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// 50th Chapter Special Part 8.2: A Good List Goes To War: The Continuing Conquest of the Colon Cancer 
// Story: 113 Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, & Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus 1 That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, a Bomb Threat, a Few Optional Stable Time Loops, a Foalnapping, & Additionally Saving the World 
// by Super Trampoline 
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	After years of heartwrenching and intensive therapy (and by that I mean Spike slapping her and telling her to chin up), Twilight ceased crying and instead resolved to read some dieting books. And for funnel cake's sake, finish the damn guest list.

''AHEM. Next on the list we have Rainbow Dash and... a blender. Who the kimchi ships a blender? Sigh... let me guess, somepony brought the blender didn't they?"

Rainbow stepped forward, blender in hoof. "Well um, heh. Truth is, that event, um, actually happened. It's not something I like to talk about, but well, that was my first time, and so the (heh this is so awkward.) uh, blender kinda has a special place in my heart.'' At this she held up her blenderfriend and cradled it gently to her chest.

Twilight literally had nothing to say. Discord of all creatures popped out of Rainbow's ear. ''Gurl, I've seen some pretty crazy shit in my time here, but do you mean to say you lost your virginity performing cunnilingus on a blender? Cause that's pretty sad. Not gonna lie."

Dash was turning beet red and looked like she was getting ready to cry.

Applejack trotted up to her and squeezed some lemon juice into her metaphorical wounds. "Ah remember when that happened a few months ago. Truth be told, we all thought you lost your virginity years ago."

"Buck you guys!'' Rainbow shouted. "Cuisinart SmartPower Duet Blender/Food Processor and I were meant for each other. You guys just don't understand! Blendy's on my wavelength. She gets me!" And with that, she stormed out of the town hall with her lover on her back and went home to her cloud house to do... things.

"Well... that happened," muttered Twilight, finally freed from her state of shock. "Moving on as quickly as possible and pretending we didn't know about Dash's...blenderphilia."

Twilight rolled up the scroll a little and looked at the next pairing.

''Oh.

''This chapter.

''Seriously.

''Pinkie?''

''Yes?'' the pink mare asked while carting away a tray emptied of munchies back to the hall's cafeteria.

''Please tell me this alleged night of debauchery didn't actually happen too.''

''What, the kinky threesome with Octy and Vinyl? Nahhhh. I wish though. Would've been fun.''

Twilight let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. ''Well that's reassuring. Your overly casual attitude regarding sex still concerns me somewhat. But that's neither here nor there.

''Zecora. Zecora, are you here? I could use a calm head in all this insanity.''

''If it's I whom you are seeking,
Then to the right mare you are speaking.''

Twilight giggled at the rhyme. "Honestly, how long did you work that out in your head for?''

''Twilight dear, do you not think
That I cannot... shit, I need a drink.''

Twilight rolled her eyes. ''And hopefully these allegations regarding you and Bloomberg are false?''

Zecora took a sip of water from a flask and continued:

''I have not fucked the Bloomberg tree;
Shipping dreams aren't killed though:
For when I'm feeling quite horny
I use my wooden dildo."

''GAH! TMI!" Twilight shouted, trying desperately and failing miserably to get an X-rated image out of her head.

Doing her best to regain her composure, Twilight wearily called out the next ponies on the list. "Flim, Flam? Do you two happen to sell brain bleach?"

At the sound of opportunity, Flim stepped forward and immediately did his best carnival barker impression. ''No m'am, but we do have this extraordinary one of a kind opportunity to--''

Twilight wasn't in the mood for a sales pitch. "Sorry, not interested. Aloe, Lotus, is a happy ending actually twenty bits?"

The somewhat timid spa mares had to speak up in order to be heard "Well, for a princess it would be free."

"No. I hate preferential treatment. I'll take five. Just add the charge to my princess tab; I can bill it as "business expenses."

"Um, your majesty," Aloe started, "With all due respect, first of all, I'm pretty sure that would be considered a misuse of Celestia's funds."

"And second of all," Lotus Blossom continued, "do you actually understand what a happy ending is? It's when--"

"I know what it is. And actually I could use one right now. Take a ten minute break everyone. This princess needs to de-stress."

Apple Bloom and her elder sister had a pretty awkward birds and bees talk after that.