Chapter 3: Outta Time
Big Macintosh sat on the swinging bench on the front porch of his house, with his peace of mind finally returned. He had finally ridden his dear sister of the onion loving weirdo known as Caramel and he now felt like he could take on anypony as he took a load off and chewed on straw. Of course, it was only a matter of time before Applejack became aware of her coltfriend's disappearance.
"Big Mac," said Applejack, approaching him. "Have ya seen Caramel anywhere at all?"
"...Nnope."
"Are ya sure? 'Cause he is yer friend after all."
"...Eeyup."
"C'mon, Big Mac, this is serious." Applejack urged. "Caramel and I were supposed to meet for a date last night but he never showed up. And now I can't even get a hold of him. What if somethin' bad happened to him?"
Big Mac swallowed hard. He felt his sister's suspicion digging in deep. He never wanted to lie to Applejack, but he wanted desperately for her to forget about Caramel, if not stallions altogether. He knew it was for her own good. "I'm sure Caramel's fine, AJ. He's probably just visitin' family somewhere. But if ya ask me, I wouldn't get too attached to him. I know Caramel; he's a rambler who doesn't like to stay in one place. It's probably best for him, and you, to just move on."
"Gee, Big Mac, I don't know about that." She replied. "Caramel is a sweet pony, and I don't think he'd just up and ditch me like that without at least tellin' me."
"Don't worry, sis, I know it'll all turn out fine in the end. Hey, do you like onions?"
"No, I hate 'em. Why?"
"Just checkin'."
"Well, thanks for tryin' to ease my mind, big brother." Applejack said. "I bet Caramel will show up sooner or later."
"Maybe, lil' sis, maybe." Big Mac lied across the bench to fall asleep in the sun, trying to forget the impending trouble he probably put himself in.
...
That night, Shining Armor took time to spend with his little sis at the Golden Oak Library. Accompanied by Spike, the two siblings faced off in the living room, warring over properties in a game of Manehattan Monopoly. As usual with this game, Spike barely managed to maintain a tiny section of the board.
"Ha ha! You stepped on Horseshoe Avenue again, Spike." Twilight gloated. "280 bits please!"
"Son of a- When is someone gonna land on my property?!" complained Spike.
"You mean the first one that's only worth 60?" asked Shining Armor.
"Shut up." Spike grumbled. "I knew we should've just played Scramble."
Twilight gave a questioning look. "You mean Scrabble?"
"I said shut up!"
That's when the doorbell rang. "Oh! That must be Time Turner." Twilight said, getting up. "I've just been dying to introduce you to him, big brother."
"Yeah, and I've been dying to meet him." Shining Armor replied, stretching the truth.
Twilight answered the door and sure enough, in entered the mysterious stallion who had been piquing the interest of her brother as of late. Time Turner greeted his recent special somepony with a hug.
"Evening Twilight," he said, in his usual suave manner. "Looking radiant as ever."
Twilight blushed a little before speaking. "Turner, I'd like you to meet my brother, Shining Armor. Big, brother, say hello to my new coltfriend."
The word 'coltfriend' slipped through Shining Armor's ears like crude oil. But he swallowed his pride and shook Time Turner's hoof while clenching his teeth. "It's an...honor to meet you."
Time Turner gave a salute. "The honor is mine, Captain. Or should I say 'future brother-in-law'?"
"Oh stop it, you." Twilight blushed again. Shining Armor wanted desperately drive his horn through his stomach. "Sorry to up and leave, big brother, but Timey and I have our first official date planned. I hope you don't mind."
Armor struggled not to smash the floor beneath him. "No problem, Twily, you two have...fun."
"Don't worry, Captain," said Time Turner. "I'll make sure she's safe and sound the whole night."
"Oh Turner, don't be such a hero." Twilight giggled before the two of them exited the library, leaving Shining Armor and his buried rage.
But almost immediately, Big Mac poked his head through the door. "Shinin' Armor, ya ready to make our move?"
"Boy am I ever." He said with his serious face. "Hold the fort down, Spike."
"Wait, what?" queried Spike. "Where are you going?"
"Don't worry about it. It's confidential business." Shining Armor left without another word, leaving the dragon alone.
"So what? Am I just supposed to play this by myself?!" Spike shouted, then looked around to make sure he was truly alone. Then he placed a framed photo of his beloved crush on the other side of the game board. "Alright, Rarity, I'll give you first roll!"
...
The establishment known as Hors D'œuvres was without a doubt the classiest restaurant in all of Ponyville. With gourmet food and an ornate atmosphere, it only seemed fitting to take an esteemed mare like Twilight to on a romantic night out. And Time Turner was just gentlecolt enough to do so. Of course, Hors D'oeuvres was also open to anypony, which explained why Shining Armor and Big Mac were spying on the two from a nearby booth, disguised as a couple. Shining Armor sported a black tuxedo, top hat, and had his mane neatly combed back. Big Mac, disguised as his date, wore a pink dress with a red sash, a matching sun hat over a strawberry blonde wig, and lip stick and eye shadow on his face. The two spies watched their target diligently as they held up their menus.
"Look at him over there," said Shining Armor, vengefully. "Thinks he's so fancy taking Twily to a place like this."
"I bet he knows the owner of this restaurant." Big Mac added. "Mighty suspicious is ya ask me."
"Stay loose, Mac, we still don't know anything about this guy. Twilight said this was their first big date, so we just have to listen in when Time Turner tells her stuff about himself. It's the only way to know exactly what kind of weirdo my sister is dating."
"What if it turns out he's actually not a bad guy?" asked Big Mac.
"Then that means he's hiding something even more sinister."
"Good point, pardner."
Soon enough, the waiter arrived at their booth. "Are you ready to order, sir and madame?"
Shining Armor tried on his best upper class Manehattan accent. "Ahem, why yes my dear man. Um, I will have your finest prepared medium veggie steak with chive potato, and my wife here will have the, uh, carrot sticks Alfredo."
"Eeyup." Big Mac said, in a feminine voice.
"Excellent choice, sir," the waiter said. "And may I just add that your wife looks absolutely dazzling?"
Big Mac fluttered his eyelashes and even feigned a giggle.
A bit creeped out, Shining Armor replied. "Yes, well, she is a gem, heh heh. Um, I'd appreciate it if we could get our meals pretty soon."
"Of course, sir." The waiter finally departed.
"Would you stop flirting with the wait staff?" Armor glared at his partner. "We're on a mission here!"
"Yer just jealous 'cause I can pull off this dress." Big Mac replied as he flamboyantly waved a fan in his face.
"Look, just don't distract me, okay? I'm trying to listen in on my sister."
"So tell me, Turner," said Twilight, at the adjacent table. "What's it like working in the town clock tower?"
"Oh, it gets pretty lonely." Time Turner replied. "But it then again, I do sometimes enjoy the solitude."
"Clock tower?" said Shining Armor to himself. "What kind of weirdo is he?"
"He just keeps gettin' more n' more suspiciouser." Big Mac added with bad grammar.
"So I suppose you know a lot about the workings of a clock at this point?" asked Twilight.
"Oh definitely!" nodded Time Turner. "I've even constructed a few myself over the years, including one that I've been using since I was a teenager."
"That's amazing! You really are bright, Time Turner."
"I'm just an honest pony trying to make his way through the universe. But enough about me, so what's it like being a princess and all nowadays?"
"Oh I don't really pay it much mind." Twilight shrugged. "I'd rather just stay here in Ponyville, studying classic tomes and spending time with my friends. But I don't mind being called to save Equestria every now and then."
"Well you certainly seem to be good at it; among other things." Time Turner raised his eyebrows charmingly.
"Oh stop it, you're such a smoothie." Twilight blushed.
Shining Armor pondered while eavesdropping. "What is this guy planning, getting information on Twily?"
"Hey Armor," asked Big Mac, looking at the menu again. "Do ya think I'll bread sticks if I also order the soup of the day?"
"Will you please pay attention?" glowered Shining Armor.
"Well I can't eavesdrop on an empty stomach!"
"Howdy!" came a familiar little voice. "Do you folks mind if we get a photo?"
"Apple Bloom?" Big Mac at first wanted to tell his little sister and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders that it was just him and Shining Armor in disguise. But he hesitated, fearing the loud mouthed filly might blow his cover. He decided to stay the course.
"Um, might I ask why?" Shining Armor asked the trio, surprised at how well their disguises were working.
"We're doing a story on this restaurant for the Foal Free Press." Scootaloo explained. "And one of the photos we need is of a happy couple eating here. You two are just perfect for it!"
"Uh, okay sure, why not?" replied Shining Armor, as he leaned closer to Big Mac smiling for the camera.
"No no no," said Sweetie Belle. "It's not a real couple's photo unless you two kiss!"
"...What?"
"Yeah, c'mon you two." Apple Bloom urged happily. "Pucker up fer the camera!"
The two brothers looked at each other with horror. In any other situation, there was absolutely no way they would go through with something like kissing each other; especially when they've only been friends for a few days. But there was no backing out now. They had to keep the illusion or else risk being sold out to Twilight and her suspicious date. Slowly, the two shut their eyes tight and leaned toward each other reluctantly. After a very long few seconds of anticipation, they finally made contact with their barely protruding lips, and held until they heard the click of the camera.
"Aww, so cute!" cooed Sweetie Belle, as Scootaloo snapped the picture. Other patrons sitting nearby also admired the photogenic kiss.
"Thanks a bunch, ya'll!" said Apple Bloom as they left. "We'll get our news cutie marks yet!"
The fake couple finally parted, spewing the toxins out their mouths. "Oh dear Aunt Celestia! It tastes like sunflower seeds!" Shining Armor blurted in disgust.
"Ya think I enjoyed that anymore?!" Big Mac spit out. "When was the last time ya used lip balm?!"
"Why did I agree to these disguises?!"
"Ugh, I need to go wash off!" Big Mac bolted for the bathroom.
"Wait! Big Mac, don't"
Without thinking, the stallion in drag cantered into the men's bathroom, turning some confused heads as well.
Shining Armor washed his mouth out with the water from his hoof bowl. That's when he noticed Time Turner excusing himself from his table.
"Pardon me." He said as he headed for the restroom.
"Oh shoot!" Shining Armor frowned. "Big Mac, get out of there!"
But before he could think of a diversion, Time Turner already entered the men's room. All it took was one look at the burly red stallion in the pink dress, washing his face out in the sink. "Um...hello?" Time Turner spoke, quizzical.
Big Mac yelped startled, as he saw his target staring at him. He realized his blunder of running into the men's room in woman's clothing. He spoke back, forgetting his female impression. "Um, er, I can explain!"
Time Turner held up his hoof to stop him. "I think I understand pretty clearly. Say, you look familiar. Have we met?"
"Um...eh...ah...nnope?"
Just then, Shining Armor barged in, trying to stick to the lie. "Oh there you are, dear! Now what are you doing running into the men's room?" He said nervously. "Sorry, my good chap, my wife you see gets a little out of her head sometimes. Heh heh. But I do love her just the same."
"Wait, you look sort of familiar too." Time Turner pointed suspiciously.
"Forget it, Shinin' Armor, he knows!" panicked Big Mac.
"Darn it, hold him down!" ordered Armor.
"What the?! What's going on here?!" Time Turner darted between them, before he was ruthlessly tackled to the floor, and beaten into unconsciousness.
...
After an undetermined amount of time, Time Turner finally awoke in a daze. He looked in all directions, seeing nothing but blackness, when he realized that he had been tied to a chair. Then, a blinding white light switched on right above his head, revealing two large shadows before him. Time Turner's heartbeat quickened.
"Hey, what is this?! Where am I?! What do you want with me?!" he asked in fear.
Shining Armor revealed himself from the darkness. "We'll be asking the questions here, Time Turner." He said, grimly.
"Captain?" Turner recognized him. "What's this all about?"
"You know darn well." Big Mac stepped forward. "We don't like you messin' around with his little sister."
"What are you saying? You don't want me dating Twilight?"
"We can't be sure until you tell us who you really are!" Shining Armor pressed his face closer.
"This is just crazy!" Time Turner became aggravated. "Who do you take me for?! I'm Time Turner, who works in the Ponyville clock tower!"
"And just why do you spend your days tinkering with time?" asked Shining Armor.
"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe because it's my freaking cutie mark?!" he shot back, mockingly.
"But why are you suddenly datin' Twilight Sparkle?" interrogated Big Mac. "Who happens to be the latest princess of Equestria and one of the Elements of Harmony. Why would you wanna get so close to her?"
"Maybe I just think she's a wonderful pony to spend time with? Is that so hard to grasp?"
"We know you're hiding something!" growled Shining Armor. "I know my Twily, and she wouldn't just suddenly date somepony without even telling her own BBBFF!"
"Her own what?" queried Big Mac.
"Big Brother Best Friends Forever."
"Oh...yeah!"
"So obviously you're making her hide something too!" continued Shining Armor. "What is it that you and my sister know that you don't want anypony else to?!"
"...Well...I..." Time Turner actually began darting his eyes nervously, as if he did know something.
"Yes?!"
"Er...No! I have nothing to say! You're asking useless questions!" He remained stubborn.
"I suggest you tell us right away, Turner," threatened Shining Armor. "Because Big Mac here hasn't done any applebucking today, and he's itching for a few kicks."
Big Mac sneered at their captive, even blowing steam out of his nostrils.
Time Turner began to sweat, but remained steadfast. "No! You're both crazy! I'm not hiding anything! Let me out of here for the love of Celestia!"
"Tell us, Time Turner!" barked Armor.
"No way!"
"Tell us, ya snake!" added Big Mac.
"Bug off!"
"TELL US!!!" they both ordered.
At last, he finally caved in. "Alright I'll tell you! I'm the Doctor!"
"...the what now?"
"Yes, that's the truth! I'm the Doctor!" Time Turner admitted with no regrets. "I travel through time in a magic police box trying to save Equestria from certain doom. I'm not just some random pony form town. I'm...a Time Lord!"
"...What the hay is he talking about?" Shining Armor asked his partner.
"I'm telling you the truth!" urged Time Turner. "I had to keep my identity secret, so I wouldn't draw my enemies to Ponyville. I recently decided to make Twilight my newest companion to help me on my missions. That's why I was trying to earn her trust; she is a very clever and powerful pony and I could really use her help. You see, all of Equestria is in grave danger."
"Of what?" asked Big Mac.
"There is an entire army of Daleks is heading our way! Only I, combined with the Elements of Harmony, can defeat the oncoming hoards and protect ponykind. Now you know the truth."
A long pause settled before Big Mac spoke. "Well, Armor, it looks like this guy isn't evil or suspicious at all," he said. "He's just a nutjob!"
"Yeah!" agreed Shining Armor. "I'm not gonna let Twily get tangled with an insane lunatic like him!"
"What?! I'm not crazy! I've seen the Daleks with my own eyes!" pleaded Turner. "I can even show you the TARDIS!"
"Whatever you say, pal." Shining Armor nodded. "I think I know exactly what to do with you."
...
"Thank you two so much for giving him to us," said Nurse Redheart, outside the Ponyville hospital. "We'll do everything we can to help his mental condition."
"It's our pleasure, Nurse," replied Shining Armor, shoving Time Turner to her. "I don't know what he would've done if we let him near Twilight any longer."
"Okay, Mr. Turner," the nurse smiled, as she guided him into a wheelchair. "Let's take you to your nice new soft room."
"No! Wait! I'm telling you the truth!" cried Time Turner. "The Daleks will kill us all!"
"Of course they will, Mr. Turner." Nurse Redheart rolled him down the hallway toward the insane ward.
"No! You can't do this! I'm the Doctor I tell you! I'm the Doctor! I'M THE DOCTOR!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"