//------------------------------// // Your Royal Foolness // Story: The Fool in Equestria // by Autismo555 //------------------------------// Your Royal Foolness "...and that is why we must ban barbecue sauce from every store in Equestria." Newly appointed princess Twilight Sparkle finished her presentation to the three princesses gathered at the throne room. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (Call her Cadence. She insists she must be called by her nickname) sat on the throne, listening in on Twilight's idea of a new law to be passed around Equestria. "A wonderful idea, Twilight," Celestia complimented her former faithful student. "It will take some doing to pass your law with the other nobles in the Day Court, but I am fairly certain it will come to pass. Is there anything else you would like to add to your presentation?" "No, your highness," Twilight said. "Good. I hereby declare this summit adjourned." The four princesses trotted out of the throne room, the door guarded by two armor clad stallions holding a spear in one hoof. Their stoic and unchanged faces were kept as the four alicorns conversed about the summit. "You were excellent with your presentation in there, Twilight," Cadence said to the youngest alicorn. "So tell me, did you feel nervous or did you feel excited?" "I admit, I was a little bit of both," Twilight said with slight skittishness in her voice. "But luckily, I was prepared for that with a book I read about public speaking and how to keep calm during presentations." "That sounds like an interesting book to read," Celestia chimed in with a smirk. "You'll have to tell me all about it." "Okay. So, first chapter..." "Twilight! Hey, Twilight!" The alicorns turned to the voice of the young dragon, Spike, who carried a big roll of newspaper with a serious face on him. "Just...give...me...moment...to..." the baby drake said in complete sentences. He inhaled deeply and said, "Twilight, you've gotta read this." Spike held the newspaper in front of the alicorns. It read: "CHAOS RETURNS TO PONYVILLE. Earlier this morning, the town of Ponyville has been invaded by a mysterious prankster who was reported to have victimized innocent ponies through mischief and madcap pranks. Reports of mysterious happenings occurring included the apples of Sweet Apple Acres being tampered with or turned to pears, two fillies claimed to have seen ghosts and a garden of carrots coming to life. Citizens point such occurrences towards the work of the draconequus, Discord. Continued on page 4A." The alicorns' eyes narrowed in anger when they read the article. "Chaos in Ponyville, huh?" Twilight huffed. "And I bet we know who is responsible for that." "Yes," said Celestia. "Indeed," concurred Luna. "I agree," Cadence finished. ^W^ The alicorns stood in the gardens in a circled formation (Or was it a square? It didn't matter now). The four alicorns lit their horns, then their eye illuminated a white light, no trace of the irises or the pupils. Their alicorn magic beams shot towards the center of the formation where the combined streams of the magic grew into one light. The grew bigger and bigger until the light flashed, revealing a serpent-like creature with a mishmash of animal body parts for his body parts. He wore a yellow-and-green striped T-shirt, a red cap, red sunglasses, laid on a beach chair and sipping chocolate milk through a swirly straw. "Say, did it just become a little drafty or is it me?" Discord the draconequus said, looking around the area. He pulled down his sunglasses and found himself in the line of angry glares firing towards him. "Oh, it's you girls. Well whatever it is that you want, tell me quickly. I'm in the middle of my vacation." Discord sipped his milk through his straw as the alicorns approached him. "And I'm afraid we must cut your vacation short, Discord," Celestia scolded in a soft, yet authoritative tone. "You've violated your parole and your oath to not use your powers for chaos again." "Why, whatever are you talking about?" Discord asked, losing his patience. "Are you saying that a reformed Spirit of Chaos like moi is creating disharmony, even though I gave my solemn word not to use my powers for evil again?" Discord put his lion paw on his chest and a halo appeared over his head. "Why, Celestia, I feel so insulted right now. And here I thought, I was actually liking you and your little sister." "Spare us the lamentation, Discord," Luna retorted. "We know you reeked chaos in Ponyville again." "Yes. It was even featured in the front page of today's paper," Twilight said, levitating the newspaper to Discord. The draconequus snapped his talons and his sunglasses became reading glasses in a flash of white light. He put them on and mumbled the words in the article. His yellow eyes bugged out in shock and infuriating anger. "WHAT!? Somepony else is creating chaos and I'm the one being blamed for this mess!?" Discord snapped his talons and the newspaper blazed in a fire that turned to ashes seconds later. He paced around the garden with a mad scowl on his long face. "How dare he try and make a mockery out of my chaos! Oooh, he cannot get away with this! I'll sue! I'll demand legal rights for copyrighting my title as 'Spirit of Chaos!' I'll bring this case to the Day Court if I have to, but let me just say...NOPONY HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE THE LIMELIGHT OF MY GLORY AWAY FROM ME!?" "Wait, so you're not the one who created chaos in Ponyville?" Cadence asked, feeling pity for the elderly creature. "No, I did not," Discord huffed. "If I wanted to create such wonderful chaos anywhere, I would do it easily with a single snap of my claws!" "Well, if you didn't, then who--?" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Everypony looked up to see something, or somepony falling out of the sky. The four alicorns backed away, leaving Discord exposed to the laughing missile. With nothing left to do, Discord pulled an umbrella from his back and opened it, with the canopy curved upward and the draconequus with a scared look. CRASH! The impact left a crater where Discord once stood. Now all that was left was a couple of blue-and-yellow striped legs with taps shoes worn on its feet sticking out of the dirt. The legs wriggled, then plopped them on the ground, pulling out a bipedal creature with a hand attached to each arm and a face covered by a golden mask of comedy. His head was spinning round and round, until he shook it off and chortled. "Well, I guess that's one way to make an entrance. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The colorfully dressed biped soon found himself surrounded by a series of spears belonging to a circular phalanx of armor clad stallions. He held his hands up in surrender. "Now quit pointing those spears at me! Don't you know you might take somebody's eyeball with those?" The biped grabbed a spear, smashed on the ground and bent the blade. "Here, why don't you go play Game of Thrones somewhere else? Hohohoho-hahaha!" "Somebody?" Then something hit Twilight, more than the biped did to Discord. "Wait a minute. I know this creature," she said, struck with realization. "Back when Sunset Shimmer stole my crown, I was transported to a world where it was populated with creatures like this one. That creature is called a human." The biped turned to the young alicorn who spoke first from the other three alicorns. "Oh, hello. I thought I heard you say 'humans' just now." The Fool jumped high out of the circle of spears and landed in front of Twilight. "Why? Have you met other humans like me?" "Well, not exactly but..." "Twilight!" Everypony looked up to see Rainbow Dash, who abruptly landed in front of Twilight, her raspberry eyes angrily seething at The Fool. "Alright, bub, take one step closer to my friends and I'll blast you off into space with my Sonic Rainboom!" The cyan blue pegasus yelled, her hoof pointed towards the human. "Looks like I'm not done tasting the rainbow. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The Fool chortled to the viewers. "Rainbow Dash, what's gotten into you?" Twilight said, lowering her friend's hoof down. "Don't you know it's rude to crash in on us like that and threaten that human?" The purple alicorn then realized something. "Now that I mention it, what are you doing out here in Canterlot?" "I came here to warn you about that guy! That guy's dangerous, Twilight! He's gonna get you the moment you turn your back on him!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "Rainbow Dash, honestly. Just because he looks funny doesn't make him a bad person." Twilight looked back to The Fool, who brushed the dirt off of him. "Besides, I know about humans, Dashie. His kind populated the 'other world' in the mirror in the Crystal Empire and I'm sure he's the only one who dresses like that." Twilight giggled while Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "But Twilight, don't you get it!? That guy's been creating chaos in Ponyville!" "WHAT!?" Twilight looked to the newspaper then to The Fool and back again. Now it all made sense: Discord never did all those pranks in Ponyville and got mad when he found out someone was stealing his act. The alicorns gave The Fool a strict glare. "Alright, Mr. Human. Is there anything you'd like to...?" Twilight trailed from her question when they saw The Fool standing there casually. A little breeze blew past, tipping over the life-size wooden replica of the human jester. Everypony gasped appallingly as they realized The Fool was long gone and running through Canterlot Castle somewhere. Celestia turned to the armor clad stallions. "Guards, seize the intruder! Do not let him out of Canterlot Castle!" "Yes, your highness!" The stallions cantered into the castle in search of the gallivanting human. Rainbow Dash thrust herself into the air and hovered towards Celestia. "We're gonna help find that creep, too! That...human or whatever made a fool out of me for the last time!" She shifted her serious gaze to Twilight, who also wore the same face. "Come on, Twilight! We have a trickster to trick!" "Right." With that said, Twilight spread her wings and took off in the air and flew in the castle alongside her tomboy pegasus friend in pursuit of The Fool. The other three alicorns spread out into the castle to catch the intruder. As soon as everypony was out of sight, the wriggling head of Discord wormed out of the crater, dizzy from the impact of The Fool's landing. "Now everypony wait up...those are my chocolate milk pancakes," a delirious Discord mumbled before he fainted. ^W^ "He couldn't have gotten this far! Spread out and cover more ground!" "Yes, sir!" The group of stallions split into small groups and proceeded down the different halls of the castle. One of the groups spotted something tall walking on two legs disappear around the corner of the hall. "There he is! Get him!" The armored stallions galloped down the halls where the figure disappeared. Around the corner, they ran into a field of colorful bubbles, popping some on the way down the long corridor. They swore they felt different each time they popped a bubble. When they reached another corner, they turned and stopped to what appeared to be a wooden stand with a funfair game stand with a line of coconuts on the stands. Red, blue and green lights moved around the stands as the stallions stood bewildered. "What is the meaning of this!?" one guard asked. "Oh-hohoho-hahaha! Don't you guys see!? It's a carnival game made just for you guys!" The stallions sheathed their spears as the lights came together to reveal The Fool, in striped carnival clothes and wearing a flat-top straw hat, much like the Flim Flam Brothers. "This is one carnival I guarantee you'll enjoy much! Hohoho-hahaha!" The Fool marched in place as the music played. "Down at an English fair, One evening I was there, I heard the showman shouting underneath the flair!" "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! There they are, all standing in the row!" The Fool juggled three balls in his hand and tossed them at three of the coconuts. "Big ones," THWACK! "Small ones," THWACK! "Some as big as your head!" THWACK! "Give 'em a twist, A flick of the wrist, That's what the showman said! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! Every ball you throw will make me rich!" The guards suddenly felt their legs dancing to the beat of the music uncontrollably. "There stands my wife, The idol of me life Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch!" The guards found themselves on their high hooves, holding each others' shoulders and kicking them as if the song was the "can-can." Then their mouths began to sing to the song against their own freewill. "Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! Roll a bowl, a ball, Roll a bowl, a ball, Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch!" The Fool tossed a quantity of baseballs to the stallions who suddenly dove for the balls to toss at the coconuts. Then they tried throwing the balls with their hooves towards the coconuts, most of them missing the hard palm fruit or just simply brazing the surface. The guards began laughing. They were enjoying the joyous fun of singing, dancing and having fun. The Fool chuckled as he finally had the stoic guards crack a smile. "Here we go, boys! 1, 2, 3, 4!" "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! (They're lovely!) There they are, all standing in the row! (1, 2, 3, 4!) Big ones, small ones, some of your head! (And bigger!) Give 'em a twist, A flick of the wrist, That's what the showman said!" "Now that I have a lovely bunch of coconuts! (La, da, da, da, da!) Every ball you throw will make me rich! (Have a banana!) There stands my wife, The idol of me life, Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch!" "Altogether now!" "Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! (Harmony!) Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! R-r-r-r-roll a bowl, a ball. Roll a bowl, a ball! Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch!" The Fool and the guard stallions cheered and laughed until the jester heard the sounds of dainty hoofsteps galloping down the hall where they must've heard the singing ponies. "Uh-oh! Hate to play and run, but I have to get my show on the road! I've got things to do, ponies to trick! Hohoho-hahahaha!" SNAP! POP! The Fool disappeared into bubbles, just before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna galloped to find their Royal Guards singing woozily and dancing like they were drunk with hard apple cider. "It seems that our trickster has the power of illusion, my sister," Luna said. "All the more reason to be careful around him, Luna," Celestia replied. She lit her horn a golden flash. When the light dissipated, the guards fell on their flanks, rubbing their hands and wondering what happened to them. "We must hurry, Luna. The longer he runs in the castle, the more dangerous he could present himself to everypony." "Of course, my sister." The two alicorns galloped off down the corridors in search of The Fool. They ran past a stained-glass window, chronicling when the two Royal Sisters first defeated Discord. The tiled-version of Discord came to life, watching the two canter down the halls with his perfectly circular eyes. "Hmmm...I must admit, this jester has pizzazz," Discord thought aloud, rubbing his squared chin. "But somepony needs to teach him that there can only be ONE creature of chaos, and that would be me. Hahahahaha!" Discord snapped his talons. In a white flash of light, the moving tiled draconequus went back to its original position and became immobile.