Located within the Badlands to the southeast of Equestria proper, the Oubliette had once been a prison in ages long past, but was abandoned centuries before the rise of Nightmare Moon. Following a particularly nasty Incident that had cost the Nonrational Service almost all of its personnel, including its previous leader, the Oubliette had been re-activated to contain what was left of a particularly dangerous Entity Which is Monitored. Due to the remote and dangerous location, as well as the generally miserable living conditions, Guardsponies were stationed at the Oubliette in rotations of only one month. However, the ponies who had just completed their rotations had not returned to Canterlot as ordered, and no messages had been received from their replacements. Shining Armor was very, very worried.
Cherry Cola, walking down a sidewalk in Canterlot, proudly wearing his new Royal Guard officer's jacket, was blissfully ignorant of his Captain's concerns. He was also ignorant of the fact that the concerns of an earth pony mare with an expertly-coiffed mane were about to be foremost in his mind.
"Excuse me, you're in the Royal Guard, correct?" The mare with the asymmetrical mane asked.
"I -yes, miss, I am," Cola replied. Despite the jacket, he was still getting used to the idea.
"Good. My name is Vidala Swoon. You may have heard of my employer, Photo Finish. I have something I think the Guard needs to know about," Vidala paused to remove a photograph from her saddlebag and give it to Cola. The photo depicted a mare with a blue-grey coat and a black mane, wearing an elaborate dress with holes in it for her leathery, bat-like wings. The mare stood at the edge of a dark forest. "This is Summer Breeze. Photo Finish was taking some test pictures of her in Hollow Shades about two weeks ago. She wanted to be a model, you see."
"I follow you," Cola said.
"Yes. Well, Photo Finish invited her to come to Canterlot, and today received a letter from her parents saying she had left Hollow Shades one week ago, and that they have not heard from her since. As far as we know, Summer Breeze never arrived in Canterlot."
"Have you filed a missing pony report yet?" Cola asked. He sincerely hoped that somepony had, since Shining Armor hadn't trained him on the process involved in that particular bit of paperwork yet. Shining Armor, it had to be said, seemed to resent paperwork in general, (an attitude Cola could respect) with the exception of NRS documentation. The Captain treated NRS records with a degree of care that bordered on reverence.
"Photo Finish did this morning, but I was looking over the photos and noticed something strange in that one."
"Now that I look closer, there is something between those trees behind and to the left of her. Was something on the camera lens?"
"If anypony but Photo Finish had taken that pic, I'd have thought so myself. She spends hours every day cleaning her equipment. And talking to it. She gets a little creepy sometimes."
Cola squinted at the picture. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that smudge is a pony of some description."
"That's what it looks like, but there wasn't anypony there when we were taking the pictures."
The more Cola looked at the distorted area of the photo, the more it looked like a pony was lurking in the forest behind Summer Breeze. The idea of a pony who could only be seen in photographs struck Cola as exactly within his new line of work. "Is it all right if I show this picture to my captain? I've got a feeling he'll want to see it."
"Go ahead. Please let us know if you find anything, we're all worried about her. Oh, I think I see Photo Finish."
"Ah, I haff found you, Hairspray!" Photo Finish's loud voice and distinct accent cut through the air from across the street. "Ve haff a shoot in only three hours! Ve must prepare to capture... Da Magicks!" The particular emphasis she put in 'Da Magicks' made it clear that it should be capitalized.
"Is working for her... difficult?" Cola asked quietly as Photo approached.
"A lot of ponies call me that because I use to much of it," Vidala muttered, misunderstanding Cola's question and unintentionally revealing the secret to the shape of her mane, "but she's the only one who doesn't say it like it's a bad thing, and she can be a lot of fun, in her own way."
"... I see," Cola replied, despite being unsure he did, "well, I'd better leave you to it."
"Captain? I've got something I think you should see."
"Is it serious?" Shining Armor asked, not looking up from the cluster of papers and scrolls hovering in his magic aura, "I think we've got a big problem, and I'm trying to cross-reference and collate all my available data to determine the probability that my suspicions are correct, at which point if I'm lucky I'll be able to stop talking like my sister."
"Uh, it's a picture of a pony who nopony saw when it was being taken. I think he only shows up in photographs, or something like that. I figured it's our kind of deal." Cola set the photo on Shining Armor's desk and slid it towards him.
"A pony who only appears in pictures, huh? It's not this mare in the fancy dress, is it?"
"No, left of her, in the-" Cola cut himself off as Shining's magic aura disappeared, littering the desk and floor with documentation.
"That. That thing!" Shining's pupils shrunk to tiny dots in his eyes, and he started breathing heavily. He glared at the picture as if he hoped he could kill the strange pony in the woods just by hating it enough. "When was this picture taken?!"
"two weeks ago, in Hollow Shades-" Cola answered.
"Tartarus!" Shining cursed, "who is this mare? And who was the photographer?"
"Her name's Summer Breeze, apparently she went missing last week." Cola said. Shining gnashed his teeth as Cola continued, "the photographer was Photo Finish-"
Shining lunged to the still-open door of his office. "Jetstream! In here now!"
"Sir! Lieutenant Jetstream reporting!" Cola ducked as the pegasus flew into the room. Cola realized that she was actually following correct protocol for addressing a superior officer, which she apparently only did when Shining Armor was shouting.
"Photo Finish! You heard of her?"
"Firecracker said something about her being a-"
"I want her and her entire staff in protective custody now! Every last one of them needs to have at least two Guardsponies watching them at all times! Once you've done that, get Firecracker Burst and Blue October in here!"
Jetstream blinked twice, stunned, then saluted. "Yes Sir!" She flew out of the room as fast as she could.
"Captain, what's going on? What is that thing?" Cola asked, now utterly confused.
Instead of answering, Shining used his magic to push everything off his desk again. Documents and records of all kinds fell to the floor like large, floppy snowflakes with governmental information on them. Then, he opened a file cabinet behind the desk and withdrew two folders. Cola realized that the cabinet in question was the one enchanted to copy any documents put into it. Shining tossed the files into the desk. "Memorize these." The Captain ordered, "then put them in here." He added an envelope marked 'For Immediate Destruction' to the stack. "None of these leave this room under any circumstances. I'm going to lock you in. I need to go see Princess Celestia." With that, the Captain left, closing and locking the door behind him. Cherry Cola looked at the two folders before him. One was labeled 'Entity 600.' The other was marked 'Incident Faceless.'
Very few ponies could barge into the throne room of the Royal Pony Sisters uninvited. Princesses Celestia and Luna could do so, of course, as it was their throne room, although most ponies had difficulty imagining the ever-dignified Princesses barging anywhere. Well, maybe Luna. The Princesses Twilight Sparkle and Mi Amore Cadenza could barge in, as well, although they were also not much given to barging. Except Twilight when she was worried about something.
Captain Shining Armor, as a rule, did not barge either, but like his sister, was wont to do so when he was worried. He barged into the throne room with such haste and with such a dire expression that any other non-alicorn pony would have been slide-tackled and subjected to the distinct ministrations of Royal Guard ponies who had an extremely important job which they approached with such intensity and seriousness that they considered listening to funeral dirges while on duty to be entirely too silly. The two bulky, golden-armored pegasus stallions at the door knew that Shining Armor was allowed access to Princess Celestia at any time, and they also knew that they didn't need to know why, so when he threw the throne room doors open with his magic and charged wordlessly past them, the pegasi merely saluted, not lowering their hooves until the doors slammed shut.
"Trouble's brewing," one door guard said to the other in a distinct Trottingham accent.
"Of course it is, it's the Princess's tea-time," the other replied. "And it's Tuesday. I'd be more worried if there wasn't a crisis."
"Too right," the first guard agreed.
"I have terrible news," Shining told Princess Celestia without preamble.
"I gathered as much," Celestia replied, setting her teacup on a small side table, "so, nephew of mine, what is the emergency?"
"Entity Six Hundred has been spotted at Hollow Shades."
"Yes," Celestia said, her eyelid twitching, "that is indeed terrible news. Wasn't the garrison at the Oubliette rotated recently?"
"We haven't seen or heard from either the previous garrison or their replacements," Shining said grimly, "I think I can guess what happened to them, though. I just don't know how."
"Indeed, I thought rendering the creature to ash and storing it in a container sealed with every locking enchantment I know was sufficient."
"So did I."
Celestia closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "I think, however, that things won't go the way they did last time."
"Your Majesty?"
"I have a spell I'd like to teach you, one that wasn't available to us last time. Twilight has already used it on one occasion, and I think it's time we added it to your repertoire, as well."
"So he didn't say what this is all about?" Firecracker asked.
"No, but I tell you what, he was super mad," Jetstream replied, "he flippin' used my rank and everything. Made me go put a bunch of ponies into protective custody, so it's gotta be something big."
"It is extremely rare for the Guard to take ponies into protective custody," October pointed out.
"No kiddin'. Cap was shouting, too. When's the last time he yelled just 'cause he was mad?"
"The only other time I can recall him doing that was... oh my goodness." Firecracker's face went pale, and she put a hoof to her mouth.
"He locked Cola in his office, too," Jetstream pointed out, "that means only one thing: Cola's readin' something that doesn't leave that room, and there's only so many bits of paperwork with that rule on 'em."
The discussion was interrupted by Shining Armor, who entered the central room of the NRS offices with a determined look on his face. The three mares looked at him nervously. "Into my office," Shining said, magically unlocking the door. "Lieutenant Cola, are you finished reading?"
"Yes, sir," Cherry Cola answered. Firecracker wordlessly took the envelope in her magic and touched it to her horn, setting it on fire. "Captain... what're we gonna do?"
"I'll get to that, Lieutenant, but I need to start this briefing at the beginning." Shining walked to the other side of the desk and sat in his chair. "Nonrational Service, Entity Six Hundred is no longer considered terminated. It is active, and has breached containment." Jetstream fell out of the air, belly-flopping onto the floor. Firecracker clapped a hoof to her mouth again, wide-eyed. As Cola helped Jetstream onto her hooves, Blue October marched over to a corner and sat on the floor, staring at the wall.
"Captain... how can that be?" Firecracker asked, "we... I obliterated that thing. Utterly, completely-"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter. It was last seen near Hollow Shades, so we're going down there as soon as preparations are complete. Lieutenant Cherry Cola, this is our first Incident since you became an official member of the NRS, and as you've probably gathered, it's pretty much the worst thing you could have to deal with in this unit. So the silver lining in the clouds is that your career can only get easier from here, right?"
"I... I guess so, Sir?" Cola had no idea how to respond to this question.
"Good enough," Shining replied, "all right then. Until I say otherwise, all activities of the Nonrational Service Core Officers will be documented under Incident Thin Stallion. Our first order of business is to go out to the castle gardens and cast a spell that Princess Celestia just taught me. So, let's head out."
"This spell Princess Celestia taught me is kind of weird," Shining said, surrounded by his subordinates in the Canterlot Castle Gardens, "I'll need help to cast it, but my helpers don't need to know how to cast it, and you don't even need to be unicorns."
"So, what do we need to do, Cap?" Jetstream asked.
"Just stand there and try to look like you think I know what I'm doing," Shining replied, "oh, and I guess the spell works better if you think about wanting to help."
"Well, magic is as magic does," Jetstream repeated the old Ponyville saying with a shrug. She set down on the ground, folded her wings, and tried to feel helpful.
"All right, here we go," Shining said. His horn lit up, and then his eyes began to glow. The ponies of the Nonrational Service found themselves surrounded by a ring of rainbow colors, then there was a blinding flash of light.
"So, I was thinking that if I moved the chicken coop, you'd have room for a -oh for pity's sake!" Discord said. He hovered in the air, his serpentine body in what might be called a sitting position, and held daintily in his eagle-like talon was a white teacup with a picture of a black kitten on it.
"Special Asset Delta, we-" Shining began.
"Oh, gag me with a spoon, Shining Armor," Discord interrupted, rolling his eyes. "I have a name, you know." Discord paused to take a sip of tea. The picture of a kitten jumped off the teacup, transformed into a real kitten in mid-air, and disappeared under some nearby bushes. A few hours later, the kitten would be discovered by a tiny filly on her way home from magic kindergarten, follow her home, and bring love and happiness into her household for years to come.
"Discord? We summoned Discord?!" Firecracker asked, stupefied.
"Surprise," Discord said sardonically, "Discord, master of chaos, allegedly at your service." Discord drained his teacup and tossed it over his shoulder. The cup transformed into a pelican and flew east, towards the sea. There it would become known as Whittard, Lord of Pelicans, and would rule over Equestria's eastern seaboard, launching a new era of freedom and prosperity for all sea birds. "You know, it wasn't so bad when only Twilight Sparkle could cast that summoning spell, at least her I could respect." Discord complained, "but now that dear old Celestia's worked out how to do it without the Elements of Harmony, I suppose everypony with a title is going to be dragging me away whenever they feel like it."
"Discord, this spell is only to be used in dire emergencies, and it's only taught to the most trusted of ponies" Shining pointed out.
"Fine, fine," Discord said with a sigh, "but I'm warning you, if Blueblood ever summons me I'm calling off this entire 'reformation' business. And you don't even want to know what I'll do to him if he interrupts another one of Fluttershy's tea parties."
Jetstream couldn't help but laugh. "Ha! That little wallflower sure has you wrapped around her hoof, doesn't she?"
"I may be wrapped around Fluttershy's hoof," Discord said, shrinking himself down and wrapping himself around Jetstream's torso, "but you. Aren't. Fluttershy." He punctuated the last three words by poking Jetstream's snout. "Fluttershy may not be the most extroverted mare in Equestria, but when I was on the loose she and her friends -none of whom are in the Royal Guard unit that exists entirely to deal with problems like me, I remind you- stood up and faced me while all of you stayed safe and sound in your secret clubhouse beneath the Canterlot Archives." Discord vanished, only to reappear again at his normal size. "Fluttershy's saved Equestria more times than Celestia herself has, and what does she get for it? Pushed around and taken advantage of. Even her pet rabbit thinks he can kick her out of her own house, did you know that? If Fluttershy decided to be half as mean to everypony as all of you are to her, Celestia and Luna would be living under a bridge and this town would be Fluttertropolis, capitol city of the Eternal Fluttershy Empire!" Discord leaned on Shining Armor's shoulder and quietly added, "and believe me, I've tried to talk her into it."
"We don't have time for this, Discord," Shining said.
"Well, it looks like Celestia herself trains all her Guardsponies in the fine art of curmudgeonliness," Discord rolled his eyes again, "my point is, we don't say bad things about Fluttershy when I'm around, got it?" Without waiting for an answer, Discord continued, "now, what's so urgent that you had to come crying to me? Did Celestia lose her favorite bunny slippers?"
"I sincerely doubt Princess Celestia wears bunny slippers," Firecracker grumbled.
"Are you sure?" Discord asked with an air of mystery. Firecracker rolled her eyes.
Shining Armor took a deep breath and said, "Entity Six Hundred is active near Hollow Shades."
"Entity Six Hundred? I haven't heard of that one," Discord admitted, "just a minute." With that, he reached into Cherry Cola's ear and pulled out a file folder.
"What the -how did you do that?!" Cola asked, utterly confused.
"I can do whatever I want, I'm Discord," the draconequus replied matter-of-factedly. Discord opened the file, and his cheerful grin disappeared. "Oh. That," Discord added in disgust, "I thought you'd gotten rid of that thing."
"We thought so, too," Shining said, "but it's active again, we don't know how. I take it you've seen it before?"
"Are you joking? I've fought it before," Discord said, closing the folder and taking a bite out of it. "Back when I was running this show. I always let it get away because I didn't really care much what it did. But this time, it looks like I'll have to put a permanent stop to its antics."
"That's what I was hoping to hear," Shining said, smiling. He was starting to think that maybe working with Discord might not be so bad.
"Before anything else, I'm going to let Fluttershy know where I've disappeared to so she doesn't worry. Well, more than she'll anyway because that's just how she rolls, as it were." Discord said as a scroll and quill appeared in midair, "it's funny, really, I'm immortal and invulnerable, but she still worries for my safety. It's no wonder the Element of Kindness latched on to her. Anyway," Discord cleared his throat and began dictating to the levitating quill. "Dear Fluttershy, I have been rudely and unceremoniously called away by no more a pony than Captain Shining Armor, who has had a situation come up quite suddenly which requires my unique talents. I'm going to have to push my powers a bit further than dear old Celestia likes, but I promise I'll put everything back the way it was when I'm finished. This may take a few days, so it looks like Angel Bunny gets his favorite spot on the couch back. Tell him to enjoy it while it lasts. Sincerely, Discord." With the sound of its master's name, the quill vanished, and the scroll flew into the sky in a passable imitation of Spike's dragon fire.
"So, we're all set, then?" Shining asked.
"There is one more thing," Discord said, holding up a talon, "our skinny friend is a creature of pure, absolute order. He thrives on predictability, things going exactly the way he thinks they will. If we're going to beat him, we'll have to do it my way."
"And what, exactly, does that mean?"
An umbrella appeared in Discord's mismatched claws as dark clouds rolled in overhead. Discord opened the umbrella, although the fabric panels of the canopy stayed exactly where they were. With a dramatic and perfectly-timed lightning strike, Discord gleefully explained, "Hollow Shades is in for a big ol' storm of chaos!"