//------------------------------// // Of Tentacle Monsters and Things from Long Ago // Story: Secret Agent Macintosh: The Statues of Canterlot // by islandsun //------------------------------// Chapter Two Of Tentacle Monsters and Things from Long Ago Chaos, Big Macintosh realized, was like a liquid, capable of permeating through just about anything so long as there were ponies to manipulate, or systems to exploit. Even when ponies did their best to wall out the chaos, it could always trickle through the cracks. Such was the case with the Torchwood Hub. Being a hundred hoofs underground, shielded by innumerable spells and wards, and reinforced with carbon steel beams made it one of the safest and impenetrable places in Equestria. Which was necessary, considering the nature of threats it faced. Yet, even in this sanctuary, the chaos came. Sirens and alarms were blaring with flashing lights. Computers portrayed swirling black and white portals, four chickens square dancing, and Celestia’s silhouette rotating on a central axis. There were origami cranes fluttering about made from top secret files, and even an earth pony dragging a sleeping weevil with a daisy chain around its head into the hall. Big Macintosh moved to the side to let him and his beastly cargo pass. “Well, this is a fine mess,” said Jack, ruffling his feathers under his jacket. “I swear, I leave you ponies alone for one night,” he said, sending Lyra a backward glance. She scoffed. “Oh, do we all need to play the ‘who did Jack Harkness sleep with this time’ game?” she asked with a sneer. “While you were busy getting busy, I actually got some work done, like finding a way to calm half a dozen weevils down enough to be put back into containment. It took me two hours, five crates of weevil spray, and every daisy left in the royal garden to get them back there. So don’t you give me any lip, Cap’n Harkness!” “Your work is very much appreciated, Miss Heartstrings, but it is far from done. I feel today will be a long day for us all,” spoke Celestia while sending a narrowed gaze to the Captain at the mention of Lyra’s game. “Yes of course, your highness,” replied Lyra, instantly putting on a smile for her Princess. “Though, not Miss Heartstrings anymore. It’s Missus Heartstrings.” Big Mac looked around uneasily as he walked towards the center of the Hub. Princess Celestia, Lyra, Jack, and Sergeant Wildaberry trailed just behind him. “I take it Discord did all of this,” he said, flinching as an origami crane plucked one of the hairs from his mane and then flew off with it. “Who else?” asked Jack. He trotted over to the central pillar, and began typing into a computer station next to it. He sighed. “It looks like all this chaos magic is giving the Rift a nasty stomach ache. We should start taking countermeasures against any temporal anomalies that might pop up.” “First things first, Captain Harkness,” said Celestia, walking up to his side. “We must deal with the effects of this chaos. Missus Heartstrings, I believe you have created a list of issues that our efforts should be focused on.” “Yes, Princess,” said Lyra, picking up a notepad from her desk with her magic. “There are, of course, the cotton candy clouds to deal with. So far the only luck the weather pegasi have been having with them is eating them. I thought we could try vaporizing them, or maybe transmatting them to a central location. Also, the stingless sea anemone on display in the Canterlot Royal Aquarium appears to have grown drastically, and now resembles some kind of ‘giant tentacle monster.’” “Oooh,” said Jack, intrigued. Big Mac rolled his eyes. “Any idea how to deal with it?” he asked. “I’ll see what we have in the weapons locker,” replied Lyra. “And apparently a number of statues have disappeared from the gardens. I’m guessing Discord hid them somewhere. I tried running a scan for them, but instead of finding them, I got that graphic of Princess Celestia spinning.” “I call dibs on the Tentacle Monster,” said Sergeant Wildaberry, raising a hoof. Big Macintosh raised his eyebrows. Lyra rubbed her temple, becoming even more aggravated. “Please make an attempt to behave, Sergeant,” said Celestia. Sergeant Wildaberry pouted at the passive reprimand. Out of the corner of his eye, Big Mac saw somepony walking into the hub. Turning his head, he caught sight of a mare he had seen around Ponyville before. She had crème colored fur, muted blue and pink curls in her mane, a saddle bag over her back, and a collection of candies for a cutie mark. She strode in confidently, unwavered by all the chaos buzzing around her. She ducked down lightly as a Pegasus chasing after his flying paperwork passed over her head, and stepped over a vibrating jar holding a sample of cotton candy clouds. She walked up calmly, and with a small smile to the group of ponies gathered around the pillar. “Bon Bon, what are you doing here?” asked Lyra, surprised, her earlier aggravation disappearing. “I thought you didn’t like being near the rift.” “You forgot your lunch, sweetie,” she replied, reaching into her saddlebag and bringing out a brown paper bag. “Even you can’t tame all this chaos on an empty stomach.” Lyra smiled graciously and then sighed. “I can always count on you.” She took the lunch with her magic and then leaned forward, nuzzling Bon Bon warmly. Big Macintosh blinked as he watched the scene, realizing that this was the pony Lyra had wed. Suddenly, he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. Lyra could share the truth of her profession with the one she loved…but he couldn’t? He turned his gaze to Princess Celestia, expecting either an explanation for this pony’s presence or a request for her absence. Instead, Bon Bon turned to the Princess and bowed her head lightly. “A pleasure to see you, Ma’am,” said Celestia. Big Mac nearly did a double take. Did the Princess just call her ‘Ma’am’? “The Elements have been dispatched to subdue Discord,” continued Celestia. “The Elements of Harmony?” asked Bon Bon. “Yes.” Bon Bon blinked, and tilted her head curiously to the side. “Then I’m sure this situation will be resolved soon.” Sending one last comforting glance to Lyra, Bon Bon made to leave, but paused in front of Big Macintosh. “Hello,” she said to him, as if she was greeting an old friend she hadn't seen in a long time. “Uh…hello,” he said awkwardly. She nodded politely, and then left. Big Mac furrowed his brow, pensively. “Who was that?” he asked. “That was Bon Bon, my wife. So don’t get any funny ideas, Big Red,” replied Lyra, putting her bag lunch down on her desk.     “Nope…” said Mac, shaking his head lightly. “Does she work at Torchwood?” “Yes, she does,” answered Captain Jack. “But that’s all I can tell you. The rest is classified.”   “Oh,” said Big Mac, quietly. “If you will excuse me, my little ponies. I should attend to the angry crowd outside the tower,” spoke Celestia, making her way towards the hall. But just before she left, she turned around. “I have faith that each and every one of you will do your utmost to protect our citizens. I wish you all good luck.” With that, she left. Jack breathed a sigh of relief, happy that he was no longer in vaporizing range of Celestia. He quickly typed something into the keyboard. “Alright, here’s the plan,” he said, turning to face his compatriots. “Lyra, get every able bodied pony and try to install a null field around the hub. Tune it against this chaos magic. We can’t have all these things whizzing around if we want to get anything done. I’ll take the Big Fellow and the sergeant with me and we’ll see what we can do about the tentacle monster. Sergeant Wildaberry will… will you stop touching that!” exclaimed Jack at Sergeant Willdaberry, who was nudging a particularly touchy laser weapon on a desk. Slowly, she put her hoof down. “Wait,” she said. “Does this mean I get to take care of the Tentacle Monster after all?” “Yeah.” She grinned from ear to ear. “Now that’s more like it! Come on suckers, we’ve got a Giant Tentacle Monster waiting for us!” she shouted, sprinting for the elevator. Big Mac rolled his eyes, but he and Jack followed her out. “Have Joe bring some heavy weaponry to the Aquarium for us!” Jack called back to Lyra as he trotted into the hall.         00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000         Applebloom was stuck. Her entire class, and another class from Trottingham, could not leave the palace atrium on Princess’s orders. Apparently the way back to Ponyville became just too dangerous after everything started getting wonky. It was supposed to have just been a three hour tour. A three hour tour of the palace and the gardens. But then things started getting really weird. Now, Cheerilee and the other school teacher were talking with Princess Luna, trying to find out when they would be able to leave. “Ugh,” said Applebloom, “How long are we supposed to stay here?” “It’s so boring!” added Sweetie Belle, who was lying on the ground with Scootaloo, stuck examining carpet fibers. “Outside is where all cool stuff is going on!” said Scootaloo, glancing enviously to the window being drizzled on by chocolate rain. Applebloom shook her head in frustration. Suddenly, a mare galloped into the atrium, running past Applebloom so fast that she was sent spinning from the wind in her wake. Sergeant Wildaberry bounded forward with reckless disregard for the foals around her, dodging in between them. Following behind her, at a more reasonably speed, was Captain Jack and Big Macintosh. “Big Mac!” exclaimed Applebloom, catching sight of brother once she stopped spinning. “Applebloom?” Big Macintosh turned to her, surprised. “Fancy seeing you here…” “What are ya’ doing here, Big Mac? Are ya’ gonna take us home?” she asked hopefully. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo both sat up, hoping he would take them too. “Errr, sorry kiddo. The royal guard asked fer volunteers, and I gotta go help them deal with all the craziness out there,” said Big Mac, “But I’ll take ya home once that’s done, promise.” “Ahhhh, come on, big bro. What are we supposed ta do till then?” asked Applebloom, exasperated. “You and yer friends need to stay here, safe and outa trouble. That understood?” he looked down at her, expectantly. “Yeah,” she said, pouting. “But when’s all that craziness gonna end?” “Applejack and her friends are taking care of it, I’m sure ya can count on them,” Applebloom looked up, curious at the mention of their sister’s name. Big Mac smiled, “Cuz, ya see, there’s this nasty creature out there, messing with everything and everypony. So she’s gonna go out there, blast him with a rainbow, and teach him a lesson.” “Really?!” asked Applebloom. “Really. Now, I’d better get going. Be back soon!” said Big Macintosh as he trotted after Captain Jack and Sergeant Wildaberry. “Okay! Good luck, Big Mac!” Applebloom shouted after him. She was turning back to her fellow cutie mark crusaders, when a colt from the Trottingham class walked up towards her, glancing curiously to Big Macintosh’s receding figure. “Who was that?” he asked. “That was mah Big Brother Macintosh! He’s gonna go help the Royal Guard,” said Applebloom, smiling. “Huh, and who are you?” he asked. “I’m Applebloom, and this is-“ “Scootaloo!” “Sweetie Belle!” “And together we’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” “The Cutie Mark Crusaders? Ooh! I got my Cutie Mark yesterday!” he said, twisting to show them the side of his flank. “No way!” “Really?!” The three little fillies crowded around him. “How did ya get it?” asked Applebloom. “Oh, um,” he said uneasily, leaning away from them as they invaded his space. “My dad had me practice taking notes on ponies passing in the park, to help study their behavior, like he does with his patients. Nothing’s scientific unless it’s recorded, he says. And…when I did it, things just seemed to make a little more sense. Ponies, I mean, we made more sense. It also made me realize just how erratic everypony acts.” “Cool…I guess,” said Scootaloo. “I’ve been taking notes on you three this whole time,” he explained proudly, bringing up a notebook and quill with magic from behind him. Applebloom glanced one more time at the intertwined quills on the colt’s flanks. “What was yer name, again?” she asked. “Telltail Twirler,” he told her. He snapped the notebook shut with a gentle glow of magic. “That’s a funny name,” commented Swettie Belle. Telltail smiled sheepishly. “My mom wanted me to join a marching band and be a baton twirler.”       00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000   “Ohhh baby! Go easy on me!” exclaimed Jack, as he was waved around in the grasp of a thick white tentacle. “Damn it Jack, you’re enjoying this too much!” shouted Big Mac from his place on the ground. “Yeah, take this, you rowdy anemone!” exclaimed Wildaberry gleefully, heaving a shark over her shoulders towards the creature. “Sergeant Wildaberry! Put that back!” said Big Macintosh. He sighed. It was like he was dealing with foals. “Ahhhh,” she protested. “Now!” She begrudgingly trudged to where the shark landed. Suddenly, there was a flash and the POP of a unicorn teleporting. Big Mac turned towards the sound. Standing there was a beige colored unicorn with a light brown, slicked back mane. He wore a suave looking black tuxedo and a grey oval saddlebag. A long black plastic case had teleported with him. “Oh, hi Donut Joe,” said Big Macitosh, glad to finally get some reinforcements. Joe took a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and put them on. “That’s Special Agent Con Mane to you, Big Fellow.” Big Mac muttered something that sounded suspiciously along the lines of, “I’m surrounded by foals.” “What was that?” “Nothing.” Joe took a step forward on the wet aquarium floor. “So, this is what we’re dealing with?” “Nope, that’s just the décor,” replied Big Mac sarcastically. “Well, it really clutters up the space. Let’s see what we can do to fix it,” said Joe, opening up the case he brought with his wheat colored magic. It revealed a big, complicated ray gun with stray wires sticking out of it. “What is that thing?” asked Big Mac. “That, my big red friend, is a class four miniaturization ray, salvaged from the Teselecta after it was destroyed by Germanes about seventy years ago. Hopefully the compression field can bring this bad boy down to size.” “Wooohooo!” shouted Jack, still firmly held captive by a tentacle. “Nice to see you, Joe! Looking slick!” Donut Joe smiled and blushed. “Why thank you, Jack. Holding in there?” “Just barely!” replied Jack. Joe shook his head. Turning away from the Captain, he picked up the ray gun and offered it to Big Macintosh. “Just pull back that lever to fire, but it’ll need about six seconds to warm up before each use,” he instructed. “Now, I’d better be off. Have to try and find a way to get my donuts to stop pretending to be flying saucers.” “Thanks,” said Mac, accepting the weapon into his hooves. He studied it curiously. With a brief nod, Donut Joe lit up his horn and then disappeared. He left the ray gun case behind. Big Mac heaved the heavy shrink ray onto his shoulder, pointing it towards the offending sea creature. He closed his left eye, and then aimed, putting one hoof on the lever. He grimaced when the tentacle monster waved Jack in and out of his line of fire. “Jack! You need to get out of there!” he shouted. Jack started squirming in the anemone’s grasp, but to no avail. “Sorry Big Mac. I think I’m stuck.” “Gah! Sergeant Wildaberry! I could use some help here.” “Oh sorry, but somepony wanted me to put this shark back where I found it!” she replied, while trying to stuff the shark over the glass wall and into its tank. Big Macintosh groaned in irritation. He turned back to the monster. The cylindrical center of the anemone had grown thicker and bigger than the largest tree trunk. It had burst forth from its small coral and exotic fish-filled tank, shattering the glass. Now the long, thick tentacles were waving wildly and taking up half the hall. He sighed. This one was going to be a doozy. “Alright, I’m coming Jack!” said Big Mac. He looped the shrink ray’s strap over his head and foreleg before charging at the creature. A tentacle slapped down in front of him. Unfazed, he jumped on it, and used his momentum to slide up along its length. “Woah!” he exclaim, as he spiraled upside down on the tentacle, holding on by the strength of his hooves. The tentacle was squishy and slimy, and it slicked up the fur underneath Big Mac’s stomach. The anemone, sensing an attacker, flicked it’s tentacle up and down, trying to shake Big Macintosh off. But he held firm, at least until he was smacked against the floor…and then the ceiling. “Ugh,” he groaned as he fell off from the thirty hoof height. He was only just able to grab onto the tentacle holding Captain Jack before he hit the ground. “Nice for you to drop in,” said Jack. “Now what?” “Wow, wow, wow!” exclaimed Big Mac, as he began sliding back down. He grit his teeth and tried to grab hold tighter. His mind was moving at a mile a minute, trying to find something that could free Jack. “Sergeant Wildaberry!” he called out. “We could use a shark-shaped projectile right about now!” “Oh, now you want it?!” she said, annoyed. “Just do it!” With a sigh and a heave, Sergeant Wildaberry sent the great white shark flying like a discus in the Equestria Games. Its teeth clamped down onto the tentacle precariously close to Big Macintosh’s flank. Big Macintosh’s eyes grew wide from the close call, but still refused to let go. The force of the shark chomping down, and tearing through the sea creature’s flesh was enough to force it to relinquish its hold on Jack. The tentacle thrashed this way and that, smashing into glass tanks, tiled floors, and plaster ceiling.The shark relinquished its grip and was thrown into its  tank. As soon as Jack hit the ground with a thud, Big Macintosh jumped down, landing on his hoofs. He did not hesitate or flinch as the monster sent its tentacles flying violently to his left and right. Instead, he grabbed hold of the miniaturization ray, aimed, and pulled the lever. A tentacle nearly the size of himself landed only inches away from his fetlocks. He could hear the machine warm up with a hum. He counted off the seconds before it would fire. “One Apple Acres.” “Two Apple Acres.” “Three Apple Acres.” He dashed to the side as a slimy feeler crashed where he had been standing only moments ago.     “Four Apple Acres.” “Five Apple Acres.” He steadied the gun, aiming for the dead center of the creature. “Six Apple Acres!” A bright white beam burst from the ray gun, hitting the anemone squarely on its base. Wildaberry, Jack and Big Mac all flinched and closed their eyes. When they opened their eyes, a harmless, pudgy thing the size of a potted plant stood in place of the giant tentacle monster. Instead of the sound of slimy tentacles smacking the walls, all that was left was the breathing of three little ponies. Big Macintosh shrugged off the miniaturization ray and then sat down, heaving a heavy sigh. “Good job, big fellow,” said Jack, pushing himself up as he healed his broken bones. He extended a hoof up to his partner. “Yer welcome,” replied Big Mac, hitting his hoof against Jack’s. “Well, what do we got next?” asked Sergeant Wildaberry, trotting over to them with a satisfied grin. “Let’s just…get out of here,” said Captain Jack. Suddenly, the urgent sound of galloping hooves echoed down the tile hall. “Sergeant Wildaberry! Captain Harkness! The Princess has requested you both to report back to the tower, immediately!” he declared, before skidding to a halt to catch his breath. “Oh, what does Celestia want now? And…and where the buck are all the Guards getting off to? We could have used some help down here!” said Wildaberry, pointing her hoof accusingly. “I-I’m sorry Ma’am. I thought we sent some ponies…” he looked around, confused. “Well, you thought wrong, Soldier. Now start cleaning up this mess! It looks like we have some place to be,” ordered Sergeant Wildaberry, reaching into a janitor’s closet the anemone had broken into and taking out a broom. She pushed it into his unprepared hooves before patting him on his back and trotting past him. “Off we goooo, into the wild blue yonder,” she sang to herself as she trotted, “Off we goooo, into the sky!” Big Macintosh and Captain Jack exchanged a dubious glance before following her. “Climbing high into the sun; “Here they come marching an’ zooming to meet our thunder, “At 'em gals, give 'em the lance! Down we dive, “Spouting our blood from under, off with one helluva roar! “We live in fame or go down in flame. Hey!”  Sergeant Wildaberry kept singing the Royal Guard’s song, shaking her head in time with the melody. The soldier left behind sighed, but began to sweep at the broken glass and salt water. He didn’t hear the sound of wings fluttering, and he didn’t see the shadow creep towards him from within the dark janitor’s closet. The sweeping stopped. The broom fell to the floor with a clatter. There was nopony left to hold it up. “Nothing'll stop the Equestrian Royal Guard!” shouted Sergeant Wildaberry, as she marched out of the aquarium.   00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000   Captain Jack peered around the corner cautiously, an eyebrow raised as he searched for anything out of place. “Something doesn’t feel right…” he said, slowly trotting around the base of the southwest tower of the palace, holding the shrink ray case under his wing. Big Mac and Wildaberry followed closely behind him. “Where are all the Royal Guards? We’ve already passed at least two gates; they should have been guarded,” said Big Mac, glancing over to the empty paved street that lead to Guard’s barracks. “Maybe they’re busy. I’m sure there’s plenty of chaos that needs their attention,” suggested Sergeant Wildaberry, rubbing her muzzle thoughtfully. “I don’t know…we should have seen somepony by now,” replied Jack. He frowned. “Maybe Celestia ordered them somewhere else, and that’s what she wanted to talk to us about. She said she was going to address the crowd at the main entrance to the palace, so she should just be up here.” As they went further on, several ponies began to walk past them, away from the main gate. Big Mac had to swerve to the side to allow two scowling Canterlot stallions to trot arrogantly past him. More mares and stallions followed, all grumbling about something distastefully. When they came upon the main entrance they found a crowd dispersing. “I am sorry, My Little Ponies, but it is not safe for you to stay here. Please go to your homes. I promise you all that Discord’s chaos will be undone soon,” said Princess Celestia to the few who remained. With a collective groan, the last few ponies trotted away. Celestia breathed a sigh of relief as Big Mac and the others made their way up to her. “I hope you bring good news, Captain Harkness. Convincing these ponies to save their complaints until the crisis has passed proved more difficult than I anticipated,” she said. Jack smiled and nodded. “The Tentacle Monster threat has been neutralized, and judging from the sky scape, Lyra has been making quick work of the cotton candy clouds. If all goes according to plan, we should expand our anti-chaos operations into Ponyville and the surrounding areas in less than an hour,” he replied. He glanced around the main entrance, and furrowed his brow after seeing there were no Royal Guards here either. He put the shrink ray case down. “What was it you called us here for, Princess?” Celestia blinked. “I did not summon you.” “We did,” spoke a voice from behind Celestia. Celestia and her ponies turned to see Princess Luna standing in the Palace Entranceway. No longer was she the pony waking up after a night of exertion, sweaty and tired. Her dark glittering mane waved in the breeze and her eyes were wide awake. “Luna,” said Celestia, surprised. “Princess Luna,” said Sergeant Wildaberry as she bowed with respect. “There is something very wrong,” she said, gazing towards Jack. She then turned to Celestia. “Sister, the green unicorn from Torchwood wished to speak to you in the Hub. If it is alright, I would like to have a word with these three alone.” Celestia hesitated, uncertain about Luna’s intentions, but then nodded. “Very well.” With a flash of her horn, Princess Celestia disappeared. She took the miniaturization ray with her. “Follow me,” Luna told them, motioning with her head. The three smaller ponies followed her into the palace. “Are you alright?” asked Jack, gently touching her shoulder with his wing. “Yes, I am fine. But there is something amiss in the palace. The royal guard…for lack of a better word…has disappeared.” Jack looked at her worried. “What do you mean, disappeared? How could they have disappeared? Are you sure Celestia didn’t just order them to relocate?” he asked. Luna shook her head. “No such order was given.” She turned around, as if to address Sergeant Wildaberry, when suddenly she stopped, her gaze landing on Big Macintosh. Big Mac had been trailing farther behind the others; he froze under Luna’s stare. “You…young stallion…do we know you?” she asked, blinking. It was as if her mind found some far old corner of memory, one that poked and prodded her, trying to remind her where she had seen this secret agent before. Big Macintosh felt the blood drain away from his face and a pang of panic strike his chest. “She barely talks to you anymore, does she?” asked Big Macintosh defiantly to the tall, blue alicorn standing over him. “When she thought that she lost you, what did she do? Nothing! We both remember what she did when she thought Telltail died. She doesn’t need you. She didn’t need you! You know what? I think I was wrong, maybe she doesn’t love you. Maybe you are going to die here with the rest of us! And you will die, UNLOVED and UNWANTED. And then….we will forget about you. Because, in the end, you were nothing….” Big Macintosh finished his speech quietly, and somehow, he knew that he had succeeded. And he never loathed himself more for being right. “N-nope,” he said, trying to push the offending memory from his mind. “Hmmm,” she said, still staring thoughtfully. Jack shifted his eyes carefully between his partner and his lover. Finally, Luna turned to Sergeant Wildaberry, dropping the subject. “Soldier, what is your name?” she asked. The royal guard straightened herself, and lifted her chin. “Sergeant Indomitable Wildaberry, Ma’am,” she replied. “You are the last Royal Guard left in the palace. Do you know where your fellow brothers and sisters in arms have gone to?” Sergeant Wildaberry shook her head. “No Ma’am. Sorry, Ma’am.” “This is ominous indeed,” said Luna, looking down. “And what of the soldier who sent for you?” “He is cleaning the mess up at the aquarium,” replied Sergeant Wildaberry. Luna nodded. They began to trot down the hall again. The sharpest sound being their hooves on artfully cut marble, cutting through the sound of fluttering wings in the background. “Have you tried contacting Captain Shining Armor?” asked Jack. “Yes. He is currently leading a battalion of guards to Ponyville and orchestrating operations around Canterlot to maintain control against the chaos. He says he hasn’t experienced similar disappearances among his ranks,” said Luna. “Maybe we should search for clues that could explain what happened to them?” suggested Big Macintosh, having finally worked up the courage to speak in Luna’s presence. “Sounds like a plan,” agreed Jack. He glanced hesitantly to Luna as they walked. With a tap of his wing he drew her to trot away from the others.  “Luna…” he began. “Yes.” She looked over to him curiously. “I know that Celestia didn’t take it well when she found out. What did she say?” he asked quietly. Luna sighed. “Do not worry yourself Jack. I assure you that my sister has the upmost respect for you, and your work for Torchwood. She was merely concerned about your…track record for more promiscuous activities. The fact that she did not attempt to vaporize or fire you shows that she has a great deal of respect for you. Also, know that my sister does not decide my personal relationships, I do.” She paused, and nuzzled him lightly. “You are a very kind stallion, I would not let you go so easily, Jack Harkness.” Jack looked down, hesitating before returning the affection. “Celestia can think what she wants. I was only worried about what you might think after she told you all those things.” “Well, you certainly did know your way around things, Jack. Of that I have no illusion. In fact, I found your style…somewhat enticing,” said Luna with a small blush. Jack grinned. “What can I say? There are benefits to being a fifty first century kind of pony.” Luna chuckled. “Now, now, Jack. We should concentrate on the task at hand.” “Of course, Princess.” Big Macintosh did his best to ignore their private conversation. Suddenly his ears twitched, picking up something that sounded like a bird fluttering its wings. He glanced suspiciously over to the side, towards the tall pillars and the shadows between them. He saw nothing there. Nothing moving. “Nopony sneaks up on Sergeant Wildaberry!” shouted an indignant voice directly into Big Mac’s ear. Annoyed, Big Macintosh turned around, only to stop right in his tracks. His eyes widened. Luna gasped behind him. “B-but...that’s impossible!” said Jack, reeling back, “That’s just not possible!”  Big Mac detected something in his voice, something he had only heard in Jack’s voice once, a long time ago. Fear. Pure, unadulterated fear.   And it made his blood run cold. Standing there, it’s leg outstretched, stopping only inches away from Sergeant Wildaberry’s flank, was…some sort of creature. At first glance, it had the form of a Pegasus, with a pair of wings springing from its back. It’s mane bound into a bun, and its tail curling at the end. But it was not a Pegasus. Big Macintosh didn’t even think it was a pony, as he observed three basic traits of this…this creature. Jutting from its mouth was a row of razor sharp fangs, the teeth of a predator. And it’s eyes. They were empty, just blank grey slots holding no pupils or life. And most frightening of all was its skin. For instead of having a body of flesh and fur, there was just grey, smooth stone. Even the tunic, which covered its midsection, was made from stone. It was a statue. Sergeant Wildaberry jumped away from it, glaring angrily. “Everypony! Back away from it, get away, but don’t take your eyes off of it!” shouted Jack, moving in between Luna and the statue. “Thankfully, there’s only one!” “What?” asked Sergeant Wildaberry, glancing back. Big Macintosh blinked. When he opened his eyes the creature’s hoof was nearly touching his nose.   With a yelp he jumped back. “AH!” screeched a voice from behind them. “Don’t turn around!” shouted Jack, just as Big Mac was about to check and see what the Princess was screaming about. “It’s another one!” Suddenly Big Macintosh heard the sound of fluttering again. “Sergeant Wildaberry, keep you eye on this one!” he said, sending a side glance to the left and then the right. On each side of the hall, perched on the ledge between the windows and ceiling, were two more pegasus statues, the ends of their wings covered their empty eyes. He and Sergeant Wildaberry backed up, until they felt Luna and Jack standing right behind them. They were surrounded. “Jack…what are they…” He didn’t reply. “Jack! What are they!?” Jack swallowed. “They’re…they’re weeping angels.”