I reappeared high in the sky and started to fall, laughing the entire way. This was going to be so much fun! But first, I need a plan. It's one thing to randomly create a massive jungle out of the Royal Gardens, but messing up here would ruin any chance I had of becoming Celestia's friend. If she wouldn't be my friend, then Twilight wouldn't be my friend, and so on and so forth. Anyways, the point is I couldn't just rush into this like I had been doing.
“What to do, what to do,” I mused as I stared at the rapidly enlarging ground. “You know, I'm really having a hard time thinking with all this roaring wind, how about you?” I asked a bowl of petunias that had appeared beside me. I laughed as the bowl sprouted wings and flew away before teleporting to the ground. Despite my peaceful and quiet surroundings of an empty grass plain, I still couldn't focus, so I closed eyes and tried to meditate.
Almost immediately, my feet began to itch. I twitched and tried to ignore it. However, it got worse and worse, travelling up my legs and the palms of my hands. Stubbornly, I started to hum, trying to block out the feeling with noise. In response, the itching transformed into biting, as if thousands of ants had all decided to bite me at once. I jumped to my feet with a yelp and opened my eyes. My hands and legs were covered in fire, so I quickly peeled it off with my hands and threw the fire on the ground.
“Now where did you come from? Come on, speak up!” I demanded of the fire. It quickly shifted to look like a foal made purely out of flames, and it stared up at me with a quivering lip.
“I'm sorry mister,” the flame foal said, sniffing back sparks from it's eyes.
“HAHAHAHAHA, it's alive!” I yelled, throwing my head back and laughing into the sky. The flame foal just stared at me in shock and took a nervous step back. “Now little flame thingy, I bet you're lonely all by yourself. It's time I made you some friends,” I said, before the flame foal could run away. I took a swan dive into the dirt quickly tunneling nearly a hundred meters below ground. I spat out a glob of lava and quickly flew up the tunnel, a massive geyser of flame following me. I landed beside the flame foal as the fiery geyser erupted, with it's sparks forming new flame foals.
“There you go, lot's of new friends to play with. Now I've got to be going,” I said, quickly teleporting myself someplace else without waiting for a reply. “Now what was I thinking about before? Ummmmmm, right! I've got to get Twilight in love with Celestia,” I said to myself. “But I've got no idea how to go about this, and meditating on the problem sets myself on fire. So I'm going to need some help with this one. But who could I ask?”
I randomly flickered through space and time, letting the images form a blur in front of me. A flash of pink caught my attention and I stopped time, revealing a young Princess Cadence stuck in the middle of walking down a hallway. That's it! Cadence will be able to help me, she's supposed to be the Princess of Love or something like that, I thought to myself. I quickly teleported myself back to present time, and into Twilight's library. Alright, she's got to have a copy of a newspaper or paparazzi magazine around here somewhere, wait, no that's Rarity's thing. I popped over to Rarity's house and began searching for a newspaper or a magazine about the royal family. I found quite a collection of them, and though I was amused by the one claiming that Celestia had proposed to Twilight, I couldn't find any details about where Princess Cadence's honeymoon was at.
“So once again the paparazzi have failed to provide any useful information to anyone. I'm glad to know some things are a universal constant,” I muttered to myself as I paced. “Got it! The Royal Guard should know where they are at,” I snapped my fingers and disappeared.
I reappeared in the barracks, surrounded by Royal Guards, who immediately grabbed their weapons and attacked. So I transformed into a dragon, the impenetrable scales serving to deflect basically everything the Royal Guards could throw at me. It was going fine until one of them bucked me in the face, knocking me to the ground as the guards all jumped on me to try and hold me down. I growled and roared as I grew in size, shaking the Royal Guard off like a dog shakes off water.
“Where is Princess Cadence?” I yelled, the barracks shattering as I stretched out my new wings.
“W-w-who?” stammered out the guard currently held prisoner beneath my talons.
“Princess Cadence. You know, pink alicorn, has love powers, recently married to your captain?” I asked.
“W-we'll never tell you monster,” the guard said defiantly. The rest of the Royal Guard rallied and began to attack me once more, their spears bouncing futilely off of my scales, and their bolts of magic having no effect on my massive body. I weathered their assault for a few moments before sighing.
“Look, you aren't doing anything. I mean, ten out of ten for bravery, but I'm much too strong for you to be fighting me. I feel like I'm fighting a pack of toddlers here,” I said, gently swatting the guards with his wings and claws.
“The Royal Guard will never back down while a threat to Her Highness exists,” a guard screamed as he repeatedly kicked my leg.
“You know what? I'm done with this,” I said, clapping my hands and teleporting back to Twilight's library and promptly wrecked her roof. “Right, I probably should have changed back before teleporting, or at least not teleported directly into the library. Oh well, no sense crying over destroyed homes,” I said. I shrank down to Spike's size and grabbed a piece of paper, wrote 'to Cadence' on it, and rolled it up into a scroll
“I hope this works,” I said, breathing fire over the scroll reducing it to a cloud of smoke. It sat there for a few seconds before finally heading off. I transformed back and chased after it, destroying another wall in the process. I followed it across Equestria, until it finally arrived at a place where rainbows literally formed pools as they fell from the skies. I followed the cloud of smoke, stopping directly outside of an incredibly opulent building. I transformed back into a human before throwing the doors open and entering.
“Umm, how can I help you?” A mare behind a desk asked meekly. She stared up at me, her eyes wide but meeting my own.
“Hello, Ms. Note Taker,” I said, reading the nameplate on the desk. “I was wondering if you could tell me if this is where Shining Armor and Princess Cadence were having their honeymoon?”
“...Yes it is, but, um, what are you? Some sort of minotaur?” Note Taker asked. I smiled as some dark blue fur grew all over by body and two bull horns popped out of my head.
“Looks like it,” I said, smiling. “Now can I talk to Princess Cadence please?” Note Taker stared at me, mouth hanging open. I waited patiently as she rallied her thoughts to answer me.
“I'm sorry sir, but the Princess is still sleeping. Even if she was awake I'm not sure she'd deign to meet any petitioners. She is on vacation after all,” Note Taker said.
“Tch, that's right. You know, now that I think about it I don't really want to disturb her after what happened at the wedding,” I said, turning back into a human. “Oh hey, a breakfast lounge. I haven't eaten in...wow, when was the last time I ate? Anyways, I'm going to grab myself a scone.”
“Wasn't his hair brown before?” Note Taker muttered as I walked away. I payed no attention to her though, too caught up in the delicious smell of freshly cooked pastries. I had just started munching on a scone when a Royal Guard burst into the room.
“I have a message for Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” he shouted. I stretched my arm across the room and grabbed his entire head with my suddenly enlarged hand. I retracted my arm suddenly, pulling the guard towards me in half a second.
“Now listen carefully. Princess Cadence is on vacation and is sleeping. She is not to be disturbed. Normally this would be the point where I'd let you go on your merry way, but really you Royal Guards have been absolutely ruining my day. So I'm going to flat out banish you to a nice tropical island with lots of food, water, and absolutely no way for you to get home. Bye bye now,” I said, tossing the shocked stallion through a portal. “You didn't see anything,” I said, pointing to Note Taker with a smile.
“Did I hear somepony call my name?” Princess Cadence said, yawning as she walked over.
“I didn't see anything!” Note Taker shrieked, bolting out of the hotel.
“Umm,” Cadence said, looking around. “Gah? What in Equestria are you?” she asked, point at me with a hoof.
“I'm a human, nice to meet you,” I said, smiling.
“Hi, do you know what was wrong with Ms. Note Taker?” Cadence asked.
“I guess I must have spooked her,” I said, shrugging.
“How so?” Cadence asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, just look at me, I'm tall, have patchy fur, beady eyes, and my arms are super stretchy,” I said, stretching my arm across the room again. Cadence's eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to speak but I kept talking right over her. “Yeah, it was probably the arms that pushed her over the edge.”
“Oookay, so Mr. Human, do you know who was calling my name?” Cadence asked.
“That was me. I heard you were in town and I have a question to ask you, but then Note Taker reminded me that you were on vacation so I should probably just leave you to relax,” I said.
“Well I'm just eating breakfast right now while Shiny sleeps, so feel free to ask your question while we eat,” Cadence said, grabbing some muffins for herself.
“Thank you, Princess. You see, a friend of mine is in love with another pony, but she's too nervous to ask her out. Can you give me some advice on how I can get these two together?” I asked.
“Your friend? Is she another human?” Cadence asked, popping a muffin in her mouth.
“What? Oh no, they're both ponies. As far as I can tell I'm the only human in Equestria,” I said.
“Doesn't that get lonely? Don't you miss your family and friends?” Cadence asked.
“No. Why would I?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.
“Because you might never see them again, and I'm sure you had a lot of good memories and times with them that you'll never be able to experience again,” Cadence said.
“Sure, but that's all in the past. The only thing that matters is the present and the future. Dreaming about the past is stupid when you can be making new memories right now. Anyways, enough with the philosophy. Can you answer my question please?” I said. Cadence gave me a look, but nodded.
“Alright, first off do you know if the other friend likes her back?” she asked.
“No, I don't,” I said.
“Well, that's a good place to start. If they like each other then you can invite them both to some sort of activity and try and give them as much time together as possible. If they don't like each other, that's when things get complicated. I'd avoid getting involved in that case,” Cadence said.
“Great, thanks,” I said, finishing off my last scone and standing up to leave. “It was a pleasure to meet you. Congratulations and have a fun honeymoon,” I added as I stretched my arm to the door, yanking myself out of the room. I had a place to start, and an excuse to talk to Twilight some more. This was going to be so much fun!