//------------------------------//
// Never Seen Again 
// Story: Text Tuesday 
// by Sausagefanclub 
//------------------------------//

“Hey Fluttershy, look what I found while I was looking in your closet without your permission!” Rainbow Dash descended to the ground carrying a dangerous round object.

“Be careful, Rainbow Dash. It could be dangerous.” Fluttershy warned.

“Aw, relax. It’s just a bomb. How bad could it be?” Rainbow Dash pulled out a match and lit the fuse.

Fluttershy decided to kick the bomb down a hill before something bad happened.

Rainbow Dash shrugged and flew to her cloud house. She bashed her head into the door and broke it to get inside. She narrowly avoided the spikes that had been installed in the floor and sat on her couch.

Slowly, she sunk into the couch’s cushions until she fell right through the entire thing. She plummeted to the ground as a giant fireball enveloped her body.

She fell through a hole in the roof of a building titled “Danger: Acid Factory”.

Fortunately, the ponies who built that factory are huge liars and they were actually making pillows. They just wanted them all for themselves.

Rainbow Dash landed on a conveyor belt which conveniently happened to have a large pillow resting on it. The conveyor belt inconveniently happened to be moving toward two swinging sawblades, apparently for disposal of defective pillows.

Rainbow Dash went straight into the sawblades, where she was converted into a fine powder. The tiny pieces gathered on the ground, perfectly forming together to reconstruct Rainbow Dash who was completely unharmed. She walked out of the factory and fell into a pit of misplaced lava. Spike was floating in the middle of the lava, taking a nap. Rainbow Dash landed on him, causing him to sink a bit. She quickly flew out before he sunk completely. Spike, to his delight, found that he had a nice tan when he woke up.

Rainbow Dash went to PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™’s house and filed a complaint that she was having too many near-death experiences. She found a note saying that PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ was busy doing Pretty Purple Pony Princess Paperwork for the rest of the century, and wouldn’t be available until after Rainbow Dash had already passed away. The note also said that the library was now death-trapped because PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ didn’t want any more books to be stolen. The floor opened up to reveal another deep pit, full of very appealing books. If somepony fell in there, they would never be able to stop reading and expire from lack of sleep.

Rainbow Dash tried her hardest not to look at the Daring Do books and flew to the exit. “Hm… Rarity is missing, Applejack is still doing that TV series, and I think I know what will happen to me if I’m left alone with Pinkie Pie again. I should complain to that pegasus I always hang out with.” She went to the animal-filled cottage near the outskirts of Ponyville.

Derpy materialized on the front porch.

“Ah, there you are! I was looking for you.” Rainbow Dash said.

“How did you know I was here?” Derpy asked in surprise.

“I used my magical rainbow powers.” Rainbow Dash made an overly dramatic pose as a color spectrum coincidentally formed itself above her head.

“Whatever you say. What do you need?”

“I seem to have a habit of almost dying a lot. Can you fix that?”

“As my associate would say, your near-death experiences are a fixed point in time. If one were to interfere with them, bad things would happen.”

“So, wanna interfere with them?”

“Sure, why not.”

Discord crashed to the ground, creating a giant flaming crater. “Ah, finally. I was beginning to grow tired of floating around in time and space, so I drifted into Equestria’s gravity field. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give that landing a rating of french toast.”

Derpy glared at him. “Discord, stop worming your way into my stories.”

“Hey, don’t worry! This time I’m actually involved in the plot. I’ll just do some chaos stuff and change history so that Rainbow Dash doesn’t die anymore.” Discord snapped his fingers. A giant tornado began to form. “Oh, by the way there may be a few side effects. Such as my entire idea failing completely. Bye!” Discord disintegrated into a pile of fruitcakes which fell to the ground as the whole world began to change. For a split second Derpy began to look a lot like Albert Wesker, but the effect wore off instantly.

Rainbow Dash and Derpy’s vision went black.

Rainbow Dash woke up at the bottom of a random hill with Derpy lying next to her.

“Rainbow Dash, where are you?” Derpy said, looking around.

“Derpy, I know your vision isn’t that impaired. I’m right in front of you.”

“I can’t see anything though. Everything’s gone dark.”

The pile of fruitcakes began to speak. “Oh, I destroyed all the light in the universe. Nopony can see now except for Rainbow Dash, who has her magical rainbow powers. Think of it as my way of keeping the running gag intact while keeping you alive.” The fruitcakes spoke no more, as Derpy began to eat them with no care whatsoever as to whose consciousness was inside.

“Oh, thanks!” Rainbow Dash smiled with blatant disregard to the tragedy of everypony going blind.

And so, Rainbow Dash was never seen again.

Meanwhile a lit bomb was rolling down the hill…