Ivan Pearlashnikov threw a pail of water onto the red coals of his smelting fire and basked in the satisfying hiss of the billowing clouds of steam. He squirmed awkwardly out of the stiff apron around his bulbous form and shuffled it into a corner.
Ivan took a last look at his collection of contorted metal vaguely resembling swords, tools and other knick knacks. He thought about how his job would be so much easier if he had arms like the Fruitlord in his palace down the road. With a sigh, he wobbled out of the door, locked up the shop and looked at his modest home across the road.
He remembered about his son Mikhail and perked up. It was the boy’s birthday tomorrow and he had to pick up the cake and present. He smiled as he imagined the happiness on his son’s face when he saw the magnificent thing he would be eating; Ivan had been saving up for weeks to afford the beauty and he just knew Mikhail would love it.
Ivan set off down the cobbled street towards the bakery a hundred yards away. He said hello to an acquaintance as he passed on his merry way, the smell of the fresh bread becoming more potent. He thought about how proud catherine, his wife, would be about the thought he’d put into all this - she was always grumbling about how little time he spent with little Mikhail.
Faintly, from behind Ivan, the sound of hooves on a hard surface emanated. The sound got louder and louder. The pear turned around to see what it was, to see an out of control carriage bearing down on him with staggering speed, smashing everything and everyone in its way. Before he could react, Ivan was a pale green mess smeared on the front of the cart.
***
Twilight spat out the bit of pear flesh that had just found its way into her mouth and tried to control the magically generated horses pulling them along. She swerved to avoid a mother and baby pear, and in doing so kicked out the back end of the carriage. The wooden structure tore into the front of a bakery of some sort, spilling bread and glass all over the road and adding to the carnage. A lump of cake splattered into the bottom of the cart, on top was some icing with words on it, but only fragments were intact. It read:
Hap
8
Mik
Twilight stopped for a second to wonder what it could have ever meant.
“Can’t you get this thing under any better control Twi?” Rainbow yelled through the cacophony of screaming pears and thunderous hoofsteps. “The death count for this journey is already a dozen, and we’ve only been gone a minute!”
“I’m trying!” Twilight snapped back without breaking concentration. Another pear was reduced to pulp under the wooden cartwheels.
“Why don’t you try slowing down?” Rarity suggested from the rear of the carriage.
“Oh my god, I didn’t think of that.” Twilight said with genuine realisation and disbelief. She sat down and the horses slowed to a trot. “Jesus Christ I’m stupid at times”
The party made it to the edge of Saint Peartersburg with no further civilian casualties and stopped at the gates where 4 pear guards waited for them. They opened the tall metal structure when they saw the fruitlord approaching in the carriage.
“Thanks chaps.” He said with a wave as they passed by.
Twilight was visibly shaken from being responsible for the deaths of so many innocent pears; what if they had families to look after? “Thank fuck we’re out of there.” She said in relief.
***
“So here we are.” The fruitlord said, stretching his long, thin, pale, gangly arms into the air. “The open road.” He looked over to Twilight and took a long shuddering breath. “We can speed up again now, Twi.”
“Y-yes, of course.” She said, and adjusted the cruising speed of the magical horses to a fast canter. She watched their flowing movements and rippling magical muscles as they moved, in awe of the capabilities of magic she didn’t know she possessed. The pinkish translucent creatures acted like animals, but they were more like robots, with set patterns and sequences to follow.
Her train of thought was suddenly severed by the fruitlord as he tried once again to initiate some sort of conversation. “We can continue in here on the road for the rest of today, for a few dozen miles. Beyond that we’ll have to walk to avoid the roadblocks set up by the Apples. We should only be cutting through the corner of the banana forests on foot if all goes according to plan.”
“K” Rarity remarked, paying more attention to the almost luminescent green of the fields than to the annoying drone of the lord’s voice.
The fruitlord promptly shut up and the party sat for several hours in a heavy silence as the day began to draw to a close. The seemingly endless green fields eventually faded out and were replaced by shrubby hills and balancing grey rocks all around. The setting sun cast a long shadow across much of the land and exaggerated shapes and movements.
The carriage eventually started to pull around a corner with a steep slope into a valley full of trees on one side and a vertical cliff reaching into the sky on the other.
Consumed by his overwhelming boredom, the lord stood up in the rickety cart and stepped softly towards the front end where twilight sat staring dolefully into the horizon. He reached his hand forwards in the direction of her head, entranced by the sparkling horn on top of it.
Rainbow Dash, intrigued by the disturbance, looked up from her hooves to see who was moving. She took a moment to register the situation before reality hit. “Wait! N--” She managed to yell before the fruitlord clasped his sweaty palm around Twilight’s horn.
The alicorn flew across the carriage and smashed into the back as she slumped unconsciously into a heap, sparking with magical energy while the lord stood dazed, unsure of the situation. The horses suddenly disappeared into thin air, sending the cart careering forwards uncontrollably until it finally came to rest teetering on the edge of the cliff.
“You fucking idiot!” Rainbow screamed, flapping up into his acne-covered face and locking eye contact. “What were you thinking?”
Before he answered, the fruitlord leant against the metal handrail around the outside of the carriage to support himself.
The moment contact was made, a bright spark flashed where hand met steel and a large boom shook the landscape as the cart flipped over and crashed down the hillside in a maelstrom of limbs and splintered wood. The two pegasus ponies quickly jumped out of the way and hovered above as it fell.
Eventually, the dust settled and signs of life were visible in the mangled wreckage. Rainbow sighed in relief as a white hoof emerged from the rubble and rarity hauled herself out. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash swooped down and landed nearby, trotting over to check if she was alright.
There was sound again as The Fruitlord burst out, sending pieces of wood flying in all directions. He carried the limp form of Twilight Sparkle on his shoulders and laid her down on the grass as soon as he was clear of the carriage.
“She’s still alive!” He called over to the ponies a few metres away with his ear on her chest.
They sighed in relief as the 3 of them hurried over to where their friend lay.
“She looks like she has a twisted wing.” The fruitlord pointed out, gesturing to the contorted appendage. “She’ll probably be out for a while yet, too, we should make camp here.”
Rainbow dash didn’t like taking orders from this cretin, but she reluctantly agreed that he was right. The ponies began salvaging what supplies they could from the mangled debris and collected bits of dry wood from the surrounding area to make a fire. Meanwhile, the lord tried to make himself look cool by fixing Twilight, so he horrendously patched up her wing with a bit of cloth and poured some water into her mouth like he’d seen people do in films.
Rainbow looked at him with disdain, and wondered if they would ever even make it to New Stalk City with him with them. She stared into the dark endlessness of the forest ahead.
It was going to be a long trip.