//------------------------------// // Chapter 17: The Plan is Set // Story: A Zoologist Dream // by Sonson-Sensei //------------------------------// The Plan is Set “Princess Celestia!” Pinkie shouted after having spotted Celestia standing in the garden next to Blueblood. “You’ve got to try these cupcakes Bluey made, they’re scrumdiddlyumptious!” ‘Oh no,’ Blueblood thought frantically, his eyes darting from Celestia and back to the pink mare happily bouncing up to their position. Somehow she was managing to expertly balance the tray of cupcakes on her snout, like a circus seal with a beach ball. Celestia studied the scene before her, eyeballing Applejack, Bon Bon, and a now equally hysterical Fluttershy, all rolling in the grass, laughing in complete, spleen-crippling mirth. Never losing her ever present smile, she addressed Pinkie. “I’d love to try one; I’ve never had the pleasure of sampling my nephews cooking. I can only hope I will experience the same joy they seem to have brought you girls.” ‘That’s not going to happen if I have anything to say about it,’ Blueblood thought nervously as Pinkie joyfully approached, all too eager to share the experience enhanced pastry treats. Acting fast, Blueblood used a small amount of magic to bump the tray off of Pinkie’s snout, sending the cupcakes towards their grassy demise. Pinkie sprang forward, performing a baseball slide maneuver to catch the cupcakes but only managed to save one from hitting the ground. “How unfortunate,” Celestia commented on Pinkie’s mishap. “It’s not all bad, I saved one after all,” Pinkie exclaimed while holding out the cupcake towards Celestia, giggling like an idiot as she did so. “Here, Princess, it’s yours,” she managed to get out between bouts of laughter. Blueblood shuffled around on his hooves anxiously, thinking frantically on how to stop what was about to happen. Celestia smiled appreciatively. “Thank you, Pinkie, but I must refuse your offer, far be it from me to take your last one.” Blueblood let out a sigh of relief, exceedingly grateful for Celestia’s incessant humility. “What!?” Pinkie nearly gasped in protest. “But I insist!” she said as she made to stuff the cupcake into Celestia’s mouth. In a panicked state, Blueblood saw the confectionery moving in slow motion. Figuring he only had one viable option, he lunged forward, intercepting the cupcake with his own open mouth. Celestia quirked her eyebrow in a knowing manner from what she had just witnessed, watching Blueblood chew tentatively on the cupcake he’d deprived her of. “Sorry, Auntie Celestia,” Blueblood offered as he swallowed the remainder of the baked good. “I simply couldn’t control myself.” “Wow, Bluey, I didn’t know you liked cupcakes that much,” Pinkie said as she shook Blueblood's spit free of her hoof. “Maybe we can make more, since not everypony got to try them because, well…” Pinkie looked down at the cupcakes that had fallen on the ground before hitting the top of her head with her hoof. “Well, because I’m a klutz. I mean, my tail twitched and everything, and I still couldn’t save them,” she managed before she burst into laughter yet again. Celestia watched Pinkie spasm at her hooves for a brief moment before she turned to face Blueblood. “Yes, I believe baking more sounds like a splendid idea,” she said, leveling an unnerving stare at Blueblood while walking a tad closer to him. “I’m quite eager to see your cupcake making… process first hoof.” Blueblood began to inch back away from Celestia as he fanned himself with a hoof. Sweat was beginning to accumulate above his brow, while he desperately fought to suppress the feeling of unadulterated bliss threatening to consume him. “I... I...” Blueblood stuttered, his face creasing into a smile large enough to make the Joker jealous. “I...” He couldn’t take it anymore and he fell to the ground, pounding on it as he laughed. Celestia sighed, knowing that her suspicions about the cupcakes were correct. “Happy leaf,” she muttered loud enough for Blueblood to hear her, although his continued laughing didn’t indicate whether he cared or not to listen. “It seems the youth these days still indulge in its use,” Celestia continued. “Harmless as it may be, I think you and I will have a long talk about forcing it on others,” Celestia finished with a shake of her head at Blueblood. Chris, Lyra, Twilight, and Dash watched the group from a distance, noting all of them seemed to be crippled due to laughter. “Looks like we missed one hay of a good joke,” Lyra commented offhandedly. “Especially if they got Bon Bon of all ponies to laugh. I mean, she’s always so uptight.” “Should we be, well, yah know, worried?” Dash asked before she flapped her wings, settling into a hover well above the heads of the other ponies. She squinted her eyes and frowned, looking at the group of ponies that were kicking their legs in the air and rolling around on the ground. “I mean, they’re having an awful good time with a pony no pony else likes. Doesn’t that seem a bit off?” Twilight observed her four friends carefully before finally shaking her head in response. “No, I don’t believe we need to be concerned, Princess Celestia is with them after all. No way Blueblood would cause trouble with her a mere hoof length away from him.” “Speaking of Celestia, what do you think brings her out here?” Chris asked casually. “You don’t think we’re late for that sit down do you, or is she just admiring the weather?” Twilight thought about it for a moment before she looked up at the sun and studied its position, and her eyes widened. “Oh no, it’s nearly noon, we’ve only got a few minutes left to finish up here if we’re to stay on schedule,” Twilight stated as she anxiously danced back and forth on her hooves. “Quick, we still have to get this done,” she ordered as she tossed the vial toward Chris who reflexively caught it. Chris stared at the vial as he said, “We could always pick this up later you know, it’s not like I’ve got somewhere to be.” “Don’t even bother,” Dash advised him. “Twilight can get pretty nutty when it comes to keeping a schedule.” “Hey, I resent that,” Twilight shot back. “That so?” Dash challenged. “If that’s the case, then let’s pack it up here and finish this later,” she said with a knowing grin. Twilight bit down on her bottom lip as her eyes darted back and forth, a bit of sweat beginning to slide down the side of her face. “No, we absolutely must do this now: I don’t think I can handle waiting for the results.” “I knew you didn’t have it in you to let yourself fall off schedule,” Dash chided her purple compatriot. “You’re as easy to read as all of those ‘Mares Guide To’ books you obsess over.” Twilight frowned but said nothing more on the subject, which would only have served to slow things further if she had. Turning to face Chris, she said, “If you wouldn’t mind.” Chris shrugged. “If it’s really that urgent.” He relented as he uncorked the vial of lime green liquid. “Uh, cheers, I guess,” he said while holding up the vial as though he were preparing a toast before he downed it in one go. Twilight looked antsy while Lyra and Dash stared with blank expressions, waiting for something to happen. Chris smacked his lips as he held out his arms and observed his body, from chest to toe. “Well, I can’t say I feel any different, maybe it’s a bust.” “There’s really only one way to find out,” Twilight said as she pointed a hoof towards the cloud Dash had brought down for him. Chris nodded as he walked towards the cloud and, in the same fashion as he had tried before, he reached out to touch it. Only this time the fluffy, cottony cloud remained intact. Chris pushed down on the cloud with more force, causing it to mold around his fingers like memory foam. “No way,” Chris whispered while slowly crawling onto the cloud before he took a few experimental steps on it. “This is too damn cool.” “Tell me about it,” Dash said as she hovered around Chris. “Just one of the many perks of being a pegasus.” Chris chanced a few tentative jumps before he asked, “How durable are these clouds?” Dash placed a hoof under her chin while she thought about it. “Well, you’d have to fly into one of these bad boys at full throttle to break it apart or give it one hay of a buck,” she explained as she stared at Chris. “You humans look like you weigh about half as much as a pony. Chances of you breaking one are slim to not gonna happen… well, unless your magic crushing powers turn back on,” Dash stated before she turned to Twilight. “Hey, brainiac, speaking of magic crushing abilities, where did Chris’s go?” Twilight reluctantly looked up from the notes she had been engrossed in a moment before to stare at Chris and Dash. The former of the two was currently bouncing on the cloud like a makeshift trampoline. Writing one last tidbit onto a piece of parchment, she cleared her throat. “Lyra, how’s your telekinesis?” she asked. Lyra looked slightly taken aback before she answered. “Uh… mediocre at best.” Twilight nodded. “Perfect. I’d like you to try and lift Chris with it.” “What,” Lyra mumbled. “Shouldn’t you do it? I mean, you’re a lot more powerful than me. I doubt I could overwhelm his natural defenses, or whatever you call his immunity.” Twilight looked a tad sheepish at the praise but pressed on. “The difference in our power is why you will better serve to demonstrate what I’m about to explain.” Lyra nodded. “Well, if you say so.” Chris was in the middle of performing a back flip on the cloud when he suddenly found himself suspended in midair, his body shrouded in a light green aura. “What’s going on?” he asked while futilely trying to right himself, the action itself looking like a pathetic attempt at swimming. Twilight walked up to Chris, who appeared to him to be upside down. Chris folded his arms in irritation just as Lyra used her magic to flip him into a proper position. “Mind explaining?” he asked flatly. “As of right now, you’re completely susceptible to all forms of magic,” Twilight stated bluntly. Dash cocked a brow while Chris looked as though someone had poured cold water down his back. “I’m afraid that seems to be the trade off for flooding your body with so much magic, in this case a cloud walking potion...” “Hold on just a sec,” Dash cut in. “Before you start throwing big words around, remember not all of us here have super brains.” “Fine, I’ll explain so even a foal would understand,” Twilight said with a huff, slightly aggravated. “Think of how water and oil affects each other. They can’t stay mixed with one another without an emulsifier. After they settle, the oil will float atop the water. In this case magic is water and Chris’s resistance is oil. Because the two can’t mix or occupy the same space, the water forced the oil out. With his… oil per se being forcibly pushed out he’s left without that defense until the water, AKA magic, runs its course. Do you follow me?” Chris placed his hand under his chin as he processed what Twilight was explaining while Dash nodded her head. “I think I get it,” Lyra said as she released her hold on Chris and let him drop back down to the cloud. “But something I don’t get is how a little potion was able to render his… oil? Inert in the first place.” “That can be explained by the one major flaw in his ability to disrupt magic,” Twilight explained. “It’s simply too front heavy, only protecting from the outside. It’s like a captain ordered their entire fighting force to protect the castles front gates but leaving none in reserve to defend the backdoor. If attacked from behind, your defenses will be crushed.” Chris finally spoke up. “Can’t be helped, you have to give a little something to get a little something.” “At least until we can find an equivalent of an emulsifier for our metaphorical water and oil,” Twilight stated. “It will take extensive research, but given enough time I’m sure I or one of the many Canterlot magic specialists could find something that would allow for stabilization to occur, permitting them to coincide with one another.” “Long story short,” Dash said as she hooked her forelegs under Chris’s arms and flared her wings, “the potion works, now let’s give it a real test.” “Hey, what are you about to…” Chris hadn’t finished his question before Dash took off from the ground like a spring loaded cannon. “Shiiiiiiiit!” Chris screeched as he and Dash ascended higher and higher. Looking down, he realized that Twilight and Lyra had become indistinguishable blurs of purple and green, so high had they risen. “Take me back down! Seriously, take me back down!” he pleaded. Dash looked down in confusion at her frantic passenger, noting that his eyes were shut tight. “What’s the deal, you big baby, don’t you like flying?” “Hell no, not like this!” Chris answered. “Now, take me back down before I lose it up here.” Dash nodded her understanding as she slowed her pace and began to drift back towards the ground. “I’m sorry. When you told us about the big flying machines you guys made I just thought that humans really liked to fly.” “Not all of us,” Chris responded tiredly. “Besides, there’s a huge difference between sitting inside an airtight, giant, metal container, with tiny windows we can choose not to look out of, as opposed to this.” Meanwhile, Keon laughed as he looked at the spectacle, having seen all of it through the castle window, Rarity and Luna observing alongside him. “Oh man, I wish I could see his face right now. I bet he just about pissed himself.” “Does Mr. Chris not enjoy the feeling of flight?” Luna asked. “Not even a little bit,” Keon answered, still laughing. “That guy is absolutely terrified of heights. I mean, Chris is that dude you don’t want to get saddled with as a riding partner at an amusement park. You’ll be stuck riding kiddie rides all day or riding alone.” “Should you really take such amusement in Chris’s misfortune?” Rarity inquired. “Now, what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t laugh at a big guy like him having such a wimpy fear,” Keon jested. “Sure, maybe if he had some traumatic experience involving some high up place I’d give him my sympathy. As is, it’s like ironic or something.” Luna placed a silver-shod hoof under her chin in thought. “Truthfully, I do not see the irony in said circumstance.” “What? How not?” “Fear of heights for a flightless mammal sounds entirely rational to me,” Luna explained. “A fall can pose a significant degree of danger. In the case of something that can’t fly, an innate fear of it would be helpful for survival, would it not?” Keon and Rarity both stared at Luna in stunned silence for a moment before Keon shook his head. “You know, I thought I was the zoologist here.” “My apologies,” Luna responded. “Since your arrival, I’ve obsessed over understanding the mindsets of… non-ponies. However, at this moment that’s neither here nor there for we should be heading to the assembly hall for our scheduled round table. I’m certain Tia’s presence outside is to gather the others.” “Princess,” Rarity ventured carefully. “I know you said this meeting was paramount, but I’m drawing a blank at the possible subject matter. Would you care to apprise me of the details?” “You will be enlightened soon enough,” Luna answered as she turned on her hooves. “Now, please follow me.” Rarity chose not to pursue the matter any further and obeyed Luna’s command while Keon gave one final glance out the window just as Dash and Chris landed safely back on the ground before he made to follow Luna and Rarity. In the courtyard below, Twilight and Lyra galloped up to Chris and Dash just as they landed. The former of the two was breathing hard as he fell to his knees and hands. A great deal of sweat had accumulated over his beginning-to-tan skin while his messy blond hair was sticking to his reddened face. “What in the hay happened!?” Twilight asked frantically, but with care and worry clear in her voice. “Why is he so… shaken up?” “He’s afraid of heights,” Dash said in a slight anxious tone before she stepped back from Chris to let him breath. Lyra rounded on Dash, clearly angry with her. “Why did you take him up there in the first place without even asking if he’d be okay with it?” Lyra said as she paced back and forth, not entirely sure whether to try and comfort the human or give him his space. Dash didn’t particularly like the tone Lyra was using with her, but in light of the circumstances she swallowed her pride. “I just wanted to let him get the real experience of walking on clouds, yah know, up in the sky. Had I known he’d freak I wouldn’t have done it. Besides, why are you so angry with me? You’re huffing and puffing like you’re courting him or something.” Lyra’s mouth worked wordlessly for a moment while she searched for a rebuttal. Not being able to find one, she settled for immaturely blowing a raspberry which was enough to get a reaction from Dash. “Why I oughta-” “That’s enough out of you two!” Twilight exclaimed. “Your bickering won’t help anypony here,” she said as she knelt down onto her forelegs and stared at Chris worriedly. “Will you be okay, Chris? Is there anything we can do?” “How about a glass of water?” Lyra threw in. Chris rolled over to his rear and waved their offers away. “It's fine, I’ll be okay, just need to wait for the old ticker to stop ticking so damn fast.” “If you don’t mind my asking, how come you reacted in this way?” Twilight asked carefully, hoping she wasn’t about to encroach too far into his privacy. Chris chuckled as he shakily made to stand up. “Don’t worry, I didn’t have some traumatizing experience involving heights, I just frankly don’t like them. I’m a bit of a bitch when it comes to them.” “Oh,” Twilight responded, almost disappointed that there wasn’t an interesting tale behind his phobia. “Anyway,” Chris said while wiping away some sweat from his brow with his forearm, “I think I’ve had enough exhilarating experiences for one day. By the way, thanks for that Rainbow, nothing like a near death experience to get the blood pumping.” “A near death experience?” Dash said with a roll of her eyes. “I didn’t even come close to dropping you, and I said I was sorry already.” Lyra sighed in relief upon seeing the color of Chris’s face returning to normal. “Thank Celestia, you really were looking like you were about to die on us for a second there.” “I can’t help but believe that it wouldn't be a waste had he,” Celestia commented with a small smile as she approached the quartet. “Princess,” Twilight gasped in surprise at Celestia’s statement. “Forgive me, was that too caustic, Mr. Chris?” Celestia asked. “I’m still having trouble understanding this sarcastic delivery of humor you humans like to exercise. Was it too much?” “No, I think you found a good medium,” Chris said, “but I’d advice against using any type of sass if you ever find yourself talking to a human that’s not named Chris or Keon.” “Well noted,” Celestia returned, looking at Chris with concern. “Are you absolutely certain you are well? We can postpone our roundtable if you would prefer to rest after such an ordeal,” Celestia said, giving a stern stare to Rainbow Dash. Dash grinned nervously as she slinked behind Lyra in an attempt to avoid Celestia’s gaze. “No, I’m fine. It wasn’t much of an ordeal, just me being a bit overdramatic,” Chris reasoned. Celestia nodded. “If you are certain. Then, shall we proceed to the assembly hall?” “Yeah,” Chris responded, “but before that,” Chris said as he looked at Lyra, who had a hopeful expression on her face. “Lyra and Bon Bon, I know they aren’t a part of the team you wanted to assemble, but if it’s all the same, I ask that they be allowed to sit in and hear what we have to say.” Celestia hadn’t seemed to have thought about the request at all as she simply smiled and said, “Of course they are welcome.” “Cool!” Lyra squealed as she beamed something fierce. The group reentered the castle, heading down one of the many hallways. After arriving at their destination, Chris stared around the assembly hall, trailing behind Celestia as he entered, he had to admit, when Celestia said they would be having a round table she meant it. The table was in fact round with a large emblem of a sun and moon conjoined, reminiscent of a yin and yang symbol, that nearly spanned the table in its entirety. Stationed around the table were large gold and silver stools with plush navy and or white colored pillows atop them. They’d seat a pony kneeling on all fours comfortably but would look comically large for a human to sit in. A point Keon was proving as he sat in one of the stools Indian style with plenty of room to spare. Casting a glance towards Rarity, Chris noticed she seemed a tad anxious while she observed their group as they entered the assembly hall and began taking seats around it. Her eyes were primarily focused on Applejack, Pinkie, Bon Bon, and Fluttershy. Perhaps she was aware of something he wasn’t regarding them, Chris pondered. The fact that they’d been laughing uncontrollably almost the entire trip did not sit well with him. After having pulled Fluttershy aside, she had managed, through her bouts of laughter, to tell him that the chocolate cupcake she’d eaten had been making her feel overjoyed. His first thought had been that Blueblood had drugged them and they were high enough to make Bob Marley roll in his grave. He wanted to investigate further, but if Celestia hadn’t commented on it, who was he to say that their behavior wasn’t normal after consuming chocolate? She didn’t seem to have any qualms with leaving Blueblood to laugh his breath away in the garden. Chocolate could be mildly stimulating to humans due to the presence of anandamide after all, perhaps the same could be said for Equestrian ponies but to a much greater degree. Although, the existence of theobromine in chocolate would contradict such a theory. Harmless enough to humans, it could be poisonous to horses in large amounts. Once again Chris mentally kicked himself for comparing his hosts to his own world’s ponies. Their physiology was clearly completely different from their four-legged counterparts on earth. The verity that they not only possessed a gag reflex and could freely breathe through their mouths was more than just anecdotal evidence of that. Furthermore, the way their irises could expand and contract along with their pupils as an expression of their emotions was a truly alien and bizarre feat to witness. “Are you feeling well, Chris?” Luna asked as he took a free stool between her and Celestia. “Your mind seems troubled,” she added. Chris flashed Luna a fake grin. “Just a bit nervous is all, there’s a lot that’s about to be put on the table.” “I share your sentiment,” Luna said. “Tia and I have much on the line as…” Luna trailed off as her eyes focused on Applejack who had oddly enough decided that having a hoedown on top of the table was a good idea. “Applejack, what in the hay’s gotten into you?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Yeehaw everypony!” she hollered, ignoring Dash. “Grab ah partner and let’s get this rodeo star… whoa!” Applejack grunted as Rarity used her magic to ensnare and pull her off of the top of the table and back into her seat. Rarity laughed nervously towards Celestia and Luna. “Um… can we just pretend that never happened?” Luna simply stared open mouthed while Celestia didn’t seem surprised at all at what she’d just witnessed. “Well, I think that was the most random thing I’ve ever seen,” Chris commented before he felt a nuzzling at his fingers. Turning his head, he was faced with a grinning Fluttershy. “Yeah, what’s up, Fluttershy?” he asked, quirking his eyebrow in confusion. “Um… would you mind… petting me?” she asked, clearly hopeful. “Huh, what? Why?” Chris replied, obviously taken aback by the request. “I don’t know, I just have the urge to be touched… In a platonic way, of course,” she added. Lyra slammed one of her hooves on the table then pointed it at Fluttershy. “Hang on there, sister. If anypony here is gonna feel those fingers through their mane, it’s gonna be me!” “Alright, what the hell is going on here?” Chris demanded. Twilight ran one of her hooves through her mane and sighed irritably. “I wasn’t sure at first, but now I’m certain. These three…” Twilight stopped as she took a minute to consider Pinkie. “Four? Are clearly under the influence of something. My guess would be happy leaf.” “And how would you come to that conclusion?” Rarity inquired, trying to sound nonchalant about it. “Not that I argue your claim.” “Face it, we’re busted,” Keon mumbled to Rarity as he leaned back in his stool to appear inconspicuous, but he had forgotten that there wasn’t a backrest and he comically fell out of his stool. After Keon clambered back up onto his stool, Twilight shook her head and pressed on. “I suppose after Keon informed me of a herb he’d used to reach a state of euphoria I became curious if Equestria had anything similar in use.” Twilight grinned bashfully. “Suffice to say we have many, happy leaf being among them. It primarily increases activity in the mesolimbic system, causing the brain to produce large amounts of dopamine and endorphins. It also heightens the tactile senses, which explains why Fluttershy wants you to pet her.” “Wait, are you saying somepony actually drugged us?” Bon Bon asked with a large, shit eating grin on her face, struggling to no laugh but failing miserably. “Of course it wasn’t the damn chocolate,” Chris muttered under his breath before turning his attention to Keon. “You know, you’ve been awful quiet during all this, it makes me feel like you’ve played a hand somewhere in here?” Chris said while pointing an accusing finger towards Keon. “I guess it’s time to let the cat out of the bag then,” Keon said as he cleared his throat and stood up, everyone turning their attention towards him. “So, um… yeah, you know those cupcakes Blueblood made for Pinkie?” “Of course, they were great!” Pinkie chirped. “I’ll never forget them as long as I…” “I drugged them,” he deadpanned, silencing her immediately. “Yep, mixed in some happy leaf into the batter, so, um... sorry?” Celestia raised an eyebrow, figuring she’d have to give Keon that lecture she’d reserved for Blueblood. Chris raked his hand through his messy blond hair as he stood up from his stool, the others watching him intently as he crossed the room with purposeful strides. “I apologize for what you’re about to see,” Chris muttered to Celestia in a flat tone as he passed her by as he made his way towards Keon. Keon frowned as Chris grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and forced him out of his stool. “You damn idiot!” Chris shouted as he cocked his fist back and slammed it into Keon’s jaw, sending him tumbling to the floor. Celestia and Luna's eyes had widened in surprise, if only for a second, before they adopted neutral expressions while the other occupants gasped in shock. The previous atmosphere had seemingly been sucked out of the room like oxygen in a breached space shuttle. “Wow, humans can ball up their fingers and use their hand as a weapon?” Lyra asked with scholarly interest, earning her a glare from Bon Bon. She shrunk in on herself. “Sorry, just making an observation.” Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and a now sobered up Applejack leapt from their stools, knocking them over, the three of them intent on keeping the situation from escalating further. Rarity and Fluttershy for their parts could only stare with mouths agape. “Resume your seats,” Luna ordered the three of them firmly. “But Princess,” Twilight protested, “we have to stop them, they may hurt one another.” Twilight turned to her mentor. “Princess Celestia, please.” Celestia’s expression and tone were both calm as she answered. “You will not intervene. We will allow them to settle this in their own way.” Twilight frowned at her mentors’ response, but it wasn’t hard for her to puzzle out why Celestia would allow such a thing. Seeing the two humans settle a conflict among one another firsthoof would provide invaluable insight into the human psyche, data they needed and could use. In hindsight, it was rather unethical from the perspective of a pony, but her scientific mind could understand the princesses’ inaction in the situation. Keon lifted himself to a hunched over position on the floor, using the back of his hand to wipe away the small trail of blood coming from his swelling lip. Chris stalked his way over towards his downed companion, ready to give him a verbal beating, but found his path impeded by Pinkie. He tilted his head, looking more than a little nonplussed at the living road block. Taking careful consideration of her posture and facial expression, he realized it wasn’t jolly in the slightest. In fact, it was absolutely livid. He’d never meticulously studied equines, considering herpetology was his area of interest and expertise, not that it would have done him any good in the case of Equestrian ponies to begin with. However, her aggressively swishing tail, flared nostrils and flattened ears couldn’t have been any more obvious to a complete novice in their meaning: ‘Back the fuck off.’ Both Celestia and Luna stared somewhat dumbfounded at the scene for a moment, neither one of them had even noticed Pinkie move from her seat. “Not one more step, you meanie-pants,” Pinkie warned, her high pitched voice not exactly sounding threatening. “That’s your friend, why are you trying to hurt your friend? That’s not what friends do.” “Chris,” Rarity added, “believe me, I know what Keon did was wrong and, simply put, stupid, but this is not the way to right a wrong.” Keon stared at Pinkie from behind, noting her stance was reminiscent of a matriarch protecting a pack or herd member. He realized that if she had a reason to, she could really hurt Chris. Not due to any fighting skills he thought she possessed, but Chris’s strict policy of never striking a woman would come into play. Chris was a fit guy to be sure and could take a hit, but Pinkie was clearly angry and probably weighed a good three hundred pounds, not an ideal situation to not fight back in. Whether she would was an entirely different question, one he highly doubted as most of the Equestrians seemed to have an overly pacifist nature. Nevertheless, it wasn’t worth the risk, considering her behavior seemed to be more instinctual rather than rational at the moment. “Just relax, Pinkie, he isn’t going to hurt me,” Keon said calmly in an attempt to call off his would-be savior. “I think his busted up lip would disagree with that,” Dash whispered to Applejack. Pinkie turned her head towards Keon, ready to protest. “But look at your…” “What? My lip?” Keon asked with a chuckle, interrupting Pinkie. “Look at this guy, he clearly eats his eggs raw, Had he really decked me I’d be out like a light.” Pinkie didn’t look convinced and didn't remove herself from between the two of them. “Look, we do things differently than you ponies,” he continued. “Granted, punching each other is usually saved for once things really get heated, I think my callousness this time around has earned me as much as a little bloody lip,” he reasoned. Pinkie looked as if she wanted to argue the matter further but suddenly found a blue aura creeping up her legs until her entire body was covered and she realized she couldn’t move. “Hey, what happened?” Pinkie asked while struggling against her constraints. “You’re right, you deserve a real ass kicking, but that love tap will have to do,” Chris continued as he maneuvered around Pinkie, who had been rooted in place by Luna’s magic. Kneeling down, Chris used both hands to grab Keon by the shirt and hoisted him back up to his feet, before shoving him into the far wall. “What’s gotten into you, man?” Chris asked, keeping his voice low and even. “You’ve made some stupid decisions before, but this... What the fuck were you thinking?” Keon turned his head away from Chris. “I wanted to help, that’s all.” Chris sighed. “You’re trying to tell me that the best you could come up with was to get everyone high?” Keon looked contemplative at the question. “Never mind, don’t answer that,” Chris said, loosening his grip on Keon’s shirt. “We aren’t here on a joyride. Haven’t you even considered there’s potential consequences for our actions? Alien planet or not, we can’t play that as a get-out-of-jail free card every time you decide to make a stupid move.” “I get it,” Keon stated flatly. Chris raised a brow. “Do you?” “Yes.” Chris nodded as he let go of Keon’s shirt and leaned in to whisper to him. “I’m sorry about the theatrics, but we need Celestia and Luna to believe I’ve dished out fair punishment. I don’t want them to think they need to discipline you themselves for this.” “I assure you, any actions I or my sister would have taken would have been infinitely less physical,” Celestia commented. “Had Tia issued it, it would have been nothing more than a motherly scolding,” Luna added as she observed Keon’s swollen lip. “I imagine that would have been much more preferable to Mr. Keon.” Both Chris and Keon stared at Celestia and Luna like kids that had just gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “How did you…” Chris paused as he watched Celestia’s ears swivel in his direction. Celestia smiled. “You’ll learn that an alicorn’s ears do more than just frame our faces. They’re actually quite useful for picking up low volume sounds, or in this case, eavesdropping.” “So… are we screwed?” Keon asked. “No, the fact of the matter is, I would like to apologize for allowing this physical confrontation to have taken place,” Celestia explained. “The part of me that craves to understand your kind outweighed my better judgment, and although I have been enlightened, it was at the expense of you, my guest, and for that I am truly sorry.” Celestia then turned her head to stare at Keon. “Will you require that to be looked at? I can have a nurse here immediately.” Keon laughed. “It’s a busted lip, I’ll live, but thanks for the offer.” “I’d recommend at the very least for you to put some ice on it, that should help with the swelling,” Fluttershy added. “Only if you want to, I mean.” Whether Keon wanted to or not didn’t matter as Pinkie, having been freed from Luna’s grasp, had already slapped an icepack to his face. Where she’d gotten the damn thing from he’d never know. She did manage to solid snake her way into a bath with him after all, why question this? “Thanks Pinkie,” he said as he took the icepack in his own hand. “I thought you’d all be pissed with me.” “Right or wrong, I really don’t know, what matters is your heart was in the right place,” Pinkie assured him. “Besides, it’s not like I haven’t done some crazy stuff to cheer somepony up before.” “'Sides that, Chris already gave you the what for, ain’t much sense in stayin' sore at yah after that,” Applejack added. Lyra nudged Bon Bon in the side. “Would you say something?” “Oh… right. I forgive you and yada, yada, yada,” Bon Bon offered lamely. Lyra frowned at Bon Bon, prompting her to shrug. “What? I don’t have anything heartfelt or witty to say about any of this. Those cupcakes weren’t meant for anypony but Pinkie, we just got kind of caught up in it. I mean, I tried to feel angry about it, but if I’m going to be honest here I have to admit it was a lot of fun up until the part where Chris delivered that haymaker.” “Um, Chris,” Pinkie hesitantly said. “I’m so sorry for what happened earlier when I got in your way. I was just so angry after you hit Keon. It made me have thoughts I’ve never thought before.” Pinkie looked down in shame. “You’re my friend too, and I wanted to… I’m sorry.” Chris stared at Keon, who seemed rather deep in thought himself after hearing Pinkie’s words. Giving Pinkie a half-smile, Chris made to speak but was interrupted by a loud bang as the assembly hall’s door suddenly burst open and a plump, grayish rabbit wearing a bath towel and dragging a large pocket watch came bounding into the room, all the while repeating that he was late. “Could this place get any more Disney?” Keon remarked as the rabbit ran right between his legs. “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” the rabbit recited. Chris stared in confusion. “Should we question that there’s a talking rabbit, or is that just fine around here?” The rabbit turned on his large feet and stared at Chris and Keon. “Oh, if only you could see the look on your face.” The rabbit chuckled as he bounced up to eye level with Chris and Keon. “In fact, how about I show you?” he offered before he swiped his furry paw at Chris’s face. The rabbit held in his paw what appeared to be a mask of Chris’s face and showed it to him. Both Chris and Keon stared at the perfect mask of Chris’s likeliness before Chris reached his hands towards his own face. Touching and grabbing at it a few times, he realized he could no longer feel any facial features. Turning to face each other, they did the only thing that made any logical sense at the time: They screamed. “Dude, your face!” Keon shouted. “It’s gone!” “What!? That’s impossible!” Chris shouted back. “No man, I’m looking right at you,” Keon argued. “Your face is M.I.A.” “Someone get me a mirror!” Chris shouted in a panic. “What good will that do? You don’t have a face, so how in the hell are you going to see your reflection? Come to think about it, how are you even talking?” Meanwhile, the rabbit held his sides as he laughed himself silly. “You two are hilarious.” He chortled. “No pony freaks out this much just from losing their face.” A silver-clad hoof landed with force in front of the rabbit. “Discord!” Luna bellowed, practically glowing with rage. “I thought we warned you not to try any funny business.” “Once again you prove to be a stick in the mud.” The newly identified Discord sighed as his paw transformed into an eagles claw and he snapped it, causing Chris’s face to return to its proper home in a flash of light. Chris felt his face frantically before he glared at the rabbit. “That wasn’t cool at all; a lesser man would have died from the shock.” “Actually, you seem much livelier than you were a minute ago,” Discord countered. “They do say people are most alive right before they die,” Keon stated. “Who’s they?” Lyra asked curiously. “I don’t know… just they. You know, people, I guess.” “What was the meaning of that?” Celestia asked, interrupting Discords fun. “Let’s just say my fancy became tickled when I overheard Miss Studious Sparkle discussing this rather intriguing magic immunity of theirs,” Discord explained. “Between you and I, I’ve never been well read in magic, all the theory, conjecture and ideology behind it is way too boring for my taste,” Discord droned on. “Thankfully, harnessing my magic came as naturally as breathing, and so studying it was never something I was burdened to do,” he said as his body morphed into the familiar form of Accordion Whispers. “But inherently I would want to know how my own brand of magic fared against it,” he added with a large grin towards Chris. “I’m actually quite pleased with the results. I mean, where would the enjoyment be in mingling with humans if I couldn’t have a little fun with them?” “They aren’t toys for your amusement,” Celestia warned. “You will be cordial with my guest.” Dash chose that moment to throw an accusing hoof towards Accordion. “Wait a minute, so you were Discord all this time?” she asked. “I knew there was something fishy about you.” “Wait, Discord? As in ‘the Discord’?” Bon Bon interjected. “The evil guy who was up until recently a bird bath in the castle garden?” “The very same, my Dear,” Discord said with a smug grin. “Although, I resent being called a bird bath.” “Well, I have a feeling things are about to get way too weird for me if he’s here of all… creatures?” Bon Bon said as she stood up from her stool. “Thank you for inviting me, but this is where I get off this train.” “You’re just going to leave?” Lyra asked. “You bet your bottom bit I am, trouble just follows those six around,” Bon Bon said. “Now it’s not just aliens, but they’ve got the avatar of chaos involved, I don’t want any part of the craziness that I know is about to be discussed here. I’ll be waiting outside the door. When you’re finished here we’re leaving for Ponyville,” she concluded as she walked towards the door. “Princesses,” she said with a bow before excusing herself. “What was her name again?” Keon whispered to Chris. “Bon Bon,” he answered. “Is it just me or did she not seem to like Accordion... I mean, this Discord guy all that much?” Keon asked as he scrutinized the pony in question. “I don’t blame her, I can’t say I like the guy either,” Chris confirmed. “Not after the shit he just pulled.” “You know, if that wasn’t the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen it might have been funny,” Keon remarked. “Discord, I think you should apologize,” Fluttershy spoke softly. “That was a very mean spirited joke you played.” “I’m sorry,” Discord said with a grunt of annoyance. “How low will I stoop to keep my dearest friend?” he grumbled as his pony body began to stretch and contort. Chris and Keon stared with wide eyes and open mouths as Discord’s form changed into something they couldn’t recognize. He appeared to be made of a dragon, goat, lion, eagle, bat, horse thing, a complete, unholy mishmash of creatures, his long slender form towered over them, at least twelve feet, measured from head to tail. “Bon Bon dipping out suddenly makes a lot more sense,” Keon said. “This guy is definitely Satan’s spawn. I mean, someone clearly wasn’t doing their job when they let him escape from hell.” Chris rubbed his chin for a moment. “I think he’s a chimera.” “Right you are, dear boy, although most have taken to calling me a draconequus. Either way, master of chaos, and somewhat reformed, Discord at your service,” he said with a deep bow, though he still nearly came eye to eye with the speechless humans. “Perhaps I should have kept the pony makeup on?” Discord said before he vanished and appeared in one of the empty cushioned stools an instant later. “So, Princess Celestia, is this meeting to commence or not? I could be doing some more productive things, such as taking a bath or tending to my garden.” “I’m not sitting near that guy,” Keon said as he made to take back his seat next to Rarity, “There’s a free spot next to me with your name on it Pinkie,” he added, causing the pink mare to grin widely before bouncing after him. Chris merely nodded his agreement before he went back to his previous spot between Celestia and Luna. “Why does this day seem like it’s been so long?” Chris asked as he sat down. “I believe you’ve just had too much excitement in such a short span of time,” Celestia offered as a response. “The offer to postpone this meeting is still there…” “No,” Chris said with a heavy sigh. “Let’s get this over with,” he said as he cleared his throat and stared around the table at all those present. He noted that Twilight had already procured a piece of parchment along with the necessary quill and ink; clearly she was ready for anything new she might learn. Meanwhile, Lyra and Pinkie were wearing Ronald McDonald smiles, Fluttershy and Applejack seemed rather blasé about the whole thing, while Rarity and Rainbow Dash appeared eager enough yet fed up with being kept in the dark. “So, um, you’re probably wondering why we’re all here, right?” Chris started. Apart from a lone cough silence was the only answer he received. “In short, Keon and myself have decided that we’ll be leaving for the Valley of the Changing Seasons.” A few gasp where heard, apart from Fluttershy who actually produced more of a shriek. “I’ll be going along as well,” Twilight added. “Permission has already been granted, funds supplied, and preparations are currently being made, courtesy of both princesses.” Dash puffed out her chest and put on her cockiest expression. “Well, if you’re going, of course I’m going. Not like I’m gonna let you guys have all the fun.” “Hold on a sec there,” Applejack cut in. “Why is any of this bein' done in the first place?” “Before that,” Celestia interrupted as she turned her attention to Lyra. “What you’re about to hear is extremely confidential, I must ask that you promise to keep all that you will learn expressly to yourself, is this something you can do?” Lyra nodded immediately, “Of course princess, I won’t whisper any of this to another soul.” Celestia nodded before looking at Chris, a signal for him to continue. “The key to us getting home is there,” Chris answered. “I’m sure you remember the bird I told you about?” Applejack nodded. “They’re called EONs and we’re going there to track down and capture one,” Chris explained. “With any luck, we’ll not only find one but use it to return us home.” “But you just got here,” Lyra commented while Pinkie’s ears flattened upon hearing the news. Keon placed a hand on her shoulder. “Try to hold off on the waterworks, Pinkie,” he advised her. “At least until you hear the rest.” “I’m not going to cry,” Pinkie claimed. “I’ve already promised I’ll help you get home no matter what, it’s just… Well… I don’t want to have to say goodbye so soon.” Keon sighed but said nothing more on the matter. “But that’s not all,” Chris continued. “The thing is that’s the lesser of the news we have to discuss,” Chris concluded before he turned to Celestia, “I think you should do the honors, it’s your world after all.” Celestia nodded. “My little ponies, if Mr. Chris and Mr. Keon succeed in their endeavor, the world you know of could well become a very different place, my hopes and faith would be for the better but not even I know if that will truly be the case.” “At the very least we can expect a little more chaos around here,” Discord added while lounging in a large hammock that was tethered to nothing, yet was fully functional. “Heaven knows Equis needs it, I’ve been bored out of my wits.” “Pardon my asking, but what could be world changing about sending our new friends home?” Rarity asked with an expectant expression. “I thought that would have been obvious,” Luna answered. “We wish to establish open relations with the world of the humans.” “If a portal can be opened, with the aid of the EONs, a means to sustain it should be entirely possible,” Twilight explained. “It just comes down to finding a suitable power source and the means to harness it. Luckily, we have seven potential candidates that have just the amount of juice we need.” “The raw magical energies of any one of the seven anomalies should theoretically be more than sufficient for the task,” Celestia added. “What, really? That’s great!” Lyra beamed. “The entire human world will be open to us, if we catch some bird?” “Now, now, Princess,” Discord cut in. “In most circumstances I’d be fine with letting you make a fool of yourself, but using the volatile magic of one of the seven anomalies poses a significant risk for the reason you want to use it. One that even I don’t believe you should underestimate.” “You have our attention,” Celestia said. “From what I gather, you want to use the magic of the anomalies like a faucet, keeping a constant flow of magic to power your little portal, is that about right?” Celestia nodded. “What would happen if too much of that magic flowed through and you couldn’t shut it off?” Discord asked with a greasy smile. “I’m sure Twilight has toyed with the scenario and run the numbers.” “I have,” Twilight confirmed, her face stoic. “Of course, it’s all theory, but the portal would most likely expand to an unstable size, the results would be a merging of our worlds until one was swallowed by the other.” A few more gasp were heard. Keon raised his hand. “Would that even be catastrophic?” “Not a catastrophe in the sense of death, but our worlds would lose what makes them separate from each other,” Twilight clarified. “If Equis consumes your earth, your world would just become a part of our world, governed by the laws of magic. Vice versa, our world would lose all of its natural magic and conform to the laws of yours, if Earth consumed Equis. But this is the worst case scenario,” Twilight added upon seeing the horrified faces of some of the occupants. “What kind of percentage are we talkin' here?” Dash asked. “That’s impossible to know without having an EON to study its magic and understand how its ability works,” Twilight answered. “But we obviously wouldn’t try this without narrowing the chance of failure to the most marginal possibility.” “Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Chris warned. “Nothing is promised after all, none of this will be possible if we can’t get our hands on one of these EONs and even doing so only opens up the possibility of this,” he reasoned. “But that’s why we need your help,” Chris said as he looked from Rarity to Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie. “Twilight and Rainbow Dash are in, so what say you four?” “Well, you can count me in!” Pinkie wasted no time in answering as she bounced readily on her stool. Applejack tipped her hat towards Chris. “Don’t know much about all this fancy world joining y’all were goin on about, but Ah’ll help you rustle up one of these EONs, that much Ah can handle.” Rarity sighed. “The thought of visiting that dreadful place is most unappealing. However, I suppose my choice was made the moment the others decided to accompany you, or perhaps the moment the two of you settled on this venture. Besides, the prospect of otherworldly customers is rather enticing.” Chris smiled as he turned to the last of Celestia’s hoofed picked team, only to notice that she wasn’t present. “Where’d Fluttershy go?” he asked, only to notice her tiptoeing towards the exit. “Fluttershy?” Fluttershy froze in place like an escaped convict who had been spotted by a searchlight. “Oh… Um… You see the thing is… I’m not going!” She squeaked before she made a break for the door. Discord simply snapped his claws, teleporting Fluttershy back into her seat in a bright flash before she could reach the door. “Oh, Fluttershy, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” Discord cooed in her ear. “I was born there and I’m no worse for wear.” “Um… Well, that is very reassuring, Discord,” Fluttershy said. “But if it’s all the same, I think I’ll sit this one out. I mean, Angel bunny needs me after all.” Discord rolled his eyes before yet again snapping his fingers, causing Angel to appear in the palm of his paw. “Don’t worry about Angel, I'll personally take care of the little bundle of misery,” he said as he pinched his cheeks and stuffed a carrot into the rabbit’s mouth. “I mean, what are friends for?” “Well, um…” “Come on, Fluttershy, we’ll all be there. Besides, we need you,” Dash said. “Friends should have each other’s backs, am I right?” “That’s not fair, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity cut in. “We shouldn’t pressure Fluttershy into coming if she’s decided against it…” “No, she’s right,” Fluttershy relented. “Friends should be there for one another. I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to one of you and I wasn’t there to help. I’ll try to be brave for everypony, it’s the least I can do.” “That’s all any pony could ask of you,” Twilight said. Celestia smiled as if she were a proud mother, while Luna nodded in approval, happy to know that her sister’s faith wasn’t misplaced in the six ponies before her. Clearing her throat, Rarity addressed the attendees. “So, what exactly is the course of action will we take? I’m sure that The Valley of The Changing Seasons is a restricted area in the griffin republic. How do you intend to have access granted?” Looking around the table she pressed on. “By those gathered, and by gathered I mean the absence of very key figures in the form of ambassadors, it could only mean that this entire venture will be taking place in secret, correct?” “You’re right, no one knows about this, except for those in this room,” Chris answered. “It seems Celestia wants to hit as few bumps in the road as possible in getting one of these things. And as fortune would have it…” Chris looked towards Celestia. “General Emerald Talon,” she answered. “Right,” Chris nodded. “General Emerald Talon has invited us to his city, the exact place we need to be. I guess to extend a hand of friendship or to just meet the aliens. Either way, we’ll use that opportunity to convince him to let us in, hopefully without arousing any type of suspicion of our goal.” “And if he so happens to deny such a request?” Rarity asked. “Then we’ll let ourselves in,” Keon answered. “They’ll need a little more than a 'no trespassing' sign to keep a couple of determined humans from hopping that fence.” “Security is a little tighter than a mere fence,” Twilight stated, “and that fence you planned on hopping is more like a towering wall,” she said as she produced a book from her saddle bags entitled: "The Seven A’s and what you should know." Turning a few pages, she pointed a hoof to a black and white diagram of the stone wall surrounding The Valley of The Changing Seasons. “Thirty meters tall and five meters thick, needless to say, we aren’t going over it without being spotted and definitely not going through it.” “Couldn’t you just, I don’t know, teleport us through it?” Dash inquired. Twilight shook her head, “That’s too much solid space for me to take a passenger with, and I don’t think you would want to know what would happen if I tried.” “Actually, I’m kind of curious,” Keon said, feeling morbidly curiosity. “Imagine becoming bonded to the inside of the wall on a molecular level,” Twilight answered. He winced. “Ouch.” “Anyway, without authorization, I don’t see how we’ll gain entry,” Twilight concluded as she shut the book. “No matter how silver-tongued the pair of you are, I don’t believe a general would fall for any of your excuses or ploys.” “Celestia seems to have a contingency plan in place,” Chris said. Twilight turned her head towards Celestia. “Is that true, Princess?” “As the sponsor of this little escapade I have a heavy investment in your success,” Celestia assured her. “I’ve set the pieces precisely where they need to be. So, just try to enjoy your stay in Volare, and don’t fret so much on convincing General Emerald Talon to let you in.” “But how, Princess?” Discord spoke up. “Don’t underestimate the amount of pull your namby-pamby princesses have. They do oversee an entire country after all; trust that they have their sources, ones that may even surprise you.” Rainbow Dash squealed. “This is so awesome. This meeting makes us sound like secret agents or something.” Fluttershy tentatively raised a hoof to speak. “So, um, I was wondering, how exactly will the other humans feel about us connecting a portal to their world so suddenly and without their permission? They won’t be… well, angry, will they?” Chris and Keon stared at one another for a moment before Chris chose to answer. “I can’t say what the general consensus will be, but I know this for certain: It will be an uphill battle for both sides, against superstition, fear, prejudice, and uncertainty. Some people will be angry, some afraid, others ecstatic about it. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.” “Personally, I think it will be fine,” Keon added. “You’re not exactly ponies in the sense of what humans have categorized as ponies, but you’re familiar to us. So, it won’t take long for people to accept what you are. On the other hand, if you were like, let’s say insectoids or something, then people would freak. But as it is ponies, deer, zebras, minotaurs, griffons, et cetera are all something we have familiarity with, so I doubt you have to worry about any type of mass animosity.” “That’s good,” Fluttershy said, having been reassured. Lyra finally spoke up. “So, when do you guys think you’ll be leaving?” “You guys?” Keon asked “So, you’re not coming with?” Lyra’s ears flattened, “Not that I wouldn’t love to, but Bon Bon would never let me go. She’ll probably drag me back to Ponyville by the tail the minute I step hoof out of here.” Twilight cleared her throat. “To answer your question, I need at least three days to run all of my planned test on Chris’s genetic material, after that we need a few more days of prep time for the journey. One week from today we’ll leave for Volare. Everypony here should make the necessary arrangements for an extended leave.”