Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Reading these letters has made me consider getting my own organic fax machine. If abusing them is as fun as you say it is then I will certainly have a great time with it! Hopefully it doesn’t end up being as lazy as yours, though, because I have a lot of paperwork to do.
Of course, another assistant to give it competition sounds like a lot of fun. I’m definitely taking notes on how to get my own fax machine to become jealous, because I’m totally going to try this!
So, let me see if I can get this all memorized: First, give fax machine something that looks special, and then give the same thing to fax machine’s replacement. Then, find something minor for the fax machine to fuck up and tell it how disappointed you are. Finally, once they’re driven to petty crime, make them feel completely unloved! Brilliant!
Of course, I do need to make sure I can find some way to bring my fax machine back once it runs away. After all, extra slave labor is always appreciated.
As for you, you’re quite lucky that your own fax machine didn’t get eaten by its own people. Especially if it was so bad at fighting that the owl was better at fighting off the dragon.
But poor fax machine performance aside, I am very proud of you. I always thought you'd spend your life stuck with only one slave, but now you have two! As my sister would say, the slaves have been doubled!
Your slave-trading monarch, Princess Celestia.