Main Characters: TWP, Pinkie, The Doctor (10), Twilight, Lucas, Rei
Cameos: Luna/Selene, Mrs Cake, Fluttershy, Rarity, Dream Maker, Coal, Rip, Ruby Dart, Vinyl, Octavia, Derpy, Kaeko, Marvel Crystal, Oatmeal
Original Write Date: November 1, 2011
The Wandering Physicist tries to work the counter at The Power Block. Ever since Rei joined the staff, the store feels a lot more cluttered. Thankfully, she is young and easily distracted by simple errands carefully crafted to take the several hours they usually ended up taking. Unfortunately, it is another energetic pony that is distracting The Wandering Physicist today.
‘Mr Hayate Wanderer James! Guess what!’ Pinkie Pie chirps as she bounces next to the counter.
‘You found a new way to rearrange my pseudonyms?’
‘No, silly. There are only six ways to do that, and I used all of those already. It is something more superly awesomely better than that.’
‘Did you find a penny?’
Pinkie gasps. ‘No! But that would be great too!’
‘What then?’
‘It is almost your birthday!’ Pinkie shouts. Somehow streamers and confetti shoot out from around her.
‘Yes. It is.’ The Wandering Physicist sighs.
Pinkie frowns. ‘Aren’t you excited? I mean, it is your birthday.’
‘Meh.’
‘Is it because you are so old?’
‘Age has nothing to do with it. I just feel “meh” around my birthdays.’
‘But you get presents and a cake and,’ she poses dramatically, especially for Pinkie, ‘A PARTY!’
Somehow even more streamers and confetti shoot from nowhere. Lucas growls and goes to the back of the shop to get a broom.
‘I don’t really want a party.’
Pinkie’s jaw literally drops to the ground. ‘No party!’
‘I’m just not a party pony.’ Pinkie nearly has a heart attack. ‘I prefer a nice, small get-together with my friends where we can just hang out and play games and stuff. Ya know, something simple.’
Pinkie is shocked. ‘W-well, that doesn’t mean I can’t still throw you a party you’d like with a cake and treats and candy.’
‘I don’t eat candy.’
The statement is too much for Pinkie. Her mane loses all bounce and falls flat. Her face contorts horrifically. She starts twitching and foams at the mouth a bit, then falls over.
‘Oh crap. Lucas! Call a medic!’
…
Pinkie awakes to the sound of a EKG. She looks around to see EMTs and The Panicked Physicist looking over her.
‘Wha, what happened?’ Pinkie stutters.
‘Best we can tell is that you had a stroke,’ an EMT answers. ‘We’ll have to take you back to the hospital to run some tests.’
‘Last thing I remember was you saying you don’t like candy.’
‘Oh no,’ The Wandering Physicist corrects. ‘I like it fine. I am just not too much of a fan of solid sugars. That is why I don’t eat candy.’
A loud, steady beep is heard as Pinkie’s EKG flatlines again.
Pinkie once again awakes to the sound of her EKG. This time, she is not in the shop but in a bed, and there is an oxygen mask over her face. She moans and tries moving, but she can only turn her head enough to see The Concerned Physicist sitting next to her.
‘Shh. You’re fine. You’re at the hospital. Everything is fine now.’
‘What happened?’
‘The doctors thought you came down with a slight case of death, but what do they know? A little Time Lord medicine, and you’re as good as new. I mean, you only had one heart to reboot.’
The Wandering Physicist smiles. Pinkie just stares back.
‘How...’ She starts.
‘Shock would be my guess.’ The Wandering Physicist runs a hoof through Pinkie’s still-deflated mane. ‘I must have an outlook that is too different than yours.’
Pinkie removes the oxygen. ‘But I was able handle The Grand Galloping Gala fine, and those ponies are stuck-up jerks.’
‘Yeah, but they are not me.’ Pinkie looks confused. ‘See, those ponies still came to the party, so at some level there was a connection between you and them, even if the lines are crossed. Me... I’m... Let’s just say that Twilight could probably explain it better.’
‘What about your party?’
The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘If you really want to throw me one, I am sure it will be perfect no matter what you do.’ He kisses Pinkie on the forehead. ‘Now, get some rest. Lucas and Rei have distracted the doctors long enough.’
The Wandering Physicist gives Pinkie one last smile and slips out of the room. Pinkie watches him go. She sighs and stares at the ceiling.
Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie is pacing in her room. The doctors discharged her after all of her tests came back clear. Pinkie immediately went home and locked herself in her room to ponder the recent events. She is currently consulting with her most trusted general, Gummy. The small alligator just stares blankly at his owner as she goes back and forth in front of him.
‘What is it with him? He is just so... Arg! Why can’t I stop thinking about him? What pony doesn’t like a party! Or candy! He is just so... frustrating!’
Pinkie stomps her hooves on the floor. Gummy just blinks one eye at a time and creaks his mouth open a little.
‘You’re right! This does call for a closer inspection! I must stalk my prey to find out everything about him I can and then we’ll see who has the last laugh!’
There is a knock on the door. Pinkie answers it to see Cup Cake standing there.
‘Pinkie, would you mind keeping it down? It is really late, and you had a pretty stressful day.’
‘I am sorry, Mrs Cake. I’ll be quieter.’
‘Thanks.’ Cup Cake turns to leave. ‘Oh, and Carrot and I think it is really sweet to see you found a colt that you are smitten with.’
‘What? I am not smitten with him. I am just obsessed with every fiber of his very being.’
Cup Cake laughs. ‘Oh, you sound just like Carrot and me at your age.’ She keeps laughing as she leaves the room.
Pinkie looks confused as she returns to her room. ‘What did she mean by that?’
Gummy just tilts his head to the side.
‘You’re right! I almost forgot that we have some spying to do.’ Pinkie makes a real sneaky face. ‘Real quiet like.’ She starts laughing evilly.
There is a loud thump on the floor. ‘Shut up!’ is shouted up. Pinkie hides from the loud sound and keeps laughing, only quieter.
The Wandering Physicist is entering some data into his computer. He looks away to get the next set of numbers. When he turns back, there is a wall of long pink hair hanging in front of the screen. He looks up to see Pinkie and Gummy hanging from the ceiling. They are wearing all black and have trioculars over their faces. He screams and runs away.
‘Drat! He found us.’
There is a thump next to Pinkie. She looks over and sees Rei standing next to her upside down.
‘Hi! This is fun!’
Pinkie screams and drops from the ceiling.
The Wandering Physicist is in the stockroom doing inventory. He is making notes in his Chromebook as he goes from box to box. Suddenly, he comes across a box he does not recognize. It has ‘Orange’ written across it in big letters. Nothing happens when he gives it a tap so he opens it very cautiously. Inside, Pinkie looks up at him. She and Gummy are wearing stealth suits and bandanas and are sitting in the box. A literal exclamation point appears over her head and the alert sound from Metal Gear Solid is heard. The Wandering Physicist just closes the box and walks away.
‘Lucas! You’re on inventory or you’re fired again!’
The Wandering Physicist is heading back to The Power Block after a visit to Neighponese Imports. He is giggling at a manga he has in his hoof. He looks up at his store as he nears it. Pinkie is crouching above the door, wearing a white cloak. The Wandering Physicist turns and walks away, wondering what Twilight or Fluttershy are doing for dinner.
Pinkie is back in her room. She is digging through her closet.
‘How does he do it?’ She complains to Gummy. ‘How does he see through my disguises? Ah! He’ll never spot me in this!’
Pinkie goes into her closet to get dressed. There is a knock on her door. Cup Cake looks in then enters.
‘Pinkie...?’
‘In here, Mrs Cake!’
‘Um, what are you...’ Pinkie comes out of her closet in her new disguise. ‘Oh. You are Batmare now.’
‘Not subtle enough?’ Pinkie asks.
‘Oh yes. Very subtle.’
‘Great! I don’t know when I’ll be back. Toodles!’
Pinkie goes to the window and starts climbing out. Cup Cake catches Pinkie before she fully exits.
‘Pinkie, I think you are going about this the wrong way.’
‘But, if I go out the front door, ponies will see me, and how else am I going to find out anything about James Hayate Wanderer?’
‘Who?’ The older mare shakes her head. ‘Never mind. Have you just tried talking to this stallion you are, uh, seeing?’ And by seeing I mean stalking.
‘Uh, duh. And that put me in the hospital. Do you want me to take that risk again?’
‘Well, no.. but...’
‘Good. Now will you let go? You are close to activating my Bat Shark Repellent.’
‘How about instead of asking him you ask his friends about your James Haya-whatever?’
Pinkie climbs back into the building. She thinks for a moment. ‘That is just crazy enough to work!’
Or just sane enough for you to think it is crazy. Cup Cake thinks.
‘Thank you, Mrs Cake! You are the bestest at giving super advice!’
‘Anytime dear. You ca... should always come to me first.’ Cup Cake sighs as she is leaving. ‘Don’t forget to comb your mane. It could get messy if you keep it straight like that.’
Pinkie sits on her bed and thinks. She gets out a batarang and starts throwing it around the room and back to herself.
‘Hmm.... Who should I ask first?’
Gummy catches the batarang on one of its loops around the room.
Pinkie sits in Lucas’ apartment. It is filled with anime and Neighponese merchandise. Lucas sits across from the mare.
‘You want to know about Boss, eh?’ Lucas thinks. ‘Well, you know he is a Time Lord. He is very odd but fun. He is a little particular about the way things are done, but I guess that is to be understood.’
‘But what about him? What does he like?’ Pinkie asks.
‘Like? I don’t know. Normal nerd stuff. Gaming, obviously. He seems to enjoy just messing around on his computer all day. That is what he tends to do when Rei and I are running the store. Well, that or play games with the customers.’
‘And he is happy just being left alone like that?‘
‘I don’t think he is alone. He is active on his favorite social networks, and he comes out when he gets bored.’
‘Hmm....’
‘If you really want the scoop, Twilight probably knows him better than anypony.’
Rei is flying upside down as she thinks. Pinkie trots alongside the pegasus.
‘Mr Wanderer, eh? He’s a very good boss. It is almost as fun working for him as for Queen Luna.’
‘I meant, what is he like as a pony?’
Rei flips back to normal. ‘Oh. In that case... He likes big meals but almost never snacks. He isn’t the best talker while eating, but he is a pretty fun cook. He always make the best meals. Hey! Want to get something to eat? I am hungry for some reason.’
‘Since you mentioned it, does he have any favorite foods?’
‘Pineapple. Definitely pineapple. And potatoes. Pineapples, potatoes and pizza. The three Ps. ... Sushi too, but that is hard to get without “going out” for it. ... I mean use the...’
‘I get it.’
‘If you really want to know what he likes to eat, ask Twilight. They go out a lot.’ Rei flips upside down again. ‘By the way, I like your mane this way. Ever think of dying it grey?’
Pinkie is playing Zombie Dice with Dream Maker in his shop. Other patrons are watching the close game unfolding.
‘Plays a mean avenger, I’ll give him that. But I know that is not what you are asking. Let’s see.’
Dream makes his roll. He thinks about what he is going to say and his next move.
‘While he is very good solo, he prefers to stick with the party. He likes not being the center of attention. Built his whole character so that I couldn’t make campaigns about him easily.’
‘But that is his character. What about him?’
‘The thing about DnD... You put a bit of yourself in your characters. Like, I am sure you would make a good chaotic good bard. Very high charisma.’
‘Uh... thank you?’
‘Another thing, he likes playing with the same people more than finding new groups. Might be why he tries bringing Twilight when he can.’
Pinkie makes her roll. Dream and a number of the onlookers moan when they see she won the game.
Coal looks up from behind his book at the patron of his store. ‘Books on parties are in non-fiction,’ he says before returning to his book.
‘What? No. I asked you about Jimmy James Wanderer.’
‘What about him?’
‘What can you tell me about him?’
Coal thinks. ‘Very odd sense of humor. Very bad puns. Very annoying at times. … And no, I am not talking about you, Droll.’
Droll sulks and goes back to where he popped up.
‘Anything else?’
‘Tweets a lot. Seems a little lonely, but he also seems to enjoy it when I get one up on him.’
‘Lonely?’
‘Maybe a bit. He does pick up when Twilight and Fluttershy are on, though. Very social with them.’
The Chaos Theater is closed while the stage is being set up in the theater portion of the building. Rip Chord and Vinyl Scratch are guiding the workers. Pinkie is standing off to the side watching them.
‘Wanderer, eh? Very odd taste in music.’ Rip says.
‘How so?’
‘Well, he will listen to whatever I offer him, but he seems to like music more on a song-by-song basis than by groups or artists. Don’t get me wrong, he likes groups and artists, but he tends to pick one song from an album rather than a whole album.’
‘That says a lot,’ Vinyl adds.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Music is like people. All individual and all that. Each song is its own being with its own soul. It is pretty trippy to think about.’
‘So... if that analogy holds, then Mr Hayate likes individuals more than groups.’
‘Right on, sister!’ Vinyl grins at Pinkie.
‘Thanks... I think that helped.’
‘Cool. Hey, you’re looking seriously metal. Love it.’
Pinkie half smiles and chuckles as she leaves the shop.
Derpy is flying her mail route for the day. Pinkie is tagging alongside. Derpy seems lost in thought despite carrying a large number of packages on her back.
‘Chief is smart.’
‘I know that already.’
‘No, I mean real smart. Not fake smart like other ponies that like showing off their smarts, but Chief does too some times... so does The Doctor. Must be a species thing!’
Pinkie sighs.
‘You don’t get it?’
‘I guess not.’ Pinkie growls.
‘By real smart, I mean that he doesn’t use big word just to look smart or confuse anypony. Not to mention, his honesty. He says the right thing. For good or bad, it is right. Although, I think he tells Twilight more than he tells the rest of us.’
Pinkie stops to think then starts going back.
‘Why are you asking? Are you interested in him or something?’
Not hearing an answer, Derpy looks around. She does not find Pinkie so she just shrugs and goes back to her route.
Kaeko guards her wall of Neighponese snacks from Pinkie. She is even on her hind legs with wings fully extended for maximum coverage. Pinkie is desperately trying to see what is being hidden as she listens to Kaeko’s advice.
‘Wanderer-san? He is a very interesting one. I have never seen a stallion so devoted to cartoons for fillies before.’
‘Uh huh. That is great. Is that chocolate! No, I mean, but sort of thing does he li... What is Ranume?’
‘It is Ramune. Are you asking about his likes?’
‘Sure. Whatever. Is Pocky really as good as everypony says?’
‘Hmm... Interesting question. He does tend to go for a random assortment of series, but most do have one underlaying theme to them.’
Pinkie has a whole box of Pocky in her mouth. ‘Whith ith?’
‘How did you... Never mind. Wanderer-san enjoys stories with an underlying romantic tone or at least ones where close friendships are formed. I had to stop stocking Toradora! merchandise openly since he would constantly try to hug it.’
Pinkie tries talking while she finishes eating the Pocky.
‘Uh... Yes?’
Pinkie looks a little pensive then starts walking away.
‘Wait! I couldn’t understand you.’
‘It is okay. I think I know what the answer is anyway.’
Kaeko sighs and stands down her guard. She turns to find all of the candies and biscuits eaten from the shelf. ‘How the hell?’
Pinkie stands on the modeling stand in Rarity’s sewing room while her friend tries different patterns on her.
‘Hmm... I think with your current manestyle I’d go with darker colors... Avoid reds, though. They might make you look a little crazy.’
‘Uh, Rarity, what about my problem?’
‘Yes, Mr Wanderer. Trying to get into that head is like asking Fluttershy to express herself. It can be done, but you might not like the result.’
‘Well, I just want to throw him a party that will make him happy.’
‘In that case, know these two things. One, even if you are in charge and you have it at your place, he will still feel like a host and might not let himself go as much as you would hope. And two, he will be happy with whatever you do for him. It doesn’t have to be perfect.’
‘But it does have to be perfect! That is why I asked you for help in the first place!’
Rarity backs away a bit. ‘Maybe you should give it a rest a little. Just a smidgen.’
Pinkie sighs. ‘Whatever.’
Pinkie starts leaving the boutique.
‘Wait!’
‘Yes?’
‘Will Twilight be there?’
Recently, Rarity and Twilight had a bit of a falling out over political differences. After two failed attempts by both of them to honestly patch things up, they had resigned to not speaking to each for a short while and had just recently come back to relatively good terms.
Pinkie rolls her eyes and growls, ‘Uh duh! She is one of his best friends!’
Pinkie storms out of the shop.
‘Oh dear. I better warn the others that she is in a bad mood.’
Pinkie is slumped over a counter at another store. Next to her, a red earth pony with a blue mane is working the cash register.
‘Sorry kiddo,’ Marvel Crystal says. ‘I wish I could help more.’
‘It is fine.’ Pinkie moans.
‘It is not fine. If it were fine, you would be in the back reading a stack of comics and laughing like crazy like you always do when you come in here.’
‘I just don’t feel like it.’
‘Let me share a little secret. Stallions are simple creatures. You might be making it more complex than it is.’
‘But every time I try making it simple, it just gets more complicated.’
‘Okay. Here is a hint: he is a nerd. He likes nerdy things.’
‘I know that already.’
‘Then hint number two is, and I hope you don’t kill me for saying this but, look at why you smile all of the time. Remember what you told me about how you got your cutie mark.’
‘You want me to rebuild Equestria for his birthday?’
Marvel laughs. ‘Maybe not that far but as somepony who has been married for almost as long as your mentors, we would all say that a good first step is finding something in common.’
‘I’m finding too much... That’s the problem...’ Pinkie mumbles to herself s she trots away.
Ruby Dart is doing her best to ignore Pinkie’s attempts to use Fluttershy’s Stare on her. She just keeps trying to find a hardware problem in her client’s computer.
‘Will you stop doing that? If something goes wrong, I am charging you to pay for it.’
‘Just give me what I want and I’ll be gone.’
‘Okay, Miss Pie, I cannot hack into his search records and if I could, it would be illegal.’
Pinkie tries the Stare again.
‘Stop that! I am very busy.’
‘Not until you give me what I w....’ Pinkie’s tail shakes violently. ‘Twitch-a-twitch!’
‘Are you just faking to...’
A screw drops from a display case. Ruby barely dashes over to save a laptop from crashing to the ground.
‘I guess you are lucky I am here.’ Pinkie gloats.
‘Listen! I cannot tell you his search habits or any of his private business, but I can tell you that he likes things simple... if a little sloppy and seemingly disorganized. I can tell by his coding.’
‘I knew all of that already.’ Pinkie’s tail shakes again, and she rushes to catch the other end of the display.
‘If you are looking for something new, I am the wrong pony to ask,’ Ruby replies as she fixes the display. ‘Twilight or Lucas would be the ones to talk to. But if you want something they probably don’t know, ask The Doctor. He is the only one I see going in there as often as those two.’
‘Thank you!’ Pinkie’s ears flop over her face. ‘Um... I would avoid going outside for a while.’
‘Why?’
Pinkie looks at Ruby then leaves the store. She looks around the street then darts across right before Rei chases Droll past at high speeds.
‘Get back here and die, you insolent whelp!’
The Doctor is in a bit of a mess. He is in an alien jungle trying to unravel vines that are wrapped around him. He hears a noise and looks up to see Pinkie looking up at him. He is hanging upside down.
‘Hi!’
‘Oh, hello Pinkie. Lovely seeing you here.’
‘I need you to tell me about Mr Wanderer James Hayate.’
‘I’d love to Miss Pie but as you can see, I am in a bit of a bind.’ The Doctor struggles with the vines for a moment. ‘Would you mind giving me my sonic? It should be somewhere at your hooves.’
Pinkie looks around and finds the sonic. She lifts it up to him, and he takes it in his mouth.
‘Mow Pinfie. Whak wou’d ‘ou ‘ike to gnow?’
Pinkie sighs, takes a deep breath and says, ‘I am trying to throw him a party for his birthday, but he didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea of a super awesomely classic Pinkie Pie party, so I am trying to find out what sort of party he would like, but I keep asking everypony what they know about him, and they keep bringing me to very meany not nice feelings that I don’t want to feel even though I am getting a pretty good idea of what sort of party he would enjoy, and I really want to know something about him that would make him genuinely smile, and everypony keeps saying ask Twilight or Fluttershy, but I get really jealous when I think about them for some reason, and so you are my last hope!’
Pinkie finally stops for a breath. The Doctor activates his sonic and drops to the ground. He brushes the dirt off his overcoat as he stands up.
‘Well, that is simple, Pie. Just be yourself. He really enjoys when ponies are being honest with him, even if it is bad news.’
‘But... I am really myself... my true...’ Pinkie looks as if she is about to cry.
‘That is not the real you and you know it. And don’t worry about Twilight and Fluttershy. They will perfectly understand everything you are feeling.’ The Doctor gives Pinkie a comforting pat on the shoulder. ‘Hmm. I should write this one down for the next time I have to give it.’
‘Thank you, Doctor. I think I am finally ready to see my friends now.’
Pinkie Pie prances off into the jungle.
‘Be careful out there! There are many dangerous....’
The Doctor is whipped back up into the trees by vines again.
Pinkie sits in Fluttershy’s cottage. Both are not talking. Fluttershy is nervous since this is the quietest that she has ever seen Pinkie.
After summoning a lot of courage, ‘Is, is everything all right?’ Fluttershy finally asks.
‘It is... complicated.’
Fluttershy gets a wicked grin and rides her new wave of courage. She pats Pinkie on the head. ‘There, there. Just tell Auntie Fluttershy all about it.’
Pinkie looks up at her friend a little angrily at that response. Fluttershy instantly curls up in a ball where she sits. Pinkie looks down again and sighs.
‘I want to throw a party for Mr Hayate James Wanderer, Esquire, but I didn’t know what he likes and when I asked other ponies, they make him sound sad and lonely.’
‘Oh...’ Fluttershy looks around nervously as she tries to think of the right thing to say. ‘Well, he is really very shy. It... leads to certain feelings. Especially if you don’t have a good outlet or the colts at flight school make fun of you for being gangly or if a certain bunny acts very rude when you are trying to give him a bath or...’ She catches herself. ‘Sorry. I got a little off topic there.’
‘Is that why you are good friends? Because you have that in common?’
‘Oh yes! We are both more open on the internet because of the relative anonymity. It really helps.’
‘But you come to parties all of the time! Just last week...’
‘Yes, but I am more social just around my friends. I tend to be a bit of a wallflower still...’ Fluttershy tries giving a comforting smile.
‘Hmm.... What is his favorite music?’ Pinkie says with a weak smile.
‘Music? I don’t know. He always sings random songs when they pop into his head,’ Twilight answers.
‘Favorite cake? And don’t tell me they are lies, like Flutters did. I know they are real.’
Twilight giggles at the reference. ‘I don’t know. He doesn’t really get desserts when we go out. I know he loves brownies.’
Pinkie is shocked. ‘Brownies! But those aren’t cupcakes!’
‘Pinkie, you don’t get like that when Applejack bakes a pie.’
‘I know, but she is weird. I mean, pies! Silly AJ.’
Twilight gives her friend a concerned look. ‘Are you okay? You have been running all over town a lot recently, and your mane hasn’t returned to normal since your accident.’
‘Oh, uh, this’ Pinkie starts running her hooves through her mane. ‘I, uh, just have a lot on my mind. I am trying to figure out the perfect party for...’
‘You said that when you got here.’
‘Sorry.’
Twilight goes over to her friend. ‘Pinkie, speaking for the one pony you probably did not ask but probably should have, get some rest and don’t worry about it. He would much rather a small party with a happy Pinkie than a huge party with a stressed Pinkie.’
‘I know... I’ll get some rest. Thanks Twilight.’
‘What are friends for? In fact, I’ll send you an email later with a list of things he likes if that will help.’
‘It most indeedily will.’
Pinkie starts exiting the library, but she stops and gasps a bigger gasp than she has ever done before.
‘OH! MY! PIZZA!’ Pinkie runs back and grabs Twilight. ‘What does he want for a gift! I totally forgot that!’
Twilight laughs and calms her friend down. ‘I’ll include a link to his wishlists too.’
The big day comes around, and it is time for Pinkie to put her party plan into practice. The Power Block is closed for the day while Pinkie throws the private party there. The Wandering Birthday Colt grumbled a bit because she started setting up so early and he wanted to have a special sale for the day, but he was convinced to reschedule the sale. All of his friends are stopping by to hang out for a bit. There are a myriad of systems hooked up, and most ponies are playing some game or another while movies play on the main screen. There is a large array of snacks on the main counter, ranging from homemade traditional birthday treats to all of Kaeko’s recently restocked imported snacks, bought at double price to make up for Pinkie’s last visit. Even Selene and The Doctor are in town and joining in the fun.
After getting his flank handed to him at Rockband by Octavia, The Wandering Physicist is heading upstairs to check on Pinkie. As he nears the kitchen, he hears singing. He peeks his head in to see Pinkie working on some baked goods while she sings.
♪
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Pinkie Pie Science.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cupcakes.
And the baking gets done and you make great fun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these pieces of fruit make a beautiful pie.
And we're out of baking, we're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Twilight Sparkle...
THAT WAS A JOKE. Haha. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cupcake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking when there's cooking to do.
When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run there is cooking to be done
On the people who are still alive
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
Still alive
Still alive
♬
The Wandering Physicist stands in awe of the song. He does not know what to make of it. He is a little scared and starts backing away, right into Twilight.
‘What’s going on up here?’ Twilight asks.
‘I was just checking if Pinkie needed any help.’
‘Oh no. It is your birthday. No work.’
‘Actually, I am fairly certain she needs help.’
‘Then why are you backing away?’
‘Because I want to keep as much blood in me as possible.’
‘What?’
The Scared Physicist heads back down to calm down a little. Twilight soon follows after seeing what Pinkie was doing, a little confused.
‘I don’t get it. What was she doing?’ Twilight insists.
‘She was singing a weird song. It was... unnerving.’
‘She sings weird songs all of the time. Have you heard the one she had for Zecora?’
‘She crossed baking with Still Alive.’
Twilight’s eyes go wide, but she shakes it off. ‘No. Pinkie is probably pretty worn out from all of the effort she put into planning it,’ she presses right into The Wandering Physicist’s face, ‘and you of all ponies have no right to complain. Got it!’
Just then, Pinkie comes down with more treats.
‘Who wants cupcakes!’
With Pinkie’s mane still limp and her huge grin, she looks a lot scarier than she should. Most ponies either take one or wave her past. She sets the tray by The Wandering Physicist and Twilight, who are standing at the counter. The Wandering Physicist looks from Pinkie to the cupcake then back. Something hits him.
‘Oh my Sagan! Where’s Lucas!’
‘Right here, boss!’ Lucas waves from a Mare-io Kart race.
‘That’s go... Where’s Rei!’
‘Hi!’ gets chirped from beside The Wandering Physicist’s head. He looks up to see Rei eating a cupcake upside down while upside down.
‘How the frak do you do that?’ Twilight asks.
‘Magic!’ Rei says as she walks off.
Pinkie starts getting nervous. ‘Mr... uh... whatever, is everything okay?’
‘He heard you singing upstairs a bit ago.’ Twilight interrupts.
‘What? That?’ Pinkie laughs nervously. ‘I-I was listening to the music everypony said you liked. I guess the tune got stuck in my head.’ She laughs again. ‘Not really the best song to make into a baking song.’
The Wandering Physicist hurriedly shakes his head ‘no’.
‘It is okay, Pinkie. He is sorry.’ Twilight jabs The Wandering Physicist. ‘Right?’
‘Very sorry. The sorriest.’
Pinkie starts choking up a little. ‘I’m sorry too. I messed up. I-I-I must have gotten something wrong. Oatmeal was right. I wasn’t able to throw you the perfect party.’
‘Sorry for giving you that impression just now, but this party is great. I’ve loving it.’ The Wandering Physicist says.
‘R-really?’
‘Yeah. You did a great job. Best party pony ever.’
Pinkie smiles at the compliment. Twilight is deep in thought.
‘Oatmeal? Who is Oatmeal?’ Twilight asks.
‘You know... Oatmeal,’ Pinkie replies. ‘I mentioned him before.’ Twilight looks confused. ‘You know... he’s crazy.’
It hits Twilight where she heard Pinkie mention ‘Oatmeal’ before.
‘Wait. So Oatmeal is a...’
‘Yeah. He is an invisible pony, but he talks to me about things. Why?’
Twilight turns to The Wandering Physicist. ‘Please tell me there is....’
The Wandering Physicist’s nervous glances answers Twilight before she can finish. Pinkie starts looking between them in shock.
‘But, he is real! We talk all the time! I’ve known him since I was an itty-bitty little-wittle Twinkie-Pinkie.’
‘Pinkie, maybe you should...’ Twilight starts.
‘No! I am not crazy! Just... STOP!’ Pinkie shouts.
A burst of energy emanates form Pinkie. Time literally stops for the party. Pinkie looks around in horror then runs out of the shop. After a moment, three of the party-goers moan and shake their heads.
‘Feels like I was sent back to the moon,’ Luna moans.
‘What happened? Did everything go timey-wimey for a moment there?’ The Doctor looks around. ‘Oh. Never mind.’
The Wandering Physicist stumbles behind the counter and gets out his sonic. He starts stumbling to the door. ‘I’ll be right back, maybe. Someone make sure Rei is okay.’
Luna and The Doctor look to see the white pegaus moaning on the ground with her legs sticking straight up where she fell from the ceiling.
‘Atama itai...’
‘She seems fine. Where are you going , Ja..?’ The Doctor sighs when he notices The Wandering Physicist gone. ‘I’ll stay here. Care to check if it is just us?’ He sighs again when he notices Luna is already gone.
Pinkie is running as fast as she can. She does not know where yet, but she is running. Nopony is getting in her way or stopping her, but she does not notice that they are all frozen. Tears are streaming down her face. Suddenly, a dark shape passes over her. The Wandering Physicist skids to a stop in a dramatic fashion. He raises a hoof to stop Pinkie, but he immediately falls over.
‘Holy cow! You are fast!’ He pants.
‘What do you want?’ Pinkie stomps in front of The Wandering Physicist’s nose. ‘Haven’t you done enough to me today?’
‘Pinkie. Please wait.’ The Wandering Physicist climbs to his feet. ‘I am really sorry. It is just that when somepony mentions an invisible pony that has been talking to them since they were a foal, that legitimately freaks out that pony’s friends.’
‘But he is real!’ Pinkie stomps a hoof, causing a bit of a earthquake.
‘I know he is real, but he is not a pony!’
Pinkie backs off. ‘Y-you, you can see him? Nopony else has ever been able to see him.’
‘Well, I can’t really see him per se, but... what is that!’
The Wandering Physicist points at nothing, not fooling Pinkie at all. He draws his sonic and activates it. Slowly, a small troll becomes coherent, floating next to Pinkie’s head. She screams and hides behind The Wandering Physicist.
‘What is that?’
‘Well, you know the story of Rumpelstiltskin?’
‘Yeah..’
‘Absolutely nothing like that.’
‘Blasted pony! I was having a great life feeding off of her energies. Between the two of you, I could have become immortal and ruled this planet.’ Oatmeal the troll snarls.
‘So what? I was going to be the dessert after you abused poor Pinkie here?’ The Wandering Physicist guesses.
‘I can see into you deeper than you think. She is barely an after-dinner mint compared to you.’
‘Hmm. I get it. A being that feeds on negative emotions. Well! Element of Laughter time!’ The Wandering Physicist pushes Pinkie in front of him. ‘Time to get magic necklace thingy on his flank.’
Pinkie looks up at the troll then to the ground. ‘I can’t.’
‘But, Element of Laughter. Party time. Smiles. Uh, awesome party, great job!’ The Wandering Physicist puts on a big smile.
Pinkie looks at The Wandering Physicist and back down. She has not felt this bad since Discord. ‘No. I just can’t. Not after this week. Not after what I learned.’
The Wandering Physicist looks confused. ‘But.... Party. Cupcakes. Good times.’
Pinkie shakes her head. ‘I was faking. Like you were.’
The Wandering Physicist’s eyes dart. ‘Nopony knows that.’
‘I know that!’ Oatmeal interjects.
‘Nopony asked you!’ The Wandering Physicist shoots. ‘And what sort of name is “Oatmeal” anyway?’
‘It means “one who eats the hearts and souls of weak ponyfolk” in my people’s tongue.’
The Wandering Physicist tries hiding behind Pinkie more. ‘Element blasty time now.’ She just frowns and starts crying. ‘Please talk to me. How do we get your smile back?’
‘Was it ever really there to begin with?’
‘Rainboom explode! Make happy! Party! Birth of Equestria!’
‘I looked you up. I found out about your past and personality. I heard a lot of things that I had heard before. ... Before...’
‘When? Before what?’
‘Before Dashie. They were all about me. I heard the words about you, but they sounded like they were talking about me.’ Pinkie starts sobbing. ‘The loneliness! The fear! The anger! The shyness! The wanting to belong, if just for one moment. They were talking about me! They didn’t know it, but they were talking about me.’
Pinkie grabs The Wandering Physicist in a hug. The tears seem never ending, from both of them.
‘I can finish you off now,’ Oatmeal offers. ‘You will never have to feel that way ever again.’
‘It is tempting,’ Pinkie sobs. ‘Too tempting. Make it stop!’
‘I wish I could, but you are the only one that can do it.’
‘I can’t!’
‘Yes you can! Look at me!’ Pinkie looks into The Crying Physicist’s eyes. ‘I know you can do this. Trust me. I have been where you are. I have felt what you feel. There was somepony who I really felt a connection with. One I really wanted to hug and say it was going to be okay. But I couldn’t. They weren’t real. You and I are real. You can do what you first felt when you learned about me. Do it! I am ready for anyt...’
The Wandering Physicist is cut off when Pinkie’s lips touch his. The rest of the world disappears around them. They do not notice that Oatmeal howls in pain and disappears in a blinding flash. They do not notice that time returns to normal around them. They do not notice all of the comments about them.
‘About time she found somepony she likes.’
‘Wait. I thought he was with Twilight Sparkle. Does that mean I still have a chance?’
‘D’awwwww!’
‘Wait. I thought she was with Twilight Sparkle. Does that mean I still have a chance?’
‘I wish I had hands.’
‘Wait. I thought he was with Lucas. Does that mean I still have a chance?’
‘Ew! Gay!’
‘Ugh. They would probably have some crazy blonde pegasus as a foal.’
The pair finally break the kiss. They stare into each other’s eyes.
‘Would you believe that was my first real kiss?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
‘Right now, I would believe anything you tell me,’ Pinkie replies.
‘Feeling better?’
‘Never felt better.’
The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie kiss one more time before they get up to return to the party.
Back at The Power Block, everypony is back on their hooves. They do not know what happened, but they feel like they were just smashed in the head by a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick. The party returns to normal with everypony barely noticing anything strange or out of place. Everypony just assumes that Rei is unconscious because she finally fell from the ceiling. They are half correct. The Doctor and Luna are keeping silent about the whole event. The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie return to the party.
‘Where have you been?’ Twilight demands. ‘I don’t care if it is part of your name. You don’t just wander off in the middle of your birthday party.’
The Wandering Physicist smiles at Pinkie. ‘We get getting Kisses.’
Pinkie goes from bright pink to bright red. The Wandering Physicist laughs and pulls a bag of candy out of nowhere.
‘Pinkie wanted some for a special treat, and, well, I, heh, heh, you know me.’
Twilight growls and magically drags The Wandering Physicist away for one of her trademark lectures. Pinkie just laughs at her friends and goes back to the party.
At the end of the night, The Wandering Physicist is thanking all of his guests for coming. They all thank him for a wonderful time. Throughout the shop, Pinkie, Twilight, Fluttershy, Selene, and Lucas are cleaning up. Rei is still passed out where she has been since time stopped. The last of the guests are leaving. Octavia and Vinyl are heading out.
‘No more Rock Band. Please,’ The Wandering Physicist begs.
‘I thought as much,’ Octavia scoffs. ‘That teaches you a lesson to fall asle... Quit faking sleeping!’
The Wandering Physicist snorts. ‘Wha? Where am I?’
Vinyl laughs as her friend growls.
‘Great time, yo.’
Vinyl puts out a hoof, and all three brohoof. The Wandering Physicist and Vinyl look at Octavia.
Octavia blushes. ‘What? I wanted to join in too. Shut up!’
Octavia walks off followed by a snickering Vinyl. Derpy flies out over the host. The Doctor follows her out.
‘See ya ’round, Chief!’ Derpy salutes.
‘Where to this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
‘I was thinking of Wexnal IV. I hear there is a jungle there with living trees. Should be fun.’
‘Watch out for vines.’
‘I’ll pass that along to Derpy. She has a way of getting caught in those things.’
The Doctor waves as he makes his way to his TARDIS. Lucas stretches in his area of the shop.
‘I think that is good enough for now,’ Lucas says. ‘Rei and I can finish it in the morning.’
‘It would be rude of a host not to clean up her mess,’ Pinkie chimes in.
‘I think I have a spell for this,’ Twilight volunteers.
‘EMP!’ The Cautious Physicist shouts.
‘Emp? What is emp?’ Fluttershy asks.
‘I am Twilight Sparkle! Fear my laser horn!’ Twilight casts a spell that cleans up a lot of the remaining mess in a flash. She giggles at her work and the reference.
Lucas lowers a shield he cast around himself. Fluttershy comes out of hiding. Selene makes sure her perception filters are intact. Rei still lays where she has been. The Wandering Physicist just sighs and scans the room with his sonic.
‘Looks like everything is intact.’ He wags the sonic at Twilight. ‘Be careful with your magic.’
Twilight giggles again. ‘Yes. I just wanted to have some more fun.’
‘Only you can think giving the birthday colt a lecture and then destroying his livelihood is fun,’ Selene goads.
Twilight snorts at Selene. Selene glares back. They get into a staring contest. While they are fighting, Fluttershy goes over to The Wandering Physicist.
‘I had a fun time. Sorry I wasn’t too social.’
‘It is okay. You just don’t hangout with the weirdos I hangout with too often.’ Pause. ‘Keep it that way.’
Fluttershy laughs. She gives The Wandering Physicist a hug and a peck on the cheek. She exits the shop and flies away happy. Lucas follows Fluttershy out and just waves since he will see his boss the next day. Twilight and Selene finish their spat and exit the shop.
‘Pinkie really knows how to throw a good party,’ Twilight states. ‘She put a lot of work personalizing it for you.’ She glares. ‘Make sure you thank her profusely.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘I think I can find a way.’
‘Since I was unable to do so tonight,’ Selene starts, ‘I will have to give you your birthday spanking some other time. How old are you again?’
‘Eep.’
Twilight gives Selene a small growl. She pushes Selene out of the way. She blushes for what she is about to do and gives The Surprised Physicist a quick kiss on the lips. Selene growls, pushes Twilight away and gives The Shocked Physicist a longer kiss. Twilight magically shoves Selene out of the way and gives The Stupefied Physicist an equally long kiss. Selene tackles Twilight from the kiss, and the two start brawling outside of the shop. The Irked Physicist growls and gives a whistle. The mares fail to stop their fight until a splash of water drops over them. The Wandering Physicist waves at Lucas who continues back to his home.
Twilight blows her soaking bangs out of her eyes. ‘Sorry.’
Selene shakes the water from her wings. ‘Me too. Sorry.’
‘Now behave on your ways home.’
The mares groan and head their separate ways with Selene flying off and changing back to Luna on the way. The Wandering Physicist goes back into the shop to the waiting Pinkie Pie and still-out Rei.
‘Do you need help with her?’ Pinkie offers.
‘Nah. She knows where her room is once she want to stop acting out.’
‘I’m not acting out,’ is mumbled.
‘I should be hitting the hay, too. It has been an eventful day,’ The Tired Physicist says as he stretches a bit.
‘Yeah... Me too. Maybe now I can get my mane to poof again.’
‘Aw, but I think it is really cute like this.’
Pinkie blushes. ‘Really?’
‘He’s lying,’ is mumbled followed by an ‘ouch!’ as The Irked Parent gives his alternate universe daughter a small kick.
‘I should be going,’ Pinkie says as she goes to the door. ‘More parties to get ready.’
‘Have fun!’ Rei cheers as she gets The Choking Physicist in a headlock.
‘Rest well. I’ll see you soon I hope.’ The Vulcan Physicist says as he hits a pressure point on Rei’s neck, causing her to faint.
Pinkie laughs and heads out the door. The Wandering Physicist locks it with his sonic as he drags Rei upstairs to her room. After dropping her in her room, The Exhausted Physicist heads straight to his bed and climbs in. A second after he turns the lights out, there is a click and a charging sound as trioculars are activated. The Terrified Physicist’s eyes shoot open, and long pink hair drops in front of him. The trioculars go out, and a mass drops to the bed.
‘A kiss for how many years again?’
