My heart stopped beating for a full minute when my new voice said the name Disford. 'How do you know that he's here?' I asked.
*I just do okay. Hell, make peace with the freaks and ask them about him.*
I stood there considering whether or not to make peace or try colorful horse meat. I finally made up my mind. 'Fine, I'll play nice. For now.' I thought grinding my teeth. "Look, maybe we got off the wrong foot, what about we straighten this hole shit storm out?" I said wanting to punch myself. They only gave me looks of confusion and a little bit of shock.
Finally the white one said something. "Do not play with us creature, you are to surrender and face equestrian trial."
"I had to do something when skittles attacked, it was all in self defense." I said raising my hands in defense.
"BUT YOU WERE JUST GOING TO KILL ME AND RAINBOW DASH!!" yelled the purple one.
"Well, I get a little....out of hand."
*Your a fucking moron.*
"FUCK YOU, YOU COCK SUCKING PRICK!" I yelled looking at the sky. I then looked back to the horses who were giving me looks of confusion. "Um, sorry." I said rubbing my neck. "Please let me explain why I was violent towards you all."
After a moment of silence the white horse finally spoke. "Very well, we will all go to princess twilights house and give you a chance to explain your self." It said. "But know I have my eye on you."
"Of course you will." I whispered rolling my eyes, and following the horses to MAGICAL HORSEY LAND YAAAY!!! 'God I hate my life.'
*And he hates it too.*
'Fuck you...what's your name?'
*Well I am you so I guess...Jack*
'Alright jack, FUCK YOU!'
[HALF HOUR WALK]
We arrived at a town named Ponyville. I really wanted to burn the place down but if I wanted to find Disford I had to be good. When we entered the town lots of other mini horses just gave me looks of confusion and fear. I always hated being the center of intention, so this made me pissed a little. We just kept walking through the town and approached a tree house or house tree or whatever you want to call it. "Ok we're here." said the purple one while keeping her distance from me.
"Twilight you-"
"FOOTBALL!!" I yelled kicking a talking lizard through the window." AND ITS GOOD!" I yelled once again and throwing my arms in the air. After my victory I turned around to see only shocked faces. "What's with you guys?" I asked.
The purple one was the first one to snap out of it and stared at me with daggers. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" she screamed.
"Oh come on, that was great." I said chuckling .
"You just kicked spike through my window!"
"Who?" I asked scratching my head.
"My number 1 assistant!"
*Ooooooooo, you fucked.* jack said.
'I really hate you.' "Oh, I'm in more trouble now huh?" I asked, they all nodded. "Ok, my bad. I've been bored for the past 3 days."
"SO YOU KICK MY ASSISTANT THROUGH A WINDOW!?" she screamed.
"Yep." I said with a shrug.
"Bu- Wh...ARGH! Forget it I'm going to see if he's ok." she said walking past me.
Soon we all entered and I sat down on what seemed to be stable chair, buuut I was wrong. Once I was comfy the chair broke and I fell on my back. "DAMN IT!" I yelled.
"Alright creature, you may explain your self now." Said the white one.
*Don't fuck up.*
I cleared my throat and began. "Well there's not much to say but I was hit by this bolt of lighting and brought here. Also seeing mini colorful talking horses is pretty messed up for me so I had no idea how to act, so I just switched to defensive mod."
"But you attacked us." said skittles.
"Wrong, I may have been aggressive but all I did was yell. You on the other hand attacked me which switched me from defensive mod to insane killer mod." I said pointing at skittles.
"But you made fluttershy cry!"
"Not my fault."
*Yes it is.*
"Ok look I'm s-sooo-GRRRR! I'm soooorrrryyYYYYYY!" god was it hard saying that word.
"Um, it's ok." the yellow one said in a quiet voice.
"Please understand I come from a world that's not so friendly."
All of the horses went to the other side of the room and whispered. *Ok when they get back ask them about Disford.* 'No problem.' After a few minutes they returned and sat back down.
"Creature we have made a decision. No punishment shall come on to you, but we all will have a VERY close eye on you, but know this, if you hurt anypony I will make you pay dearly." she said with a stern look.
"I will comply, but if I am forced to fight, I will." I said. "also I want to ask you about something."
"Of course."
"Does the name Disford ring a bell?"
"Disford? Oh, you mean Discord. Yes I know who he is. Why?"
"Where is he?" I said grinding my teeth.
"Wait is Discord a friend of yours?"
"Heh, you can say that. Now, where is he."
"I'm not sure but we'll let him know he is wanted, but I need your name."
"It's Jacob."
"Well Jacob, seeing that you have no where to go I want you staying here with princess Twilight."
"WHAT!? Princess you know I respect every decision you have ever made but-"
"Twilight please, I promise you nothing will happen to you or your friends." she said with a warm smile.
"Yes uh...Twilight, we all just got off at a bad start." I said while extending my hand out.
She hesitated for a second but then extended a hoof and we shook. "Wait, now that we're friends that means your new." the pink one said then made a really wide smile and poped up right in my face. "That means I need to throw a party for you!" she then disappeared out of thin air.
"Uhhh, is she always like that?" I asked a little creeped out.
"Pretty much." chuckled the redneck horse.
"Um, do you mind if I ask you all what your names are?"
"Oh, of course. Well I'm Twilight sparkle, and this is Applejack, Rarity, fluttershy, Rainbow dash, and that was pinky who just left."
"And I'm princess Celestia and this is my sister Luna, and we are both co rulers of Equestria."
"Yeah, well it's*COUGH*a*COUGH*pleasure*COUGH* *COUGH*"
"Darling, are you alright?" asked Rarity.
"Yeah, hold on." I said reaching for my mask, and pulled it down showing my mouth, which caused them all to gasp. "What?" I asked.
"We thought that you had no face." said Twilight.
I just stared at her then burst out into laughter which didn't help my cough. I soon stoped laughing and looked back at Twilight who looked a little embarrassed. I shook my head and took off my glasses to show them my full face. When I did this all they did was stare at me with confusion. I took off my back pack and took out my canister and took a quick swig of water. "So, how long are you going to stare at my face?" I asked causing them to blush a little.
"Um, sorry, we never saw anything like you before." said Twilight.
"Well Jacob, me and my sister must return to Canterlot." said Celestia. And with that she and her sister left.
"So, Jacob, mind if we ask you a few questions?" asked twilight with a smile.
I shrugged and nodded making her clap her hoofs together. "Ok first question, what are you?"
"I'm human."
"Second question, what do you eat?"
"I guess what ever is edible, but I mostly eat meat."
*You are the dumbest human being I've ever met...wait I am you...SHIT!*
Everyone just stared at me with looks of disgust. "You eat meat?" asked twilight who was clearly nervous.
"Don't worry, I don't eat horse meat."
"We're not horses, we're ponies." glared skittles.
"Uh, sure." I shrugged and yawned. "Look girls I'm really tired, you think we can finish this tomorrow."
"Of course, it's been a rough day for all of us." Twilight agreed. Soon everyone said their goodbyes and left. Then Twilight showed me to the guest room and went to bed. "Wow, an actual bed. HELL YEAH!" I yelled and flopped on to the bed that broke the second I did, but I gave no mind, I just relaxed and closed my eyes.