//------------------------------// // No, You Shove Off // Story: Odrsjot // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// “Hey! Hic! Heeeeeeey Stripesey! Hiccc!” Roarke looked up with a jerk. She laid aside the pneumatic metal spoke that she was polishing and trotted up to the very edge of the Noble Jury’s top deck. She spotted several familiar ponies trotting casually up the stairwell of the tower to which the skystone vessel was moored. At the very front was Floydien, looking very exasperated. The elk was followed by Props, Ebon, and Eagle Eye--all of whom looked very amused. Then Bellesmith and Pilate shuffled up with Kera, and Zaid and Josho took up the rear. And as for Rainbow Dash… “Stripeseeeey!” The pegasus slurred, lying like a loose blue noodle, draped over the zebra’s sturdy backside. “Anypony ever tell you--Hic!--that you’ve got a brush on your head?” “It… uhm… hasn’t ever truly occurred to me,” Pilate nervously stammered. Belle took all her strength not to collapse into a fit of giggles as she led Pilate--and subsequently Rainbow Dash--on board. “Just you relax, Rainbow. We’ll have you dreaming of brushes and blue skies yet.” “Searo’s Womb…” Roarke muttered, her eye-lenses pistoning in and out. “What’s wrong with her?” “Dashie is now officially called Tipsie!” Props giggled, rolling her eyes around for good show. “Looks like the cider really, really, really goes through her veins!” Roarke scowled. “You let our party leader drink a barrel of cider?” “No, she just had one mug!” Ebon Mane said in mixed horror and shock. “That’s the funny part!” “Funny for some, maybe,” Eagle Eye said in a dull tone. “Pfffft… oh get off your high horse you lavender horse!” Rainbow Dash twirled until she lay upside down across Pilate’s flank with her head dangling--stupid smile and all. “Not like you never--HIC--dabbled in the quaff cloud! Hah! They said it couldn’t be said! But it’s been saiddddd-HIC!-wooo!” “Tsk tsk…” Josho shook his head and leaned against the railing once he was on board. “Freaky. I can’t believe I was ever that worse off.” “Yes, well…” Eagle Eye turned to wink at him. “You were a little less cute when you were, old stallion.” “Damn. Hearing that from you, I’m liable to shoot myself.” “Well then…” Roarke folded her forelimbs as she stared lethargically at Rainbow Dash. “Word to the wise. Keep the pegasus away from cider or she becomes a complete moron.” “Hey! I’m an-HIC-awesome moron!” Rainbow Dash’s upside down head reeled as Pilate trotted past the bounty hunter. “Mmmmmm…” She tapped Roarke’s nose. “Hey Roarke! H1 to H6! Checkmare! Haa ha haa ha haaaaaaa-HIC!” “Beloved… uhm…” Pilate fidgeted nervously at the rear stairwell. “I don’t think I can go down the stairs with Rainbow as easily as I went up them.” “Right.” Belle rushed over. “EE? Would you mind?” “Not at all.” Eagle Eye leaned in, using his telekinesis to lift Rainbow off Pilate’s back. “Nnngh… uhm… where--” “On me, Eagle.” Belle winked with a smile. “I’m a big mare, she’s a little mare. You do the math.” “Heh. Alright.” Eagle laid Rainbow across the pony’s back. “Heeeeeee…” Rainbow nuzzled Belle’s back as she curled up precariously on her spine. “I have such fuzzy… fuzzy friendssss--HIC!” “Easy there, girlfriend. Let’s get you to your hammock.” “Hammock!” Rainbow Dash slurred. “That rhymes with ‘apple!’” “... ...Yes!” Belle exclaimed. “Yes it does!” She and Eagle Eye carried Rainbow down towards the bottom decks. “Now, a little less squirming, Rainbow. Tuck your wings in--yes, just like that. That was a good speech you gave at the city hall…” “Whew…” Zaid smoothed his bangs back. “I hate to say it, but if she keeps that up, I’m out of a job!” “You don’t even have a job,” Josho grumbled. “Then that puts you out of being out of a job!” “Well, if you ask me,” Ebon Mane said, “I think she’s earned it. Erm…” He winced. “Not the inebriation and all, but… y-you know what I mean.” “I take it that breakfast is over then,” Roarke muttered. “There weren’t any grasshoppers,” Kera said with thin eyes. “It never even started.” “You certainly had your fill, though, yes?” Roarke asked. Kera blinked. She exhaled. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I did.” “Then what are we waiting for?” Roarke asked. Just then, Collins trotted up to the tower’s edge. “She’s okay? She is okay, right?” “She’s absolutely fine, Ms. Collins,” Pilate said, glancing in the mare’s general direction with a smile. “She simply hasn’t had her fill of cider in years. I suspect her blood was running thin.” “Yeahhhhh…” Zaid smirked awkwardly. “Just a sneeze.” “Dash-Dash just needs to take one of her nap-naps and then she’ll be all snazz-snazzy again!” Props chirped. ”Hey!” Floydien grumbled over the rising hum of the ship’s engines. ”Stop stealing Floydien’s spit!” Props shouted back towards the cockpit. “Then you should learn to suck it up, handsome!” She giggled and shook her head at Collins. “Elk boys. They’re just as bad as non-elk boys, only slightly pointier.” “Well, I do hope you embark on a good and successful voyage,” Collins said with a smile. “Your grace has been beyond measure, Ms. Collins,” Pilate said with a smile. “We will never forget your hospitality, your generosity, your--” “Please!” Collins chuckled, backtrotting from the edge of the tower. “You’d better stop or you’d never get out of here!” “She has a good point, breeder,” Roarke said. “Right.” Ebon nodded and shouted towards the cockpit. “Floydien, it’s go time!” ”Nancy is going! Keep boomer’s sail on!” Kera leaned against the railing and waved wildly. “Good bye! Thanks for being cool ponies who totally didn’t want to kill us n’stuff!” “Heh…” Collins smiled and waved as the ship and the tower gained more and more distance. “It’s something I’m proudly in the habit of! Save travels!” Several voices shouted back and forth. Numerous equine shapes could be seen far below, waving as Floydien brought the Jury around and carried the vessel northeast. “Wave, Zaid!” Ebon exclaimed with a bright smile. He glanced aside, blinking. “Why aren’t you waving?” “Meh.” “You know, they treated us like kings.” “Kings and queens of the cheese-less ocean.” Zaid spun around in a huff. “Buck ‘em.” He walked only two feet before Josho tripped him. “Aaaaack!” Thud!