//------------------------------//
// Part 1 
// Story: The Winds of Winter:  A Hooves Family Adventure 
// by defender2222 
//------------------------------//

“See this real, non-visible line?” Scootaloo said sternly, glaring at her friends. She jabbed her hoof at the ground.  “No unicorns or earth ponies are allowed to cross it!” She whipped around and jabbed a hoof at Rumble, who was dragging his hoof along the wooden floor. “What are you doing? Don’t go around the rock!”

“I don’t think so!” Sweetie Belle declared, sticking her nose up in the air. “That rock clearly belongs to us!” She leaned towards Dinky, whispering rather loudly, “who knows, there might be jewels inside.”

“I claim this rock!” Scootaloo shouted, moving to snatch the gray lump, only to have it yanked away.

“Oh look, ya found my rock!” Applebloom said happily, motioning for Pip to collect the rock from her. “I’ve been lookin’ for it everywhere!”

“Give it back!” Sweetie Belle shouted.

“It’s mine!” Scootaloo roared, leaping at Applebloom.

“My rock!”

“Mine!”

“They are doing it wrong!”

“Cut!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders blinked from the tangled mess of forelegs and tails they’d become wrapped in, all signs of anger leaving them instantly. Sweetie Belle wiggled her nose, trying to get the plastic crown she was wearing back in place, while Scootaloo shifted, fearing that Applebloom would wreck the wicked cool costume armor she was wearing.

“What is it, Diamond Tiara?” Miss Cheerilee said with a weary sigh, trotting up onto the stage.

“They are doing it all wrong!” the little earth filly complained. “They aren’t doing the voices right, they keep flubbing their lines, and none of them have the grace and dignity needed to portray one of the founders!” 

“Said the rock,” Scootaloo whispered, her friends doing their best to muffle their giggles.

Diamond Tiara shot them a foul glare, though it was weakened in power due to her costume: a big, lumpy wad of cloth and stuffing painted gray. “They aren’t taking this seriously! I should be Princess Platinum, not Sweetie Belle! She should be the rock or the tree!” Under her breath she muttered, “Or the windigos, since they cause so much destruction…”

“Now now,” Miss Cheerilee said, forcing a smile on her face. “Remember the old saying: there are no small parts, only small actors.”

“But we’re all small,” Dinky called out, lowering her hood. “Unless we aren’t… are one of you a giant and didn’t tell me?” She looked accusingly at the other fillies and colts, waiting for them to reveal their true gigantic size.

“Diamond Tiara, we have already discussed this several times. Each year we take turns playing the different roles in the Hearth’s Warming play. Last year you were Princess Platinum…” under her breath she muttered,  “even though you shouldn’t have been since you aren’t a unicorn…” a bit louder Miss Cheerilee said,  “and this year its Sweetie Belle’s turn.”

Diamond Tiara sniffed in annoyance. “Taking turns… that’s something that was created to let inferior ponies have a chance to feel special.”

“Who are ya callin’ inferior?!” Applebloom snapped. 

“You, Applebloom,” Sweetie Belle said helpfully. “She’s calling you inferior.”

“Thanks Sweetie,” Applebloom said, rolling her eyes.

Miss Cheerilee forced herself to exude more cheerfulness. “Well, I think we are almost ready for the play this Friday, so why don’t you all head home and rest up!”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo said with a smirk as she pulled off her helmet, “you’ll need to really focus on being the best rock ever.”

“You… you…” Diamond Tiara sputtered. She took a calming breath and gazed at the other fillies and colts, a wicked little gleam glowing in her eyes. She waited till Miss Cheerilee was out of earshot before hissing, “Perhaps I should talk to my father about making a donation to the school… a few thousand will be enough to get us a new stage… and of course Miss Cheerilee will be so excited that she will give me the part I deserve and force you pathetic little fillies to be the rocks!”

Dinky blinked. “A few thousand what?” 

“Excuse me?”

“You’re going to bribe her with a few thousand what?” Dinky grinned. “Is it muffins?”

“No, it’s not-“

“And why would you need to bribe her?” Dinky asked in confusion, walking towards the left-hand stage door. “I thought you said you were the bestest best for the role… if that were the case shouldn’t Miss Cheerilee just give you the part? You’d only have to bribe her if you weren’t the best.”

Diamond blinked, her lips stuck up and her brow furrowed as she tried to follow Dinky’s logic. Deciding that she had been insulted she rushed over and blocked Dinky’s way, placing her little body in front of Dinky and the exit. “You think you are clever, aren’t you?”

“Yup! Thanks for asking.”

“I… you…” Finding herself once more outsmarted Diamond Tiara did what all bullies do: try and ruin their target’s self esteem. “They just pity you, you know that?” Diamond Tiara ripped her rock costume off and threw it at Silver Spoon, who was struggling to get out of her tree costume. “You poor, stupid little thing! You think everypony likes you because you put on that ‘I’m so cute’ routine but they just pity you! Everypony knows you are just pathetic stupid thing, with your sad little blue box for a home and your weird lazy-eyed mom and your weird-“

WHAM!

“Dinky!” The Doctor said happily, his hoof still resting on the door he’d slammed open… the door that now had Diamond Tiara plastered to it. “Ready to go?”

“Yup yup!” the happy filly said. “Bye Diamond Tiara!”

The Doctor tilted his head, studying the rich filly who was currently trying to get her bearings after being struck by rapidly opening door. “Hee… hehehe.” The Doctor struggled to control himself. “Sorry, sorry… don’t mean to laugh… every time I see you I remember what I saw 10 years from now.” He shook his head and smiled. “My goodness, you get faaaaaaat.” 

“Doctor,” Dinky said, shaking her head. “Spoilers.”

“Right right,” he said, bending down and letting Dinky scramble onto his back. “Plenty of time for her to discover a love for hot fudge on her own. Let’s get going. Allons-y!”

“Diamond, are you ok?” Silver Spoon asked, poking her friend who was looking up at the rafters with a dazed look on her face.

“I… I like hot fudge,” Diamond Tiara mumbled.

~DH~DH~DH~

Most ponies in Ponyville looked at the Hooves family and thought them to be rather strange. Oh, Ponyville wasn’t normal by any standard to be sure; one merely had to look at its citizens to realize that. Fashionistas, alicorn princesses, ground-dwelling pegasi, hand-obsessed lyre players, magic-apple sellers… and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But even by Ponyville standards the Hooves family was a weird one.

Take the matriarch of the family, though she hated to be called that because it sounded old and frumpy. Derpy had seemingly just popped up one day, with knowledge about them all that she should not have had while also being bewildered and delighted by the most common of things. Even Pinkie Pie had been weirded out when the pegasus had spent 20 minutes breathing on the display case glass at Sugarcube Corner and writing her name over and over again. Still, while odd, Derpy never seemed that much of a danger… except when she allowed her mind to wander. The mare had a huge imagination and could easily get lost in her own daydreams, which more often than not led to accidents and general destruction. Jobs at a moving company and on the weather team had failed spectacularly but, in the end, the citizens of Ponyville had done what they always did when somepony seemed strange and different and a general bother: band together and find them a place where they belonged.

For Derpy that was the mail route. Being able to fly all over, visiting ponies each day and daydreaming about what strange and wonderful items were tucked away in the many brown boxes she delivered seemed to let her be herself without causing any true damage. Yes, she occasionally delivered the wrong letter but she was quick to fix any mistake, many times before a pony realized what had happened.

The rest of the family was the same way. Dinky appeared to be all at once a child prodigy and a befuddled youngster that went off on weird tangents. The Doctor, who didn’t have a name and whose own wife and daughter referred to him by his title, was a self-described mad-stallion who was forever shining his weird little flashlight about. The family would disappear for days at a time, only to arrive back in Ponyville no worse for wear. And the less said about the strange folk that came and visited them, the better.

The other reason ponies thought them strange was their choice of homes. While Ponyville was known for strange house designs, the idea of three ponies crammed into a little blue box with the words “POLICE” stamped on the top was just odd. Many had offered to let the family stay at their homes, thinking the Hooves were poor off, but they’d all just laugh and claim that the box was more than big enough for them. Of course, there were a few that did know the truth… but they weren’t going to spread the truth.

“Doctor, Dinky?” Derpy called out, slipping her cap and mailbag off and wandering through the TARDIS’ console room. “Hello?”

“In here!” the Doctor called out to her left and, after a moment, the Time Lord emerged from his study, his sonic screwdriver tucked in his mane like a hairpick. “Good day at work?”

“No lawsuits,” Derpy said with a smile, trotting over to the alien pony and giving him a kiss. “You?”

“Not much. Had to ditch my stalker again but it wasn’t that much of a problem.” The time lord shook his head. “She is bound and determined though to steal me away from you.”

“What’s her name again? Singy Brook?”

“Something like that… there was water involved, that’s all I know. Mane poofier than Pinkie Pie’s, if one can believe it.” The Doctor clapped his hooves together and grinned. “Now then, what to do for supper? Hmmm," the Doctor said, tapping his chin. "I want something filling... with a bit of spice. Tigasian noodles… maybe from the 3rd dynasty?" Derpy made a face and the Doctor sighed. "Yes yes... I forgot about you aversion to eating anything made from an animal. I do say, though, you should really consider expanding your horizons; Griffland crisp bacon, for example, is just to die for."

"Die, Doctor, die," Derpy reminded him. “Key word there.”

The Time Lord sighed. "Right right... ok, how about authentic Iponiano pizza! We could stop off in 500 AD, just when they were really getting a knack for it and worked out the kinks. Funny word that, kinks. Fun to say but strange to look at. You begin to stare at it too long and it just begins to look weird, like you’ve jumbled the letters up. Kink kink kink-"

"What about Little Celestia's?" Derpy asked with a grin.

The Doctor paused, staring blankly at the wall before him. He turned ever so slowly, giving Derpy plenty of time to retract her statement. "Derpy... the TARDIS can take us any place and any time... to planets you’ve only dreamed of and places you never thought existed… and you want to get generic fast food?"

"But it’s only 5 bits... 6 and a half if we get Luna Bread!" Derpy bounced up and down happily. "Me likey bread sticks. Me likey bread sticks."

Before the Doctor could comment on Derpy's deplorable lack of taste Dinky trotted into the room, her face screwed up in concentration as she mumbled to herself. "The fire of our friendship... the FIRE of our friendship... the fire of our FRIENDship... the fire…of our…friend-ship...nargles!"

"Language," Derpy scolded, though she did smile as she walked over to her daughter and kissed her on the forehead. 

"Sorry mama," Dinky said, scuffing her hoof against the TARDIS' floor.

"Good girl. Now, what has you cursing like a capricorn?"

Dinky plopped down, blowing a strand of hair from in front of her face. "I'm trying to get ready for the play but I keep feeling like I'm not doing the character of Clover justice!"

"This isn't about what that little future-chubby said, is it?" the Doctor asked, checking the wiggly lever to make sure it was wiggly enough.

Dinky shook her head; after seeing how Diamond Tiara's teenage years would go down, it was hard to take her seriously. She only wished she could let Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle know that things would get SO much better soon enough. "No, not her. I've been worried about this since Miss Cheerilee gave me the part. Clover the Clever is one of the most importantest unicorn ever! I want to make sure I am playing her right but I don't know how to play her!" 

“What does Miss Cheerilee say?” Derpy asked.

Dinky rolled her eyes. “She said listen to your heart but I have two of them so I don’t know which one to listen to!”

"We could rent a few of those recording crystals that are all the rage and let you watch some famous actresses play the part," the Doctor suggested.

Dinky frowned. "No, that's no good. That's just me copying them... I want to play Clover the Clever, not play Award Bait playing Clover."

"It was so sad when she let her life spiral down," the Doctor said as he inspected some wires. "I heard she legally changed her name to Jail Bait."

Derpy wrapped her wing around her daughter. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but there are no recordings of the real Clover, so we don't know what she sounded like or acted like."

Dinky pouted for a moment before instantly brightening. "That's it!"

"What's it?" the Doctor asked.

"We can go back in time!" Dinky exclaimed happily. "We could go back and actually watch the first Hearth's Warming! Then I can perform it exactly as she did it!" She raced over to the TARDIS' controls, only for the Doctor to quickly catch her and spin her away.

"Dinky, what has your mother told you about playing with the TARDIS?" the Doctor asked.

"Only do it when the Doctor has goofed something up and we have to rescue him," Dinky said with a sad sigh.

"That's... wait, what?" The Doctor looked at the two blonde mares before shaking his head. "Never mind, doesn't matter. Dinky, the TARDIS isn't a toy! We can't just go leaping off to another time and place whenever we want to; that's final." Nodding to himself, the Doctor trotted out of the room.

"I'm sorry, muffin," Derpy said, nudging her daughter away from the controls. "Maybe we can-"

"What am I saying?" the Doctor laughed, rushing back into the control room. "We use the TARDIS as a toy to go leaping off to other times and places twice a week!"  The Time Lord rolled his eyes in good humor. "Silly me. First Hearth's Warming, here we come!"

"Wait!" Derpy called out, rushing towards her mail bag and pulling out a purse full of bits. "Since they won't have any restaurants there I'll go grab some dinner! We can eat on the way!"

"Fantastic!" the Doctor proclaimed. Derpy was barely out the door before the Doctor looked up, realizing what was about to happen. He ran to the exit and threw it open, shouting at the retreating pegasus, "NOT LITTLE CELESTIA'S!" He glanced over at Dinky and sighed. "She's going to get Little Celestia's, isn't she."

"Yup!" Dinky said happily. "Me likey bread sticks!"

"...nargles."

~DH~DH~DH~

Equestria- 15 BC

"Urp!"

"Doctor," Derpy scolded, "cover your mouth."

"I wouldn't be emitting gasses if you had gotten real pizza instead of that processed... never mind." The Doctor guided his family over to a set of crystals, examining them for a moment before nodding to himself. The TARDIS had landed in the very cave where the Leaders had fought and become trapped by the windegos... and where Clover, Smart Cookie and Private Pansy had discovered the fires of friendship. They were perched on a rocky outcropping above the main chamber of the cave, surrounded by crystals. "Alright," the Doctor said, fumbling with his sonic screwdriver before getting it into the correct position. He pointed it at the crystal and smirked when the surface began to clear till it was just like window glass. "This crystal is like a one-way mirror. We can see the Founders but they can't see us." He shot the two a look. "But we must stay quiet."

Derpy nodded, zipping her lips shut. She then paused, unzipped them, and grabbing a piece of pizza from the box sitting next to her, happily chewing on it. Dinky, meanwhile, pulled out her notebook, ready to begin jotting down her findings on Clover.

"Wow... I never imagined them looking like that," Dinky whispered. 

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, seems history took some liberties." Princess Platinum, for example, was hardly decked out in jewels and gemstones like most of the paintings would have one believe. Yes, her clothing was fancier that Puddinghead's or Hurricane's, but any pony that wore them to the Grand Galloping Gala would be laughed out of the castle. Hurricane's armor wasn't the flashy steel one would expect; instead he, yes he, wore cloth armor with bits of metal attached. Not the grand warrior image the white statues in Cloudsdale would have one believe. The Chancellor didn't act as bubbly as many portrayed her and her clothing was actually rather plain and muted. She certainly didn’t have a hat that looked like a pudding cup. The same was true for their aides, who wore similar outfits as their leaders.

As for Clover...

"Does any other pony think she looks exactly like Princess Twilight?" Derpy asked.

"Almost eerily so," the Doctor stated. 

"Why is that?" Dinky asked. "Do you think it is some sort of strange magic? History repeating itself? Is Twilight the reincarnation of Clover?"

The Doctor waved her off. "Well, there are only so many faces our genes can create... I'm sure there are bound to be some duplicates every once and a while."

"Like that pegasus pony that looks like you?" Derpy asked.

"Don't remind me," the Doctor grumbled. 

"Shhhh!" Dinky hissed. "It's happening!" The Hooves family watched as the Founders were frozen, the howls of the windigos filling their ears. Derpy shifted, gathering Dinky in her arms, while the Doctor looked up, keeping an eye on the icy spirits lest they decide to attack his family. Dinky, however, showed no sign of fear, so focused was she on what was happening below. "This is it!" Dinky whispered in glee as the windigos faded from sight, their howls becoming little more than whispers. "Now those three will begin to freeze and discover friendship!"

"...Chancellor?" Smart Cookie called out, tapping the icy shell that covered Puddinghead.  She turned towards Clover, staring at the unicorn. "You... you dirty horn-headed witch!"

"What?" the Doctor said in surprise.

"Release my Chancellor or I will buck you into next week!" Smart Cookie shouted.

"Me? It is pegasus weather magic that has captured my Princess, you filthy mule!" Clover whipped around, her horn glowing as she stomped towards Pansy, a snarl on her lips. "You DARE attack one of your betters?"

"Oh, did I?" Pansy said sarcastically. "I didn't see me attack any pegasi."

"Release her!" Smart Cookie roared, stomping her hoof.

"Release her yourself!" Pansy shot back. "You earth and unicorn ponies are trying to unite against the mighty Pegasus Nation? Ha!"

"The Kingdom of Unicorns would never sully itself with those dirt eaters!"

"That's cuss you're too busy buggering your cousins to realize you’re so inbred you can't do a lick of magic!" Smart Cookie snapped, kicking a rock at Clover who barely dodged the projectile.

"I have SO been playing Clover wrong," Dinky whispered, scribbling down some notes.

"What?" the Doctor repeated.

"I will not stand for this!" Pansy declared, donning Hurricane's abandoned helmet. "I, Commander Pansy, new leader of the Pegasus Nation, declare blood war upon the Earth and Unicorn tribes!"

"Well, we do the same!" Smart Cookie said.

"As do we!" Clover shouted. "When we are done with you all pegasi will have their wings clipped and earth ponies will be in chains! Exactly as you should be!"

"Not before we cut off your horns and shove it up your rear! With the stick you’ll already have in there it should have plenty of company!" Smart Cookie challenged, backing away from the other advisors. The three ponies all glared at each other for several moments before making their escapes, wanting to return to their tribes. War was coming and each of them wanted the advantage of being ready first.

"This... this isn't right, is it?" Derpy asked. "I mean, I think I'd remember this in one of the plays."

"WHAT?!?!" the Doctor exclaimed for a third time.

~DH~DH~DH~


David Tennant

Hynden Walch

and Claire Corlett 

THE HOOVES FAMILY ADVENTURES

Hearth's Warming Special

The Winds of Winter