//------------------------------// // An Unpleasant Introduction. // Story: On Time For a Change // by LordSmokedMeatsandFishes //------------------------------// I looked at my pocket watch and frowned. The train was finally moving, even if it was twenty minutes late. It would take me at least forty-five seconds to readjust my schedule. This job is going to be difficult enough as it is, I don’t need these kinds of delays, I thought worriedly.  I double-checked my pocket watch to see that it was now 10:20 A.M., time to head to the dining cart. I walked in and was surprised to see that it was already full. Every table was filled with ponies (and there was also one donkey). All except for mine, of course. A unicorn in a fancy waiter’s outfit walked up to me and asked, “Would your name be Pendulum, sir?” “Yes,” I responded. “I have a reservation for 10:22 A.M.” “Of course sir, If you would just head this way.” I followed him to my table and immediately set my papers down. I would have to study them while eating to maintain my schedule. “May I get you a drink, sir?” “Water. And for the meal I would like a hay and cheese sandwich with vegetable soup.” “Looks like somepony did their homework sir.” “Of course,” I replied matter of factly. The waiter remained for an additional three seconds. His expression was confused, as if he expected me to say something else. When I didn’t he finally left for the kitchen. Free from that distraction, I started studying my notes, and found myself beginning to lose whatever appetite I may have had. It was worse than I could ever have imagined. It was one thing to be told that a town hadn’t finished their Winter Wrap Up on time in decades, but to actually see the figures! I was grateful when the waiter arrived with my water two minutes and twenty-three seconds later. Both for the distraction of the drink itself, and the information it provided to calculate when the rest of the meal would arrive.  I returned to studying the statistics, and four minutes later heard a cough from the waiter. I widened my eyes in amazement. I was sure it would take him at least nine and a half minutes to bring me my meal. He must have been better than I thought. When I looked up, I was disappointed to see that the waiter had no food with him. “What is it?” I asked, annoyed at the interruption. ‘I’m sorry to interrupt you sir. It’s just that one of our passengers was wondering if you would mind sharing your table. “ “Excuse me?” “Well sir, she had a reservation for 9:45 at your table, but an unforeseen delay prevented her from arriving. She was wondering if you would be so kind as to share your table.” I simply stared at the waiter, my wings twitching in agitation as I processed his words. Some incompetent mare had missed her own reservation, and now she honestly expected me to reward her for it? I was about to tell the waiter a very annoyed no, when I caught a glimpse of the mare in question. She was easy enough to spot. She wore a light purple dress in a style I did not recognize. However, it seemed to match her white coat and meticulously stylized purple mane perfectly. She was what Bum Steer, a crude associate from work, would describe as a “smoking hot mare.” I had a brief dilemma. On the one hoof, inviting her would no doubt lead to a further complication to a schedule I had just finished revising. On the other hoof, an opportunity to dine with a beautiful mare wasn’t something that happened to me everyday. Or ever, really. I glanced at my schedule, and at the waiter, who was raising a questioning eyebrow as he waited for my response. Well, the schedule could use further refining anyway. “Very well,” I replied. “Very good sir,” he responded as he led her to my table. As they were approaching I decided I should move some papers aside to make room. As I did so, I found myself adjusting my three-piece suit and making sure my bowler hat was on just right. I wasn’t entirely sure why. She sat down, and was able to give the waiter her order instantly. Her voice had a refined upper class accent. A traveler from Canterlot perhaps? Or at least some similar high-class city I thought.  After giving her order she looked at me, and said, “I am dreadfully sorry to interrupt your work, Mr...“ “Pendulum, and that is quite alright madam,” I replied, surprised that I actually meant it. She seemed to find this amusing as she chuckled in response “Oh please, call me Rarity. I’m not quite old enough to be a madam yet, Mr. Pendulum.” “Very well. That is quite alright, Rarity,” I replied. I was about to return to my reports when something at the back of my mind told me I should keep talking. Shoot, what is it that Bum Steer is always saying? “I’m telling you Pendulum, mares love talking about themselves.”         “So Miss Rarity, what business did you have in Manehatten?”         Her already bright eyes seemed to light up as she told me, and told me, and told me some more. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except I had to actually listen to some of it to give simple yes or no responses. From what I was able to discern, it was about some new fashion seminar where the latest designs had been shown. She had gone for inspiration for something called a Carousel Boutique. To be honest, I started tuning her out around two minutes and seventeen seconds in discretely retreating to the safety of my notes.         “Then of course I got into an argument with a hat maker on the staying power of the fedora hat. He insisted that it was due for a comeback, even though as a hat maker he should know its sales have been steadily declining over the past two years. I mean honestly, have you seen that many fedoras in Manehatten lately?”         Looking up from my reports, I quickly said, “Can’t say that I have.”         “Precisely, so I told him that–“         “Pardon me,” the waiter mercifully interrupted 34 seconds earlier than I expected him too. Mental note, give waiter a big tip.         “Madam, your soup.”         “Why thank you,” she said.         “And sir, your sandwich and soup.”         “Thank you.”         After he left there were several moments of beautiful silence as we both ate our meals. I was about to return to my notes when–         “Oh, where are my manners? I seem to have done all of the talking. Tell me Mr. Pendulum, what is it that you do?”         I quickly swallowed my sandwich and looked at my schedule. I suppose I could spare a minute.         “Well Miss Rarity, I am an efficiency expert. It is my job to help companies or organizations run more smoothly to maximize profit. Why just a week ago I helped a carriage factory increase production by 15%.“         The now interested mare asked, “How exactly do you do that?”         “Well Miss Rarity, it’s quite simple. Let’s say I need to improve a factory’s production. First I need to learn the factors of their production, such as how long it takes for the materials to get there, how long the employees work, and how long it takes to make the product. That sort of thing.“ “After learning the process I work on a way to make it more efficient. Such as cutting unnecessary steps in production to decrease the standard time it takes to make it. This is tested, and when it works it is implemented. Then the company can increase their profits, and my firm gets paid. A win-win situation.“ “That’s very err, fascinating, Mr. Pendulum. If you don’t mind my asking, what are those notes for?” “Well Miss Rarity, these notes are an ambitious gamble on my company’s part. If I can succeed, my company’s prestige will increase exponentially.  You see we have been hired by an entire town.” “A town you say?” “Yes. And if these notes are accurate, it’s a revoltingly backwards town at that. You probably haven’t heard of it, it’s called Ponyville.” The look of surprise on her face let me know that she hadn’t so I continued.  “You see, it’s almost time for their Winter Wrap Up, but due to some archaic tradition they refuse to utilize magic. Thus they haven’t had a punctual spring in decades. And the statistics are sickening.” “Oh, surely it can’t be bad as all that” she said with an odd expression on her face. Feeling confident, I continued. “It isn’t, Miss Rarity, it’s worse. Every year without fail this backwater town has been at least three days late for their Winter Wrap Up. Which means every mare, colt and filly has lost at least three days of their lives every year. And they do nothing to fix it!” “And you think you can fix it?” she asked with a strange hint of sarcasm in her voice. Chuckling, I said “Miss Rarity, with enough time anything can be fixed. Of course they sent their request late, so now I only have a day before the actual Winter Wrap Up starts. Every hour is important now, and due to that 20-minute delay I have already lost at least an hour.” “Why is that?” she asked. “Well, the train system in this area is a bit complex. You have trains coming in from every part of Equestria.  Because of the delay, we will have to wait at least an hour for everything to be re-coordinated. In addition to the two hours it will take the train to arrive in Ponyville in the first place. Which reminds me Miss Rarity, where did you say you were going?” “Oh, well I didn’t.” “Well, if you tell me I can give you a good guess as to when you’ll arrive,” I said, eager for a chance to show off my knowledge. She seemed somewhat conflicted before she said “Ponyville.” “Well, isn’t this a coincidence? If you don’t mind me asking, what would a sophisticated mare such as yourself be visiting a backwoods hick town like that?” “I live there.” She said in a cold tone. It took me four seconds to process these words. In the meantime, I was able to note a look of anger had crossed her face. There was a right way to respond to this, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was. It couldn’t be an apology; I hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. Perhaps I should just try to change the subject? “So Ponyville, what’s it like there?” Perfect. “Well, it might be somewhat backward. And I will be the first to admit it’s no Canterlot. But it is full of hard working, honest ponies, who are justly proud of their traditions.” She said, her voice now lacking her earlier warmth and replaced with a light tone of annoyance. Despite this I could not repress a slight chuckle. Her angry glare let me know an explanation was in order. “Sorry Miss Rarity, but if I had a bit for every time progress was held back because of tradition, well, I would have a lot of bits. If you ask me, it’s just an excuse so they don’t have to admit they’ve been wasting everypony’s time for decades. ” “Well Mr. Pendulum, if you’re so smart then tell me, how are you going to fix our little hick town?” She said not even bothering to hide her annoyance. “I’ll do what I always do Miss Rarity. Find any unnecessary steps of production, and either simplify them or have them cut. For example, their animal team seems to be staffed with incompetents. In fact, most of the failed Winter Wrap Ups can be attributed to this single team holding the others back. But of course, I still need to see the town itself and its workers to make an accurate theory. Do you happen to know anypony that works on the animal team?” Then something unusual happened. I could have sworn I saw a strange look of calculation on Rarity’s face. Just then, she made a swift gesture with her hoof, causing the tablecloth to fly off the table, and my still unfinished soup to fly right onto my hat. “GAAUGH!” I shouted as the still hot (and salty) soup soaked through my hat and into my eyes. “Oh, I am dreadfully sorry. My hoof seemed to have slipped. Waiter, may I have a check please?“ I heard what must have been the waiter running to my table. “Oh of course, madam. Sir, are you alright?” he asked while using his magic to remove my hat and gently wipe my face with a fancy rag. “I’ve been better,” I said through gritted teeth, doing my best to calm down the repeating tick tock in my head.   “Well thank you for your table Mr. Pendulum, and good luck on your assignment,” Rarity said in what I was quite sure to be false sincerity. “Sir, I am terribly sorry. If you want, I can have your suit and hat washed right away.” “That would be wonderful. May I have my check as well?” I said through gritted teeth while removing my suit. “But you have not finished your meal!” “I have lost enough time already,” I muttered while looking at my watch. “Very well sir. We will have it cleaned in one hour! On that I personally assure you!” “Thank you.” As I took out my bits, I could not help but notice that Rarity looking back on me with a look of disdain. I could have sworn I heard her mutter something about “ghastly manners,” before she left. After paying the waiter, I left the dining car to return to my seat. Looking at my watch, I saw that Rarity’s interruption had made me five minutes late. Admittedly this was somewhat meaningless, as I still had at least three hours until the train would arrive in Ponyville. But it’s the principle of the thing that counts. Precisely one hour later, my hat and suit were returned to me. They still smelled slightly of vegetable soup, but at least the stains were gone. Three and a half hours later the train finally stopped into the town. I exited to find a small train station. Miniscule when compared to the complex train network in Manehatten. And of course, the mayor’s representative wasn’t there. “What a wonderful start,” I muttered, the low bar I had set for the town suddenly sinking even lower. Looking around I saw a few other patrons leaving the train. Including Miss Rarity, who seemed to be doing her best to ignore me. But no time to think of that now. If the mayor’s representative didn’t show up in 5 minutes, I would have to locate her on my own. In the meantime, I decided to see what I could of this archaic town from the station. I was surprised to see that it didn’t look quite as bad or unimpressive as I thought it would. Oh sure, it was nothing when compared to the towering skyscrapers of Manehatten. But the homes had their own rustic charm to them. Everything seemed well maintained, and there was less visible trash then there would have been in Manehatten. Then again, the snow that still littered the area could was probably concealing the trash. Frowning, I looked around to see that the snow covered everything like a foul infestation of weeds. Back in Manehatten there were already efforts being made to clear away the snow. But there wasn’t so much as a snow shovel visible here. Have they no concept of planning ahead? They know they have a problem. Don’t they? I thought as I stared at a busy group in a distant marketplace. Instead of helping prevent their town’s annual humiliation, they were going about their everyday lives. There were shopkeepers selling goods, fillies playing in the snow, a strange pink pony staring right at me – Wait. I glanced back to where I saw the strange pink pony, but she had vanished like seconds on the clock. Where could she have gone? I only looked away for a second. Where is she? My mental questions were interrupted by a small alarm from my watch. It had been five minutes and the representative was not here. Time to take matters into my own hooves. Grabbing my suitcase, I started flying higher in the sky to get a better view of Ponyville. I could just make out an abnormally large building that could only be the town hall. I began flying towards it, calculating that it would take me four minutes at my current pace. As I flew I felt a strange sensation, as if I was being watched. Looking behind me, I could just make out a blur of pink disappearing around a corner. Was that the same pony? Is she following me? I thought to myself. When she didn’t appear again I decided to write it off as a strange coincidence. But just to be sure, I felt compelled to increase my pace, and arrived at the town hall 15 seconds earlier. At last I could get started on helping this accursed town. The town hall was a tall building, by Ponyville’s standards.  Several stories higher than most of the surrounding buildings, with an interior and courtyard big enough to house most of the population for big events (albeit uncomfortably). Walking towards the door, I was already mentally crossing off reach the mayor from my schedule. I opened the door with my hoof and walked in to find… nothing. Looking around the surprising blackness, I saw a massive empty room with a stage and several balconies. No mayor, no secretary, not even so much as a paperwork cluttered desk. Why would the mayor not be at the town hall? Where else could she be? “Whatcha doing mister?” a loud, squeaky voice practically shouted in my ear. “AAAH!” I shouted as I instinctively recoiled from the voice and hit my head on the ceiling. I was unhurt, aside from a small bruise on my head. But the real pain started when the loud pink mare started talking. “Oh my gosh mister I am so sorry! Are you ok? I was just following you because you looked so confused so I said to myself now Pinkie, there’s a pony that could use some cheering up. Then I saw you going into the town hall which I thought was weird because hardly anypony goes in there unless there’s something special going on and I know for a fact that nothing special is going on today.” “Miss–“ I said trying to get her to stop. “Then I thought maybe you have some super important business to do. You do kind of look like a business pony with your suit and hat. That is a very nice hat by the way. But why does it smell like soup?” “Madam–“ I said, growing more annoyed with every syllable. “Never mind. Where was I? Oh yeah, so then I realized I should just ask you what you were doing. The simplest solution can be the best after all–“ “Will you please be quiet?!” I shouted, having lost all patience with this prattling pink pony. “Sorry,“ she said with a slight look of embarrassment. “Now, what exactly do you want miss…” “Pinkie Pie! And I just wanted to know what you were doing! Because nopony ever goes to the town hall unless–“ “Well Miss Pinkie Pie, if you must know, I am looking for somepony.” “Ooh! Who are you looking for? I bet I could help!” she said with unnervingly happy cheer. “I am looking for the mayor,” I answered, not expected anything of note from this vapid mare. “Is that all? I can take you right to her!” “Really?” I said pleasantly surprised albeit skeptical. “Sure, follow me!” she said as she bounced away with, by the sound of it, a literal spring in her step. Having no other options, I followed her, listening to her inane drivel along the way. Fortunately I kept  myself sane by reminding myself that I was making some progress. “But I asked her, what can't a double fudge ice cream cake surprise solve?! Luckily I already had six with me. But then–” Just another couple of minutes. “Even I couldn’t figure out where all of the confetti came from! So I did some sneaky detective work and–“ Another few minutes, and you will never have to speak to this lunatic again. “And at the end of it all I felt like singing! I wrote a song and everything! Here’s how it goes. OOOOOOOH I ONCE–“ “Stop!” I yelled. “Singing is where I draw the line! I have listened to your mad ramblings for far too long. Are we near the mayor or not?” Pinkie looked somewhat sad at not being able to sing her song, but recovered quickly. “Well of course we are silly! It’s right here!” she said while pointing to an official looking gray building. I will never know how, but I managed to contain my sigh of relief as I said “Thank you Miss Pie. Now if you don’t mind I really need to speak with the mayor.” “Ok! Hold on, you are staying in Ponyville, right?” “Yes, but only for two days if all goes according to schedule. “ “Perfect! Well have a nice day Mr. Pendulum!” she said before happily bouncing away. Is she gone? Excellent, I thought before I released my relieved sigh and looked at the building in front of me. It was about the same size as the other buildings, but of a different design. It was more modern looking, gray and almost rectangular in appearance. The perfect office building for a small town politician.  Heading in, I was encouraged to see an actual secretary at an actual desk. She was an amber colored unicorn writing through some papers with her magic. She looked up as if surprised to see me. “Can I help you, sir?” she asked “My name is Mr. Pendulum. Your mayor sent for me to help with your town’s Winter Wrap-Up.” “Could you wait a couple of minutes? She is really busy at the moment.” Normally I would have said “of course” and left it alone. But I had had a very annoying day with very unnecessary delays. I was not going to be delayed any further.  “Madam. My train was delayed an hour for some pointless reason. Whoever you sent to meet me at the station never arrived. And I have just spent the last several minutes listening to some mad pink pony prattle on about some things I’m pretty sure couldn’t possibly have happened. I am very annoyed right now. So you tell your mayor if she doesn’t speak with me right now, I am leaving this town and she can look forward to another year as the most humiliated mayor in Equestria!” The secretary looked at me with shock at my outburst. “A pink pony you said?” “Yes mam,” I said, grateful that she seemed to recognize the description. “I’ll see what I can do.” She sprang from her desk and rushed to the mayor’s office, as if afraid I would leave at any moment. I wouldn’t, of course. That would completely ruin my schedule, and my company’s reputation. But as the saying goes, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. As she opened the door I could have sworn I heard snoring emanating from the office. I decided to ignore it. I had a low enough opinion of this town’s leader already – no need to make it even worse. The secretary stuck her head out and replied “Mayor Mare will see you now.” “Thank you,” I said as I walked into the office, curious to finally meet the illusive Mayor Mare. I found myself disappointed. The Mayor had obviously just been woken up from a nap. Her eyes were still squinted, and she looked around the room as if lost in a daze. She isn’t drunk, is she? Surely not even this town could be that incompetent. I discreetly sniffed the air, and was somewhat relieved to find no scent of alcohol. Wonderful. She’s not a drunk. Just old. Old I can deal with. “Good day, Mayor. My name is Pendulum.” “Ah yes, the efficiency expert.” She said, her grogginess suddenly forgotten. “I am terribly sorry, I thought for sure my assistant had reached you.” Ah yes, I can see that you are obviously quite busy. “That is quite alright Mayor. Now, are you ready to discuss your plans for this years Winter Wrap Up?” “Of course. This year we’ll show Fillydelphia who the slow town is!” She said with a new source of energy in her voice. “Right. Tell me Mayor, have you made any preparations?” “Of course. What do you take me for, a fool?” No comment. “If you don’t mind my asking Mayor. What exactly would these preparations be?” “I am glad you asked,” the Mayor responded as she lifted a pile of at least twenty papers on her desk. “I have written perhaps one of the most inspiring Winter Wrap Up speeches ever made! It has taken me weeks to perfect it. But I’m confident that with this speech, the citizens will be more confident than ever and we are sure to win!” she said with a grin rivaling the pink lunatic’s. My unamused grimace quickly deflated her balloon of joy. “That’s wonderful Mayor. Now, what practical preparation have you made?” “Well that’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” It required every bit of willpower I had to prevent myself from smacking my forehead with my hoof. Glancing at my pocket watch to calm myself, I saw that it was 2:29 P.M. I still had some time. “Very well Mayor. If that is how it’s going to be,” I said as I walked towards the window to stare at the sizeable crowd of ponies just… standing around talking. Not doing anything, just talking. About what, I couldn’t possibly imagine. Oh, a few seemed to be on some sort of errand, but for the most part it appeared that nothing was getting done. “Tell me Mayor, what do you see?” The Mayor seemed confused as she looked out the window. “Well, I see a bunch of my citizens going about their day. There’s Applejack returning home from the market. I think I see a couple of fillies playing in the snow. And, well Pinkie Pie is doing something with balloons on the roof… Amber Pointment! Suddenly the secretary stuck her head in, saying “Yes mayor?” “Pinkie Pie is on a roof across the street again. Could you go remind her that she is no longer allowed on rooftops due to the butterscotch incident?” “Of course Mayor.” Amber Pointment said as she ran out of the office. “Now, what were you saying Mr. Pendulum?” I stared out the window, watching the exasperated secretary yelling at Pinkie Pie, who had started attempting to flee utilizing her balloons as a makeshift flying device. They didn’t necessarily allow her to fly so much as slow her descent. “I was saying Mayor, that I see a bunch of citizens wasting their time and helping to keep their town a punch line for every nearby newspaper. Rather than making your citizens prepare for the Winter Wrap Up, you allow them to gather around the town square as if there isn’t a problem. Why in Manehatten, at least a quarter of the city would have been cleared of snow by now.” “But you use magic–“ “Precisely, and we will still have a busy day tomorrow. If a city has to take such preemptive measures, what makes you think your little town is exempt?” I said as I looked around the office for any sign of a plan, even a lousy chalkboard. “Tell me Mayor, what is your usual plan for Winter Wrap Up?” Looking concerned, as if sensing a trap, she explained, “Oh, the plant team will work on clearing the fields, the weather team on clearing the sky, and the animal team on waking the animals.” “Tell me Mayor, has that plan ever worked?” “Oh, eventually–“ “Let me rephrase, has it ever worked on time in recent history? “Well no, but–“ “But nothing Mayor. You have no schedule, no organization, and no actual plan! Now here is what you are going to do,” I said as I brought several notes for a schedule I had worked on. “You are going to call for a town meeting at four o’clock. You will make sure that at least all the leaders of each team are there.  Then you are going to let me do my job, and listen to my every suggestion regarding your job, which you are obviously in dire need of advice regarding.“ “But I can’t just call a town meeting so suddenly!” “In the meantime I will be preparing my presentation for the town hall, and I expect you to be there by 3:45 P.M. on the dot. Any questions?” “How do you expect me to make a meeting on such short notice?” “Use your mayoral powers. Send a mail mare, ring the big bell, I don’t care.  As long as the leaders of the teams are there we can at least make an attempt at progress!” She looked around the office nervously, as if already calculating the challenges this unexpected task provided her. Meanwhile, a certain pink pony riding on a rapidly deflating balloon flew by the window followed by an exasperated secretary. The Mayor looked like she was doing her best to ignore the distraction. Finally, she asked, “So you do have a plan Mr. Pendulum?” “Yes Mayor. I only want to help your town. But I can’t do it without your help.” Much as I hate to admit it, I have no real authority here.   “Very well Mr. Pendulum. I can’t guarantee how many ponies will be there, but I assure you that I will at least get the captains.” “Thank you. Now about my accommodations?” “Oh yes,” she said as she began filling out some form. “Just give this to the clerk at the hotel. It’s just a few blocks from the left of here, you can’t miss it.” “Thank you Mayor,” I said as I grabbed the document. With satisfaction, I saw that it stated I was a V.I.P and that  my stay would be accommodated. At least this mayor could do one thing right. As I was leaving this office, I paused remembering another important detail. “Mayor?” “Yes?” “I would highly recommend you have that speech trimmed down to no more than four and a half minutes. We have enough difficulties with the time as it is.” “But I–“ I closed the door and walked out without bothering to hear her response. Thinking about it, I probably enjoyed it a tad too much. On the other hoof, the mayor needed to learn that we didn’t have the time for her frivolous nonsense. “This job is too important, for my company and for me,” I muttered under my breath. As I left the building, I saw that the secretary had returned from her chase, panting with exhaustion. Genuinely curious, I asked, “Did you catch her?” She glared at me in annoyance as she said “The Mayor just told me to get her off the roof. I’m not doing any more than that.” “I’ll be back!” I could hear Pinkie Pie yell from a nearby alleyway. “And I’ll be there to stop you!” shouted the secretary. Pinkie’s reply was a simple raspberry as she fled to Celestia knew where. “How does this town put up with her?” I asked in morbid fascination. “You get used to her, I guess. She’s really not that bad, and she does throw wonderful parties.” “Terrific,” I said with as little enthusiasm as I could possibly muster. I flew to the sky, eager to get to the hotel and unpack my things. It hadn’t gone quite according to schedule, but the first important step had been achieved. Now I just had to fly to the hotel and begin preparing for my presentation. “Hey mister, look out!” I could just make out a strangely familiar voice. Suddenly, something  hit me like a cannonball, crashing me to the ground. Before the snow ruined my suit, before the impact caused my suitcase to go flying, before my favorite hat became crumpled, one thought ran through my mind. I am really starting to hate this town.