle with Peewee’s beak. “Thank you so much, Owlowiscious!”
“Glad to be of service, Spike,” Owlowiscious replied with a warm smile.
Spike continued his joyous flight, even managing to pull off a successful somersault, one worthy of a hearty wingclap courtesy of Owlowiscious. However, such a dizzying feat left him literally dizzy, prompting him to perch on the windowsill so Peewee’s brain could realign, hopefully without it giving a nagging in the process. That is, until he saw something outside that caused Peewee’s heart to drop down into his stomach.
No…this is truly the worst possible thing…
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Peewee was strutting down the street, feeling the sunshine emanating from Spike’s body. Not because he was actually able to get a driver’s license–he ended up failing his driving test five minutes in due to not braking for a passing snail–but because he had finally figured out how to snap Spike’s fingers! Truly this was the epitome of the whole experience, or however the fancy books put it.
He continued his trek around town, fingers snapping to the beat of his own drum (his hum drum?), when he noticed Rarity walking by, using her magic to levitate some bags that no doubt had some fashion stuff in them or something. Suddenly, inspiration struck from the recesses of Spike’s big brain! Of course! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?! I’m in the perfect position to do what Spike never had the guts to do: confess his love to Rarity! It’ll solve everything!
“Rarity! Hey, Rarity!” Peewee called out, Spike’s little legs taking off at full speed toward the fancy-schmancy white unicorn. “Can we talk?”
“Oh, hello there, Spike!” Rarity greeted, her smile showing no awareness of what the wily phoenix had planned. “I was just about to continue work on my latest fashion line! Care to help?”
“As fun as that sounds,” Peewee responded with a grimace, “I kinda have something important to tell you.”
“Of course! What is it, Spike?”
“Peewee, no!” Peewee glanced to the side and saw Spike flying towards him in his old body, looking more panicked than the time he had accidentally ripped off the tag on Twilight’s mattress, a crime no one else but Peewee knew about to this day.
Excited that Spike would be able to see his good deed up close and personal, Peewee decided to cut to the chase. “I love you, Rarity! I want to be your boyfriend and hug and kiss and OW HEY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!“
Spike was pecking at Peewee furiously with his old beak. “You–are–such–a–blabbermouth!”
“Come on, man, I gotta do this!” Peewee shouted as he swatted at the cock-blocking cock. “You’re not the brave dragon here!”
“Hey, I’m still brave!” Spike defended. “Just…why’d you have to tell her?! I wasn’t ready!”
“When were you gonna be ready? After getting a driver’s license?” Peewee asked snidely.
“Hey, who needs a driver’s license when you’ve got ponies you can ride on?” Spike said with as smug a smile as Peewee’s beak would allow. “That’s not something the average pony gets to do, you know.”
“Hmm…” A few moments of awkward silence hung over the scene, all while Rarity remained frozen in the same position she had been in about half a minute ago, as though she was posing for an ice sculpture devoted to awkward targets of love confessions. Suddenly, Peewee noticed a strong pressure around Spike’s bottom area that felt familiar and yet strange at the same time. “Ooooooh, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!” he cried out as he ran off back to the library tree.
He made his way to the bathroom, a room he never used to have any use for as a phoenix, even though he’d seen Spike use it numerous times. Well, he’d never actually seen him use it, he just saw him enter it and then close the door, because apparently pony and dragon poops were too scandalous for the general public to witness. Either that or they were a lot messier than phoenix poops. Or maybe other poops were just a myth? Who could say for sure?
At this point, two rather smelly problems occurred to Peewee. For one, he didn’t know how to use a toilet. What exactly is this thingy supposed to do? Is it like a birdbath for poop or something? Wow, that’s a much fancier treatment than poop in the forest ever got! Well, except that old crow that tried to make elaborate poop statues of himself…I’m surprised he never had a mate.
The second thing he realized was that the pressure wasn’t coming from Spike’s bottom, but more from his groin. Peewee was feeling quite a bit of panic since he’d never gone from that part of any body before. W-what am I supposed to do?! I don’t see any hole there or anything! Am…am I going to explode?! Will I still be able to resurrect from the ashes as Spike? We can both breathe fire; that’s close enough, right? Ooooooh…
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Spike was sulking on a table outdoors, sipping a milkshake that somepony had left behind after Spike had accidentally pooped on her tail. Why does the universe keep making a fool out of me? Did I do something in a past life that got Lady Luck to hold a grudge against me? I mean, I’m a freaking dragon! …Well, most of the time, at least. Doesn’t that count for anything?
He wallowed in his bitter thoughts and somewhat less bitter milkshake for several more minutes until he noticed a shadow cast overhead. He braced himself for the inevitable raincloud until he heard a familiar “Ahem!”
“Twilight!” Spike turned to the cross alicorn beside him and managed to pull off a toothy grin with Peewee’s beak. “I was just…uh…”
“Save your explanations for when I can understand them,” Twilight said with a weary sigh, using her magic to drag Spike’s phoenix butt along with her. “I know what I have to do to fix this, so let’s just get you and Peewee in the right bodies before something gets broken. Please tell me Peewee’s still in the library.”
Spike gave as big a nod as he could in his position.
“Oh, thank Celestia for small miracles!” Twilight exclaimed as she stepped into her humble abode and placed Peewee’s body on her desk. “Alright, you stay there while I¬–”
Her speech was cut off by an alarmed yelp coming from the bathroom. “YEOW, WHAT IS THIS?!”
“Of course…” Twilight galloped up to the bathroom and could only stare at the sight before her: there was liquid everywhere, including on Spike’s body, which was laying on the ground like a beached salmon that had discovered too late that it was somehow able to pee.
Peewee noticed Twilight’s literally smoking appearance and gave a weak grin. “Well, what do you know? Peewee has a wee-wee now! That’s…that’s good, right?”
…Yep, I’m definitely dead. I bet she has magic to stop me from resurrecting, too. At least I had it good up till now…
End of Part 4