//------------------------------// // Diplomacy By Other Means // Story: My Little Teelo: Masquerade // by Ardwolf //------------------------------// In which diplomacy thwarted, finds alternative outlets to express itself. Earth, Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2013 3:10 PM “Hi Milly? Yeah, it’s me,” Mia Gant said as she guided her car onto the freeway. “Listen, how’d you like to get together for a little while? I’m about ten minutes away from you. I just finished my last call for the day and wouldn’t say no to some of that lemon pound cake you were bragging about Friday. Maybe with chai latte? I know you have some squirreled away.” “Sure, come on. It’ll give us a chance to relax and reconnect after all the craziness of my end of year paperwork.” the voice on the other end said cheerfully. “Poor girl, you’re really working on a Sunday?” Mia grimaced into the phone. “Never miss an opportunity to interview a client, Milly. You might not get a second chance.” “And that is why I’m not a social worker,” the other woman replied. “See you when you get here.” “See you in a minute,” Mia said, hanging up. Traffic was light so true to her word she pulled into Millicent’s driveway ten minutes later. The two women chatted as Milly led her guest to the kitchen for their snack. Settling in the breakfast nook they relaxed. Mia tasted her cake and shivered at the sharp flavor. “Oh, you weren’t lying. This is good,” she enthused. “I still can’t believe you had to work on Sunday,” Milly commiserated. “Sunday’s my decompress day. I won’t even do laundry on a Sunday.” “Lucky girl, you have a whole day to do laundry?” Mia marvelled. “I have to drop off and pick up my dry cleaning in between interviews.” “Not envying you,” Mia said, chuckling. “So, how many torture sessions did you have to endure today?” “Just one,” Milly said, sipping her chai. “Thankfully a false alarm. By the way, thank you very much for sending me on a wild goose chase.” “What?” Milly asked before her expression went carefully blank. “False alarm, huh? Are you sure?” “Oh yes, I’ve been doing this a long time, Milly,” Mia replied, putting her cup down. “All three of them were livid. Not frightened, not embarrassed, angry. If I hadn’t defused the situation we’d be talking lawyers at thirty paces. There was no neglect there, all three of them were a single coordinated team in the face of a common enemy. If I were you I’d let this drop. What’s the story between you two anyway?” “No story,” Milly said looking away. “She missed a week after Christmas break, and she’d run away from home last year for three weeks in January. There’s something going on. That girl isn’t normal. There’s something wrong with her, I can feel it.” “Look, Milly, as your friend I’m telling you to drop it. From what I can see Teagan is just unusually focused for her age. Maybe it’s the Krav Maga or maybe that just reinforces her natural discipline.” “You didn’t see it?” Milly demanded harshly, staring at her friend fiercely. “That girl is a bomb just waiting to go off!” “She seemed pleasant enough,” Mia said, thinking. “Very composed, very polite. Although she did say they were going to find out who lodged the complaint. You need to be careful. Let it go.” “See!” Milly said triumphantly. “That’s not normal. A normal girl would try to avoid confrontation, not escalate it.” Mia didn’t say anything, her sense of forboding growing. She’d come here as a favor, off the record. “You better tell me everything,” She said with a sigh, not liking how Milly was sucking her deeper into what sounded more and more like a personal vendetta. ooOoo The dark red unicorn trotted through the underbrush, his horn glowing slightly as he kept up an obscurement spell. It wouldn’t hold against close observation but it would keep him hidden from scrying or being seen by an airborne pegasus. He couldn’t use more powerful spells while on the move, and given that all of Equestria would soon be after him he judged it best to withdraw and reequip another laboratory elsewhere. How did Jern make such a hash of a simple assignment? Dr. Rimor wondered as he moved around a large bush. It was a filly! First he almost kills her, and then manages to anger the diamond dogs so badly they abandon us. As for Candy Floss, such a pity she died. I had plans to make her and her sister a matched set. Such a waste. As if that weren’t bad enough a troop of elite Royal guards finds us. How was that even possible? Did somepony see Thunder flying south? That dragon swore he could fly unobserved! Treacherous wretch! When next we meet I must see about arranging to skin that monster. He will make a most excellent slave, once I’ve killed him. Damn Celestia and her guards! They spoiled everything! It took me two solid weeks of work to prepare those two subjects for transformation! Another few hours and I would have added a pair of draugr to our little family. As it is now my patron will not be pleased, so much time lost, as well as a perfectly good base too. Ah well, too late to worry about it now. I’ll just have to make sure my next laboratory is harder to locate. Perhaps underground tunnels to ferry in the test subjects? Next time I will definitely have to find more reliable servants. Trolls and dragons, bah! Although losing Glitter was a pity. She was such a useful tool, with absolutely no moral qualms whatsoever. I shall have to see if I can find another of her species gone rogue. So much to do, so little time! The dark red unicorn shook his head in irritation as he moved deeper into the wilderness. ooOoo Chrysalis let out a long slow breath, her head beginning to pound from the seemingly endless string of spells she’d been casting. A quarter of her hive were now reverted by this point. Instead of black chitin the new flutterponies were each brilliant works of living art, from their multicolored bodies to the patterns on their butterfly wings. The curved fang-like horn of the old changelings had become a graceful pair of slender antennae, far longer than a unicorn’s horn. Many of the flutterponies were testing their new magics, which swirled through the air as agile antennae and wings manipulated the delicate weaving, as much for the sake of art as any pragmatic effect. She could feel the joy in her heart threaten to overpower her. This day was done, and her kaleidoscope was yet incomplete. But other days would follow. In less than a week every one of her children would regain their birthright. And then they would find a new place and rebuild what had been lost so many thousands of years ago. Perhaps even in the badlands where their current hive was hidden. After all, restoring the badlands into a verdant and thriving forest would be an unmistakable declaration to the world that the flutterponies were not to be trifled with. Chrysalis threw back her head and her cry rang through the Everfree. “Beware, Equis! The flutterponies have returned to reclaim our kingdom! And no creature shall harm a flutterpony ever again!” Her children, drones and flutterponies alike, raised their voices to echo her laughter. ooOoo As the shape charged him Mist Chaser’s pony instincts took over and the pegasus fled on foot. But endless hours of evasion training pounded into him by his instructors in the Courier Service made sure he fled sideways, rather than directly away from the half seen menace. That training saved his life as the pegasus dodged out of the doorway and raced along the side of the building rather than directly back the way he’d come. It bought him a few precious seconds as the beast had to skid to a stop and turn to chase him. The thing gave a hissing roar that rose and fell like a siren, assuming that siren had been crossed with the world’s largest bass drum. The deafening roar made the ground shake under the terrified pegasus’s hooves and his wings snapped open, driving him hard into the sky, heedless of the sharp burning pain in his chest and wing roots. There was a tremendous crack just behind him and a wind blew past him, heavy with the stench of rotted flesh. It made him gag even as he desperately clawed for altitude. There was a heavy thud behind him and another of those warbling siren bellows. He risked a look back and found his attacker had no wings. It must have leaped after him and fallen to the ground. He curved around for a better look, making sure to stay well above it. “What the hay is that thing?” He asked himself aloud, completely stumped. It was huge, at least twenty feet long and half again as tall as Princess Celestia. Its body was long and thick, narrowing to a sharp point at its snout, which looked almost like an armored beak that was its entire head. Tiny eyes glared at him from the beak head, and the thing appeared to have no nostrils at all, just a smooth rocklike expanse of head that flowed back over the top of its shoulders to end in a fin-like crest. Four thick legs supported the beast, ending in massive claws. A long tail whipped angrily back and forth as the thing tried to figure out how to get at him. The greenish-gray beast opened its mouth to roar at him again, revealing a nightmare of needle-like teeth, which appeared to run all the way down its throat… Oh, hay no! I am NOT dealing with anything with teeth like that! Mist Chaser had seen enough, and starting to calm down he weighed his options. He was already feeling the strain of flying again so he doubted he’d be able to stay in the air for more than five minutes. The beast was now charging along underneath him, just waiting for the pegasus to come within reach. “Go away!” he yelled down at it, waving his forelegs in a shooing motion. It ignored his shout, watching him hungrily with its beady eyes. Can’t fly away from this thing, and I can’t outrun it on foot, he thought, eyes darting around for help. Where were the trolls? The custom station should have had a band of armed trolls guarding it. He wondered if they’d been driven off—or eaten. Perhaps there had been a group of these things and he’d been “lucky” enough to catch a straggler. That’s when his eye fell on the dark tunnel entrance in the side of the mountain. The passage was, he remembered, a good twenty feet tall all the way to the first troll outpost, which was like the front of a castle built across the tunnel. The outpost was always well guarded. Ridiculously well guarded, he’d always thought… He smiled evilly down at the beast below him. Lots and lots and lots of beautiful trolls—and they have axes and clubs and all manner of unfriendly attitude toward unwanted guests… “Ha! Hey Beaky! Catch me if you can!” With that Mist Chaser deliberately curved away from the tunnel and led his pursuer back out into the mountains. The beast below him was relentless, showing no signs of strain as it raced along below him at twenty-five miles per hour. When Mist Chaser judged he was far enough away from the tunnel to do what he planned he gave the beast a loud raspberry and snapped into a tight turn, groaning at the pulling in his wings, the world graying out just a bit before he ended the turn and sprinted with the last of his reserves straight at the tunnel entrance. The thing below him skidded to a stop and spun around, charging after the rapidly retreating pegasus. The roar let him gauge roughly where his unpleasantly persistent hunter was, and his spirits rose as it fell rapidly behind. Now let’s see how good you really are, Misty old boy, he though as he arrowed toward the suddenly very narrow tunnel at nearly a hundred miles per hour, twice normal chariot pace. I must be completely insane! He thought as the tunnel swallowed him. Suddenly the evening gloom was replaced with the far dimmer magical tunnel lights provided by the trolls to show visitors the way. But they weren’t intended to be bright enough to fly down the natural cave tunnel at a hundred miles an hour. The outpost was only half a mile from the entrance, so praying like he’d never prayed before he started braking ten seconds into the tunnel, the longest ten seconds of his life. The wall lights flashed by like a picket fence and suddenly he could see the outpost wall ahead of him, leaping toward him way too fast. In a panic he went into a four-hooves-forward flare, the adrenaline surge letting him fight through the agony of wings flapping so fast they blurred. He watched the wall coming toward him with the malicious intent of squishing him like a bug. At the last moment he frantically swerved slightly upward. Three seconds later he slammed into the wall hard enough to knock the wind out of him but not quite hard enough to break his legs. He’d barely cleared the crenulations on top of the outpost so when he fell bonelessly onto the floor it was only a five foot drop. “MONSTER COMING!” He yelled with his last lungful of air as startled trolls grabbed weapons all around him. A bellowing siren roar in the distance announced the presence of his pursuer, turning the troll weapons away from his nearly unconscious body and toward the new threat. “Bakkan hai!” A troll yelled in warning. Before the echos had died away trolls were vaulting over the wall to land ten feet below and racing toward the onrushing monster. “Oh, so that’s what it’s called,” Mist Chaser said with a dopey smile as he passed out. ooOoo Earth, Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2013 2:07 PM “What’s going on?” David asked, staring at the standing Emma and seeing his father looking angry. “What’d you do now Emma?” “Nothing much,” Emma responded calmly, “We were just talking about last minute details on a trip I need to take.” “Huh? Where are you going?” Her brother demanded. “Are we going on vacation or something? Cause I vote for Disneyworld.” “You always vote for Disneyworld,” Emma said dismissively. “Can’t you be a little more original?” “We’ve never been to Disneyworld,” he protested. “That’s why I want to go!” “Emma,” Her father growled warningly. “We’re not going on vacation, honey,” Olivia told her son soothingly. “Then how about lunch?” David asked hopefully. “I’m starved.” His parents exchanged a look that said volumes without making a sound. Her father sighed and relaxed. “Ok, what do you want for lunch then?” Olivia asked in a forced cheerful tone, getting to her feet. “Hot dogs?” David asked as the two of them headed to the kitchen “This discussion isn’t over,” her father cautioned her in a low voice. “We will hear the rest of it, or you go nowhere.” “So you’ve said,” Emma replied quietly. “Just so long as you listen to everything, Daddy.” With a huff the man followed his wife and son into the kitchen. Well, Maybe not quite everything, Emma thought before following her family to eat, but as much as I can. After all, bad news needs to be delivered carefully, right? ooOoo Earth, Sunday night, May 29, 2013 9:13 PM “There!” Twilight said with satisfaction, putting her notebook away. “Are you done?” Teagan asked, raising an eyebrow. “For now,” Twilight said, nodding. “But I’m sure there’ll be other things I want to take notes on.” Teagan chuckled. “Are you ready to watch an episode of My Little Pony? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t want to creep you out.” “No, it’s fine,” Twilight said firmly. “It’s just a play, right?” “Well, a cartoon, but close enough,” Teagan replied. Teagan started the episode. She’d decided to stay away from anything centered on Twilight, but she wanted something that wasn’t too slice-of-life, fearing seeing their everyday ho-hum existence would be more invasive than one of the more adventurous episodes. Yet she didn’t want anything that might bring up bad memories either, so she finally settled on Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. Of course she’d forgotten the very first scene was inside Fluttershy’s bedroom… Oops. “Wait, is that Fluttershy?” Twilight asked, confused. “Is that her house? Her bedroom?” Twilight was aghast. “You can see inside our houses?????” Teagan wouldn’t have believed you could actually count the number of question marks in a question someone spoke. Live and learn… she thought as she tried to come up with a diplomatic answer. “Yes?” She answered tentatively. “But don’t worry so much. This is a show for little girls, Twilight. They’d never show anything inappropriate.” Just then Rainbow Dash stripped the blanket from the sitting up Fluttershy, who immediately covered herself and blushed, smiling in embarrassment at the decidedly unimpressed Rainbow Dash. Twilight pointed accusing at the screen and glared at the teenager. “Nothing inappropriate! What do you call that?” Twilight demanded. Teagan hit pause and stared blankly at the alicorn. “It would be for humans,” Teagan said slowly, “Or at least a bit risqué. Originally I thought that scene was just, you know, for the bronies. Little girls would probably just ignore it, or not understand it. But why would it mean anything to ponies?” “What? But, but—wait a minute! Ok, this is clearly a cultural misunderstanding.” The alicorn said relaxing. “We’re both making assumptions based on our cultures that are completely wrong. All we have to do is explain to each other what we think this scene represents in our cultures. No need to get upset at all, right?” She beamed at Teagan, clearly ready to learn something new and interesting about humans. Her horn lit up and her pen and notebook reappeared. “So, what does this scene mean to humans?” Twilight asked brightly. Teagan face palmed. “Really, Twilight?” She asked wearily. “Of course! Clearly there’s an issue here and I need to understand it if I’m going to know human customs better!” Teagan shook her head, grinning in spite of herself. “Why would I ever expect anything else from Twilight Sparkle, scholar extraordinaire? Ok, you know about our nudity taboo, right?” Twilight nodded. “Well, in this scene humans are going to react to the sudden surprise as though Fluttershy were human, not pony. A human caught in the nude, even by a close friend of the same sex would be embarrassed, because the nudity taboo is very strong. So when she reacts like she’s embarrassed it makes perfect sense to us instinctively. But the second part of the joke, the one that makes it even funnier, is when our minds catch up and say, wait a minute! She’s a pony. That makes no sense! She’s always naked. So why is she embarrassed?” “Wow.” Twilight scribbled for about half a page before looking up. “That’s not at all what I see in that scene!” “So why is it inappropriate to ponies?” Teagan asked without thinking, and then mentally slapped herself for being stupid. She’d just asked Twilight Sparkle a question. Oh, dear. Twilight beamed. “Well, you see the way Fluttershy is sitting? That exposes her chest and belly, which is not something a pony ordinarily shows to anyone except a spouse or lover. Scientists think it’s because it makes a pony extremely vulnerable, so you can only do it with someone you trust absolutely. Well, you’d show it to a doctor, obviously. And a young foal would to a parent, but that’s about it. For stallions it’s even worse, of course.” Teagan blushed when she caught Twilight’s meaning. “A lot of romance authors use this scene to indicate a romantic relationship is about to take place, especially if the protagonist had been hostile to the other party.” Twilight suddenly coughed. “Or so I’ve been told.” Teagan let that go. “You mean um, a physical romance?” Teagan asked carefully. Twilight nodded. “Of course.” “So, because they’re both mares, that’s what makes it funny for ponies?” “What? It’s not funny at all,” Twilight protested. “That’s why it’s inappropriate. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash don’t have that kind of relationship, that’s why Fluttershy blushed. She reads that kind of novel, you see, so she’d be aware of the convention. But don’t tell her I said that, ok? It would embarrass her if anyone else knew. Rainbow is—well—Rainbow. Daring Do is about all she reads so she wouldn’t know. And please don’t tell her.” Twilight said severely. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Teagan said quite sincerely. “Fluttershy’s my best friend, remember? I’d never try to embarrass her like that. Besides, on Earth there’s still a bit of stigma about that sort of thing. Another reason it’s kind of funny for us.” “A stigma toward romance?” Twilight asked, her brow wrinkling in bewilderment. “What? How is that even possible?” “No, I mean two girls together,” Teagan said, cursing herself for starting down this particular path. “In Equestria, it’s very common,” Twilight said, jotting down some notes. “After all, given the imbalance between the sexes very few mares will be lucky enough to have a stallion of their own, like my parents or the Cakes. A lot of ponies don’t have the discipline needed for a polygamous situation, so if mares don’t pair with mares most ponies would end up alone their entire lives. And that would be terrible!” “Ah,” Teagan said, taking the out. “Humans tend to be pretty evenly balanced. I think its 105 men to 100 women or something. Since men do the fighting in war, well mostly, it tends to even out.” “Hmm. I think in Equestria it’s more like 1 stallion to 4 mares.” Twilight said. “Huh. That is different. Ready to see the rest of the episode,” Teagan asked, “or do you want to stop?” “Stop? Are you kidding? This is a treasure trove of new data on humans!” Twilight said with an enthusiastic grin. “Ok, if you’re sure you’ll be ok.” Teagan said. “I’ll be fine, I was just surprised,” Twilight assured her. “Please, go on. This is actually fascinating.” Twilight watched without comment until the Flim-Flam brothers broke into song, with the rest of the ponies joining in. Teagan noticed that Twilight hadn’t actually been singing with the others. “I remember that,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “I couldn’t understand why Flim and Flam cast a spell to make everyone start singing. I still don’t understand why I wasn’t affected by it.” “Um, it wasn’t a spell. Equestrians just do that sort of thing all the time.” Teagan said in surprise. “You haven’t noticed? You’ve broken into song yourself.” “Well, when Pinkie sings it’s sort of contagious,” Twilight confessed. “Her songs are always so catchy.” “No, it isn’t just Pinkie,” Teagan said, shaking her head. “I’ve seen you do it too. In fact the only one of your friends I haven’t is Applejack. Wait, no, she did it during Winter Wrap-up.” “Huh, that’s weird. Are you sure it isn’t just the playwrights adding stuff?” Twilight asked, frowning. “Well, no, but you remember this song,” Teagan pointed out. “And you can see neither one of the brother’s horns is glowing. A unicorn’s horn glows when they cast magic, right?” “Yes,” She scribbled more notes. “Oh well, something new for me to investigate when I get home! I never expected to learn about Equestria watching this! Amazing!” Teagan started the episode again. This time they made it to the ending credits. Twilight smiled. “I remember that friendship letter. Applejack was smug for three days after that. At the time I thought Princess Celestia would be annoyed by it, but she told me later it made her laugh.” “She does have a quirky sense of humor,” Teagan agreed. She glanced at the clock. “Hey Twilight, I hate to break this up but it’s getting late. I know you sometimes study all night, but I’m bushed. It’s been a long two days for me and I’m all jet-lagged from hopping between Earth and Equestria. Why don’t we call it a night?” “But there’s so much to study!” Twilight protested. “I couldn’t possibly sleep yet!” “Well, how about I show you the guest room and you can review your notes and write Celestia a preliminary report?” Teagan asked hopefully. “That way you can do something productive till you’re tired and I can get some sleep. Remember there’s a time difference of almost 5 hours between Earth and Equestria, so while it’s ten o’clock here it’s almost two in the morning there.” “Oh, well I was hoping to see more of your Internet library,” Twilight asked wistfully. “After all, I’m only going to be here for two days, Teelo. I could really use your help…” She turned her adorkable puppy dog eyes on the girl. “Oh, come on, that’s not fair!” Teelo complained. “I’d love to help you but Crush’s spell really did a number on my reserves, Twilight. I need to sleep.” “Oh!” Twilight blushed. “I completely forgot about that! You’re right, I’m so sorry!” “Let me show you the guest room,” Teagan said gratefully. “I promise we’ll hit the Internet after breakfast tomorrow. We’ll go back tomorrow afternoon, after I talk to Matt, ok? That should put us back in Equestria just after dark. That will probably be a good time for the Princess to slip away to the Bridge.” “Do you think Emma will be going back with us?” Twilight asked. “I don’t know,” Teagan admitted after thinking about it. “Convincing her parents to let her go back is a pretty tall order. I’m really torn whether she should be going back. On the one hand my selfish side wants her to, but there’s this shadowy conspiracy to worry about, and it looks like they’re somehow mixed up with the undead too. That scares the crap out of me—and I can at least defend myself. Emma would be hopeless in a fight, especially against an enemy that doesn’t hesitate to kill.” “Don’t underestimate your friends, Teelo,” Twilight admonished her. “Fluttershy is a lot like Emma and she’s more than capable of defending herself. Besides, the trolls will protect her.” Twilight shivered. “They’re pretty dangerous too!” “I guess,” Teagan sighed. “Anyway, let’s get you settled. There’s even a desk for you there.” “Great!” Twilight enthused. It didn’t take long to settle the alicorn, and Teagan gratefully got ready for bed. She fell asleep seconds after her head hit the pillow. ooOoo Earth, Monday night, May 30, 2013 1:00 AM “Twilight”, a voice said, bringing the unicorn out of her deep concentration. She’d been contemplating the best way to frame the enormous amount of information for the report to the Princess. She looked around, slowly focusing. “Twilight, are you there?” Princess Celestia said. It took her a moment to realize the voice was coming from her keep-me-safe. She quickly brought out the amulet and cast the ventriloquism spell on it. “Yes, Princess, I’m here!” Twilight said, her mind still shifting gears. “Hello, Twilight. I woke up a little early to make sure I had a chance to talk to you. Are you busy?” “I was just beginning to write you a report,” Twilight said, smiling. “I’ve made the most amazing discoveries about humans! They explain so much! Did you know they have a library the size of their entire planet?” “What?” Celestia asked, startled. “It’s true! They call it the inter-net. And they have these magic boxes called computers that can store and retrieve information too! You can consult any book on the planet within seconds. Even see pictures and moving images—with sound! It’s the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen! It would revolutionize scholarship in Equestria if we were able to duplicate it! Teelo says there’s a possibility we might be able to use my cross-dimensional communication spell to hook into the human inter-net if we can manage to run one of their computers from our electrical systems. Oh, they aren’t really magic boxes, they’re breathtakingly advanced technology! If I can learn human script we will have access to their collected knowledge!” “That’s—remarkable,” Celestia said slowly, her mind churning through the implications. “Twilight, when you return please treat anything you learn about humans as a state secret. Knowledge is a wonderful thing, but if certain knowledge were to fall into the wrong hooves—or claws—it could be extremely dangerous, especially now. If our shadowy enemy were to gain access to human technology…” Twilight was outraged for a moment—before realizing her mentor was right. “I understand Princess. I’ll let Teelo and Emma know as well,” she promised. “Thank you.” Celestia said gratefully. “I have no doubt Teelo is keenly aware of the danger but Emma may not be. When the Bridge of Days only allowed limited access to human knowledge the risk was small. But if you succeed it could be a great boon to Equestria—and also a grave danger.” “I can’t abandon the attempt!” Twilight said frantically, afraid that would be Celestia’s next order. “I am not asking you to,” Celestia reassured her. “But we must move carefully, lest we open the gates of Tartarus unwittingly.” “I didn’t think about the dangers,” Twilight said apologetically. “But this world is so amazing. Did you know the humans can communicate with each other anywhere in their world in moments? They also routinely fly food across the planet!” “We can do that too,” Celestia reminded her fellow princess. “Yes, but they do it by the thousands of tons,” Twilight replied. There was a long silence. “Are you still there?” Twilight asked, afraid the connection had been interrupted. “Yes,” Celestia sounded surprised. “You said thousands of tons?” “Yes. They ship even more by sea!” Twilight said. “Teelo lives in the middle of a huge landmass but restaurants here serve seafood and the food shops stock all kinds of tropical fruit! And it’s not even all that expensive! Teelo said the average family could easily afford any kind of fruit or vegetables they want, and—um,” Twilight hesitated only for a moment, “many different varieties of meat as well. All of it taken from non-sentient animals, of course!” “Of course,” Celestia said soothingly. “No need to be so delicate, Twilight. I deal with griffons and trolls, who also eat meat, you know. Even pegasi are known to eat fish on occasion.” “I know, it’s just the scale here is hard to believe,” Twilight replied. “Teelo’s father mentioned the population of their country is three hundred million humans.” “Oh my!” Celestia said, shocked. “Do you happen to know how many humans are on Earth?” “Seven billion and the population is still growing,” Twilight said grimly. “Frankly I don’t see how that’s even possible.” “Equestria houses about six million ponies,” Celestia said in wonder, “with maybe another million citizens of various other species. I doubt there are even a billion sentient creatures on all of Equis. This is very troubling, Twilight.” “It might explain why Teelo keeps saying humans are so violent,” Twilight said thoughtfully. “If you crowd too many ponies into one place tempers flare and more fighting goes on. Nothing on par with what Matthew told us, but crowding stress affects all species, right?” “One would think so,” Celestia agreed. “Are there any other major discoveries you’ve made?” “Too many to summarize verbally,” Twilight replied. “And I’ve only been here a few hours! Princess, you were right to send me here.” “I merely suggested you might enjoy it, Twilight,” Princess Celestia said mildly. “You volunteered, remember?” “Oh, right,” Twilight blushed, suddenly glad the connection was sound only. “Regardless, I’m not sorry I came. A whole new world, Celestia! I don’t even know where to begin. I feel like a filly in a candy shop! There’s just so much.” “Then perhaps we should make gaining access to their world library a priority,” Celestia said thoughtfully, “as long as we can do so without alerting the rest of the humans to our existence. I certainly trust Lady Teelo and Emma, but Matthew stressed to me that humans in large groups react more like trolls than ponies. You of all ponies should realize what that means.” “I do,” Twilight responded, thinking of how Søyle had lifted her by the scruff of the neck. “I’ll be very careful, Princess. Teelo and her parents keep telling me how bad it would be if I were discovered. I admit I may not have taken them as seriously as I should have.” “I do trust your judgment, Twilight, or I would never have suggested you go,” Celestia said in a serious tone. “But Earth is a completely unknown world. We aren’t familiar with its dangers, so please listen to Teelo and her family and heed their warnings.” “I will, Princess,” Twilight promised gravely. “You are coming back today, correct?” Celestia asked. “Yes, Teelo suggested we come back this afternoon, Earth time. I suggest we arrive just after sundown, Equestrian time, which should allow you the couple of minutes you need to open the Bridge and return without anyone realizing.” Twilight said. “Tactically sound, as Matthew would say,” Celestia said with a chuckle. “You’ll find there are times it is diplomatically useful to know things your counterparts do not. I will contact you again when I’m in a position to slip away undetected. Oh, and Twilight? I am very, very proud of you.” Twilight’s delighted smile lit up the guest room. “Thank you, Celestia! We’ll be ready to return around sundown Equestria time.” “Very good. Will Emma be returning as well?” The Princess asked innocently. “We aren’t sure,” Twilight admitted reluctantly. “Her parents were really mad at her for going to Equestria without permission, especially when they heard about the changelings. Teelo’s ambivalent about it too; she said it was selfish of her to want Emma to come back. The fact undead are involved scares her to death.” “No one wants to put their friends at risk,” Celestia said heavily. “Yet it must be Emma’s choice in the end. I believe Emma’s presence will be important for Teelo, but I won’t try to persuade her to come back. It has to be her decision.” “If it was up to her I know she’ll come back with us,” Twilight said with certainty. “But apparently she’s still not old enough by Earth law to make that decision. It depends on whether she can persuade her parents. I simply don’t know if she can or not.” “Then we must trust Emma to succeed,” Celestia said mildly, “for Teelo’s sake, if not our own. And now my friend, if I know you like I think I do I imagine you were going to work through the entire night, weren’t you?” “What? No! I mean, I wanted to work on your report but it’s too big to finish in a single session,” Twilight said defensively. “Besides, if I get a couple of hours of sleep I’ll be fine.” “Hmm,” Celestia said. “Why don’t I believe you?” There was laughter in her voice. “I guess you do know me too well,” Twilight said with a rueful smile. “All right, I want to be as fresh as possible when Teelo gets up so I can tackle their world library. I’ll go to bed right after we’re finished. Satisfied?” “I trust you’ll do exactly that. Goodnight, my friend,” Celestia said, laughing. Twilight shook her head. “Good night, Princess,” The alicorn replied. It wasn’t until she was getting into the overly long human bed Twilight realized Celestia hadn’t said which action she trusted Twilight to do. Chuckling, the tired alicorn shut her eyes and forced her racing mind to still. It took her several minutes to get to sleep.