//------------------------------// // wheres the holy hand grenade when you need it? // Story: when slenderman left me in paradise // by Jimbob //------------------------------// [Knight] {Me} As we got closer to Fluttershy’s cabin I put Twilight down and she started asking me about earth, oh joy. “So how many humans live on ‘earth’? “Oh you know last time I checked about seven billion or so” “SEVEN BILLION!?” “OR SO!” “How do you manage to live like that?” “Well I have to eat and breathe and normally I’m not allowed to play with matches” Twilight gave me a look that could melt steel; I was still wishing I had some matches to play with. Wait seems like I made something similar to matches but much more badass….. What was it? [Zippo dude] Damn I love having a demon in my head it’s like having your own personal secretary! {Cancel all my appointments today Miss Demon!} [Firstly if you call me miss anything again I will end you, secondly I already canceled all your appointments] {Jolly good then!} Twilight was staring at me again. “Sorry talking to the voices in my head” “You know if I hadn’t heard your story with princess celestia I would think you completely insane” “Sure you assume I was talking to the demon in my head I was actually talking to Phil” then I whispered “don’t worry Harry keeps him on a tight leash” She gave me the look again while I silently laughed to myself. I already loved messing with her and I’ve known her for what? About a day I think. Yep this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. “Speaking of voices in your head how is the demon?” “His name is Knight and he wants muffins! So do I! Does Pinkie sell muffins?” “Yeah all kinds, what’s your favorite?” [BLUEBERRY MOTHERFUCKER!] {FUCK YEAH BLUEBERRY!} “Definitely blueberry for me and Knight” “Yeah blueberry is pretty good but I prefer banana nut” [BLASPHEMY!] {SHE OBVISOULY HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY A DEMON..... oh wait} [DOESN’T MATTER STILL BLASPHEMY!] {I CONCURE!} “First off blueberry is much better than banana nut; trust me I’m a Doctor” “You obviously not a doctor” *sigh* my trolling wasted on ponies . “And even if you were you still wrong banana is much better than blueberry” “NIEN you feeble banana nut will be crushed by the superior blueberry muffins!” “Your blueberry muffins could take out a cupcake!” oh shit game on! “Your pathetic banana nut muffins couldn’t take out a house fly!” We had a heated debate over muffins for quite some time up until Twilight confused me with big words and I told her she would ruin the day she messed with blueberry muffins. By now we had finally made it too Fluttershy’s cabin. “So you want to go in and explain what I am or should I just knock on the door and start singing showtunes when it opens?” “Well while that would be interesting I don’t want to scare Fluttershy with your terrible singing” Clever girl. “BAHH! Your no fun in that case I will be waiting out here with zee animals!” She knocked on the door while I hid in a tree, when she had successfully infiltrated the compound I jumped out of my tree and went to look and the animals. I wasn’t too interested in the chickens so I decided to take a look around her house. Incredibly rude and creepy? Yep, don’t care I’m an alien who has is new to this world to her. I headed around back and noticed she had some dog houses that set off alarms in my head. My first thought was ‘well we’re next to the Everfree Forest where timber wolves live and she has dog houses’ followed by ‘OH SHIT WHATS THAT GROWLING NOISE?’. I slowly turned around and saw a very small rabbit? OH SHIT ITS ANGEL RUN LIKE A BITCH! I spun around and jumped over the fence like a goddamn deer unlike a deer however I got caught on the fence and went face first into a tree. Why does everything here hate my face, I mean I know it’s not perfect but it’s still my face dang it! Twilight and Fluttershy came rushing out to see what the noise was. Why were they spinning so much I was already dizzy enough thank you. “Stop the elevator I would like to get off” “Jake what were you doing?!” “Well first I was looking around then I heard a vicious growling and saw the bunny from Monty Python so I decide I liked life and jumped this here fence, luckily for me this tree here was kind enough to catch my face” “Monty Python bunny? Fluttershy looked very confused “Never mind my name is Jake pleasure to meet you …?” Fluttershy hid behind her mane and squee’d. As cute as that was I decide I was going to be her friend whether she liked it or not. After all it would be hard to hold a conversation if she just squee’d all the time. I kneeled down and got eye to eye with her. “Listen I’m really not going to hurt you or anything and even if I tried you could just sick that bunny or some trees on me and I’d be at your peril” She and Twilight giggled a little at this “My name’s Fluttershy it’s a pleasure to meet you Jake I mean i-if it’s ok with you” “It’s quite alright with me and it’s a pleasure to meet you now might I ask what you’re doing so close to the Everfree?” “Oh I take care of all the animals who need h-help” she’s so nervous I hope she got used to me soon enough. “And the animals don’t try to hurt you or anything?” “Oh no the animals only come here if they need help” “That’s very kind of you to take care of others animals” she blushed and tried to hide behind her mane even more. [You know even as a demon that is the cutest thing I have ever seen] {Yeah, she’s Fluttershy no one is immune to her cuteness} “So Jake how did you get here?” oh boy this again luckily for me Twilight interjected by saying that she should meet us at sugarcube corner tomorrow for the story so I would only have to tell it once. She promised she would be there and said she had to go feed the animals I bid her a good day and started heading back towards town. The sun was starting to set and I was getting tired racing Dash took a lot out of me. “So Twi do you have any idea where I could stay till I can earn enough bits for a house?” “I was thinking you could stay with me I have a couch” was she blushing? Nah must be a trick of the setting sun. But a couch? Sweet I prefer sleeping on a couch anyway. “If you’re sure I won’t be a hassle or anything” “Oh I’m sure you’ll be fine” BHAHAHAHA how little she knew! I wonder how spike will take the news of an alien possessed by a demon sleeping down stairs? Regardless I can’t wait to see his reaction