You sit at the bar, a mug in hand and head on arm, drowning your sorrows away. It wasn’t your fault. At least that’s what you try to tell yourself. All the logic and reasoning in the world can’t sway what you feel deep down. Humans are emotional creatures and you’re no different.
It was a split second decision. He would’ve done the same thing in your shoes. But you can’t know that for sure. You can never know how things could’ve turned out. You lift your head enough to pour more alcohol into your gullet. Only if your parents could see you now, a weeping drunk, a murdering drunk. You can almost hear them nagging in your ear. Anon, how could you? Anon, didn’t I raise you better? Anon Anon Anon… ”Anon?”
The feminine tune draws you out of your delusion and towards Rainbow Dash. “Oh, hi Dash.”
”How’re you doing, not like I have to ask,” she says plopping next to you.
“I could use a drink,” you sigh, finishing off the rest of your cup.
Dash orders some water, “I think you’ve had enough to drink already.”
“You can never drink too much.”
”Well I can’t, but you can.” Oho, she’s a clever one. You slouch and bury your face into the hair of your arm. With all this liquor pumping through your veins you could just pass out right here. Oh that would feel so good. Just drift away from here and into your own little world… ”It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t start, please. I’m not shifting blame; I pulled the trigger that stole his life.” You wipe your dampening eyes, cutting off what’s to come. “I’m not a killer RD. I’m just a guy trying to make his way in life.”
Light falls to his knees and to his back. “But you know the worst part is? When I sat next to his dying body, I saw the life leaving his body.” You can see his body go limp. You shudder. “And I liked it.”
This catches her attention, “Don’t say that.”
“How can I fight nature? It’s a primal lust that transcends every lesson and morale implanted within me. I’m…”
”You’re better than that. We all know you are, so don’t say things like this.”
You chuckle and peek your eyes over to Dash. “I’m lucky to have such good friends.”
Dash rubs a hoof on your back, “What would you do without us?”
“I don’t know to be honest.”
”That question was rhetorical.” You nod, but still… there’s an answer to that question and you’re afraid of it.
“What time is it?”
“A bit early for the hard stuff.” The bartended silently nods. You give him a knowing look and push away your mug.
“Fine.”
“That’s the spirit, now let’s leave this place in the gust.”
“Don’t you mean dust?”
“I know what I said.” You roll your eyes and follow her out the door.
She helps keep you steady as you head out the tavern and towards the castle. “Why is it so bright?”
“The sun’s up.”
“It wasn’t when I got here.”
“This is what happens when you spend all your time at the bar.” Meh. She has a point, sort of. You shield your eyes from the blistering source and hurry through the courtyard and into the castle.
“The dark… thank Jesus.” A ‘humph’ sounds to your right, an alicorn, deep blue with a mane of stars walking down the hall. She steals a glance at you but keeps on her way, a contingent of guards stepping behind. “The hell was that?” you ask with her out of sight.
“Luna. She’s uhh, an interesting one. You know her as Nightmare Moon.”
“Ain’t that a thing.”
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” She leads the way to a washroom and practically bucks you inside.
“Could’ve just asked nicely.” You quickly wash up and it’s only then do you realize exactly how much you reek of booze. The stench could melt the foundation right off a building. That’s a funny thought. Oh yeah, bathing…
You towel yourself off and get dressed, kinda ruining the point of the bath. Whatever. You step outside, “Took your sweet time did you?”
“Oops, looks like I missed a spot.” She grabs you before you escape back inside.
“So,” you yawn, “Am I missing something important?”
”Why do you ask?”
“I mean, it better be important to pull me away from those enticing bottles of paradise.”
”It’s just…” she searches for the words, “We all left that place feeling depressed, but you left… different. You have us worried. Did you mean what you said back there?”
“About?”
“About Light.” You fake a smile and shake your head.
“That was the booze talking.”
She wipes her head and deeply exhales, “Phew, you had me worried.”
“Just give the alcohol some time to wear off and I’ll be fine.” The lies are spewing out of you like word vomit. No amount of booze would make you think that. You hold open the door for her, several voices calling your name. “Miss me much?”
AJ spits on her hoof and shakes your hand, “Nice to see you up and at it.”
“The feelings mutual,” you reply wiping the saliva off on her neck. You say hi to the others, Fluttershy tugging at your side.
”Are you alright?”
“As good as I can be.”
She gives you a knowing look, “Truly?”
“I’ve been better.” She nestles into you arm and hugs you tenderly, managing to lift your spirits. “Just got a whole lot better.” You kiss the top of her head and brush your cheek against her hair. Finally, a truth.
The day drags on while you get caught up with the others. Things have been slow, no sign of Discord or his work. It’s as if you broke his will. But having him in your head taught you otherwise. Still, he’s not actively fucking your life which is good news. For now you can relax, not like you weren’t doing that before. Now you get to learn to do it sober. You can’t wait…
~~~
You take your time and stay focused, eyes locked on target. This is your last chance, there’s no going back. You flick your wrist, the world gone quiet. ”Four.”
“Fuck!”
”Language,” Fluttershy peeps up.
“Sorry, but seriously. FOUR?!” You move your wagon up four spaces.
Twilight has a gleam in her eye, “Los Pegasus. That’ll be 4300 bits.” You look at your paltry sum, a good 2k short. All lands mortgaged, no one willing to buy them.
“I hate this game so much.”
”Don’t be such a spoil sport,” AJ retorts behind her mountain of cash.
“How did you even get that much dosh?”
”We got a lot of time in the winter.” Fucking farmhands.
You take your leave from the rest, at least you weren’t the first to go out. Still, the only reason Fluttershy lost first was because she bailed you out not once, not twice, but four times. Your ego would’ve been a smoking pile of ashes if not for your sheer will to persevere.
Fluttershy tags along, making sure to remind you exactly where your quarters were. The time you spent there has been minimal since you’d gotten back. Back-alleys and bars have left you with a misplaced sense of home. Fluttershy manages to cut through all of that. You’re not sure how you’ve been able to neglect her so, and even more unsure about why she stuck with you through it. You know that you wouldn’t have. “So how’ve you been? I never really asked.”
”Better now that you’re here.”
“And before?”
”It’s in the past.” The past. Were it so easy to cast it aside. She did though, and if she could so can you. You lie down on your bed and stare at the cold stone ceiling. “Dash told me what you said before…” Your heart skips a beat and you gulp, “So did you mean it?”
You open your mouth, but still your tongue. No more lies. “I meant what I said, yes.”
”Would you do it again?”
That’s a new one; no one’s asked you that yet. “I guess not.”
”You guess?”
“Just guess.”
She joins you by the bedside and looks dead at you, “Promise me you won’t.”
“How long have we known each other Fluttershy?” She starts counting up in her head, but you cut her off. “Long enough to know that I’m not going to make a promise I can’t keep.”
“Lie to me then, just say you won’t.”
You fall back on the bed. “I’m sorry.”
Her hooves hit the floor as she gets up, defeat heavy in her voice, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Just guess.” The door clicks shut as she leaves and you sit up. You had to be a dick. How hard is it to lie, if only to make her feel better. Fucking hell Anon, what’s wrong with you? Do you make it a habit to ruin everything in your life? You catch your head in your hands and rub your eyes before looking at the floor, dollops of water leading to the door. “Oh Fluttershy…” You leap to the door and look around for her, finding nothing but empty halls. Just drive a stake through your heart and finish it.
You slam the door shut and yell through clenched teeth. This isn’t a drunken rage, this is true rage. You kick over your nightstand, the vase shattering upon impact. You begin demolishing your room and by the time you’re done you’ve vented the majority of your anger. Just most of it though. A knock sounds at the door, “Everything alright in there?” a guard asks.
“Just dandy.”
”Try and keep it down then.”
“Yes sir.” Fucking cunt. You cast your eyes to the ground and rub your head in an attempt to bring some peace. Of course, nothing is ever so simple. At least you’re trying, that’s something you guess. You look at yourself in the mirror, the last piece of the room you haven’t demolished. A stranger stares back at you, his eyes cold and unforgiving. But beyond the cold exterior you see an old friend.
You raise your fist to strike the reflection, but stop yourself. What would that solve? This is who you are now, and you’re going to have to live with it. You yearn for the past, back on earth where everything was so simple. Go to work, hang with friends, enjoy the easy life. But no, this is what you have to look forward to. The light’s dimmed where only a glimmer of hope remains. You fall back on your bed and close your eyes.
You dream of rowing a boat amidst an everlasting ocean. Just you and the world, alone. You cease your rowing as the wind begins to pick up and raise the sail. The piece of cloth is put to the limit by the torturous winds. It tears and shreds to pieces as the waves begin to pound your vessel. Amidst the shrieking winds and thunderous waves you’re lost. You’re knocked off by another wave, your arms sapped of strength as you drift deeper into the ocean. Your chest burns in agony as you hold your breath, it won’t be long. Just accept it. You open your lungs to the torrent of liquid and shut your eyes. ‘It’s so easy to give in.’ You shoot up, body covered in sweat and heart pounding.
He’s here.
A scream pierces the castle from outside as you stand up. You look out the window and into the courtyard, fires ablaze amongst the foliage and guards frantically moving to and fro. An explosive blast erupts from the center of them, and from the smoke Discord emerges, his infamous smile missing. That is until he sees you.
A guard charges him only to be crushed under his mighty tail. He pushes the corpse away and returns his gaze to you and raises his hand. Your eyes go wide as you realize what he’s about to do. You bolt away from the window, the force of the explosion throwing you across the room.
You groan and stand back up, your ears deaf and pounding. ”If it isn’t the trigger man himself. I hope you’re happy about all this.” His talons grip your throat and pin you against the wall. “I was going to make things different this time around you know. Living in stone has taught me patience, but noooo. You have to ruin everything.” He catches the air as it enters your throat and ceases the flow. “Light was innocent, all he wanted was to be with Chrysalis and I gave him that. Don’t you understand? I could’ve made things better here.”
You flail your legs in an attempt to kick him, but he’s too far away. ”But I’m done playing around. If I can’t have Equestria, neither can you.” The door bursts open and a rain of gunfire and spectral blasts shoot from outside.
Discord snarls and teleports away as Luna comes to your side, “Art though of good health?”
“W-what?”
“She means ‘Are you ok?’” Flavus asks extending his hand.
Duff pushes him to the side, “He’s a big boy now, he can take care of himself.” He pulls you up and shoves his pistol in your hands, “You’re going to need this again.”
“I’m fine, thanks for asking Luna.”
She sticks her nose up at your thanks, “Twas merely assessing your condition.”
Flavus pats her neck, “That’s her way of saying your welcome.” You don’t doubt it.
“What are we going to do?”
Duff aims down the sights of his pulse rifle, “Twilight’s getting the elements of harmony, in the meantime though, we kill Discord.”
“It’s not that simple.”
”Nothing ever is,” he replies.
The others are waiting outside, a few guards among us. “We’re all that’s left?”
“All those that haven’t fled,” Mickey answers. This doesn’t even faze you anymore. You move down the hall with the others at your back.
“Let’s kill this bastard.”
“We only need to distract him,” Mous persuades you, “When the elements are ready Discord will return to his imprisonment.”
“A temporary solution at best.”
“I have no sympathy for the creature, but it’s his nature, he doesn’t deserve to die.”
“We’ll see about that.” You turn the corner and a brief smack later you’re flying through the air again. How does he do that? “Oh shi-“ You scramble up as Discord begins to assault your team.
Flavus tackles Duff, saving him from the oncoming fireball. You stand up and take aim, your bullet turning to silly putty by the time it reaches him. He cackles maniacally and swallows Mickey’s torrent of flame like it were cotton candy. ”Delicious.”
Mickey screams and tackles him, drawing on his rage to increase his strength. The two crash through the wall and down to the earth below. You peek through the hole, neither of them in sight. “Come on,” you shout to the others, “They couldn’t have gone far.” Flash picks up the discarded Incinerator and joins you with Mous.
“I’m getting too old for this shit,” Mous jokes. You land in the bushes, Flash and Mous falling soon after.
“The rest of you guys head around the main entrance!” You don’t wait for a response and move to the garden. Fire burns brightly through this once beautiful place, the critters long abandoning their home. This place was special to her and Discord destroyed it. He’s going to pay.
You push through the blaze, your ears guiding you to the sounds of battle. As you emerge Mickey comes flying into a nearby bush, the flames engulfing him. He comes out, face red with rage and body covered in flame. He huffs, the fire disappearing, “About time you got here.” Discord crosses his arms and looks at you four.
“Let’s complain about it later.”
You charge him head on, strategy escaping you. He catches you with his foot and slams you into the dirt. ”Pathetic.” You fire again, your bullets as useless as before. He forces the air from your lungs as he steps over you, Flash drawing his sword and circling him. The others do the same, Mous resorting back to his cane and Mickey cracking his knuckles.
They come in on all sides, Discord merely sighing and deflecting their attacks. His tail sweeps the ground and sends Mous to the floor clutching his knee. Flash’s sword is stolen from his grasp and kicked away. Mickey lands a punch to his side, but Discord backhands him into the dirt. “Truly disappointing.”
Discord perks up, spinning around and lobbing the sword like a javelin. Your chest aches as you turn to his target. Duff is on his knees, his armor split open from the fighting and the sword piercing his chest. Light fell the same way, the same gleam in his eye. “No. NOOOO!”
Discord chuckles and steps on you again, “You’re lucky I didn’t choose you. Still, shame to know a source of chaos has been extinguished.” A shimmer of light catches your eye, six ponies beginning to rise in the air.
“Discord?”
”Yes Anon?”
“Learn some humility this time.”
“What do you-“ A crack echoes across the sky as a rainbow shoots toward the god of chaos. He stares it down unnerved, the stream catching his body, his limbs morphing to stone. He sighs and taps his stone foot, the stone crumbling away.
“That- That’s impossible.”
The rainbow disappears and Discord brushes off the dust, “I am surprised it got that far. Must’ve been Duff, the fool.” He waves his hand and tosses the mane 6 to and fro. Duff’s body lies lifeless on the floor, Flavus kneeling next to him. Mickey picks himself up and attacks Discord in desperation.
This can’t be happening, not after all you’ve been through. Your mind wanders as you stare into the sky. Discord could’ve done this from the beginning, but he didn’t. He could’ve slew you in your sleep and turn your corpse into silly putty, but he didn’t.
It was never personal for him, but you blocked him every step of the way. It’s always been you. You and your friends. A stream runs smooth until a rock is placed in its way. Rainbow Dash pulls you away from the ensuing battle, the rest of the mane 6 nearby. They’re fatigued, it seems the elements take a lot out of them. You tell them they need to try again, just once more.
“What’s your plan?” Twilight asks.
“Just be ready to go and whatever you do, don’t watch.” Fluttershy looks to you with concern. You sit next to her. “Hi Fluttershy. How’re you holding up?”
“What’re you going to do?”
You swallow the lump in your throat. “I know the last time we spoke we didn’t leave on the best of terms, and I’m sorry for that. We’ve had our share of good with the bad. What I wouldn’t give to be there now…”
“Please think about this Anon.”
You smile, she always was a perceptive one. “Remember the good times ya hear? I want all of you to remember the good.”
Fluttershy’s eyes begin to water, “Please don’t do this…” You embrace the shivering mare, you have to appear strong for her, now more than ever.
“Just remember, I love you Fluttershy,” you let her go and find your way back to the others. You’re going to finish this.
Flash is coordinating with the others as you approach, “Good timing Anon, Mickey can’t hold him off much longer.” You look at Duff, his eyes empty.
“What’s the plan?”
He looks over his shoulder to Discord, “We need to overwhelm him. He’s strong, but he’s only one against many.” You look over everyone, tuning him out. This is going to hurt you a lot more than them.
“So what do you think?” Mous asks. You snap back to attention, your hand gripping your pistol.
“I think we’re out of time.”
Mickey rolls to your feet, Discord cackling behind him, “Let’s hurry this up. I have chaos to spread.” So do you.
You raise your weapon to Mous, hand shaking from anxiety. “Forgive me.” *bang*
He falls to the floor, cane lying atop him. Flash tries to stop you… but you stop him first. It needs to be done. Discord watches as you dispatch your friends, Mickey unable to defend himself. Now all that’s left is- The cold steel presses against your throat, “So this was your choice after all.”
“You heard him. You would’ve done the same.”
He smiles, “So I would. So I would.”
He lowers the blade, sparing you from his wrath, “You know what happens next don’t you?”
“I’ll take care of it.”
He turns his back to you and gets on his knees, “I’ll see you there.” The crack of the muzzle ends him and leaves you alone.
Discord claps his hands as you lower your gun, “Well done Anon. Truly spectacular work.”
“We’re all monsters, all of us.”
“But you accepted the label, and that is noteworthy in my opinion.” He eases up your chin and looks at you, “I knew you were something else the second I entered that noggin of yours.” Talk all you want you freak. Monologue your life away.
“Then it’s over for me.”
”Maybe not. I find myself enthralled by your actions. How can I discard my most valuable tool?” His claw scraps the back of your neck, “You can serve me yet.” A niggling sensation builds at the back of your mind, his influence creeping within. It’s time.
The air chills as the elements activate once more. “I’d rather rot in Tartarus.” You raise your hand to your head as the light closes in. The metal rod presses against your skull, the rainbow circling the two of you. He reels back to escape, but he won’t win this time. Visions of the past flicker through your mind, years passing in seconds. No regrets. You close your eyes.
And squeeze.