//------------------------------// // Attack on Laughter, the fall of Woona // Story: The Melancholy of Princess Twilight Sparkle // by BakaBoy //------------------------------// Guard (noun): A pony who keeps watch, especially a soldier or other pony assigned to protect a pony or to control access to a place That is the definition of my job according to Lord Ox of the Ford fiefdom. What started as a neighbouring independant settlement which prosperred into a small country under Lord Ox's guidance until his unfortunate passing. The fiefdom itself is now highly recognized as holding one of the top academic institutes of the world, second only to Twilight's school for gifted ponies (an academic institute replacing Celestia's school for gifted Unicorns which started swiftly after Princess Twilight's coronation). Although given the recent tasks that I have been given I wouldn't be surprised if Princess Twilight and Lord Ox had very different definitions regarding the noun 'guard'. There was the party I had to set up, I have to find ponies (preferably not a noble (direct orders from Princess Twilight herself)) which exhibit a definitive quality which correlates with the elements, and now I've been assigned personally by Princess Twilight to place some strange blue flowers underneath Princess Luna's throne pillow. Apparently this was supposed to emit some king of 'herbal stress-relief' since Princess Luna was apparently being "A real grouchy-pants" according to a giggling princess. The throne room bore a single throne which was able to be relocated for a variety of reasons. Each Princess had their own throne, since the three different Princesses held court at varying times of day/night by themselves there was no need for three thrones to be present unless for a formal event, in which case all three thrones could be brought out, if not the Princess who was holding court had their throne out front and center while the other two thrones were placed in a 'holding chamber' around the back of the throne room. This system was formed by the triarchy roughly six months ago so that they would all seem equal, although the rumours of each princess constantly defacing each others thrones could say otherwise (The rumour started circulating roughly one month after the system had been instated after a magical paint enchantment of 'Luna wuz here' and 'down with SunnyButt/SparkleButt' was found emblazoned on Princess Celestia's and Princess Twilight's thrones, the culprit has yet to be found). Luckily for me, the palace staff had already replaced Princess Twilight's throne from dusk court with Princess Luna's. That meant all I had to do was slip the flowers under her throne pillow and be off, although why Princess Twilight didn't request for the flowers to be placed in a vase beside the throne was beyond me, I being a lowly guard though did not question the Princess or her apparent insanity. Being around Discord so much must change ponies... Even without his magic influence. After ceremoniously dumping the flowers under the pillow I fished out the list of tasks I was given from my chestplate. Oddly enough the only other task was to rest until Night Court, although the ominous mesage of 'you're going to need it' did set me on edge. Regardless, a nice nap did sound good after the rather boring day so I quickly trotted off back to the barracks to catch a couple of hours of sleep before having to attend night court. ... ... ... Well... I woke up with a start, rubbing my eyes with my hoof while having an increased sense of forboding afflicting my every move. Clambering off my bed I slowly made my way to my storage chest in the foot of my bed, everything seemed bigger and heavier than usual causing me to suspect that something was wrong. This fear was confirmed after I put my chestplate on. Or at least, tried to. The whole chestpiece was more akin to a shield than an actual chestplate for me now as I held the overly large plate in front of me in confusion, the plate had somehow expanded unless I had shrunk... It was not until I leaned over to look into my storage chest, specifically after I crossed my hind legs that I felt like something was missing. Something VERY important. Shakily looking back on my undercarriage I could only scream after confirming my suspicions. "WHERE IS MY DI..."-"PRIVATE! PRINCESS TWILIGHT REQUIRES YOUR PResence..." My captain had burst into the barracks hollering on the top of his lungs, luckily every other guard was absent (another night in town probably) in the small six pony room or I'd never hear the end of my sudden sex change. His volume change from shouting to blubbering was probably attributed to his gawking at my newly acquired my female form, specifically my flank. Whether i was to identify me or because there was suddenly a female posturing her flank in the air was something I really did not want to confirm. The captain seemed flustered for a moment before breaking out of his awkward gawking while muttering something along the lines of 'stranger things have happened', he the promptly snapped his attention to me. "Princess Twilight requires your presence, get going now" he ordered. "But my armor sir!" I stated with a voice that was uncomfortably high. "Princess Twilight already said that you had to come immediately regardless of your situation, that means go NOW!" he barked before briskly turning around and trotting away. He was taking this rather well it seems, far better than I currently am that's for sure. Resigning myself to my fate, I start plodding my way to the throne room ensuring I take the guard access corridors, a corridor complex used to make guards seemingly appear out of nowhere privately and secretly. It took a good couple of minutes to finally get to the throne room entrance, I placed my hoof on the door and sadly sighed to myself, with the guards already in the room there was no way I would be able to escape notice, and once they see my cutie mark there would be no way I would be able to escape the taunts and jeers for months to come. Still... To turn back now meant disobeying Princess Twilight and I had already learnt that escaping the Princess was impossible, and that was when she was in a good mood, the last thing I needed now was her ire towards me. Applying pressure to the door I managed to get a crack open when the whole door flew open in a field of lavender magic. The magic field then quickly enveloped my whole body before yanking me out into the throne room. It was a disorientating experience which only lasted just a moment before I landed heavily onto a cushion, after my head cleared up I turned to spot my offender, who of course was Princess Twilight. Before I could say anything though she quickly stuffed a hoof in my mouth while expectantly looking towards Princess Luna with a sparkle in her eye. "Shh, this is going to get really good really soon" She whispered at me. I tried to speak but the orifice obstructing object that was the Princess's right hoof was stopping any coherent speech. When the Princess turned around to face me, probably to silence me further, her facial expression made me realize one thing. She had yet to see what I looked like. Her face promptly flushed as her cheeks swelled in an attempt to contain her laughter. With a brilliant flash she disappeared from the room, drawing the attention of a couple of bystanders but no pony else other than that. I was uncomfortably sitting there for a good five minutes before a near fully-composed Princess reappeared in a more sedate flash. She leaned over conspiratorially before whispering "did you happen to touch those flowers that I told you to place under Luna's cushion?" "...yes?" I really did not want to know where this was going... "Do you know of the flower called 'Poison Joke'?" "...Not really ma'm..." The Princess's posture straightened to what the guards notoriously call 'lecture mode'... uh oh. "Well Poison Joke is a plant indigenous to the Everfree forest, this plant is the least recorded plant on record due to its unexpected nature and how it reacts to nearly any recorded material on lab record. The only one reaction which can be guaranteed is on the biological level, any creature which comes into physical contact with Poison Joke is guaranteed to have some form of prank played onto them, while the prank is random the effect is always malicious but never lethal and always singular. No more than one joke will be placed onto one pony per time". A small glow was emitted in the direction of the throne catching Princess Twilight's attention, with a grin she pointed her hoof. "And there is exhibit B!" She chuckled There sitting on her throne was an alicorn filly who bore a shockingly similar appearance to Princess Luna, she even had the Princess of the Night's death glare perfectly emulated. With a crack of lightning the throne room shook as Princess Luna's voice boomed through the room in the signature Canterlot Royal Voice. "DISCORD!" Behind me a very small draconequus suddenly appeared while muttering. "Wittle Woona always blames the big, bad spirit of Chaos".