//------------------------------// // Puny Pony Pirates of the Luna Sea! Part 2 - Dark Story // Story: Foal Adventures. // by Super-Stallion //------------------------------// Puny Pony Pirates of the Luna Sea! Dark story. You chose this route... There's still time to turn back, it contains animal abuse. No? Alright then. Discord's crew aren't all babies, but they make up for it by having chaos on their side. And brainwashing bandanas, can't forget those. You're following Discord's crew member, Firebird. He's sarcastic, questions things, but wouldn't you be if someone forcibly dragged you into a different universe away from home, not wanting to accept it? He's selectively useful, however. But usefulness and luck are often mixed up. And so is Firebird. Looking at the sea hoping to get seasick isn't as boring as I originally thought, then again, why did I originally think that to begin with? Oh yeah, because of the ship, its still pink. I might as well get lost in thought, maybe about the 'crew'. Well two are hypnotized in a stupid way, the other are unstable, possibly in more than one way, and I'm short sighted. Shame too, being a bird my sight is better than it used to be. I have the sight of an average person now. Discord is being loud and steering the ship, Kit is swinging his sword around, the twins are bored but can't think of anything to do. Honestly the musical piece that plays in my mind right now doesn't fit that well. But I like it, so it has to do. Here comes Kit, I hope he doesn't start a conversation. "Hey Bert." Just a greeting, nothing to fret about, Firebird, you stupid pechvogel. That's a pun in a different language, and an in-joke, it's not worth looking up. Or maybe it's an act with being too thick to realize it. But I don't think so, you should see me with my ego fueled, almost as if I came from the mirror universe. The opposite one, not the human one. Yes, I'm aware I'm fictional in this, and since I have the sudden urge to narrate to myself, I know you're reading my thoughts, why else would they shift focus? Anyways; Kit. "I don't suppose you know any fighting techniques?" Of course, ask a guy who sits at home for hours for fighting advice. "Mmm... Sure, try insulting them. Something jokey, like 'You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee', you'll have the upper hand, if he doesn't think of a punchline." "That's sounds great, thanks Firebird, you're a great help." He walked off. Why did it have to be praise? I can do without. My seemingly chronic pessimism automatically reverses it's meaning. I always just imagine the world just hates me to avoid disappointment, I guess. But once I forget I have it everything's fine. But that's not important, the rest are babies and that makes me de facto the older, moody teenager brother. Let's focus some more on the not-twins. Discord brainwashed them, so they think they were always supporting our side. Discord and Kit are capable of several kinds of hypnotism apparently. Begs the question why they don't do this more often or why they didn't just discord them. But that aside I find it kinda disrespectful, children should be treated with respect. With exceptions of course. Saint Nick realized this, and he became immortal and got cloned with different identities across several cultures. Speaking of them, no not Santa's multiple personalities, Sky Hooves and Night Mist were sneaking up on me. "Hey Fiwebiwd, do you know anything fun to do?" Night Mist said pretty unemotionally, blame the hypnosis. "I wish I did, I wish I did." This music isn't helping my motivation to think of something. "If you two can think something earlier than me let me know, that will just be super b." "Supew b?" Mist said confused. "Don't you mean 'supewb'?" Sky said. "I guess..." We heard Discord starting to sing. "Hey guys, saw an oven and oven pizza downstairs, you want some?" "Suwe." "Quick to the hold! Before they sing your eardrums off!" Discord voice actor has potential to be a great singer, and since Kit doesn't actually have one he could be great too. But they're awful, possibly deliberately so. Figures, it figures that I don't know how to operate an old furnace. As I'm thinking to myself right now I'm the main source of heat, I'm being resourceful. The rocks I'm lying on hurt, though. It's worth it for the pizza. "Can you two wake me up when the pizzas are done?" "Suwe thing." Sky said. "Thank you." I drifted to sleep, in a 'dream' of a crystal... Best not to think about the many ways that does or doesn't make sense. "Firebird!" Sky and Mist yelled, bumped my head against the pizza plate. "The pizza's ready!" "Ow... Okay." I said crawling out of the stove while rubbing my head, I'm not sure my body structure should've allowed that... I noticed a lot of noise upstairs. "Discord!" I heard voices scream some sounded familiar. "And Kit." Guess who that was, thought invading person. "What ye be doing here?" Said I voice I vaguely recognized. "We're mildly inconveniencing you." Kit said, as shot a cannon. "Please cover your ears." I said to the foals. "WOULD YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN!?!? WE'RE TRYING TO EAT PIZZA DOWN HERE IN PEACE!" I'm not really fond of yelling, but what can you do? "The pizza will have to wait. We've have found the enemies." "Ugh fine, come on guys." "Sky Hooves, Night Mist?!" their entire crew said. I just realized I have a chefs hat on. I threw it off. "Hi guys." They waved. "Why are guys on their side?" Mr. Onyx said. "There's a reason, but it's stupid." I bluntly and truthfully said, they gave me a look. Kit told me to grapple over to their ship and engage non-lethal combat. So we both did, with swords in our grasps. How I'm holding it I don't know, sometimes my wings work realistically, other times it's practically flexible as rubber with hands. "En garde!/En garde!" Kit's voice fused with mine, no that would unfavorable. We just picked the same target, Onyx. Well time to act like a depressed person and hope that pity gives me the battle. Probably not given their rival status. "You owe five bit for a fun substitute for fun." Like randomly charging people five Euro for the stupidest things. "Or a sparring match. I'm off being outmatched by hyperactive babies." I'm doomed, fighting two speedy fillies will hurt, as much as a foal swords and water gun will allow anyways. Discord was suddenly on board, noogieing Nightmare, with his hooktail. Sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on it. Getting lost in thought again. Time to engage in battle. "Hello, can we fight? I'm ordered to." I asked the Pegasi. "Sur-" BAM! I shot them with my squirt gun. They were screaming in pain. I raised a hypothetical eyebrow. "It's just water." "It's vewy hot watew!! Ow! Ow!" I shot myself the foot, it hurt. I put two and two together that my inconsistent body heat must have heated it up. So that means I have the only remotely harmful weapon here, if you don't count a telescope's secondary use. Those fillies were angry. I thought quick, they were foolishly charging at me. I stood against the mast, Rainbow flew first at me, I jumped, and dived when Lightning struck. Both fell unconscious on top of each other, that was undeserved. "I'm deeply sorry, I could thought of something that's less painful, but I did expect you two to be smarter however. Oh well. Again sorry for the hot water, I wasn't expecting that." I'm talking to two unconscious ponies... I have to write a post card later. Suddenly I was slapped by a sword by: Sacre Bleublood; Blueblood, he exists. That was harsh. "It's not nice to catch someone of guard while we didn't even begin." I drew my sword, again. "You did a similar thing, you know." "I was being practical." Blueblood was pathetic I just put with to his boost ego. Wait his ego among other things right? No matter, I can easily reverse it. Take my word for that nothing much happen, when Kit said we're here to mildly inconvenience them he wasn't kidding. "Mist!" Discord shouted. "Yeah?" Night Mist replied. "No there's mist ahead! Everypony retreat, you don't wanna be stuck on enemy ship in the mist." Right about now that's the equivalent of going home, after going to a museum after your parents dragged you when you didn't want to. I jumped in the water, completely forgetting that I have my grappling hook, or my wings for that matter. It happens. "We'll get you next, friends! NEXT TIME!" Discord yelled. On board I quickly wrote a letter to lower Blueblood's ego while their not pink ship was still insight, I sent it via paper plane. I facewinged as I realized that I also should've written an apology for Rainbow and Lightning, well too late for that. "Come on," I said to the foals. "let's now eat that now cold pizza." "You do that. We'll figure out how to navigate this fog." Discord said. I give him credit, he's much more down to earth in this universe. Maybe. "We've found land!" That's ridiculously fast. "Oh great, solid ground." "Kit and I are going to go spelunking in the caves the treasure is supposed to be hidden in. You three wait here." "Okay." We three said at the same time. They went in side. "Mind if I sleep, and can I trust you two not tray too far from this spot if I do?" I usually only sleep at appropriate time. But what can I do? "Of couwse." How I want to remove those bandanas, than they don't have to do anything I say. I don't wanna find out their reaction once they snap out of it. On the other hand I'm not responsible. "Thank you." *Crash* That sound in the distance awoke me. Tried to fall asleep again, but within range I heard Onyx's crew. Time to play jaded. "*ZZZZZ* Because that's the sound a person makes while sleeping. Hm." I'm a convincing fake sleeper, as long nobody tickles me, but who honestly would tickle a Pheonix? "Who wants to wake him?" Blueblood asked. "You took away my glasses so I can't have eagle eyes, Discord. But you won't take my precious stuffed animal away. If you do I'll river dance all over your body while you sleep, leaving you scratched for the rest of the year. Oh look a distraction." I like non sequiturs, but if Discord actually took away my stuffed animal I'll make sure he'll regret it two fold. Because any more would be impossible. "I do!!!" Fluttershy's girls yelled. I suddenly something fell on my head. "Ow... Why me?" I looked next to see a coconut. I need to act tired, well not actually tired more like unhelpful. "Oh, it's you." I stretched and yawned. Lightning and Rainbow held me against the tree, that should be revenge enough for them. "What awe you doing hewe?" Because I'm sucked into a universe against my own will to be Discord's roo,mate. "Why're Sky and Mist on your side?" Later, maybe. "Where can we find the treasure?" Does it look like a have a map. "Who's the milkmare?" How does she know that reference? "Your ship, 'twas pink." That's even more out of place than the previous question, this one isn't even a question. "Can I have a feather?" After it molts maybe. Despite having all these answers I said; "I'm too tired to be threatened right now," another yawn for effect. "Or to process your questions." "What would shake ye awake?" Nightmare asked. "Maybe that sparring match?" I said I hope that was plausible enough. Onyx shrugged. "Okay." Drew my sword like it's slightly heavy, so looked as tired as possible, I can't make any over sight. They should've seen through me a minute ago. Onyx already prepared his sword. "Prepaaarre to face the tranquilll... FFFUUuuurry of Ferdinand Falcon, in... in name only." My that's some overacting for me trying to underact. I gave him the match pretty much. Again, I'm not even sure how I'm holding this thing. Like it matters, he's super powered OC, or more accurately an OC who happens to be super powered, I just don't compare. Oh I was so lost in thought. While was lost I suddenly had the urge to sneeze."HHHaaaa-Tchjoooo!" I covered my beak, as anyone should. However it lit my sword on fire. "Fire!! Get rid of it! Kill it with fi- WATER!!" I runned in circles, not think rationally. It gave away my awakeness. "On it." Everything felt cooler around me, it was quite nice. Ever since I became a phoenix I felt literally hotheaded. There I lost focus again, my most of me is frozen in ice. It's still a nice feeling actually. "T-t-t-t-t-that f-f-feels f-fantast-t-tic." My jaw felt jittery. "Sowwy." "Had-d-d w-w-worse." Not really, this was pretty bad, but my own heat kept me from feeling the burn-eque sense ice gives you after a while, it's hard to explain. But not enough to warm me out of this. Anyway, enough with the need lessly blocking their progress for no reason. "Q-q-q-questionsss?" I can't remember them all. Rainbow asked. "Why'we these guys on youw side?" "T-they'rerrrrre brrrrainwassshed." "We awe?" They said. "Yesss." "How do we get unbwainwashed?" "All you havvve to do is t-take those b-b-b-b-bandana-na-na-na-nas off." They removed it, they looked like they were running in one hundred circles. "What happened?" Sky Hooves said. "Why'we we in piwate costumes?" Night Mist said. "And why's Philomena frozen in ice?" Philomena? Well I guess there's little to no visual difference between us. Maybe I should start wearing flight goggles, or glasses, or a paperbag, or a bowler hat, or a hoodie, or a fedora, or dye my feathers, or... "We've all the t-time to exxxxplain l-l-later..." Read this first? Okay... Go back one chapter to read the hero story! Go to the next for the exciting conclusion. Read this first? Okay... Go back one chapter to read the hero story! Go to the next for the exciting conclusion.