"It has been a year since our friend Allie's passing and I still miss her." said Aria.
"I concur, and our anguish is exacerbated by the fact that they never found the body." added Spencer (a girl)
"That's a lot more big words than I can process, but I am sad too," agreed Hannah. All of a sudden, the four girls' phones got a text message at the same time.
"Oh my god you guys!" said their token slightly-dark friend Emily, "I just got a text from someone named A! She knows all our secrets an she's threatening to blackmail us! Ohhh, she might tell the whole world that I am a lesbian"
From galaxies away, the ponies heard their distress call and came to their aid.
"Hey I know you!" said Spencer, "you're from that picture that Toby keeps under his bed next to the tissues and hand lotion."
"Ummmm, thanks?" said Rainbow Dash.
"Getting back on topic" said Cassandra, "for what reason did you call us here?"
"Take a look at this" said Emily, "we're getting threatening messages from an untraceable source that calls herself A." She showed the unsettling text to Cassandra,
"Hey bitches, I'm not dead... but soon you'll wish you were. Watch your backs. ~A"
(A/N Aria is NOT A, I know it sounds like the perfect twist ending, but it's not, it's just a consequence of very very shortsighted writing that one of the main characters has a name that starts with A. I figure if I don't address this immediately it's going to confuse people.)
"I see." said Cassandra, "This does seem to imply that your friend Allison is sending you text messages from Heaven... but understandably I have my doubts."
"Yeah, like the 'Heaven' thing for one." quipped Twilight
"TWILIGHT!" exclaimed Cassandra, "we discussed this; this is one of those times where you don't say whatever's on your mind."
"But if not Allie, the who else could it be?" wondered Hannah, "maybe someone else whose name starts with A?"
"Applejack!" declared Pinkie Pie.
"Now hold on just a durn tooin' minute!" objected Applejack, "it can't be me, ah ain't smart enough ta constantly outwit four teenage girls."
"She's got you there." said Cassandra. "Here's what we're going to do, you four girls go about your life as normal, don't give A the satisfaction of knowing she's getting to you. The seven of us will protect you, mostly me."
*****
Aria and her teacher Ezra Fitz were making out on the couch at his apartment. They were trying to get into the mood as best they could, but it was difficult.
"Aria, do your unicorn friends have to watch us?" said Ezra.
"Relax darling, this isn't anything I haven't done before" said Rarity.
"We have to protect you from A," said Twilight, "and that means never taking our eyes off of you. Besides, are you not a teacher? This session has been very educational to me." She proudly held up the several pages of notes she'd taken. There was a knock at the door. Hurriedly, Aria and the ponies hid in the closet, which proved to be a wise decision because at the door was Aria's dad.
"Hi Ezra" he said, "I wanted to talk to you about my personal problems."
"Sure I have time" said Ezra, trying not to sound impatient.
"Great. I trust you because I know you wouldn't keep secrets from me."
♪ ♫.I, I, I love little girls, they make me feel so good. ♪ ♫
"Sorry, that's my phone" said Ezra.
"Waaaaait a minute" said Aria's dad, "that ringtone..."
"Gulp" said Ezra.
"That's the guys who did Weird Science, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't know, I wasn't born yet."
*****
Cassandra and Fluttershy were watching over Spencer, who was busy doing her AP- level (advanced placement) homework. "Cassandra, can you take a look at this? It is abstruse."
"Sure" said Cassandra, "I see, all you have to do is..."
In the background, Fluttershy was fiddling with the TV remote when she accidentally turned on the TV. Playing on the TV was a gruesome killing scene the movie Saw, with the characters' faces replaced by Spencer and her friends'.
"Nooo!" cried Fluttershy, curling up into a ball and sobbing. Cassandra quickly came over and wrapped her wings around Fluttershy.
"Shhh Fluttershy, it's ok. Cassandra will protect you from the mean puppet man," she turned off the TV, "see? He's gone now, alright?"
Spencer's sister Melissa came downstairs and scowled at Spencer.
Spencer explained, "Our sororal relationship has been on tenterhooks on due to my repeated cuckolding of her gentleman callers."
"Hey Spencer, seen any good movies lately?" asked Melissa mysteriously.
"Wow, that's like a confession on a silver platter" remarked Cassandra.
"True, but I did see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug last week. Perhaps she was referring to that."
*****
"How did ah get stuck babysittin' the lesbian?" groused Applejack,
"Hey! I'm right here," said Emily, "and I thought you ponies were supposed to be tolerant to others under threat of Windagos."
"Ah may hafta tolerate zebras an' bisexuals, but that don't mean ah gotta like it."
"Whatever. You cook right?"
"Sure can, in fact ah'll go whip up some grub right now. Ah betcha can't guess what ah'm gonna make."
"Is it some kind of apple pastry?"
"Whoa! Yer sharp as a tack!" exclaimed Applejack. She hurried off to the kitchen.
Outside the house, Rainbow Dash was standing guard, when she was approached by a person wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt. The hood concealed their face, and the loose fittingness concealed their gender.
"Sorry, pal" said Dash, "but nopony gets in here today. You'll have to go."
The hooded figure started running in place.
"You tryin' to tell me you're faster than me?" she said indignantly, "well then let's see you prove it!" The two of them crouched down into a race starting position. "Ready set go!!!" said Rainbow, and she took off like a bullet. The hooded figure pantomimed running after Dash for a second, then turned around and nonchalantly let itself into the house.
The mysterious figure sneaked towards the stairs, but was spotted by Applejack, "Hold up there, pardner, you ain't supposed to be in here."
The hooded figure took out a wad of bills and offered them to Applejack. "Hmm, ah do need th' money," pondered Applejack, "alright, ah suppose ah can look th' other way if ya buy some of mah apple treats. What's th' worst that could happen?"
*****
Spencer, and Aria were hanging out at Aria's house with Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity. At Rarity's insistence, they were giving each other makeovers and mani-pedi-hoofies.
"Eeee! This is the second best sleepover I've ever had!" squealed Twilight. She neglected to add that it was the second full-stop.
Suddenly, Spencer and Aria's phones chirped at the same time. When they looked at the text they'd just gotten, the color drained from their faces.
"What? What is it?" said Twilight.
"It's from A," said Aria, "Emily's been kidnapped."
TO BE CONTINUED