THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Applejack (AJ)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
The set of the Daily show looked different this time around. The stage designers figured that a special Sunday edition of the show needed a special set design; what they couldn't figure out though was why Jon insisted that haystacks be strewn around the set and that the backdrop be changed to that of John Chapman farm.
The only idea that made sense to them was the decision to add some extra seats to house more people. An effort that was well managed as attendance was just as prominent and immediate as ever.
The crowd soon found themselves cheering again as the camera paned all around them in a circular motion, to let viewers see the many people in attendance and the new set. The camera view then changed to one zooming in on Jon himself who could be seen finishing up a final point in his notes.
"Welcome back to 'The Daily Show' my guest tonight, ooooh we got a good one for you today," Jon said, rubbing his stomach. "She is a member of an elite team of ponies known as the 'Elements of Harmony,' and one of the owners of Ponyville's primary supplier of apples, please welcome to the show, Applejack!
The crowd erupted in applause as Applejack made her way on the stage looking very much the same as she always does except for two bags hanging on either side of her. At the request of Jon the music that usually accompanies every guest was changed to something a little more representing of his guest. Jon met his guest half way and leaned forward to shake her hoof and wave at the audience, giving them a momentary photo-op.
The two soon made their way back to the desk where Jon offered to help Applejack onto her seat. This was unnecessary as she managed to get on her chair by herself in a single leap, looking slightly proud of herself as she did. Jon, in a silly attempt to intimidate this, jumped into his seat as well throwing his arms in the air as if to say "What now?"
He waited for the audience to calm down before speaking, which he noticed took longer than usual.
"Welcome to the program Applejack," Jon said, organizing his notes. "We're really glad to have you here today."
"Thank ya kindly. Oh and you can call me AJ," She responded, taking a moment to look around. "I like what you've do with the place."
"I know right," he said, "I figured you'd like it. We had our interns stay up all night putting this together. I'm telling we had so many unpaid workers walking around carrying heaps of haystacks."
"Y'all didn't have to go through all the trouble, on my account" She said, tilting her hat. "I'm just like any other pony out there, I put my saddle on one hoof at a time." As the crowd laughed she noticed that Jon once again was rubbing his stomach where she had previously kicked him.
"Oh and uh, sorry again about before." She said with a guilty smile on her face.
"That's right, you- let me tell you guys about this one," Jon said, turning to the audience. "So I go to her farm to see if she wants to appear on my show...and wouldn't you know she kicks me half way back to Brooklyn!"
"Like I said I'm sorry!" Applejack responded defensively. "I feel powerfully guilty about what happened but y'all scared me! Plus my little sister was with me, I was just tryin'to protect us"
"Well aint that just like hic!" Jon said, shaking his head and switching to his 'New york accent'. "A stranger, whose species you've never seen before, suddenly appears on your private property and aaall you can think to do is defend your baby sister from potential danger...you make me sick!" The audience as well as Applejack laugh while Jon still gave her a look of fake disgust.
"Oh and be the way!" Jon contnued, pretending to hold back tears, "...when I went and visited you I was dressed to the nine but when you come and visit me, nothing....not even a change of hat."
"Hey now, that's not entirely true!" She said quickly. "I let them fancy backroom folk of yours do my hair." Jon could barely notice. The only thing different about her this time around, as far as he could tell, was she wasn't covered in a thin layer of dirt.
"I even changed the stage for you," Jon continued on his fake rant. "Aaaand what do- do I get...bupkis!"
"Well actually that's where you're wrong, Jon." Applejack said with a smile. "I did bring ya something!" Before he could respond she reached into one of her bags and pulled out a shiny red apple. She then proceeded to breath on it and rub it against her chest to give it a nice shine.
"Here y'are Jon" She said, tossing him the apple which he almost dropped. "Ya may not be a teacher but I reckon you deserve a nice tasty apple...oh and don't worry I won't eat it later on like somepony I know." Somewhere in a world far from New York a Pegasus just blushed.
"Well thanks AJ." Jon said seriously, taking a bite out of his newly acquired gift. It was the best tasting apple he ever had.
"Well shucks, it aint no problem. Oh, and I think ya forgot about that other gift I gave ya,"Applejack continued. Jon looked baffled. "If y'all reckon back I graciously gave you mah autograph."
"What autograph?" Jon said, as he swallowed his last bite.
"The autograph of the two hoof prints I left on that fancy shirt of yours." She said proudly as she took a sip of her mug of water. Suddenly Jon felt like he was back at Sweet Apple Acres, flat on his back in the dirt. Her perfectly executed rebuttal left him at the mercy of a wave of laughter and applause from the audience. She was off to a good start.
"Just...just don't be offended If I sell it on eBay." Jon said who was barely audible over the crowds continued laughter. It would be a little while before Jon would get up from this one.
"So hey! For those at home wondering is 'Applejack' really your name." Jon asked. Having a guest explain the context behind their name would be a pretty common theme for many interviews to follow.
"That's right Jon," She said, proudly facing the audience. "Applejack at yer service!"
"And you live on a farm...with your brother Frostedflakes and sister FrootLoops ," Jon added as he leaned back in his hair, content with his quick and easy joke.
The audience laughed at the joke and although she didn't understand the reference Applejack kept her cool and carried by not showing a hint of weakness.
"Actually...I do live with some family," She said. "Why I got kin all over Equestria I reckon. But at Sweet Apple Acres I live with: mah Grandma; Granny Smith, a younger sister by the name of Applebloom, and an older brother; good ol' Big Macintosh."
Jon assumed ahead of time that he would only recognize one of those names, as he had already met her little sister when he visited the farm, but to his surprise he could actually identify another name.
"Oh Big Macintosh is your brother?" Jon asked, much to the surprise of Applejack, who wasn't expecting a stranger from another world to speak of her brother with such familiarity.
"Wait a gosh darn minute!" Applejack said, her confidence now starting to diminish somewhat. "How in the hay do you know my brother?" It was a valid question which Jon figured deserved a non-valid answer.
"Why I'll have you know...me and Big Mac go waaaay back!" He said, trying to sound serious. "I remember this one time we got busted for shop lifting at the local pet store." She didn't buy it for a second, as evident by a look on her face like someone had just told her the world was flat.
"Honestly though, I don't really 'know' him per se. Over the "break" I had uh- I had the opportunity to call and write random people to see if they'd come on my show...you know at some point in the future maybe," Jon continued. "And one of the people I called was actually your brother it would seem."
"Well how'd ya like that!" Applejack said, once again sounding proud. "A big time city slicker like you asking my brother to appear on T.V.! So what did the big guy say?"
"See that's the strange part," Jon said. "I can remember the conversation we had so perfectly because we- because it was so...brief." Applejack was beginning to see where this was going.
"Here, I'll show you," he added, sitting up in his chair. "This is exactly how it went:"
"Hi, is this...Big Macintosh?"
"Yep."
"Listen my name is Jon Stewart, I'm the host of 'The Daily Show,' and I was wondering
if you would like to appear on my show sometime?
"Nope."
"And that was it!" Jon finished.
The audience began to laugh at Jon's story but it was Applejack who was laughing the hardest.
"Yessiree, that's my brother alright!" She said still laughing. "He's...he's sorta the strong silent type."
"Yeah I gathered." Jon said, sounding unamused.
"Yeah, but don't take it personally he's like that with everypony." Applejack said with a sigh as she looked over her shoulder at the backstage. "It's gonna be hard not seeing my family for awhile."
"So yeah what's this I hear about you staying in New York for a few day?" Jon asked, sounding somewhat concerned. "I saw you had some luggage backstage and everything."
"Well Jon," She said. "I've decided to stay here for a little while to take in the sights and improve my knowledge in the field of apples...uh, no pun intended"
"Now don't get be wrong New York is a beautiful place," Jon interjected. "But I just don't see a country girl like you being anywhere near a big city. Besides how will you- how will staying here a few days help you on the farm in even the slightest."
"Well for starters I'm fixin to go and find that giant apple I've heard so much about." She said her eyes wide with excitement.
"I'm sorry," Jon said leaning forward, unsure of what she meant. "Your going to try and find...a giant apple?"
"That's right!," She responded. "I hear talk that y'all are famous for having a big apple somewhere round these parts." It took Jon a moment but he finally understood what she meant.
"I uh- I hate to break it to you AJ but New York is called 'The Big Apple,'" He said, sounding sorry for her. Though in actuality he found this to be quite rich. "We don't actually have any giant apples...really anywhere."
This sudden news came to a big let down for Applejack as displayed by her ears drooping down. She began to look sad then annoyed.
"What! But I- I mean who...who in there right mind would name a darn city after an apple when they aint even got any?!" Applejack said now standing on all four hoofs.
"Well every city in America has little quirks like that I suppose," Jon said trying to make her feel better. "I mean look at...uh, San Francisco over on the west coast. I mean they have the Golden Gate."
"Are you tellin' me that there's a city out there that has a gate made entirely out of gold!?" Applejack said as she sat back down, momentarily mesmerized by what she just heard.
"Well no you see that's...that's just a clever name," He pointed out. "'Golden Gate' is actually a big red bridge." Applejack was now more confused than ever. She gave Jon a perplex look and continued on her mini rant.
"What! I don't even...see now this is why I don't like you city folk," Applejack said, looking like she was just betrayed. "Y'all are just too darn confusin'!"
"Are you still thinking about staying here for a bit?" Jon asked sincerely. "Because I can get one of the boys in the back to carry your stuff."
"Hmmm? Weeell maybe I will stay for spell," She said, which earned her an audience member or two yelling out in excitement. "I mean I can still go to those fancy stores that sell only apples. Maybe even compare some of them with mine." This time Jon knew exactly what she meant but nonetheless had to correct her.
"Yeeaaah...I'm pretty sure you're thinking of 'Apple stores,'" He said. "They don't actually sell apples. They mostly just sell computers and cellphones." Applejack was about to say something but instead threw her hooves up in the air and fell back in her chair in a gesture that indicated that she had given up.
Jon tried not to laugh at the obvious frustration of his guest but the audience held nothing back she they laughed an applauded at the orange Earthpony.
"You've obviuosly been given some...some false information here," Jon said with a chuckle. "I mean 'Big Apple,' 'Apple Store,' who in there- who told you about these things?"
"I heard about all these from..." She paused, taking a second to try and remember, which caused her to facehoof herself in frustration. "...from Derpy." The audience began to laugh and cheer with Jon joining them this time.
"Well...well there's your problem right there!" Jon said, still in a state of laughter.
"Yeah she...she told me about these things when she came back home after being interviewed by you." She said, now avoiding eye contact out of embarrassment.
"...You're not staying here after the show, are you?" Jon asked.
"No...no I'm not." Applejack replied, downing the entire mug of water with a sigh.
"City life just confuses me," She finally said, looking behind her at the new backdrop. "Now that's where I belong...I can't help it, I'm a country gal through and through." Looking over the backdrop even more she spots a figure adjacent to the farm. It was a man which by all accounts looked to be a farmer. He had no shirt on, a pitch fork over his shoulder, and he was standing atop a hill wiping the sweat from his brow.
"Looky here," she said, pointing at the man. "Now that's a feller I can really sit down and have a cider a with. Who is he?"
"That? That would be Johnny Appleseed " Jon said, leaning back in his chair. "He's famous for introducing apple trees to many parts of America when it first got founded."
"Hooowy! Now that's a real man!" Applejack exclaimed, almost looking as if she was swooning. "...Uh, no offense Jon." He was about to respond with a joke of his own but the timing would have been off since we got cut off by the laughs of the crowd. So instead he decided to carry on the interview with an easy question.
"You really do love your life back at the farm don't you?"
"Sure do! Sweet Apple Acres is the place to be!" She replied with delight. "Farm livin' is the life for me; land spreadin' out so far and wide. Keep Manehattan, just give me that countryside." Jon was impressed by her love of the simple life but nevertheless he couldn't help but disagree.
"I'm sorry AJ but it's all about New York. Am I right people!" He yelled and stood to the crowd, who responded by standing and cheering." After they stopped Jon sat back down to meet his guest who was pretending to ignore them.
"So about Sweet Apple Acres...what would you say is your primary occupation on that farm?" Jon inquired. "What in a nutshell is it that you do?"
"Well Jon we all do great deal of things back home, everypony pitches in to do their fair share," she responded modestly. "As for me though, I do most of bucking."
Had Jon been drinking from his mug at that point he probably would have done a spit take.
"I'm s-sorry but wh- you...did you say 'bucking?'" Jon asked with increasing concern.
"Course I did!" Applejack said with pride. "Best Apple bucker in all of Ponyville, thank you very much!" Jon took a second to respond both for the audience to stop laughing for himself to understand what she meant.
"OH! 'bucking!'" Jon said, now understanding. "You...y-you kick things."
"Not just anything," She replied. "I buck tree's so I can get their apples."
Jon had always considered himself to be a standing professional in the field of comedy, especially when it came to the show. But in this case he felt some middle school humor was in order.
"Oh I see," he said trying not to laugh. "So if I'm hearing you correctly...you 'buck' for a living."
"That's one way of putting it, yes." She said with an innocent smile.
"So tell us, Applejack," Jon continued. "How old were you when you first started 'bucking?'"
"Why I reckon I've been bucking since I was just a little filly," She answered, unaware of the consequences of doing so. "Darn proud of it to!"
"How...how often do you 'buck?'" He asked, loving every moment of this.
"Usually depends," She answered honestly. "But on average I'd say at least once a day."
"Wow that's...certainly a lot of 'bucking' you do there." He said holding back an urge to laugh.
"I suppose it is but it's all part of the Job." she responded. "It's a lot of hard work but it also be real fun!"
"Oh really?" He said with a smile. "Please...do tell."
"Well sometimes I like to see how fast I can buck," She said still unaware of anything that was going on. "And other times I like to try different positions." Jon almost bursted out in laughter."
"I-I'm sorry," Jon said with a smile. "But did you say 'positions?'"
"Well of course," Applejack replied. "Sometimes I position myself either closer or further from the tree to see which is best."
"Of course, of course. What was I thinking?" Jon said. "Now...obviously you 'buck' quite a lot so tell me...do you ever wear protection when you...when you 'buck?'"
"Protection? You mean like a helmet or knee pads?" She asked.
"Yes Applejack...like a helmet or knee pads" Jon responded with a nod.
"Uh, no can't say I do." She said, sounding confused. "I don't think I'd like wearin' protection." Jon was finding it harder and harder to not laugh.
"So uh...Applejack." Jon said, motioning to the camera and audience. "What advice would a- would you give for anyone out there who is an inspiring young... lets say 'Bucking enthusiast?'"
"Well for starters what anypony needs to know is size does matter!" She said. It would be a good fifteen seconds before Jon commented on that for he was to busy laughing with the audience, much to Applejack's confusion.
"What- what exactly do you mean by that, dearest Applejack" Jon asked, making a mental note to invite her on the show again in the future.
"Well Jon I'll tell you, sometimes the size of an apple harvest is just too big for one pony to handle by herself," she answered. "Sometimes you need help."
"Oh? So do you ever 'buck' with anyone else?" He asked. "Like, oh I don't know a friend of yours?"
"Weeell I usually buck by myself," she answered. "But if I ever need help I can always rely on mah friends to help me. Like my good friend Rainbow Dash. She may not be as good as me but she really knows what she's doing."
"Applejack..." Jon said. "...you are one bad motherbucker!" The audience seemed to agree as they cheered her on and chanted her name which caused her to blush slightly.
"Uh thanks," She said. "I think."
"So aside from manual labor you help run the farm in other ways, am I right?" Jon asked.
"I reckon so," She answered. "Granny smith don't leave the house much, and Bic Macintosh aint too keen on the business side of things, so I take it upon myself to go the extra mile when it comes to strikin' up deals and such."
"So having said that...would you say you're also a 'business woman?"' Jon asked in more ways than one.
"Well I don't know about all that!" Applejack said with a laugh. "Now my friend Rarity...she's a business woman. And...I love her and all but we couldn't be any more different! Now there's a pony who would like here in the city." Jon made a quick mental note of that and continued.
"You know I gotta say Applejack, I've noticed a few things about you over the course of out interview."
"Oh, and what might those be?" Applejack said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well for one," he said, raising his hand in the air to count off finger by finger. "'Applejack,' 'Applebloom,' 'Sweet Apple Acres,' you buck 'Apples.' I'm sensing a pattern here."
"Well what can I say," She responded, with a playful shrug. "Its a real big part of my life."
"Also," Jon continued. "And I sincerely hope you don't mind me saying, you don't seem to have any wings or horns. This is a first for me. "Jon somewhat regretted asking such a potentially offensive question, but to his credit it was understandable for someone who didn't fully understand pony culture.
"No need to fret Jon," She replied, holding her head up high. "You see its like this. In Equestria there are three kinds of Pony folk: Pegasus, Unicorn, and as for me? Well I'm an Earthpony."
"An Earthpony huh," Jon said, looking intrigued. "So...no horns or wings?"
"Nope, but what we lack in them fancy doohickies we make up for in power." She said slamming a hoof on the table.
"Yeah I know!" Jon said, rubbing his still bruised stomach.
"But don't get me wrong!" She continued. "I love everypony just the same. Matter o' fact my five best friends in the whole entire world are a mixture of all three."
"That's right," he said, "You and your best friends are part of a group called 'The Elements of Harmony'. What do you guys do? Because from what I can gather it almost sounds like you guys are gods."
"Hey now Jon watch what ya say!" Applejack exclaimed, motioning for him to calm down. "We aint nothing big like that. We're just six regular ponies trying to keep the peace is all. See whenever anypony out there tries to start something we're there to set things back on the straight and narrow!"
"Well then how do you go about doing that?" Jon continued. "I mean what is the Elements of Harmony and who- how do you guys utilize it to benefit others." Applejack looked upwards and gave a peaceful sigh.
"You know Jon...sometimes I don't quite understand it myself." She said, looking back at Jon. "The best I can come up with right now is that without these elements our world would fall into chaos." For a moment the entire set fell silent.
"But if you want some in dept details on the subject I'm afraid a simple country gal like me ain't gonna be much help." She said. "Now, if you ever have somepony by the name of Twilight Sparkle on your fancy pants show I recommend askin' her. Trust me when I say she'll talk your ear off with all the things she gots to say."
"Really," Jon continued. "You're just not gonna tell me yourself."
"Sorry Jon, but I guess you can say...I'm passing the buck!" As the crowd laughed Jon was made aware of the time and proceeded as such.
"Well Applejack it has been an absolute delight to have you on the show on this very special episode," Jon said shaking her hoof. "Listen if you have time would you mind staying for a few more minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web."
"Anything for you Jonny!" She said.
"Thanks again for being here today, you were fantastic, and we must have you back sometime." Jon said now turning to the audience. "Applejack everyone! We'll be right back!"
The audience stood up cheering and applauding as the camera panned away from Jon whispering something into Applejack's ear. The last image of the two is the sight of Applejack challenging Jon to an arm wrestle, only for Jon to back down as the program fades to its final commercial.