//------------------------------//
// The Bottle Army 
// Story: Text Tuesday 
// by Sausagefanclub 
//------------------------------//

Granny Smith stuck her head out the window and sniffed the air. “The time… it has come.”

She took out a wooden cane and walked downstairs. She went into the kitchen and knocked on a secret panel 68 times, then waited exactly 33 seconds before knocking on it again. The wall spun around, and a magic door was revealed on the other side. Granny Smith walked through and entered the human world. She greeted Santa, then stole his hat and put it on. She dissolved into the hat and went into the world of candy canes. Kirby was there, sucking on a candy cane. She jumped into his mouth and had a long conversation with his sentient tongue about what the best kind of crust for an apple pie is made of. They decided burned human flesh was the best kind of crust, and Granny Smith got back to her business. She jumped out of Kirby’s mouth and went to King Candy Cane. She ate him whole, and replaced him with the wooden cane she had brought earlier. She gained the power to generate and shoot anything that rhymed with “cane”. She made a new cane, then got on a plane and flew to Neverland. She stole the Neverscepter and used it to make sure Santa was never born. The resulting paradox caused Granny Smith to be teleported to the inside of the Apple Family’s cupboard that was locked from the outside. She grabbed the key to the cupboard and opened it.

She and several empty bottles spilled out of the cupboard. “My bottles! You are free!!!”

One bottle fell from the top shelf and cracked open.

“I suppose you’re right, dead bottle. Freedom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I need your assistance now! Our time has come!” She tapped a few of the bottles with her cane as a test. Two of them exploded, and she tossed their ashes out the window.

“Alright, now here’s the plan: we are going to take over Equestria with the power of broken glass! And Matt Bennett!” Granny Smith raised her cane and summoned Matt Bennett and his guitar.

Rainbow Dash was walking around in the sky, and noticed some ashes had been thrown out the window of Applejack’s kitchen. “Don’t worry, Applebob! I’ll save you!” She flew into the window just as Granny Smith was explaining her plan to Matt Bennett. Her head whipped toward Rainbow Dash. “Did you hear our plan?!”

Rainbow Dash backed away slowly. “Um… no?”

“HOW DARE YOU NOT PAY ATTENTION TO OUR BRILLIANT PLAN!!!” Granny Smith yelled as she and the bottles rose up to attack.

Rainbow Dash was never seen again.

“Now, MARCH!” The bottles went everywhere, scattering across Equestria.

Albert Wesker slowly took off his new pair of sunglasses as he witnessed the amazing sight of millions of empty glass bottles flying through the air.

Discord went to get a refill on his popcorn.

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ blasted the bottles with her magic and 99% of them died, causing glass shards to rain down and kill everything. But she brought everything back to life and the remaining 9001 bottles continued their quest. They assumed their positions above everyone’s heads. Matt Bennett prepared to play his broken glass song.

Suddenly, Matt Bennett changed his mind and started pounding on Granny Smith’s head with his heavy guitar! She was beaten into a bloody pulp, but she died of old age before any vital organs were fatally damaged.

Applesteve screamed like a girl and yelled at Matt Bennett. Matt was arrested for wearing glasses.

Gunther faded into existence and broke a bottle. A chain reaction occurred, causing every bottle in the world to break at the same time. Gunther was crowned the new lord of Equestria, Celestia was banished to the sun for no reason and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except the giant gloved hands. They’re still dead.