"Well, Cola, before we get too deep into specifics, do you have any general questions for me?" Shining Armor asked. He and Cherry Cola were on the first floor of the Canterlot Archives, near the entrance.
"I guess I'm sorta wondering what exactly we do," Cola replied, "I mean, exploding seeds, books that teach impossible spells, what's the Nonrational Service about?"
"To be honest, I think Jetstream summed it up pretty well; we're the Friggin' Weird Stuff Division," Shining explained. "Actually, a book that lets unicorns cast spells that should be impossible is pretty tame compared to some of the other stuff we deal with. If you want a really weird book, we've got one that drips blood from between its pages, and is chained up because at some point in the past one of my predecessors decided nopony should ever read it. He went and lost the key, too."
"Uh, do I dare ask why nopony's allowed to read the book?" Cola asked uncertainly.
"Well, it was a long time ago, so our records aren't exactly complete," Shining admitted, "but apparently one NRS member cracked it open and went through a slow descent into madness, so the OIC decided to insure that that didn't happen again. Even before the victim completely lost it, he couldn't say what he'd read. The book's written in a language he didn't recognize. Poor guy lost his mind and didn't even get any earth-shattering revelations about the fundamental nature of existence or anything." Shining turned and began climbing the stairs, adding, "that's probably one of our more spooky examples of That Which is Monitored. I don't have any desire to unchain it, but I'd like to find that key just to make sure nopony else does."
"I... see," Cola said.
"Most of the stuff we handle isn't as bad as that, though," Shining said, "here's a fun fact for you; when she first formed the Service, Princess Celestia had alicorns listed as Entity One."
"She did?" Cola asked, "I'm guessing due to their immense power and longevity, right?"
"That and -Twily?" Shining interrupted himself, spotting his sister emerging from one of the wings off the main hallway. "What are you up to today?"
"Oh, hi, Big Brother," Twilight greeted as Cherry Cola bowed, "I'm in town for a few days and decided to do some recreational research. Oh, hello," the Princess noticed Cola, "are you a new member of my brother's unit?"
"Yes, your highness," Cola replied, fighting off his confusion at the self-contradictory nature of the phrase 'recreational research.' "Lieutenant Cherry Cola, Nonrational Service."
"Please, just call me 'Twilight'," her highness replied, "I guess Shining is giving you the..." Twilight trailed off as a low, sinister moan was heard.
"Princess, do you know if there's anypony else on this floor?" Cola asked, cautiously moving behind Twilight. From their location in the middle of the floor, an enemy would have to approach from one of the hallway's two directions. With Cola in position and Shining remaining where he was, the princess was protected from both possible threat vectors.
"As far as I know, the three of us are the only living things on this floor," Twilight answered. This statement was emphasized by another moan, this one louder and higher-pitched.
"Captain, I don't like the sound of that. I recommend we evacuate the Princess immediately," Cola said.
"No need for that," Shining replied calmly. There was a sudden cacophony of rattling and clanking, as if somepony were dragging chains on the floor. Then, it appeared. A gray, translucent apparition, vaguely pony-shaped, with chains shackled to each hoof appeared in front of Cola, at the stairs leading to the third floor.
"Wwwwooaaoooaaoooaaoooo," the spectral manifestation lamented, dragging its chains towards the ponies. Cola planted his hooves and lowered his head, prepared to fight the creature.
"Captain!" Cola said.
"Stay calm, Cola," Shining replied.
"WWooOOAAAaoooaaAAoOOOooo," the apparition contributed, approaching much more quickly than its pace indicated. It was more clearly visible, now evidently a ghostly mare in a long, hooded cloak. Cola scraped a hoof on the floor and snorted.
"Get ready to run, Princess," the earth pony said, not looking back. He didn't know whether he could fight a ghost, but he had to try.
"WWWOOOAAAH-HA-HA-HA!" The ghost suddenly started laughing. Her chains vanished and she pushed off her hood, revealing face that bore a slight resemblance to Princess Twilight. "You should see the look on your face!"
"Hamina-wha?!" Cola inquired as the ghostly mare suddenly appeared directly in front of him.
"My humble apologies, friend," the spirit said, "I am never able to resist the temptation to have a bit of fun with new members of the Nonrational Service. I am Entity Five Hundred and Thirteen, the Ghost of Clover the Clever. Please feel free to call me Clover."
"I -guh -huh," Cola said before sensibility and general politeness suddenly kicked in. "I am Lieutenant Cherry Cola, I -wait, did you say you're Clover the Clever? The one in the Hearth's Warming Eve story?"
"The very same," Clover replied, "the original Clover the Clever, not to be confused with the many performers and impersonators who have portrayed me in the millennia since. Speaking of which," Clover vanished, re-appearing in front of Twilight and bowing. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, I was well pleased with your portrayal of me at this past Hearth's Warming Eve Pageant."
"Thank you, I'm glad you liked it," Twilight said, blushing, "but you don't need to bow to me. I mean, you founded Equestria, so if anything, I feel like I should bow to you." The Princess promptly did exactly that.
"Well, old habits die hard, as they say," Clover said with a small laugh, "and what is a ghost but a bundle of old habits just wandering around?"
"Oh, don't speak of yourself that way," Twilight replied, "you're one of the greatest ponies in Equestria!"
"Oh, ho, so says the mare who became an alicorn," Clover countered flatteringly.
"They're probably gonna to go on like this for a while," Shining quietly informed Cola, "C'mon, we'll leave them to it."
"Sorry about that," Shining said once he and Cola reached the third floor. "My sister and Clover like to have their dueling compliment sessions. Like dueling banjos, but more adorkable."
"Why is the ghost of Clover the Clever haunting the Canterlot Archives?" Cola asked, still slightly wide-eyed.
"While she's best known as one of the co-founders of Equestria, Clover also founded the Canterlot Archives and designed this tower," Shining answered. "The offices we use were even designed by her, although she won't tell anypony why she originally put them in. She was so attached to this place that when her body died, her spirit stuck around. Fairly normal haunting, really." Cola struggled to process the concepts of 'adorkable' and 'normal haunting' as Shining continued. "Around Hearth's Warming Eve, her spirit gets stronger, letting her leave this tower and roam the rest of Canterlot. She'll never get far enough from here to reach her eternal rest, though."
"Oh. I see." Cola said, "that's... kind of depressing, you know?"
"True enough," Shining admitted. A hint of sadness wandered into his voice and decided to take up residence. "Everypony she knows and loves will one day cross that veil between life and death, going where she can never follow, even though it's well and truly time she did. Kinda gets you down just thinking about it, so we let her have her fun. She's darn helpful, too. If you need advice, asking her is never a bad idea."
"Was letting her have her fun why you didn't warn me?"
"You should've seen it when we pulled that routine on Jetstream and Firecracker. Jetstream got ready to fight, just like you did, but Firecracker blasted Clover with a big flamethrower spell. We had to replace the carpet after that, but at least nopony got hurt."
"What happened when she pulled that stunt on you?" Cola asked, immediately regretting putting his Captain on the spot.
"Pf, I tried to kick her," Shining admitted with an embarrassed grin, "A special talent for barrier spells. Years of training in combat magic. First time I think I'm in a real fight I try to kick a ghost. Smooth. As. Gravel."
"Well, to be fair, I almost did the same thing," Cola said with a chuckle.
"True enough. But getting back to our original topic, most of the stuff we deal with is fairly benign," Shining started down the hall, with Cola following, "stuff that doesn't really hurt anypony, but also doesn't actually fit into the universe at large, either. Regardless of how dangerous it is, we find it, we document it, and if we really have to, we lock it away."
"Do we have to do that a lot?" Cola asked.
"Not with Entities, most of them are pretty harmless," Shining said, "most Locations are pretty harmless, too. There's a couple places where we've had to set up a means of keeping ponies out, but most of the danger comes from Items. We've got a few caves beneath Canterlot that we've converted into vaults for hiding away Items. Oh, that reminds me, I guess we should start going over the ground rules."
Hours later, Cherry Cola settled in to his quarters beneath the Canterlot Archives. The Nonrational Service had a lot of regulations and requirements, and he was trying to absorb them all. Most of them were common sense, which made things easier. Cola had also gotten his hooves on the records documenting a few examples of That Which is Monitored, which he planned to read the next day. He wasn't exactly sure what the future held, but he knew it had to be more interesting than life on a cherry farm.