//------------------------------//
// Chapter 5- Alone With Myself 
// Story: Not having ANY of this S### 
// by Technopathic 
//------------------------------//

	I ran away without thought, without emotion. I wasn't thinking about where I was going, what I was doing; nothing but moving forward relentlessly. I didn't care if anyone saw me. If they did, I didn't notice.

I found myself at the edge of what I now knew to be the Everfree forest. I ducked into the shadows of the line of trees. There was a lot of shadow there. Perfect.

Too perfect, I realized, This is just the kind of place they’d expect me to go. I can’t stay here.

I slunk around the treeline for a bit, thinking. This is the place they would most expect me to go. So where would they least expect me to run to? I rose, peeking out of the shadows. I spotted a shimmering gleam far, far in the distance. Canterlot, I realized, recalling my torturously long lecture about Equestria, That’s the capitol where those two insanely powerful diarchs are supposed to live.

I paused. It was in the exact opposite direction from Ponyville than the forest. On one hand, going there and trying to usurp the throne was exactly the kind of thing one would expect from a bad guy, which I’m sure was what all those ponies thought of me as now. Then again, trying to take on those princesses would be stupid, so maybe they wouldn’t expect me to be so stupid as to go to Canterlot. Ugh. All this roundabout thinking was confusing the hell out of me.

Then again, I could just go somewhere close to Canterlot… I eyed the capitol city more closely. It was hanging off the side of a mountain, and at the base of that mountain was a greenish area that might have been a forest. Plenty of shade for me to hide in. Where I could bide my time…

I had made my decision. I slid along the edge of the forest, keeping to the darkness. When I was satisfied I had gone far enough, I built up as much speed as I could muster and blasted full force across the plains. Next stop, Canterlot Mountain, I thought.

*********************

It was a while before Twilight finally recovered. Even so, her ears were still ringing loudly from the unholy shriek of a song the ‘human’ had produced. “Urghhh…” she moaned, standing upright. She galloped to the door, scanning the area for any sign of the shadowy creature. There was nothing in sight. She had gotten away.

“I TOLD you not to trust her so easily,” scolded Rainbow Dash, shaking off the remaining disorientation, “Now look what’s happened. Agh.” she winced, her ears still hurting her, apparently.

Twilight gave no reply, and kept staring at the floor. She had been too quick to trust Abyss. She had thought she was a decent judge of character, but it had been an act all along. She should have seen it coming after that outburst. She had wanted too badly to believe that Abyss could be good.

Still, she had truly believed there was a decent person in her. Abyss’ outburst had seemed… almost forced. Off. 

She shook herself. No. Abyss had shown her true colors. She had been offered a chance and had refused it.

The first and foremost problem was that Twilight had no idea of Abyss’s intentions. She still needed information. She needed to know her motivation, to see what Abyss was going to try next. She didn’t know if she could afford to mess up again. What would Princess Celestia say? Was Abyss going to go after the princesses? 

Twilight stopped herself. She needed to think calmly. She looked at Rainbow Dash, and an idea started to form in her head. She had messed up, but Twilight was going to make sure she did the next right thing. “Rainbow, could you fly around and ask the other weather ponies in the area if they’ve seen anything? And to report back if they see anything suspicious, okay?”

Rainbow gave a small salute, “I’m on it,” she said before taking to the air.

Twilight gathered some materials and set them down on her writing desk. She had a very important message to send to the Princess. Abyss was on the loose, and there was no telling what she was going to do next.

***********************

I honestly had no idea what I was going to do next.

I had lucked out. I don’t think I was spotted by any ponies on my way to Canterlot mountain. Plus, though the deeper shade of green had turned out to only be unusually thick shrubbery, I managed to find, of all things, what appeared to be an old mine that was boarded up and abandoned. I slipped through the cracks in the boards.

I made it inside and explored through the darkness inside, spreading myself out until I filled every edge the shadow touched. The mine was dark and mazelike, easy to get turned around in, with lots of alternate exits in many different areas all over the mountain. A perfect place to hide. I made my way to a large chamber that seemed to be at the core of the mine, a large, vast room even bigger than the cave with the pyramid I had found when I first got here. I rose out of the shadows and fell against the wall, sliding to the ground. 

I could move a little, which was a big improvement from before, but I still felt sluggish, like I was trying to move through molasses. I gave up, and resigned myself to my thoughts until the immobilization spell wore off.

I don’t know why, but I suddenly started to get this deep sinking feeling in my stomach. Like I regretted something I had done back there. But this is stupid, I don’t need to feel bad. I don’t regret anything.

I paused, my expression suddenly serious. Something was off. I know what I felt, so why am I so adamantly refusing that I felt bad about something?

I thought back to the scene at the library. All I did was pretend to cooperate and escape while I could… there was that feeling of regret again. I burned my metaphorical bridges back there, I realized, and there’s no reason to feel bad about it because I was in the right. They were going to hurt me. 

I stopped. There it was again. That… I think it was like a voice I kept hearing. That voice I had kept mistaking as my own thoughts. Ever since I had read on shadow ponies, I had my suspicions, but now I was sure: something was wrong here. 

I sat back and reflected hard on my actions until this point. Yeah, now that I think about it, I haven’t been acting quite like normal… I was hypocritical when I thought about humanity and judged them negatively so quickly, even grouping everyone else with the people who I've actually liked back at home. I also suddenly and inexplicably jumped on the assumption that the ponies were trying to use me, that they were my enemy.  That they were going to treat me unfairly. Now that I think about it, their offer actually seemed genuin-no it wasn’t!

I frowned. I was a jerk, that was true, and I did have a little bit of a grudge against several people, but there were good aspects about humanity too; lots of them. This, dare I say it, wasn’t like me…No, nope, it’s completely normal; nothing wrong here!

I flinched. There it was again. I was getting better at recognizing the difference. There was a definite difference here, and I was going to find out what it was.

I slowly connected the dots, and came to the conclusion that whatever this force was, it obviously did not like the ponies at all. Many of these unusual bursts of anger came in reaction to the ponies. Seemed as good a way as any to start.

"Ponies are actually kind of cool,” I said aloud, my voice echoing though the mines.

The feedback was nearly instantaneous. I was filled with a rush of violent anger. They are NOT! Stupid, USELESS pieces of SHIT; they’re nothing but LYING COWARDS AND-!!! The voice and it's anger stopped, realizing its mistake.

This time I felt a distinct presence at the back of my mind shrink, as though trying not to be noticed. Gotcha, I thought with a sly smile.

“You’ve been caught now, so you might as well reveal yourself. I know you’re there,” I told it. I wanted answers.

I felt a slight sense of reluctance, and the feeling in my head expanded a little. How on Earth had I not noticed it there before? What do you want? It asked. Finally, we were getting somewhere.

“Well, for starters, what the hell are you and what are you doing inside my head?” I asked bluntly.

Living. We were born of the shadows. We need hosts to live. We were dying. You saved us from our prison. You became our new host. 

Okay, kind of creepy. I thought back. "The glass orb,” I recalled with realization, “You were the thing that was trapped in that orb on the pyramid. You freaking possessed me!” I didn’t know whether to feel glad I had ended up saving something, or violated for it deciding to rent space in my head. At least it was being cooperative with me.

The thing must have sensed my mood. We were thankful. We healed our new host. We gave you power, power to hurt those who trapped us there, it offered hopefully, The power of the shadows.

I mulled this over for a bit. "And I suppose these 'enemies'  of yours are the ponies, Correct? They locked you up because they feared you, right?" I guessed.

Yesss, it hissed in my head, They tried to get rid of us. Expel us. Hundreds of years ago-

"Look," I cut them off, "I don't need your damn life story, alright? Save it for later." The creature slunk back, dejected. 

You will help us? It asked hopefully after a while.

"Why would I want to help you?" I asked seriously.

You’re the host now. The host has to help. The host has to make the ponies pay-!

“No.” I said with all the force I could muster. I could feel the other little voice shrink back. I had been subtly manipulated by it, but now that I saw through its trick, I was in control. I was the one in power. "This is MY body, and if you want to try anything, you’re going to have to go through ME. I don’t know how your previous ‘hosts’ reacted, but I sure as hell won’t be manipulated by a damn inkblob.”

The creature squirmed under my control, unused to being dominated so thoroughly by their host. It was probably because we were both stuck in the same brain, but I could tell they were used to having the most sway, not the other way around. I could feel that it was... afraid. It was afraid of being kicked out, afraid of being hurt, afraid of dying. A terrified little creature trying to survive.

Meanwhile, I was angry. Not forced anger, not amplified anger, but my own, genuine anger. I was angry at this creature for invading my mind, making me destroy my best chance at living even somewhat comfortably within this new society I had found myself in. I was angry at it for not revealing itself until now. But most of all? I was angry at myself for letting it control me like that.

Finally, I spoke up. “I understand, somewhat… why you hate the ponies so much. But whatever beef you have with them, you’re going to have to suck it up and deal with it like an adult.” Strange advice, coming from me. 

I sighed. “Look, I’m not going to try to get rid of you.” The creature perked up at this. “You… seem to be useful, at the very least, and you did kinda save my life, so you must not be all that bad… But!” My tone became serious. “You’re going to have to teach me how to use this shadow magic, and you’re going to have to accept that, though I’m willing to listen to you, I won’t always let you have free reign.” I scowled. “Look where it got me the last time…”

There was a long pause. …And in return…You will let us stay? The creature asked hopefully. Protect us?

“Yeah, sure…” It seemed content with this. Look at me. I was making a pact with some shadowy creature I barely knew. Every bit of this should have screamed “bad idea,” according to every, book, TV show, and movie I’d ever seen with this sort of crap. Still, I didn’t regret it. 

I tried moving again. The invisible substance it felt like I was swimming through now felt less like molasses and more like rather saturated mud. Looks like I wouldn’t be walking anywhere anytime soon.

“Now would be a really nice time for that backstory of yours,” I said. The creature happily obliged. My mind was flooded with images from a distant past...